𝑺𝒂𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒂 𝑾𝒐𝒐𝒅𝒔

Every second I thought about the events of the previous night, my cheeks grew redder and redder.

First, with embarrassment as I remembered crawling across my bed to reach Spencer, I squeezed my eyes shut to try and rid the thought. I didn't want to think about the way I felt when his hand met my cheek, the way our eyes locked on each other. Despite this, I couldn't help the smile, bashful smile that formed on my lips as it crossed my mind.

But then came the second: anger.

My eyes rolled to the back of my head as I thought of the stupid court order from Phoenix.

My fingers made their way to my temple as I tried to rub out the headache that was forming behind my eyes.

I had just dropped off Hallie at daycare and was cleaning up the mess I had made in the kitchen from breakfast, when I heard a knock on the door.

I quickly walked over to the front door and pulled it open, my eyes meeting Nix's. His hands were stuffed in his front pockets, shoulders raised, eyes roaming over the frame of the house. His black t-shirt hung on him like it was made specifically for him, his grey skinny jeans hugging his legs for dear life.

My breath hitched in my throat as I immediately started to tell him to leave.

"Breen, wait a sec," he said quickly, holding out his hands. "I just want to talk."

"Oh, really? Now you just want to talk?"

He nodded. "Yes. I want to... apologize."

I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. "Well, that'd be a first."

Nix chuckled a little and ran a hand through his dark disheveled hair. "Well, I gotta start somewhere, right?" he cleared his throat and scratched the side of his chin. "Can I come in? You can let your FBI boyfriend know that I'm here if you want. Tell him to join the party if he's interested."

I rolled my eyes and opened the door wider for him to step inside.

"He's not my boyfriend." I said as I closed the door behind him. "And I can handle you myself."

"Whatever you say, Breen." Nix mumbled with a smirk.

He took a seat on the couch as I stood across from him. Silence overcame us, and I couldn't help but notice the silence was not comforting like it was between Spencer and me. It felt awkward and uncomfortable, making me switch my weight from one foot to the other as I anxiously waited for Nix to speak.

"Do you want to start by apologizing for the court order you handed my daughter?" I asked first, my eyes piercing into his.

He scratched the back of his neck and nodded slowly, leaning back into the couch.

"Yeah. That wasn't cool of me. I shouldn't have put her in that position, and I shouldn't have had it mocked up in the first place. You're her mother and I know that, and I don't want to take her away from you-I just didn't know what else to do in that moment. I'm sorry."

My eyes didn't leave his as he spoke, my jaw unclenching slowly as I processed his words.

Phoenix was a lot of things, but he wasn't a liar. I felt my chest slowly start to ease up from pressure, knowing I could have a rational conversation with him- I hoped. I slowly sat down on the opposite side of the couch, crossing my arms over my chest as I started to talk.

"How did you know?" I asked quietly.

He looked at me with confusion in his eyes, before realization settled in.

"About Hallie?" he asked. When I nodded, he sniffled quickly and ran another hand through his hair. "Paul saw you two one day. Called and asked me if I knew anything about a little girl, about three years old. Obviously, I didn't. I almost let it slide, thinking maybe you got knocked up after we split. But I knew that wasn't it." He eyed me knowingly, a small smirk making his way to his lips.

"You acted so... off, that day." He mumbled, shaking his head. "I know I wasn't the best to you- not even good to you; I know that now. You deserved better; I just didn't know how to be better. It was like I could see myself talking to you and treating you like shit, like an out of body experience or something. I just didn't know how to make myself stop.

"I don't expect you to forgive me, and I'm not asking you to. I wanted to come here today to show you I'm not the same Phoenix Dalton you met nine years ago... I just want a chance to get to know my daughter." He said. "On your terms." He quickly added.

"Why did you show up at Hallie's birthday party, Phoenix?" I asked, my fingers curling around my jeans. "If you're not the same Phoenix Dalton, who are you? Why would you put your hands on me in front of all of those people? Why do you do any of the stupid shit you do?"

He sighed. "I was frustrated. You know I'd never actually hurt you, Breen, and that's why you told those FBI agents it was okay. You know I do stupid shit when I'm angry."

"And that somehow makes it okay? Because you were angry?" I scoffed.

"No, I didn't say that- "

"And you want me to give you a chance to spend time with my daughter? While you still don't know how to control your anger issues?" I pressed.

"I'm working on it. I would never hurt Hallie either." He argued, his eyes boring into mine as he tried to convince me. "I never said you had to leave me alone with her. I just want to get to know her- I want her to know her father didn't abandon her. I didn't know about her for nearly four years, for Christ sake!"

