I open my eyes and try to understand what happened. I'm having a total black out right now.

But then, I remember the whole thing.

The party and the kisses.

Minho's bed and the undressing.

The way, he kept looking at me with his eyes who were filled of desire.

And then... what we did after that. Things, I could've never even dreamed of.

I think, Minho is the best guy to have the first time with. Even though he was drunk, he was so cute and didn't want me to get hurt. He was so patient and soft.

Am I really sure that it wasn't all a dream?

I look besides me. But nobody is laying there.
I guess, it was a dream.
But wait... This isn't my brothers room. It's Minho's. Oh wow. It wasn't a dream. And I'm not a virgin anymore. I wonder if he was before our night together.

But.... where even is he?

I look around but I can't see him anywhere so I decide to stand up and get my things. After being dressed again, I leave the room and get on my way to search for Lino.

Now that I think about it, that could've been the biggest mistake I've ever done. Hooking up with Lee Know was so dangerous and extremely risky. Both for our friendship and maybe even for his whole carreer.
Is it my fault?

Suddenly, I hear Minho's voice coming from Jisung's room. I hide next to their open door and listen.
But of course, they talk in korean. I try to understand as much as I can but I only understand a few words.

"Mistake", "Friends", "Do".

I knew, I should've listened when Felix tried to teach me korean back then! Would've been so helpful.

But now, I understand.
Minho is telling Jisung what happened between us. He's telling him how big of a mistake it was. He doesn't know what to do now.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I hate myself.
I shouldn't have drunk. I shouldn't have brought myself into this difficult situation. I never wanted this to happen!

I hear Han talking to him in a friendly way. He's trying to cheer him up, maybe gives him advice on how to handle this situation.

That's some advice I need too. But I can't tell Felix yet. I don't want him to be mad at Minho. I need to tell Chan!

---

"Uhm... Wow. That's.... a complicated story, huh?"
Chan looks at me, seeming very worried about me and Minho.
"Yes and I don't know what to do anymore!"

We're sitting on his bed while I explain to him what happened. Now, he just seems very confused.

"I am sorry for you. I hope, everything is going to be okay with you guys... Uhm... Do you like him?"
"W-what?!"
"If he likes you to, you could be a couple, right?"
"Does it look like he likes me?"
"Well, I never saw him talking so much english with somebody. He could ignore you as well or just not hang out with you so much. You have to know that our Lee Know absolutely hates talking english."
"That doesn't mean that he loves me.."
"Okay... How about you hanging up with Changbin today as long as the others go to work and I try talking to him?"

That suggestion seems very okay.
"Yes. Good idea. I would love to do something with Changbin."
"Great. Let's go then." Before leaving the room, Chan turns around to me. "Wait. Does Felix know?"
"Uhm... He doesn't. Please don't tell him yet. I don't want him to hate Minho."
"Felix is more harmless than you think. But I respect your decisions. He won't find out."
"Thank you, Chan."

---

I'm with Changbin in the studio. We're training or better said: He's training me. Because he's worried that I won't be able to reject a boy when the day comes that a boy wants something from me.

Little does he know...

"Oh my god, I don't get how someone can be so weak!", Changbin says laughing.
"I'm not weak, you're just strong! And mean!"
"Try attacking me, Ahri!"
"Okay, but you asked for it!"
So I run into Changbin and just slap him.

"Ouch! You call THAT attacking? That's more like being the mother of a poor child!"
"Changbin!" I sigh completely annoyed by those excercises. "Can't you be my bodyguard so that I don't need to learn how to fight?"
"Is that a job position?"
"Uhm, yes?"

Another hour passes by and I end up laying on the floor and trying to hold my breath. Changbin tried to teach me many things and none of them were something that I could manage to do.

Changbin sits down next to me and looks at me with a smile. "You just need to learn a little more and soon, you'll be a boxer!"
I just look at him and mumble the lyrics of the song "BOXER" from Skz.
My trainer starts laughing and just raps his part of the song. So we end up having a nice little party together and hearing loud music to sing to.

"Okayyy, Changbin!", I shout, being totally exhausted. "We can go home, right?"
"Yes!", he answers, turns of the music and gets his things. "Let's go."
"Uhm, wait! Before we go, I'll have to use the bathroom." I really had to go there...
"Oh, of course! You go. I'll wait here."
I nod and leave the room to search for the toilets. Luckily, I find them very soon and want to enter the women's toilet but then, I see Minho who comes out of the men's toilet. I stop walking and so does he as he sees me.

For a while, we just look into each others eyes and I notice that something has changed. But what?

"We need to talk", I say after staying quiet for too long.
Minho nods and keeps looking at me. He looks a bit tired, maybe even frustrated.
"We.... we drank too much", I start.
Again, Minho nods.
"But..."
"There's no but", he interrupts me. "It was a mistake. I am sorry, Ahri. I didn't want that to happen."

Ouch.

That went right into my heart.

Even though, it shouldn't.

"Uhm... I...Uhm... ", I stutter, trying to find the right words. But the truth is that I don't even know what to say.

Either he really thinks it was a big mistake or he just says that because he thinks that I think that it was a big mistake.
But what DO I think? Was it really a mistake? I don't know.

"Ahri, I'm a dancer", Lee Know continues to talk. "And that's what I focus on. What I have to focus on. Thank you for that night. But I think, we should forget about all that."

Wow.
"Thank you for that night." He says that as if I were a whore or something. And how could I ever forget about my first time with an Idol? With an extremely hot Idol who used to be a good friend?
I can't handle that.

So I say nothing.

And when he walked away from me and dissappeared behind another door, I collapse and start to cry. My whole life is ended. I hate myself, I hate Lee Know and I hate this world. How could I ever let this happen? I feel so disgusting.

"Ahri?", I hear Changbins voice coming from the other side of the floor, but I don't look up. "Ahri!", I hear him again after a few seconds and his voice became louder. Then, I feel his hands on my shoulders and let him hug me thightly.

"Hey, what happened? Was it Lee Know?", he asks me but I don't answer him. Instead, I look at him with a confused look. Who told him about me and Minho?
Was it Chan?

As if he reads my mind, Changbin says:,,It's not Chan's fault! I asked him because I figured he'd know something about you two. I really wanted to know why you ended up kissing each other yesterday."
"So you're the only one who knows?"
"Me, Seungmin and Bangchan...", he mumbles and I sigh. "And Lee Know of course."
"Jisung too", I say. Minho had to tell him.

"Okay... So... What did Lee Know say?", Changbin tries to change the subject and I wipe my tears again. "That it was a mistake.", I say. "He treated me like a whore!"
"I'm sorry...", Changbin mumbles. He obviously doesn't know what to say. But that's okay. I just need someone around me. Someone to listen.

"I feel so terrible!", I say. "I really thought, he'd like me! I thought, I liked him!"
"Do you?", Changbin interrupts me.
"I... might. But he doesn't!!"
"What makes you so sure?", Changbin asks me.
"He doesn't love me. I know that." I'm sick of people not believing me.

"Okay. I'm here for you."