WARNING:
This chapter contains
-drug use
-violence
-needles (tattoos)
*I am in no way romanticizing and/or condoning domestic abuse. please read the
A/N at the end of the chapter.*

The National Domestic Hotline provides free, confidential support 24/7/365

1-800-799-7233

or chat hotline TheHotline.org

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2001
↳ 14 Years Ago

The air was cold and crisp against Sabrina's skin as she walked down the dark streets of Virginia on a busy Saturday night. Sabrina's auburn hair was tied loosely in a bun at the nape of her neck, and she anxiously pulled on the strands that fell from it.

It had been two years since the tragic killing of Sabrina's family, yet her nightmares had only gotten worse as each night passed. The only way her mind would allow peace from the disastrous images was the angel dust she forced herself to inhale.

She finally walked up to the small tattoo shop she'd been looking for, her pale fingers wrapping around the cold, hard metal door handle.  

"There she is!" Paul, the tattoo artist, hollered from across the shop. He was bent over a client, the sound of his needle being brushed on flesh ringing through the small space. "We were wondering when you'd show up, Teenage Witch."

Sabrina laughed and slumped into the beat up leather chair across from him in the waiting room, pulling out a tiny zip lock baggie. She stuck her pinky finger into the dust, her long nail scooping out the small amount that was left. She quickly brought it to her nose, leaning back as she sighed with contempt; her body was no longer cold from the outside air, now vibrating with warmth as her mind became fuzzy.

There were a few others in the lobby, hanging out and talking amongst each other as they normally did at this time of night. Paul did under the table tattooing, as well as under the table illegal activities that catered to Sabrina's newfound habit.

The bell chime over the door caught Sabrina's attention as she pushed the baggie back into her pocket, her eyes falling on the tall, handsome man that never seemed to hold any interest in her walking into the shop.

He gave a short glance towards Sabrina's direction as if he'd known she was staring. Her cheeks burned and her heartbeat picked up a little  as she watched him, chewing on the inside of her lip, wondering what he would be getting today. He came in every so often, getting a new tattoo almost as if he'd die without it.

"Hey Nix. I'm almost done, I'll get started on you in just a second, man." Paul called to him.

Nix nodded and took a seat across from Sabrina, his eyes on a magazine. He took a swig from the can he'd carried in, his focus entirely on the thin page.

After a few minutes, Paul let up on the client, letting him stand up and walk over to the waiting area. He took a seat next to the others, pulling out a glass pipe and a baggie similar to Sabrina's, only the substance inside was brown.

Sabrina was not naïve in the slightest, but she was not familiar with what it was. She watched him fiddle with the glass pipe, lighting the bottom of it and passing it around. The group of people were much older than Sabrina and it was obvious, but no one seemed to mind that a  teenage girl was in the midst of their business.

The man with the pipe noticed Sabrina's curious eyes, chuckling as he caught the attention of the others. "You wanna hit, Red?" he called to her.

Sabrina's eyebrows raised as she contemplated taking a hit of an unknown substance from a stranger. Since her mind was already away from her from the bump she'd just taken, she felt confident saying yes and standing up to take the pipe.

Out of the corner of his eye, Nix watched the interaction unfold. He'd seen this guy before- Jackson- an absolute nobody who barely had the means to pay Paul for the shitty tattoo he was getting, let alone the means to pay for the meth he was passing around for everyone to try.

He had watched the girl come in before to pick up her coke, and asked Paul about her. She'd been timid the first couple of times, but the more she came in, the more comfortable she'd become being around all of the men and women who littered the inside of the shop at all odd hours of the night.

Paul had told Nix Sabrina's parents and sister were murdered two years prior and figured it was why she came into the shop so often. Nix wasn't usually one to get involved in others' business, but something about this girl was... intriguing.

Jackson showed Sabrina how to hold the pipe, and started to light the bottom of it for her. Before she was able to inhale, Nix was snatching the pipe and pulling the collar of Jackson's shirt.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Nix asked through gritted teeth.