"You don't even know if she's yours." I snapped.

His eyebrows raised and his eyes widened a bit, mouth agape as he stared at me.

"The little girl who has my exact same nose and eyes? Who is a spitting image of me? Yeah, lets go get a paternity test." He said sarcastically with a role of his eyes. "Not to mention you were attached to my hip for all of those years, I don't think you had time to meet anyone worth fathering your child within a month of you leaving me."

"I could have," I spat back. "I am not the girl you used to know."

Nix laughed loudly, throwing his head back dramatically. "Yeah, right."

"It's true! I was a stupid teenager who lost her entire family when we met. I was weak and vulnerable, willing to do anything you asked of me; I am not like that anymore. I can take care of myself and my daughter, and I've been just fine without you." I argued, my chest beginning to tighten back up as I forcefully tried to convince him.

Nix was silent for a moment, his eyes slowly running over my face as he leaned forward.

"I never thought you were weak," he finally said. "You were the strongest person I'd ever met, Breen. I admired your strength to keep going, your willfulness to get sober when you met Mags- hell, I leaned on you towards the end. Yes, you would've done anything I asked of you because you were in love, stupid." He smiled softly at me, his fingers folding together while he rested his elbows on his knees.

There was a pause as he contemplated his next words.

"And I was too." he said quietly.

I cleared my throat as I anxiously scratched and pulled at a fray in my jeans. "I had no idea you felt that way." I said quietly, not looking at him.

He leaned back against the couch again, resting his arms behind his head. "Well, now you do."

I sighed. "Well fuck, Phoenix. What do you want me to do, huh?" I said, exasperated.

He looked at me with his eyebrows furrowed and opened his mouth to say something, but I quickly interrupted him.

"You expect me to just hear what you have to say and magically say its okay to see Hallie now?" I asked loudly, staring at him. "You expect me to just forget why I ran from you in the first place? Hm? You never even asked me why I left- but don't worry, I know why you didn't; Because you already knew. You knew why I left the minute you found out that little girl Paul saw that day could be your daughter." I paused as I looked at him, watching his face turn pink with anger.

"You're dangerous," I said, my voice no longer loud. "You're dangerous, and I don't trust you."

Nix looked away from me and brought his arm back down to his leg, running his hand over his chin while his leg quickly bounced up and down.

The silence around us was heavy. I felt cold and distant, unable to muster up the courage to say anything else I might've wanted to say to him over the years we were once together. My eyes were burning with unshed tears as I watched the man I once loved crumble in front of me.

I stood up from the couch, silently determining our conversation over. I picked up the few stray toys thrown around the living room as I made my way to the front door.

"So that's it then?" he called in a shaky voice from the couch. I opened the front door and leaned my head against it, unable to look at him. I heard the weight from the couch being shifted, his footsteps approaching behind me. He made his way in front of me, eyes burning holes in the side of my skull.

"You're not even going to let me get to know her?" he whispered, hurt drenched in his words. "She's four years old, Breen, fuck! There's still time... time I didn't have with her, time to make up for it. You gotta let me try... you have to. Please."

I turned to face him, tears finally falling from my blurry eyes. I bit the inside of my lip to try and stop the rest from falling while my hand still clenched the doorknob.

His eyes were bright red as he stared at me, eyes pleading with me. The only other time I'd ever seen him cry was the night I left, and I couldn't help but remember the way I felt breaking his heart back then, just as I was doing now.

"This isn't between you and me, I know that. I just want to be there for my daughter. Our daughter." He continued, his eyes glossy with unshed tears.

I sighed, leaning my head back against the door. "You don't even live around here." I said, my eyes searching his.

He shook his head. "I could, Breen. I would move closer to see her." He said quickly. "I'll do whatever you want me to do."

"Are you still-"

"No. I'm out." He interjected before I could even ask him if he was still involved with the people he used to run with. "It's just me and Mags now. We want to get away from that city anyways."

I sighed again, my head pounding so hard I could barely think.

"You can't disappoint her," I said, my tone serious, my eyes locking on his. "I mean it, Phoenix. If you ever, and I mean ever lie to her, flake on her, or do anything to hurt her, I swear to god I'll chop your balls off so you can't ever reproduce and hurt another child." I watched him nod quickly, his lip pulled between his teeth as he anxiously listened to me. "And that's only if you're lucky. I will find other, more creative ways to hurt and kill you."

