"Where the fuck were you, Zayn?"

"Aviana, I-"

"I was looking for you everywhere. I- I- I swear to god, Zayn. You didn't actually leave because I said it's okay, right? Oh my god, Za-"

"Hey, hey, hey," Zayn's stern voice finally made Aviana's rambling come to a halt. "Aviana"

The way her name rolled off his tongue was both steady and grounding at the tip of Aviana's ears. Although not forcefully, it immediately gave a rest to her racing thoughts filled with uneasiness and confusion.

"You with me, love?"

Aviana could only muster up the courage to hum into her phone.

She was standing in the middle of her room - everything around her was dark and dull as all lights were off inside. The only source of lighting she received in the forms of specks and geometric shapes was from the warm garden lights mounted along the exterior of the house. It was drizzling outside - Aviana could hear the quiet sound of rain falling to the floor of her balcony. July rain was usually a rare sight. But this was the UK - it always rained in the UK.

"Are you okay?" Aviana's voice was loud against the quietness in the room. Yet the raindrops tried their best to mute it with the rhythmic pitter-patter on every surface possible.

"I'm okay. What about you?" Zayn's voice sounded quiet against her ear. Aviana couldn't help but wonder if Zayn was also in a hiding place to avoid getting caught by his parents. If you were to get caught on the phone after your bedtime slash screen time in a brown household, the only response would be a belt to the back or a slipper to the face. Maybe Zayn had to be quiet because he shared his bedroom with his sisters. Or maybe Zayn just didn't know how to raise his voice at all.

"I'm fine" Aviana replied with a sigh. "I just...I was just worried"

"I know, I'm sorry" Zayn's apology came almost immediately. "I'm so sorry for making you worry"

"No, no, it's okay. It's fine" Aviana was speaking in a reassuring tone - feeling almost guilty for sounding too worried. It was weird how restless she was about Zayn's condition considering they only met that morning. She found it hard to accept the fact that a boy she met only a couple of hours ago had her worried to the point she lost her entire appetite and refused to come out of her room until she made sure he was okay.

It was almost scary how she felt attached to the boy she knew by the name of Zayn. They had been only introduced that morning by a very nonchalant Angus - bless his soul. Through a slow progression from intense choreography discoursing to bonding over their shared love for tandoori chicken, Aviana had impossibly gotten close to Zayn in a couple of hours. While on the phone with him, Aviana felt more at ease than she had ever felt with someone that fast after just meeting them. She felt more than she ever felt for somebody she only met that morning. Maybe that's why she had gotten so worried and restless when Zayn disappeared in the afternoon right in the middle of his dancing auditions.

"You're probably wondering what happened, yeah?" Zayn's voice rings through the phone after a couple of moments filled with silence. Both of them tended to seamlessly fall into a comfortable silence mid-conversation.

"I was confused. And worried because I'd told you it's okay to leave and when I came back, you actually weren't there on the stage" Aviana spoke honestly as she sat on the yellow comforter of her bed.

When Aviana had come back from her disastrous and worst-timed bathroom trip, she found all the male contestants up on the stage, getting ready to perform. Assuming Zayn was among the large group of bodies, she had just stayed at the wing, clapping her hands to support the boys on stage. What she didn't expect to happen was for Simon Cowell to suddenly stop the entire audition and speak into the mic in front of him.

"Zayn Malik. Where is Zayn Malik?"

That's when Aviana took notice of the lack of a certain raven-haired boy in the clutter of contestants on the stage. As judges had searched, Zayn was, in fact, not on the stage. The entire audition came to a halt as Simon Cowell himself got up from his seat in hopes of looking for the young boy.

"So it was all a skit?"

Aviana questioned as she sat on the floor in front of her bed and leaned on it. The rain was still pouring outside in a loud noise, steering away from the rhythmic falling.

"Yeah, basically" Zayn spoke. "Angus came up to me after you left and just asked me. Well, he wasn't asking. He just laid it out in front of me, and I don't think my say really mattered to him. I just nodded and went along with it, and boom- they got me acting all crybaby and shit"

"I was so so surprised when I saw you being escorted onto the stage by fucking Simon Cowell, like" Aviana was back to her usual self once she was sure Zayn's disappearance had nothing to do with anything she had said nor their interactions. "Like, what the fuck? You know what I'm saying? You were perfectly fine when I left, and then I saw you almost shedding tears. I was proper confused, Jesus Christ"

Aviana could hear Zayn breathily laughing on the other side of the line. "Trust me, man. I was confused too"

"You were awesome though, on the stage, I mean. You did really well"

"Better than what I was doing when we met today morning?"

