--tam song--

Biana- now in a much better mood- waited until sat down at the edge of the square tub to sit down herself, her gaze lingering on Sophie's back for a little longer than expected. To nobody's surprise, she sat down right next to Sophie, dipping the tips of her fingers into the hot water.

"Is anyone actually gonna get in or are we all just gonna sit at the edge?" Keefe asked, being the only one who was in the hot tub above the torso other than Marella.

"I'd like a bit of time to get used to the water temperature," Linh shrugged. She was sitting right next to Marella, Linh's fingers entwined with hers beneath the clear water's surface. Typical.

"Suit yourself," Keefe shrugged back. "Alright, are we going to play a game of some sort? Like truth or dare?"

Fitz snorted, cheeks dusted a darker shade of brown than normal for him from the freckled arm resting on his shoulder. "Keefe, we're not pre-teens."

"Oh, come on! Stop acting like you're better than pre-teen Fitzy. Pre-teen Fitzy was awesome!" He grinned at Biana. "Remember when he came home to Everglen and ranted for hours to Mr. Snuggles about the straw-"

Fitz coughed so loud that everyone fell silent. Biana and Keefe snickered to themselves as Fitz's cheeks faded even darker.

"So, is that a yes on truth or dare?" Keefe asked. Fitz mumbled a stream of curse words punctuated by a grumpy yes.

Keefe whooped with delight, clapping his hands together. His ice-blue eyes sparkled in the sunlight in a mesmerizing pattern. "Fitzy says yes! Bangs Boy, you in!"

I blinked. "Oh! Um, yeah. Sure." Keefe and Marella cheered.

"Who's going first?" Dex offered. The group looked around at the faces of their friends, glaring and smirking and making little gestures at people to the side of them.

"I'll go!" Marella declared. "Oh, uhm...let's see here...Biana?"

"Yeah?" Biana's eyebrows shot up. "Oh right, dare, I guess."

"Insult two people of your choice," Marella responded. Biana smirked.

"Oh great, this'll be fun. Okay, number one: Fitz..." Biana paused. "Fitz..." She groaned. "The one time I'm supposed to insult Fitz, I can't actually think of anything!"

"I can help," Keefe offered quickly. Fitz glared.

Biana's eyes lit up. "Oh, I know! Fitz is an oblivious little sh-"

"Okay, next person," Fitz snapped. "I'll pay you ten lusters if you make it Keefe."

Biana smirked at her brother. "You know what? I'll take you up on that. So basically Keefe's hair looks like the macaroni portraits he used to do at Everglen." Sophie snickered.

"Okay, rude," Keefe retorted. "Also bold talk compared to the girl who literally bought shampoo that was supposed to smell like a color."

Biana glared at him. "I'll have you know that Refreshing Pink made my hair smell like fresh flowers!" she snapped. She took a deep breath and forced a smile. "I am calm now. Next person will be..." Her eyes landed on Dex.

"Dizznee, last time you cooked it looked like one of those pictures in health textbooks with a liver of someone with alcohol poisoning put there so people wouldn't drink." Everyone let out a chorus of whistles and murmurs of agreement. Fitz looked like he was trying his best to not burst out laughing. Dex had nothing but a deadpan look on his face.

"Okay, my dare's done! Next, I'm going with..." Her eyes drifted to her left, falling upon Sophie. "Soph?" she asked.

"Truth," Sophie answered, looking more than a little nervous.

"Who is the person who you would most likely kill to get a large sum of money?" Biana asked. Sophie scoffed.

"Bi, we're elves. Plus, if I wanted money, I'd just ask you for some."

"Yeah, but what if I wasn't alive?"

"Then I'd kill whoever killed you."

"But you have to kill someone in this group!"

"You're implying that nobody in this group would take the chance to murder you," Sophie reasoned. "That's assuming a lot."

"Well, I mean if she really angered me..." Fitz trailed off. Biana whipped her head around to glare at him.

"Are you trying to tell me you'd be willing to murder me, Fitzy?"

"If the shoes fits," Fitz smirked. Biana rolled her eyes at Fitz and Dex, who was desperately trying not to laugh.

"Sophie still hasn't answered," Biana said, changing the subject. "Who would you kill?"

"Well, based on what Fitz just implied..." Fitz paled, then returned to his normal self.

"That's fair, I guess," he justified. Dex laughed.

"Tam, truth or dare?" Sophie asked me. I thought for a moment.

Life is short and altogether meaningless, I decided. "Dare."

"I dare you to go into your room and pick out an outfit that isn't all black and white," Sophie replied.

"Now?!"

"Yeah, now." Sophie rolled her eyes. "What, do you need an escort?"

"No, I just-" I sighed. "Fine. You guys better not wait for me, though."

I walked upstairs, taking my time as much as I could. The thought of wearing a color other than black was something I hadn't thought of doing in years. Black colors just felt...

Safe. Comforting, in the way a warm house in the middle of a thunderstorm felt.

I didn't want to wear anything else. But I imagined the looks on everyone's faces if I came back without changing clothes. They would joke about it, I know. But deep down...judgment, sarcasm, and even disgust all came to mind.

My stomach churned. I just couldn't deal with that. Especially if Keefe flashed me a forced smile but in reality, he saw me as a...

The whispers from Exillium crowded inside my head like a bunch of drunk humans surrounding you at a concert. I tried to push past them, but they just kept multiplying. Pathetic wallflower, freak show...

Cold-hearted monster.

I took a deep breath and tried a technique Linh showed me. Pretend every insecurity your mind is whispering at you is our parents, and do what you've always done.

Go fuck yourself, I have friends that treat me better than you ever could, I spat at the voices, not caring if I said that aloud.

The voices didn't retreat. But they parted ever so slightly, just enough to give me enough hope to start fighting.

I've been fighting you my whole life. I'm not stopping now.

I reached my suite- the eighth one of the bunch. Next to the door, the wooden deck overlooked a rough patch of white-capped waves crashing into the side of the boat, as if they were trying to topple everything over. I snorted at the pathetic ripples compared to the size of the yacht. You can try, I sneered.

After unlocking my suite and going through my suitcase, I realized I didn't have any articles of clothing that weren't black. Wait, I said. A bright pop of color caught my eye and I reached my hand into the pile of clothes, pulling out a vivid pink hoodie with Happy Shadow Thoughts written on the front.

I smiled. That was the hoodie Linh gave me. I always pack it on trips for good luck. Maybe this time it'll finally come in handy.

I pulled the hoodie over my head, soft fabric gripping my still-wet torso. I turned to the mirror and looked myself in the eye. Light blue clouds danced with sparkles of silver beneath a sheet of darker gray like an overcast night sky. The pink complimented the mysteriousness of them, in a way I wasn't sure if I liked or not.

I looked myself in the eye once more, with furrowed eyebrows of determination. Screw it, we're doing this.