To say she was nervous would be an underestimation. No, Aviana was fucking terrified.

"Aviana Rae?" Avi stopped nibbling on her thumb and looked up when her name was called out by a backstage crew member who was standing a few feet away, near to the legs of the stage. Her heart started sinking towards her abdomen with every step she took forward till she finally approached him with shaky legs. She was astounded she made it without collapsing on the floor like a newborn fawn. The guy, whose name tag read Andy, beckoned her to walk towards the side of the main stage once she addressed him. 

Avi's heart was pounding inside her ribcage she worried the whole United Kingdom might hear the heavy thudding. She was scared that her chest would explode and she'd evaporate from how hard her heart was beating. Her mind was running crazy and she felt a bit of bile rising in the back of her throat. She quickly swallowed all her fears back down, and probably the little bit of puke that was looking for a way out of her body. She tried her best to ignore the little wobble in her step and the dizziness that was making her feel like she just downed a couple of margaritas.

Avi was going out of her fucking mind.

Her mind was running thousands of miles per hour. One blackout, two puke disasters and loads of panic attacks later, her nerves were still high, alarming her to her core. There were so many ways everything could go wrong the moment she steps out onto the stage, towards the three judges and a whole audience of people. First of all, she was not the calmest and collected person around, the chances of tripping over her own feet and falling face flat on the stage were high in her will. That's why every two minutes she made sure the lace of her shoes were tied together tightly. Secondly, anything could go wrong while she's auditioning. Literally, almost anything could happen during her audition. Not to mention how her throat was scratchy considering she had already thrown up two times so she made sure to take a sip of her burning hot water every minute to get her voice back in its healthy environment.

And on top of that, she was scared of her song choice. When she decided to sing a song she hand wrote a little over a year ago, she didn't think much about it, everyone at school liked it. But now she realised how much of a mistake it was. Simon hates original songs.

And what if Simon decides to stop her in the middle of singing? The humiliation.

Aviana was standing five feet away from the stage of ExCel London, ready to go out onto the stage and sing a song she wrote when she was fourteen years old in front of Simon Cowell, Cheryl Cole and Louis Walsh. She had arrived at the venue at around seven in the morning to avoid the human traffic, but she instantly found out how wrong she was when thinking she would be able to get in earlier - considering it was currently nearing three in the afternoon.

Aside from wasting time in the dressing rooms, rehearsing or in bathrooms, throwing up or panicking while her best friend would try to tranquillize her, she was asked to do a short voice cut for the camera by the producers of the show. She knew only a couple of contestants get the chance to do those she had reluctantly agreed. Nevertheless, the filming didn't take much time as she was only asked a couple of questions, mostly about herself. She only had to recite a little paragraph about herself which might get on television if her audition is chosen to go on air.

"Hi, I'm Aviana and I'm from Hampstead" She had started as she sat in an uncomfortable lobby chair in the arena, a crew of cameramen and the host flocking around her. "I'm currently fifteen and is completing my GCSE's" Avi cringed as her own voice replayed in her mind, she bet she sounded stupid bringing up her studies into a voice cut for a reality show. Then the host, Dermot had questioned why she was here at the X-Factor, making the girl think for a moment before answering the question. "I was given the opportunity to audition for the X-Factor by my school actually, as a reward for a band competition winning"

It was true. Her school gifted her the possibility to audition for the X-Factor after she won the UK's district battle of the band with her former school ensemble, Hampstead Devils. The fact that she was given the chance and not chosen for it quite bugged her and kept her up at night. Was she even suited to be here? It was true that everyone at her school adored her as a singer. Hell, the principal herself had been requesting her to perform at the school graduation and the senior prom and other events for the past three years. But this was different from performing in front of the familiar faces of her peers and teachers. She was going to audition for the UK's biggest reality show in front of three of the biggest faces in the industry.

Heck, she was seriously rethinking her decision of accepting the request to come here and audition. She knew she still had the chance to quietly slip away from the back door and get on the next DLR to Hampstead but she couldn't. But she couldn't back up now because this was a once in a lifetime chance. (And her name was the next on the audition list so she definitely couldn't back out now. She was scared of what feedback she'd get, from the judges, the audience and people close to her. But mostly, And she was scared to let her school down and mess this up after everything.