"Are you serious? Oh my god," Aviana laughed at the memory of a very confused and nervous Zayn stumbling into the practice studio looking like a lost baby deer. "So much better, trust me"

"So you do think I was that bad at first?" Zayn said in an accusing tone and Aviana was quick to jump into explaining herself while almost falling over as a result of laughing too hard. A couple more minutes into the night Aviana moved to the comfort of her bed and under the covers while Zayn followed her movements right after in his hotel room. He minded to keep his voice down for the rest of the night since the boy he shared a room with had gone to bed some time ago. 'Some Irish lad' Zayn had said. 'Probably tired off his body'

Aviana and Zayn ended up being on the phone till the early hours of the morning without even realizing the time had passed by. They kept talking about anything and everything until Zayn suddenly jumped when his alarm started blaring at 2.00 in the morning. Realizing that they'd have to face their last Bootcamp audition approximately five hours later, the two decided to finally take some rest. The fact that auditions were scheduled to start at eleven was what gave them some reassurance. If they had to attend to them with aching bodies and sleep deprived, it would've been horrible.

With light hearts and small smiles, Zayn finally bid goodnight to the girl after advising her to get some actual sleep before the big event. And if Aviana actually decided to lay awake for the rest of the dawn, content with her thoughts - then nobody had to know.

Aviana had to spend a little more than usual time in the bathroom that morning trying to conceal the visible lack of sleep in her eyes. By the time she got out her face was covered in at least three layers of powder. She tried her best to pat it down to the point it looked like her own skin without giving away the fact that she had been severely deprived of sleep for weeks now. For the big last day of Bootcamp, Aviana wanted to dress up a bit since it might potentially be her last day in the contest as well. She knew the judges weren't happy with her performance in this segment, so she had been mentally preparing herself for the worst that could happen tonight.

Aviana packed the clothes she needed to wear for the audition, knowing that keeping them to wear before the actual thing would be much better without being in it for the whole day. She threw on a random graphic t-shirt for the earlier part of the day where they'd be spending time rehearsing mostly. She also stuffed some makeup, and her hairbrush into a purse before packing them up with some fancy shoes in her bag. After getting familiar with the filming schedules and habits of The X-Factor, all the contestants picked up on small things like bringing extra water, vitamin C pills, and a change of clothes for their good. After making sure all her stuff was packed, and she was ready to go, Aviana put her duffel bag over the shoulder before taking a deep breath.

It was the 23rd of July, a Friday, which meant Aviana's family was most probably downstairs getting ready to go to work at their respective establishments. She knew her mother had lectures today, so she was probably in her room ironing out the clothes she was hoping to wear. Her dad was probably in the living room, tying up his shoelaces as he got ready to leave the house already. Alden was usually asleep at this hour, not familiar with waking up unless the sunlight seeping through his curtains was strong enough to bother him in his sleep.

Taking another breath with her eyes closed and everything, Aviana gathered all the courage she needed to head downstairs and face her family. As much as she wanted to go for her audition without encountering her family first, she knew that might be unlikely. Especially not if she was hoping to get a ride to the arena by her father.

It's not like she had another choice anyway. It was a Friday morning in July. The first metro would be overflowing with Londoners trying to get to their jobs and schools on time. Aviana couldn't spare getting late today either. Her hopes of a music career were on the line as she had meticulously blown up her last audition because of a ghost of her past. And anyway, her father was driving to London for work, so he wouldn't possibly reject Aviana trying to get a ride to a location which was already on his route.

...Right?

Spoiler alert: He did.

The moment Aviana stepped down the staircase and opened her mouth to greet her father, he was up with his bag and coat already draped over his arm. Without acknowledging Aviana, who greeted him a good morning, he turned towards the kitchen while fixing his ti.

"Devi, I'm leaving now. Can you get me my lunch?"

In seconds, Aviana's father was already walking to the door while she stood in the living room, frozen, without knowing what to do as her father blatantly ignored her presence.

"Wait" Her voice finally resonated. "I have to get to the venue, Dad"

Jonathon briefly turned around at the sound of his daughter's voice. Yet the expression that laced his face was none other than a sarcastic confusion, which made Aviana take an imaginary stumble backwards.