The entire shop was silent as everyone's eyes were on Nix. Jackson stared at him with wide eyes and confusion as he looked from Sabrina to Nix.

"She said she wanted a hit, man, I-I was just giving her one. It's just a little meth, no big deal." he stammered.

"No big deal?" Nix asked rhetorically. "How's this for no big deal."

Nix gripped the front of Jackson's shirt even tighter into a ball and pulled the wad downwards, making Jackson's face connect with the aluminum table. Nix let go of his shirt, pushing Jackson backwards into one of the leather chairs.

Sabrina stared with wide eyes at Jackson's bloody face while Nix grabbed her hand, tugging her out of the shop.

"I better not ever see you passing shit else to this girl, Jackson." Nix seethed as he walked towards the door. There was no response, which only made Nix smirk to himself. "I'll be back tomorrow." he called to Paul.

Sabrina followed Nix outside with her eyes still wide and her mind still reeling with bubbles and confusion from her last bump of dust.

The cold night air slapped Sabrina as they stepped outside the tattoo shop, still being lead towards an unknown destination.

"Hey," Sabrina tried to call to him. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Hey!"

Nix stopped in his tracks and turned around to face her, his warm hand still enclosed around hers.

"Yes?"

Sabrina stared at him, her eyes searching over his features as she'd done many times before. She looked for any signs of a threat evident on his face, but if she were being honest with herself, she didn't really know if she would recognize it if it were there.

"Where do you think you're taking me?" she asked.

"I don't think I'm taking you anywhere," he responded with a small smirk. "I am taking you to get your head screwed on straight."

And with that, Nix turned back around, tugging Sabrina along with him.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚

Nix had brought Sabrina to his sister, Mags, that night. She was twenty three, two years older than Nix, and extremely calm and patient. She spoke with Sabrina about her habit of using drugs to conceal her feverish nightmares, and Sabrina had never felt like anyone had ever listened to her the way Mags had. She'd watched Mags talk carefully, watching her brown eyes focus intently on Sabrina's, force in what she talked about.

Sabrina made note of how beautiful Mags was- her silky black hair hung down past her elbows, with a fringe bang over her forehead. Her eyes were rimmed with black eyeliner, her lips plumped with a nude colored lipstick. It seemed striking appearances ran in this family.

"Don't mind Phoenix, he's harmless," Mags had said to Sabrina with a roll of her eyes. "He just pretends he's a hard ass so people don't walk all over him."

Nix shot her a glare, slumping down into the chair in her living room. When Sabrina furrowed her eyebrows and looked between the two, Nix gave her a bored look.

"What?" he asked.

"Your name is Phoenix?" Sabrina asked quietly, her voice dripping with intimidation. When he nodded as if it were obvious, Sabrina tried to hide her embarrassed laugh behind her shirtsleeve. "This whole time, I thought your name was Nick."

The room was silent for a second before Mags burst into a fit of laughter, clutching her stomach as she tried to catch her breath.

"How did you think that?" She managed to ask between breaths.

Sabrina's cheeks burned with embarrassment, but couldn't keep the smile off of her face. "I don't know. I only ever heard Paul say it once or twice and I thought maybe it was short for Nicholas or something. I'd never heard that name before," She looked towards Nix and tilted her head a bit. "Besides, you never even introduced yourself to me."

He chuckled and started to spew out an obnoxious remark about not needing to introduce himself, while Mags managed to walk behind the chair Nix was sitting in, slapping him upside the head.

"Properly introduce yourself, you ass hat." She sat back down as he gaped at her. "What? You don't think mom would've done the same thing?"

Nix rolled his eyes and stood up, gesturing Sabrina to do the same. He cleared his throat and tilted his head mockingly to the side, reaching his hand out for her to shake.

"Hi. My name is Phoenix Dalton, but most people call me Nix. Most, meaning all except my annoying sister."

Sabrina stuck her hand out as well, enclosing it around his. "Sabrina Woods. Most of my friends call me Brina."

"Brina? That's so lame!" Mags huffed.

