Writing. Talking. Speaking. Screaming. Words. So many words that need to be said.

Thoughts. Spinning in circles, no escape, mirroring in my head over and over again. Jumping from left to right, up and down. Where is that clear head?

Think straight. Schools important.

Work. Homework. So much it's towering over me. Stack by stack. Subject by subject. Knowledge. But how do I remember so fast? So much?

Let me ask my friends. Oh wait. Actually don't. 'You're supposed to be the funny friend.' But I'm only annoying. How long 'til my next friendship falls apert?
All the time I hear that voice. Telling, no shouting at me it's only fake. I'm just annoying. They now see the true me.

But who is that? Who is 'me'? When is the time to figure this out? I only see who I want to be but never me.

No time. Everyday on repeat. Longing for a break. Staying up late for a little free time. I'm tired. No wonder why.

"Get up and do something with your life." But what life exactly? The one where I count days, hours until the next weekend? Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Everyday. I count weeks 'til the next break but when I blink it's already over.

Repeat. Home. Free time. "Do what you want." Reading. Writing. Playing piano. Talking with friends or going out. Watch TV. But it's all so much and so much effort I end up in my bed, scrolling on my phone.

Repeat. Piano. Learn. "You have to do something." One song after the other. I don't find time, courage, effort. Then guilt. Voices screaming at me I'm too lazy to be successful. Too lazy to work out.

Working out. What I wanted to do to shut the voices telling me I'm ugly, fat. So I stop eating eating to stop the voices but even that I fail. Thanks mom.

So I stay the way I am. Telling me I'm alright. Not fat, not ugly. But I'm not enough to be loved.

Loving. Repeat. I wanna be loved. Ugh, I fancy him, he's nice and everything. He does hint he likes me back. That's why I like him in the first place. Until he stops. Maybe he never liked me but even if he did I am now left with feelings.

Repeat. Feelings he probably feels for my friend. Repeat. I'm not good enough. Repeat. I'm fighting the voices. Repeat. They scream. Repeat. Shut up. I try. And I try. I scream. Internaly.

Repeat. Feelings getting stuck. But they don't get stuck, they multiply and I feel so much and I don't know how to cope with that.

Repeat. They are numb.

Repeat. I work. I work on school. On playing piano. On writing. On reading all of my books. But in the end, I work on myself.

I don't need to figure out who 'me' is. I'm me. I know who I was, I know who I am and I kinda know who I want to be.

Repeat. Repeat again. It's not repeating. Open your eyes.

The repeat is in fact the progress. Look from the right, the left, up, down. Look five dimensional. Open your eyes.

Repeat.

Progress.

Or so I hope.

WrittenBy09

(This is how I wrote it in school, on paper instead of doing my work (the picture won't turn around))

WrittenBy09