"Okay?" Rather than saying, Jonathon almost scoffed out a question. "What do you want? Get going then"

Instances like these were when the actual depth of her parent's lack of support hit her in the gut. Although she keeps telling herself it's just because they don't approve of the career choices she's making at such a young age, interactions like these remind Aviana that this goes way beyond a simple disappointment. Her parents resented her and the choices she's made lately. They were all disappointed and ashamed of her to the point they had stopped acknowledging her as their daughter.

On a random Friday in 2010, standing in the middle of her disgustingly big living room, she came to the harsh realization that pure disgust was what ran through the blood of her parents.

While having a whole self-reflection and coming to severe realizations about herself, Aviana failed to notice that her father had already left the house. The sound of tires revering on the garden stones was what snapped her back to reality.

"Shit, shit, shit"

She quickly dashed to the foyer, expecting to yell out to her father in hopes of convincing him to give her a ride. But of course, the universe is never on her side when it comes to making Aviana's life a tad bit easier for her. So she was already too late as she stumbled out of the front door. The shining black jeep her father drove was rolling down the driveway already, getting away as she stood and stared at the back of it.

Aviana always thought of vehicles as real beings with emotions. Whether that was a negative influence of Cars the movie or she was simply a lunatic, she had always translated the lights and the number plates into a little face. She remembered how she had named her mom's old champagne Toyota 'kind eyes' because of the bubbly rear lights and the soft edges. And, now, as she stared at the black Range Rover, which was getting smaller by the second, she couldn't help but think that the linear rear lights and the scowling boot of the vehicle were doing nothing but mock her helpless state as it got away and away.

When Aviana finally set foot in the arena, she was seventeen minutes late. Their vocal training had been scheduled to start at nine in the morning, and she was already running a good seventeen minutes behind and did not do anything to ease her mind in the slightest. She knew she was already on the verge of falling over to the elimination group after she had messed up her first bootcamp audition. And she knew getting late and reaching the bad side of their creative director weren't exactly going to get her some good points at all. After her little fiasco of getting dumped without a ride in the morning, she immediately fled the house in hopes of catching the metro to central London. Aviana had immediately gotten on Alden's skateboard before flying down the driveway, ignoring Devi's helpless calls behind her.

Cursing the long ass driveway and ditching the skateboard by the gate, she then ran down the road and along the main road hoping she wouldn't miss the train. She didn't stop to apologize to the people she stumbled or headbutted into, knowing neither Aviana nor those people had the time to care who bumped into them on the street. So she ran and ran and ran without a break until she'd hauled herself through the closing doors of the metro almost at the last minute.

Aviana had gotten a call from Zayn just as she got off the train. In a hushed and concerned voice, Zayn had asked why she still wasn't there at the venue since the rehearsals were about to start. Not wanting to rant to him about the embarrassing and helpless situation she'd gotten into this morning, Aviana came up with a lie on the spot without having to think twice.

"My baby, My girl, Poppy, passed away, Zayn" She found herself spewing without sparing missing a beat. "My baby girl, I can't believe she's gone"

Zayn had promised to let their vocal coach know before telling her to get there safely. He had only hung up after making sure Aviana was in a proper mindset to be dashing through the pavements of the bustling city of London, thinking she would run straight into traffic because of the tragic death of her poppy. On the other hand, Aviana had only realised the depth of nonsense and lies she'd spewed out after she darted through the doors of the practice room, and the creative director of the X Factor had turned around to look directly into her eyes.

"I'm sorry about your dog, Aviana"

Aviana stood there, eyes blown wide in confusion, panting and sweating like a god herself while the whole cluster of girls in the room mumbled their sympathies towards Poppy.

Aviana figured she should just go along with it rather than revealing she never had a dog, to begin with, and then getting her ass busted out of the whole competition.

However, Brian, the creative director in question - who was also running through every performance before the actual audition - did not let the pass of her imaginary dog be an excuse for her to slack off during rehearsals. Aviana had almost immediately gotten instructed to do her vocal exercises and get started on her song with a promise of Brian would check with her later.