Sabrina and Nix's hands were still closed together as they watched each other, seeing each other truly for the first time. Nix hadn't really had the chance to gaze at her the way Sabrina had many times before, and he did it shamelessly. He'd never say it in this moment, but he believed she was the prettiest girl he'd ever laid eyes on. 

"She's right, we'll have to come up with something better. One-syllable worthy." Nix said, his eyes still on her. He looked her over one more time before finally grinning and saying, "Breen."

Mags gasped from across the room, shooting back up from her chair. "Yes! I love it."

Nix raised an eyebrow at Sabrina, waiting for her approval. She smiled bashfully, her heart thudding against her chest as she liked the idea of getting a new nickname-especially by him.

"Breen it is then."  she replied with a smile.

He kept his small smile on his lips as he continued to watch her cheeks grow red.

Over the next few months, Sabrina didn't leave Nix's side. She'd ultimately seemed to be filling the gaping hole in her chest with his company, and she feared being away from him for too long would prompt it to reopen. She'd finally been able to get some sleep- she'd forgotten what it was like to wake up dry and comfortable; a drastic change from her normal sweat-drenched clothes, shivering as she clung to the wet bedsheets.

Sabrina started to notice a change in Nix too. When she had first met him, he seemed cold and empty. But upon spending more and more time with him each day- she quickly realized Mags was right about him; it really was just a front. This surely did not stop Sabrina from feeling intimidated by him whenever they were around others, especially considering he was adamantly dominant in any social setting. Sabrina soon realized though, she didn't care.

She didn't care that Nix had a temper that scared her more than anything else had before, she didn't care that Nix was dangerous. She didn't care that people told her constantly to be careful- she was falling in love with him, and there was no escaping it.

Nix undoubtedly fell in love with her too. There was no denying it- he'd never felt for anyone the way he felt for Sabrina. After about a year of being together (casually, of course), Nix had slipped the three words past her ear in a moment of drunken bliss, allowing Sabrina to feel the joy she hadn't felt in years.

Behind closed doors, their relationship was different. Nix would always be the intimidating Phoenix Dalton everyone knew, but with Sabrina, he had a soft side that never seemed to have ever reached the surface for anyone else. Sabrina noticed this too; she lived for it. Their endless giggles and playfulness in the dark when no one was around to spot a weakness or a guard down, Nix felt like he was finally home with Sabrina. She was his home.

Although Nix had promised himself he would never hurt Sabrina, it had been a lie. Whether it was squeezing her wrist too tight while trying to catch her attention, or screaming in her face in the middle of his living room during a fight, he'd hurt her in more ways than one.

He'd always apologized after, gently caressing her face, resting his forehead on hers while he tried to control his breathing. He'd mean it, too. He was the ultimate hothead, as Mags would say. But he could never control his temper enough to limit Sabrina's flinches away from him. Sabrina would take some time away from him to let him cool down, staying at Mags's house. Nix would come pick her up a few nights later, thanking his sister for looking out for the girl he loved.

Of course, she always forgave him. Sabrina didn't want to imagine a life without Nix; he might've been a hothead at times, but she knew- she hoped- that he loved her enough to  never really hurt her.

It wasn't until a few years had passed, the same arguments continued and she'd become pregnant, that Sabrina began to see things clearly. She began to question whether Nix really would hurt her, even if he did love her. She wondered if he would hurt her baby... he'd always said he hated kids- would he make her terminate the pregnancy? She didn't want to find out.

So, she left.

It took a lot of strength to pack her bags that day, to tell Nix to his face that she couldn't do it anymore. She almost couldn't do it when she saw the tears form in his eyes, folding onto his knees in front of her, begging her not to go.

"Breen, please," he'd whispered. "I know it hasn't been easy, but I... I can do better. I can be better. Please. I love you."

Sabrina could barely see him through her teary eyes, her dark eyeshadow smearing under her eyes and rolling down her cheeks as she looked down at him. She started hiccuping through her tears, resting her hand unintentionally on her stomach.

"Phoenix, I can't." she cried. "I love you so much, but I just... I can't."

Of course, Nix would not accept this outcome without words he wouldn't be able to take back.

