❪ 𝗚𝗢𝗢𝗗 𝗘𝗡𝗢𝗨𝗚𝗛 ❫

𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗌𝗂𝗑 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━
the hesitance is blinding. ╱ season three, episode four.

HESITANCE WAS ALL Toby could muster as his eyes peeled open in the morning. His mind was immediately on high alert as he remembered where he was. The chimes of people bustling outside his window made his skin crawl, and a sense of trepidation bubbled in his stomach. Pain thudded in his back as he shuffled on the hard floor under him.

He stared boredly at the white ceiling above him, listening to the sounds of the people around him moving around in their sleep. Birds carried a loud tune just outside the window above him, it was a calming sound that let him dose off into a promising nap before he had to face the day and place ahead of him.

Toby enjoyed the small moments like this, there was a calm that flowed through the air that he could never fully explain. Instead of focusing on his surroundings, he let the calmness carry him away and into a place that didn't make him feel like there was an impending attack on the people he cared about.

Usually, his brain would let him be carried away from all these troubling thoughts, but today the solace he felt was a calm before a storm and he didn't know if he could get everyone out. The silence and tranquility was misleading and it was only a matter of time before the place around him would be unsafe.

A light kick to Toby's foot made him jump out of the state he had been locked in for longer than he wanted to. His chestnut eyes snapped open to meet Michonne's staring down at him with curiosity in them. The boy sent her a confused glance as he furrowed his eyebrows at the sudden intrusion.

"I wanna look around before Andrea and Thomas get up," The older woman said as she reached her hand out in order for the boy to grab onto.

"And you want me to come?" The boy quietly asked as he gripped onto her hand for leverage. His joints cracked at the sudden movements and he let out a sigh feeling a small throb verberating in his feet.

Michone gazed at him knowingly, "Of course, I need a second opinion on how this place isn't what it seems,"

The boy snorted, slightly stretching his arms, waking his body up, "Well, you picked the right person, I haven't trusted this place since we stepped foot into this place,"

From the moment Michonne and Toby met, they've always been on the same page. They've had an instant connection and always gravitated toward each other. Toby was someone that Michonne was able to trust and it was the same for him. They depended on each other and leaned towards the other when they need a second opinion. Like any other, their trust wasn't automatic, but when they began to gain trust between them, it was never going to disappear. With their relationship, they were never going to break the trust until one or the other gets eaten by biters.

Sometimes it felt as if they didn't trust anyone else. Their connection was so close, that others often felt like they were excluded or even strangers when Michonne and Toby were together. Andrea had felt it firsthand, she watched day and day as Michonne and Toby were in their own little world, while she was cast aside never fully added to the conversation because they didn't fully trust her.

Michonne meant a lot to Toby, he admired how she instantly picked him and Thomas up from the loss of their parents and took them under her wing. He would be forever grateful to the woman as she stopped him from losing himself in the grief. She became so much more than the woman who saved him, she became his best friend. Toby felt like he could be himself around her as if she would love and care for him no matter what. But there was still a hesitance to show her all the layers of his mind. He wasn't ready to tell Michonne who he really was. They were very open, but his sexuality was something he wasn't ready to explain yet.

While he knew Michonne cared deeply about him, there was a fear that itched at the back of his mind that he lose her like he would've lost his parents if he told them. There's always hesitance with this kind of thing. Especially when growing up in the south, the people are far from excepting, even now. Fear of getting exiled always snaps at his skin like a rubber band, but he ignores it, rather than waiting for the moment to come instead of dwelling on it.

Eyes occasionally fall on the two as they walked down the street, Toby wanted to glare at them but stopped himself knowing that right now they need to keep a neutral image to the townspeople. After they're gone, he couldn't give two shits about how they think of him, but currently being there, one bad look or gesture, something could go wrong.

Toby didn't trust the Governor or his little army, they left a bad taste in his mouth. The Governor seemed to get off on the power he has, it feels as if he cares more about how he has created this and done all of this stuff for this place, rather than the people. Toby pegged the man as a narcissist since the moment he met him. In this world, being selfish will get you killed.

The guards at the front entrance of Woodbury made Toby nervous, they made him feel suffocated and trapped. The Governor was incessantly clear that they could leave whenever they wanted, but the strapped guards at the gate made him think something different.