"You are not going to mess anything up" A voice broke her from her overthinking, making the girl turn around to look back at the intruder. "You are going to nail it like the bad bitch you are"

"How the hell did you get in here?" Avi whispered, walking over to her best friend who was now wandering towards her. "I thought they stopped you from coming backstage"

"I'm Bexley Green and I always get what I want. And right now, I want you to stop overthinking" The dirty-blonde haired girl said as took a couple of steps towards Avi, staring her dead in the eye. Avi skillfully ignored her pointed look before her eyes drifted towards the girl's bosom which was cloaked in a white t-shirt with a biker jacket on top. Peeking out of the jacket were some letters painted on the t-shirt and Avi swore they were not there when the duo arrived at the studio.

"Did you change your shirt?" Avi reached forward and pushed the jacket aside and read over the words. Her eyes immediately shut in embarrassment. "Bexley, what the fuck is that?"

Bexley gave her a smug smile before pulling the lapels of the jackets aside, unveiling the words 'TEAM AVIANA' right in the middle of her white t-shirt in large purple letters. "I made it myself, good?"

"I think you should stick to live without trying any form of creative art babe, no offense" It was true, the letters were anything but pleasing. The purple was smudged around and it was even quite hard to read. Avi knew Bexley wasn't the neatest and artsy girl around but yet this small effort to support made her eyes water.

"Yeah? Yeah, I think so too" Bexley lowered her voice as she frantically nodded agreeing to her, looking down at the pattern Avi was tracing with her fingertips.

"Aviana Rae" One of the backstage crew workers called out again, interrupting their quick conversation. Bexley then took a look at Avi who looked more than nervous to go on stage. She softly smiled at the pride she was feeling towards her best friend who currently looked like a huge red strawberry in her clothes, two minutes away from walking onto the stage of the X-Factor.

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"I love you, Ana"

Avi sniffled wrapped her arms around Bexley's frame, securing her in a big hug. Bexley swayed them from side to side. Avi closed her eyes as she remembered how Bexley had come with her to the auditions because neither her parents wanted to come to watch her perform. "I love you too"

Bexley pulled away from the hug as he looked at Avi with sincere eyes, her arms still locked behind her neck. She quickly pecked the contestant on the cheek. "You're going to be amazing, alright? I just know that Salmon dude is going to love you" Bexley heartened her in an attempt to make her smile by misnaming Simon and Avi was thankful her best friend was by her side in this.  "Just remember that 'm so proud of you"

Avi chuckled as she felt her eyes dampen a bit from the nerves crossing with her best friend's confrontation. "Thanks, Bex"

"Let's do this"

Although she was this anxious about this, it was not the first time she was going to be on a stage, and especially, a concert. Hampstead Devils, the school band where she used to be frontwoman of, participated in the BATTLE OF THE BANDS which was a musical competition between many schools in England. And much to everyone's delight, Hampstead Devils gave a fire performance of their original song, 'Really Don't Care' at the finals and managed to bring home the championship at the end of the day. In between, she had performed at the school graduation, senior prom and a couple of other occasions like her principal's wedding, but this was a first. She was not going to perform in front of a crowd of rowdy teenagers or the familiar faces of her school peers. She was going to perform in front of camera's where her whole audition will be videotaped, in front of a crowd of 600, another 70 contestants and three judges. She figured that her future will be decided when she'd take three steps forward, and step out of that damn curtain.

So she decided to ignore her clammy hands and wobbly knees and took a deep breath before stepping out into the leg curtained area where Dermot was waiting for her. The cameramen around her gave a thumbs-up as a signal to indicate the fact that they had started filming her.

"Aviana Rae, really nice to meet you again" Dermot chirped, recognised the girl from earlier when they were filming the voice cuts. That man was always overstimulated. Avi assumed it was a hallmark of any kind of host, always being too bubbly and crisp. She didn't mostly enjoy his overjoyed self much but he was very compassionate towards all contestants. He was famous for his comforting hugs and the way Dermot encouraged and cheered for everyone during the audition and when they came back from the stage, either failed or qualified. "Who did you here with today? Where's your family?"

Avi's heart dropped to her shoes at his words. Her throat suddenly felt icky as she tried to find the words to reply to him. Oh, my family just really despise me and this show, so they're not here to support me today, it did not sound very pleasant. 