He stood up from the floor, wiping furiously at his eyes and grabbed her jacket from the nearby chair. He threw it at her and started grabbing anything else that was loose that he could reach.

"Fine! Get the fuck out of my house! Get the fuck out of my life! I should've never stopped Jackson from giving you that hit. You'd be dead without me!" he screamed at her, tears still falling down his cheeks.

Of course he didn't mean it, and Sabrina knew he was hurt, but it was the push she needed to walk out the door.

Sabrina gripped her suitcase so hard that her knuckles turned white, the palm of her hand aching from her nails digging into her skin.

He was throwing everything everywhere. Glass smashed against the walls, their photos spread out everywhere across the living room.

She took one last look at him, whispering she was sorry, and running outside into the pouring rain, jumping into the taxi she'd called.

She stared out of the taxi window at the apartment they'd shared for almost seven years, her heart hammering against her chest, trying to catch her breath. Her eyes landed one last time on Nix's as he stared outside his kitchen window, watching the taxi drive off with the last bit of happiness he'd ever known.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚

Present Day

Spencer Reid

"Spenter, do you know my daddy?" Hallie whispered as I brought the blanket up to her chin.

"Not very well, Hals." I replied softly.

"Do you think he's nice?" She asked me, her eyes wide waiting for my answer.

"I think..." I swallowed hard and bit the inside of my cheek as I tried to think of what to say to Sabrina's daughter without upsetting either of them.

"Mommy says he wasn't very nice to her. He was nice to me at my birthday." she whispered.

"What did your dad say to you?" I asked her.

"He said he was sorry he didn't get me a birthday gift last year. But he got me one this year."

"What did he get you?" I asked her quietly.

She smiled slowly, bringing the blanket up to her face as if she were embarrassed. "Daddy said it's a secret."

"A secret? Can't you tell me?" I raised my eyebrows at her and playfully wriggled my fingers at her as if I were to tickle her.

She giggled and shook her head quickly, still holding the blanket up to her nose.

"What about your mom?" I asked her my fingers closer to her sides. When she shook her head again, I made my fingers gently connect with her ribcage. "What about your best friend! Penelope?"

She laughed loudly as I tickled her sides and she nodded, screaming playfully.

"Yes! I'll tell Pelelopee!"

I laughed with her and stopped tickling her, giving her a playful nod. "Alright then. Let me go get her." I gave her a quick tap on the nose as I said goodnight, and stuck my head out of Hallie's bedroom door.

"Garcia? Someone wants to tell you a secret." I called. Quickly, Penelope rushed into the room all but shoving me out and closing the door behind her. I could hear the two of them giggling and I made my way towards Sabrina's bedroom.

The door was closed, so I knocked softly before hearing her quiet voice telling me to come in.

The room was completely dark, with the only light illuminating from the dim salt lamp on the dresser. I walked in and shut the door behind me, making my way towards the middle of the room where Sabrina was perched on her bed, her hair tied into a wet bun at the top of her head.

"How are you?" I asked quietly.

She lolled her head to the side where I was standing, he green eyes piercing through mine even through the dark.

"Sit with me?" she whispered.

I nodded and climbed onto the bed next to her, awkwardly setting my hands in my lap, my long legs stretching towards the end of the mattress.

"I loved him, you know," her voice was barely above a whisper, I'd thought I might've imagined it. I was about to ask her to repeat herself, when she continued. "I loved him so much that I thought leaving him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

I swallowed hard as I listened to her, hearing her voice become rough again as she began to cry.

"I know the poem he wrote confuses things. But he isn't the one stalking me." she said with a sniffle. "I don't know how to explain it, but he wouldn't... he wouldn't have done all of that just to show up today. He isn't patient. The poem was purely a coincidence." There was silence for a moment as I thought about what she said.

"And I know today makes it extremely hard to believe, but he loved me too." she cried, wiping her eyes quickly. "In his own sick, twisted way... I know he did. And I'm not excusing everything he did, but I know he just wasn't sure how to show me."

"I believe you," I whispered back. "Who wouldn't fall in love with you if they had the chance?"