Since the two left their temporary room, there weren't many words said. Toby just began to take in his surroundings, he didn't exactly know where they were going, he just followed Michonne. The boy watched the other people around him, taking in their lazy and relaxed energy. He envied them for being so careless. He ached to be like that some days, but then reality kicked in and he realized there was no way he could ever afford to do that, doing something like that would lead to someone he cared about getting killed. He couldn't lose any more people, and if that meant he had to be on edge all the time, so be it. He would do what he had to do for the sake of his loved ones.

The busy buzz that had been surrounding them for so long had fizzled out as they turned down a path that lead them behind one of the main buildings. Behind the building, astonishment found its way to Toby's face as his eyes laid upon a few military-grade trucks just sitting there, stewing the Georgia heat. The two survivors made brief eye contact, then began inspecting the vehicles.

Everything seemed fine, but small odd details about the trucks caught his eye. The bullet holes on the side of the trucks caught his attention, making his eyebrows furrow in thought. How did these get here? Granted, they could've just been the wear and tear of the apocalypse, but just the fact of them being the Governor's made his stomach twist in uneasiness. How did he get these??

He heard a small thud and turned to watch Michonne climb on the back of one of the trucks, examining the automatic weapon attached to it. The bullet holes were long gone in his mind as he watched Michonne gesture over to him. His stomach dropped even further when he saw her bend down running her fingers against something, noticing the fresh blood glistening on the skin of her hand.

They both made quick eye contact, the blood solidified that there was something definitely fucked up going on here.

"Pretty amazing,"

You've got to be joking. Toby froze in his spot, lips twisted in annoyance, the feeling seemed mutual as Michonne glanced at him with the same look in her eyes. As they both turned toward the corrupt leader, the smirk on his face made Toby's skin itch.

"We find more ammo, we could cut down a whole pack of biters," With the look of disdain or blatant lack of interest coming from the two, that would normally make a normal person stop talking and move on, but instead he kept going, "I hear y'all are leaving today, that's a shame. We could use soldiers like you two,"

They both made brief eye contact before Toby crossed his arms in irritation, "You seem like you're holding your own, even the national guard was overrun,"

The judgemental tone made the Governor's lip twitch, which made a wave of satisfaction wash over Toby, but the man responded nonetheless, "No amount of training can prepare you for the world today,"

Michonne nodded, taking in his thoughts, but then glanced towards the truck next to them, "You'd think one soldier would drive away, especially against something so slow,"

Governor's eyes slit as he took in her words, "Those men were heroes, not the kind to leave anyone behind," Toby quickly connected his words to the speech Andrea was telling them about last night. But the story he told, seems less than likely, "If only we'd gotten there sooner...and y'all were with us,"

The boy held back a grimace at the end of his sentence. He wanted to snap back and say he'd rather get stuck in the middle of the ocean than be one of his soldiers. But Michonne decided to speak up, already sensing Toby's snarky comment coming, "Lots of bullet holes...you think biters figured out how to use weapons?"

The slight scoff that escaped the Governor made Toby's skin crawl, mostly because the only emotion that escaped the man was surprise. Why was he shocked that people are asking questions? "They must have encountered bandits weeks ago. It's ugly out there, but then...you two know that better than anyone,"

"It's too bad what happened to Wells," Michonne's were calculated, trying to gauge his reaction. Everything they said to him was constructed to see how he reacted, they knew he was a bad guy, they just had to make sure of it, they needed proof.

"It is," The man quickly glanced down avoiding their stare, which Toby found rather odd, "Dr. Stevens couldn't revive him, Merle put a bullet in his brain,"

"No funeral?"

"We cremated him, quietly," The question from Toby made the older man stare at him intensely, almost surprised a teenager was grilling him as well, "These people have been through so much, I figured, thank god, at least no one knew him,"

Michonne looked the man up and down as she took a step towards him, almost as if she was sizing him up, "Thank god..."

With those words, Michonne and Toby stalked off, which was perfect timing for the boy, as he was feeling a little bit too suffocated by the man. With every conversation with the Governor, he's getting more and more hesitant to stay here longer than he has to.

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TOBY STARED blankly at the people walking by, completely oblivious to the world around them. He envied it, their solitude was like an itch he could never scratch. He hated how easily they acted like the end of the world didn't even happen months ago. They just stayed in their little bubble, blissfully unaware of the biters knocking at their door. The smiling is what made his skin crawl. How could they be so happy, when most of the world is completely gone?