It had been hard for her to choose a song for the last stage of Bootcamp. All the contestants had been given a list of almost forty songs before they were told that for their final Bootcamp performance, they were free to choose one song from the list. If you asked Aviana earlier this week, she would have easily said she was going to perform some underground song she found on the list. But now, after having gone through the traumatic experience of fucking up her first Bootcamp stage and getting quite negative feedback on it, Aviana had decided it would be best if she just went with a song that was largely popular and yet let her convey and project her voice to the judges more.

So naturally and stereotypically, she had ended up with a Gaga song.

Bad Romance was the first song she'd sung to Miss Miriam when she had started school. The teacher had been so impressed with how well the song fits her voice in a way it was projected in a very confident and powerful way. Bad Romance was also the first song she performed in front of a proper audience. On the stage where the entirety of her school sat in front of her, she had confided her whole life in Gaga and had sung her heart out to the song without worrying about getting rough around the edges or losing her voice in the end. Bad Romance and Aviana went hand in hand.

To say they had quite a good relationship would be an understatement as Aviana knew that with Bad Romance, nothing could go wrong.

When Brian called her name after almost thirty minutes of rehearsing by herself, Aviana was quick to walk towards the man. As much as she tried to ignore the camera crew that immediately followed her and set up their equipment around them, she couldn't help but feel a little uneasiness run along her spine.

"Let's get started, shall we" Brian instructed her to start with her song to which she immediately complied. Once her cue had been signalled, Aviana started singing what she'd been practising for the majority of this week.

Brian only stopped her once she had reached the bridge of the song. Aviana, whose nerves had actually calmed down after a verse or two, immediately felt anxiety claw at her limbs when she was halted halfway into the song.

"Aviana, I know it's not just me. What's got you all nervous and anxious, hm?"

Aviana almost stilled at Brian's words which were directed at her with such precision and calculation. From the way he worded it, Aviana knew he wasn't just asking it because she wavered over some words or just because of the sake of providing content for the cameras. Staring directly into her eyes, Aviana knew Brian had tugged on the loose end of a thread that led to the unwinding of a whole bandage.

"I...I just"

It was embarrassing to stumble over her words like that. In the short span of just a week, Aviana had been able to build a reputation among the contestants not just as the youngest one, but also as a girl who stood her ground with confidence and fairness. Although she might've been a turmoil on the inside, she was somewhat known among the contestants to be a person who wouldn't sway from snide remarks or negative feedback.

"I think I'm just really nervous"

"Or is the fact that the judges didn't like your last performance bothering you a little too much than you'd like to admit?"

Aviana was taken aback by how blunt the man in front of her being. Even though they were on camera being filmed and also how most of the other people in the place heard him, nothing seemed to bother him from attacking Aviana like that.

"That too, I guess" Regaining her composure, Aviana replied. She was being filmed, she had to at least look cool for the sake of her reputation outside the X Factor.

"Well, Aviana" Brian started and she could tell he was about to say something he thought would have the possibility to change the trajectory of her life forever. "The past is in the past. You messed up your audition for god knows what reason and there's nothing we can do about it, yeah? The judges were quite disappointed in your performance since you set the bar so high at your first audition. I guess they were also quite stupid to have their hopes up too high on a naive little girl like you. But that's over now, there's nothing we can do about it. So forget all about it and focus on this performance. If you're so worried about that, at least try to make it right again, yeah? Try to get them back on track with the mindset of being a good performer rather than getting unfocused and messing up this one too"

If Aviana developed a deep hatred towards Brian for practically tearing her apart, shred by shred in front of a whole audience that day, most people could have guessed.

But if the said brutal speech actually managed to change the trajectory of her life, nobody had to know that.

i know, I'm ashamed of myself gosh.

I've been disappearing and reappearing on wattpad for months now and honestly, I don't have a proper excuse or a reason. since I've stopped school, I have a lot of free time on my hands. So I promise, I'll try to be more consistent with my updates. what happens the majority of the time is, I keep maladaptive daydreaming about this story rather than writing it down. I've planned the whole plot of the story yet I find it so hard to put it down in words. it's almost like a movie in my head and the moment I start to write, all of my creativity and writing abilities just get up to leave.

but I'm gonna try my best to give you guys updates no matter what because this story makes me so happy and I love every single aspect of it. i hope you guys love this as much as I do because sometimes this is all that keeps me going.

this chapter might be rusty but I hope everyone enjoys it!

also, we've reached 23rd of july gosh

I love you guys, thank you so much for everything!

TPWK ♡

- Esa