"I promise, Breen. I won't hurt her." Another wave of silence fell between us as thoughts spun around in my head, my eyes becoming heavy with exhaustion, trying to do what was best for my daughter.

"Come over tomorrow night for dinner and you can see her." I said finally, defeatedly. "But there will be FBI agents sitting at that table, so you better not try to pull anything stupid out of your ass, Phoenix."

Nix immediately grabbed my face, pulling me to him. With both hands on the sides of my face, he excitedly planted a quick, sloppy peck on my lips.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you..." he said, planting another kiss on my cheek, my forehead, and my nose. "You will not regret this."

He finally let go of my face, making me stagger backwards, grabbing hold of the door again. He walked outside, hopping down the porch steps.

"Don't ever do that again." I said, wiping my face in disgust. "And bring Mags!" I called after him, wiping my face with my sleeve.

He turned around as he continued to walk backwards towards his black range rover.

"You really think she'd let me come to dinner with her niece alone?" he called back, a huge grin on his face. I rolled my eyes and shut the door, leaning my back against it.

More tears sprang to my eyes as I walked back to the kitchen, grabbing my phone, and dialing the one person I knew I could call in a time like this.

The line rang once, twice, and finally on the third ring, a soft hello came from the other line.

I sniffled and wiped under my eyes as I spoke into the phone.

"Can you come over?"

* ੈ✩‧₊˚

𝑺𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒓 𝑹𝒆𝒊𝒅

Packing up my bag, my phone buzzed with a text from Sabrina.

☏ Sabrina: Dinner at my place with Hallie's sperm donor tomorrow night! Be there or I'll cry. Everyone from the FBI is invited, even cross-country agents.

Penelope Garcia: Oh, I am so there. Are we bringing nut crunchers? Or do you have some already? NVM I'm bringing my own.

Penelope Garcia: I am adding Derek to this group chat. Thank me later.

Penelope Garcia: Derek, bring your sweet ass to Sabrina's tomorrow for dinner. An ass-kicking might be on the menu.

Derek Morgan: An ass-kicking? By whom?

Penelope Garcia : Who else? You! Delivering the sweet ass-kicking Sabrina's baby daddy needs.

Derek Morgan: Ah ok. You can bet all your asses I'll be there.

Derek Morgan: What about you, pretty boy? You coming?

Sabrina: Of course he is. Hallie would be extremely upset if Spenter did not show up for dinner.

I smiled at my screen, seeing Sabrina call me by Hallie's nickname for me.

Spencer Reid: Yes, I will be there.

David Rossi: I heard we are having dinner. If Penelope is cooking, I am out.

Penelope Garcia: Sorry Sabrina, had to add the chef to the chat!

Emily Prentiss: Anything Rossi IS cooking, I am in.

JJ: Me too. Count me in.

Penelope Garcia: ... and the rest of the team, lol.

David Rossi: So, what else would we like to see on the menu besides ass-kicking?

Hotch: We have a case. Not sure if we can all make it, but we'll try our best, Sabrina. See the rest of you bright and early.

Hotch: Fettuccini.

JJ: What Hotch said.

Emily Prentiss: Fettuccini I can get behind.

Derek Morgan: Sounds good to me.

Spencer Reid: Ok.

Penelope Garcia: YUM!! Love me some white sauce.

Sabrina: Hallie loves fettuccini. See you guys at my place tomorrow whenever. 😊

Penelope Garcia: You already know I'll be by early. See you tomorrow, bbg.

David Rossi: Fettuccini it is, then. Any allergies I should know about for the sperm donor? Or we don't care?

Sabrina: No allergies, don't worry we won't be committing manslaughter. Yet.

Hotch: ....

Sabrina: sorry, just kidding. :)

I put my phone back down and resumed packing my brown duffle bag, stuffing the bare necessities inside.

My mother was in the living room placed on the couch, staring blankly at the television screen. I looked back at her to see if maybe she'd changed positions, but to my dismay, she was still sitting motionless and bored-like.

I sighed quietly as I finished packing the duffle bag and placed it on the rack next to the bedroom door, along with my regular satchel and cardigan.

I sat next to my mom on the couch, trying to spark any response from her.

I mentioned the children downstairs playing in the hallway, I told her about the dinner we would have at Sabrina's house. It wasn't until I mentioned the new in-home nurse that would be looking after her while I was away for the weekend, that she snapped her head to look at me, her eyes already pleading with me not to go.

"Spencer, I don't need that medicine. And I certainly don't need a babysitter." She argued.