While there was a hint of jealousy eating away at Toby, he knew it was better to be aware, to be a survivor. The moment that those gates fell, those people would be dead, everything that they knew and treasured would be gone by the turmoil of the monsters. They lived in a delusion that one day would come crumbling down in front of their eyes.  It was selfish, almost evil to want it to happen, but it was what was going to be their reality. No one should be able to live in this unhealthy illusion, it's only hurting them.

Toby glanced down to the couch next to him, a smile twisting at his lips watching his little brother sprawled out, a book in his hands. Guilt washed over him, knowing that his brother won't be relaxed like this in a few hours. There was a part of him that wanted to push his disdain aside and stay here for his brother. The boy deserved a lot more than what Toby was capable of giving.

The boy deserved a place to grow up, he shouldn't have to have danger facing him left and right. Tommy deserves safety and stability, something Toby's too young to give him. He doesn't know how to take care of a child, and he doesn't want to screw him up more than he already it. While he's had a good amount of help from Michonne and Andrea, there's a fear that simmers in the back of his mind, that one day they won't be there to help him and he'll ruin any of the chances his brother had.

He heard the crinkle of the map behind him, turning towards the bed, he found Michonne spreading the large paper across the blanket while Andrea was laying next to it. Toby took one more glance at the people outside and then made his way to the two women on the bed.

"If we leave soon, we'll get a few hours on the road before dusk,"

Andrea glanced at Michonne, "Where are we heading?"

"I'm thinking the coast?" Michonne answered, "We have the water completely on one side, maybe we find a boat? Best thing we can do is find an island,"

Toby's lips quirked upwards at the plan, already picturing the scent of the ocean filling his lungs, "I'm in, I haven't seen the ocean in years,"

Michonne sent him a small smile at the response, but Andrea's face remained stoic, "And if the coast isn't safe?"

"Keep moving,"

Andrea let out a sigh as if she was trying to find the right words, "Let's say the coast is safe, then what do we do? Just grow old, live off the sea by ourselves?"

Toby sent her a questioning look, finding irritation in how she was reacting to Michonne's plan. Michonne seemed to feel the same as she sent her a similar look, "I'd rather take my chances there than stay here,"

"Because your gut tells you there's something off about this place...about the Governor?"

Michonne stared at her for a moment, "It's kept us alive this long,"

"That's true,"

There was something in her voice that really ticked Toby off, and it seemed to do the same to Michonne as the woman analyzed Andrea as she sat unaware next to her. But it wasn't long until Andrea was out of bed and saying she'd rather explore the town than just sit there. Toby didn't say anything in response, the disdain on his face said all that he needed to say. With a quick goodbye, she was gone, too enveloped in the false sense of security to care.

The hesitation was blinding. It was clear that Andrea was taking a liking to this place, without looking under the surface. These people, this town, there's no hope for them. The Governor is only further pulling Andrea in and the people that tried to care for her most are getting left in the dust.

Toby went back to the window, reliving the whole exchange in his head, "She doesn't want to leave,"

There was a familiar sigh from the other side of the room, "I know,"

"What're we going to do?"

Michonne looked up from marking the map, "We are heading to the coast,"

"With or without Andrea?" Toby asked hesitantly, as much as it's becoming a reality, he doesn't want to assume.

"This place isn't what it seems, I can feel it in my gut and I know you can too. I'm putting your interest above anything else." Michonne began, her words cutting through Toby's rough exterior, "You two deserve a good shot, and being here, you'll never get it. And if Andrea's not on board so be it,"

While there was happiness and confidence that followed Michonne's statement, knowing how much she cared for them. There was a new weight that fell on Toby's shoulders, leaving Andrea behind felt cruel. He didn't want to leave her here. While their relationship is rocky, she became an odd support system for him. With Michonne, sometimes it's hard to be emotionally vulnerable due to how she built up her walls. But with Andrea, she was always willing to listen. And Toby would hate to see that go. But at this point, he'll push his feelings aside for the sake of the future for his little brother. He just wants them to have a better life, is that so bad to ask for?

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✿❣︎ 𝘼𝙐𝙏𝙃𝙊𝙍'𝙎 𝙉𝙊𝙏𝙀  ❣︎✿

heyyyyyyy :)

what's good besties??? long
time no see!

as you can see I'm back on my
walking dead bullshit and
I miss Toby tbh

and it's not too long until we
meet Danny and the whole
group 🤭

I have so many ideas for this
book and I'm so excited to show
you all!!

Next update will be coming soon!!

Hope you enjoyed!!!!