The room fell silent again. I felt my heart leap into my throat as I realized I must've crossed a line that maybe should not have been drawn in the first place.

"Spencer?" she whispered after a few seconds.

"Yeah?"

"What is it that we're doing here?"

My eyebrows furrowed as I thought about her question. "What do you mean?"

"Why are you here?" she asked, turning her body to face mine.

"I..." I cleared my throat and my eyes darted around as I suddenly became flustered. "..I just wanted to make sure you were okay... Penelope and I, I mean... we- I mean, I- I can go, I just thought.. I don't know what I thought, I just..." I couldn't quite find the words I wanted to say.

Suddenly, Sabrina was no longer an arm-length away from me as she used her hands to crawl closer, her eyes on mine the entire time. She reached her hand up to my cheek, her thumb gently brushing over the light stubble that grazed my skin.

"Shut up," she whispered, leaning her face in closer to mine. My heart was beating so rapidly against my chest, I could swear she could hear it. Her eyes searched mine, and I couldn't help but glance at her lips.

Although I had memorized every inch of her facial features, my eyes landing on her deep red lips, seeing them part as she watched me, sent me into a frenzy. As I watched her, I began to realize I wanted this- I've wanted whatever was about to happen since the day I met her a few months ago.

Whether at first I thought she was on drugs that day or not, I knew it now.

I brought my hand up to her face, my four fingers resting gently on the back of her neck while my thumb eased over her cheek near the corner of her mouth.

The soft orange light illuminating the corner of the bedroom was reflecting off of her eyes as she continued to stare at me, her head tilting slightly as she fell into my touch. A few strands of her hair had managed to slip out of the bun wrapped on top of her head, and I used my other hand to push them back out of her face.

"Whatever the reason is," she whispered, her eyes darting between mine as she spoke. "I'm glad you're here."

Before I could reply, there was another soft knock on Sabrina's bedroom door. She quickly moved from her spot next to me, jumping off of the bed to open the door.

Penelope smiled as the door opened, and she whispered fast, telling Sabrina that Hallie had fallen asleep.

I got off of the bed and made my way to the door too. "Did she tell you what the surprise was?" I asked her.

Penelope looked up at me and back down to Sabrina, her fingers twining together nervously.

"Yes."

"What is it?" Sabrina asked.

Penelope grimaced a bit, letting out a small sigh.

"Hallie said her big surprise is that daddy will be giving her a new bedroom at his house. And, this," Penelope handed Sabrina a folded piece of paper.

She took it from her, opening it up quickly. Across the top in bold letters read:

COURT ORDER

Sabrina sighed and laid back on her bed dramatically, letting out a long huff.

"Fuck."

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AUTHORS                                    NOTE.

Hey guys! A few things I wanted to address really quick.

1. I don't think i've made it clear, but Nix hasn't hit Sabrina. He is most definitely emotionally abusive, he does not know how to maintain a healthy relationship, however, he has not put his hands on her in the sense where she's had bruises and such. I was trying to figure out a way to incorporate this to explain but it'll be in the next chapter or so, so I wanted to clarify it now. let me know if you'd like more insight and chapters to Sabrina & Nix's relationship. :)

2. i started this fic before i'd ever gotten to season 12 of criminal minds (i had purposely avoided watching it bc i didn't want to see spencer in prison, but turns out, the joke was on me bc it's my favorite season now LOL) so i did NOT see the episode that mimics quite closely to the start of my story. i just rewatched the episode the other day and was like UMMMMMMMM ??!?!! i guess criminal minds and I just really have a connection 🤪 it was a COMPLETEEE coincidence that my story was like the girl in the episode found her parents and sibling shot dead 😭 wow I really just have the mind of a mastermind... (hopefully you get this reference lol.)

3. I really wanted to put a digital scrapbook together for you to help kind of visualize Sabrina's past. peep the pic of Sabrina & Nix, that took so much work LMAO does it look convincing ?? I love to laugh at myself so pls be honest HAHA.

this is the one LMAO it makes me laugh but like ???? photoshop expert am I right? LOL

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