"She's not a babysitter, mom. She would just look after you while I'm gone in case you need anything." I said gently.

She scoffed in disbelief. "That is a babysitter, Spencer."

I chewed on the inside of my lip nervously as I tried to think of something that I could say or do to make her more comfortable. When I couldn't come up with anything, she jumped to a new subject.

"Am I also going to Sabrina's for dinner?" she asked.

I smiled and nodded. "If you would like to, yes. I'm sure she would love for you to come."

My mother liked that. She smiled too and nodded. "Oh, good. I like that girl, Spencer. When will you two be going on another date?"

I chuckled and bashfully began rubbing my neck, my cheeks becoming hot.

"I don't know, mom. Things have been a little... hectic. And I don't think I'd consider walking to a coffee shop a date." I said.

I wasn't sure Sabrina would consider it a date either.

"Well, spice it up, Spencer! Ask her out again." She gently patted my shoulder as she spoke. "Have you two kissed yet?"

"Mom." I groaned, laughing a little.

"What? It's just a question." She smiled with a shrug.

"No, we haven't kissed. And right now, we're just friends anyways."

"You're awfully close for just friends, Spencer. I could see it... that girl likes you!"

"Maybe. But it doesn't matter. I like spending time with her, whether she likes me romantically or not. Besides, I'm sure whether she likes me or not is the last thing on her mind. She's got so much going on, it's quite mind rattling." I responded.

My mother raised her eyebrows, expecting me to elaborate.

"It's... quite complicated, mom. She just has a lot going on."

"Well is she okay?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowing.

I cleared my throat as I thought about that question.

Is Sabrina okay?

I thought of last night, the way she was suddenly next to me, inches away from my face-my lips. She'd never been so forward before, but if I were being honest with myself, I didn't mind it.

The more I thought about it though, I really didn't mind most of the things Sabrina did. She was always so gentle and fragile-like, that the most we'd done was hug- but when we did, it always felt like so much more.

"I... don't know, actually." I said quietly. "But I'll find out."

She nodded in response, mumbling good, good.

I stood up from the couch, grabbing my phone from my bed and dialing her number. After the third ring, a small familiar voice rung through the speakers.

"Spenter!"

I couldn't help the grin that formed on my lips as I heard Hallie's voice.

"Hey little one, what are you doing up so late?" I chuckled.

"Mommy and I talk and, and, and, I stayed up late." she stammered. "I ate pancakes for dinner."

"Wow, that sounds pretty great, Hals." I smiled while I spoke into the phone.

"Oh, mommy want to talk to you... goodnight Spenter!"

"Spencer? Sorry, Hallie has a knack for making me let her answer my phone." Sabrina sighed sarcastically on the other line.

"That's alright, I don't mind."

"So, what's up? Is everything okay?" she asked.

"Oh, yeah, everything's fine. I uh, wanted to ask you....." I suddenly felt nervous to ask.

"Ask me..... what?" she laughed.

I cleared my throat. "My uh, my mom would- I mean, would it be okay if I brought my mom to dinner tomorrow night?" I managed to stammer out.

"Yes, of course!" she exclaimed.

I smiled and looked down at my shoes while holding the phone up to my ear, nodding to myself.

"I didn't think you would mind, I just thought I'd ask."

"She is welcome here anytime, Spencer, as are you."

There was a brief pause before she spoke again.

"When are you leaving for your trip?" she asked me softly.

"Oh, Uh, the day after tomorrow." I said with a dry chuckle.

"Alright, well-shit!" Sabrina gasped into the phone. "Spencer I have to go, i'm so sorry."

"Is everything okay?" I asked quickly.

"Yes, sorry, Hallie just dropped a glass cup in the kitchen. I'll see you and your mom tomorrow!" she quickly replied and hung up the phone.

I smiled briefly as I locked my phone screen and glanced back in at my mother, watching her stare at the TV again.

I couldn't stand to see her like that. This trip had better be worth it.

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AUTHORS                                    NOTE.

first, I just want to thank those of you who vote for every chapter, it sincerely means a lot! The views keep increasing on my story but the votes don't, so I'm left wondering if there are actual active readers! Also, your feedback means the world to me, I get so excited seeing the comments!

second, I have another Spencer story up LOL it's called cloud atlas. i've yet to post the first chapter but it is COMING! I had finals all this week and I have a couple weeks before my summer term starts so I'm hoping to get some chapters FLYING OUT for both stories!!

I love you all x 10,000💓 :)

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