She tried her best to ignore the nuisance and anguish as she worked to pick up the words and talk without either breaking down or lashing out. She cleared her throat and mumbled a quiet "They're not here today" and since it sounded so miserable she quickly decided to add. "But my best friend is here to support me" with a happy tone in her voice.

Avi swore he saw Dermot's smile turned upside down and he genuinely looked upset by her first response. But he immediately dropped the face and looked around to spot the girl who was standing in a distance, her eyes set on Avi and a large grin painted over her face. Soon, his smile surfaced once again. "Well wow, will you look at that, she's wearing a Team Aviana t-shirt as well" Dermot laughed as the camera pointed towards Bexley who was waiting anticipated till her best friend got on the stage. "What a supportive best friend you have" Dermot then once again turned to Aviana who was now almost sweating with nerves. "I'm sure your family is really proud of you Aviana, despite them not being here. Now off you go, you got this"

Dermot held out his palm to which Avi returned the high five with a lightheaded feeling starting to crawl up on her spine. With that, she was propelled out to the light of the stage, her face immediately lightening up from the brightness of the back screen. All of a sudden she felt a dizziness and nauseousness sweep over her because,

fuck, it's happening.

Avi quietly fussed and squinted at the bright lights but soon adapted to it. The audience was cheering at a tremendous loudness as she walked out and yet she swore she heard Bexley's voice over them the most. She took a deep breath and prayed to every god above before ripping her eyes off of the black surface of the stage. Her breath was knocked out of her as soon as her eyes found the large spans of the audience. This was nothing like the smelly beer-stained crowd of teenagers at the Battle Of The Bands nor the crowd of students are her school assembly. This was HUGE. Her eyes then soon drifted to the board in the middle of the room with three X's on the outside of it. She definitely did not want to be the reason one of them light up in a neon red color. The three judges were sitting behind the judging panel. Avi then walked towards the big X in the middle of the stage, trying to pick up her confidence with every step she took. But the least bit of confidence in her was immediately busted when her eyes found Simon's wrinkled fatigued salmon face. 

Damn you, Fish face.

But Cheryl on the other hand gave Avi a kind and reassuring smile, almost as if she was sensing her nerves. "Hello Darling, what's your name" She gracefully smiled. "And where are you from?"

"I-" Aviana tried not to widen her eyes as her own voice loudly echoed in the vacancy. "I'm Aviana and I'm from Hampstead"

"Ohh, Posh" Cheryl gave her a smug look and wiggled her eyebrows in an attempt to make her laugh, which she did not succeed in. Avi stared right ahead with a stoic face, either trying not to scream or cry. "Your accent is beautiful by the way, What descent are you?" Cheryl decided to try a second time.

"I'm of Asian and French descent" This time a small curve appeared on the side of her face and made Cheryl sigh in satisfaction because she wanted nothing more than for contestants to feel comfortable. Avi gave her a small smile as her fingers gripped the hem of her sweater in anticipation. She wanted to get this audition done, that's why she was here in the first place. She was not here to have small talk. Although she had to admit, Cheryl's smile and her delicate voice did make her feel a little more at peace.

"Oh my god, that is amazing" Cheryl gushed while she leaned back in her chair. At least she is trying to make her feel relaxed. "Tell us a little bit more about you Aviana"

"I'm 15, turning 16 in November" She said, feeling much more confident now that Nicole seemed to be nice towards her. Louis and Simon were both leaned back on their judge's chairs, looking at the stage where she stood in a pair of cream high waisted slacks and a red sweater with strawberry printed shoes on her feet. Bexley wasn't lying when she said she looked as if she was 'straight outta strawberry farm'

"Oh" Louis' voice rang in the arena for the first time as he turned to the other two judges. "She's the youngest so far"

"Are you doing your GCSE's this year" Avi was surprised when Simon spoke up in a curt voice, purposefully ignoring Louis' statement. 

She rapidly nodded at Simon's question, afraid of stuttering or making a fool out of herself and let the probabilities of getting a yes from him slide away. "I am" She grimaced, suddenly remembering the load of schoolwork that was waiting for her on the study back at her house.

She really thought this was going to be a singing audition, not a job interview. Yet she still had to be respectful and act nonchalant about it because she knew a nice personality was important in this kind of circumstance. Judges looked for not only talented people but people with nice and considerate character.

"Interesting" Simon let out a heavy breath as he put down the pen he was rolling in his hand. "So what subjects are you expecting to do in your higher education"

She didn't know why Simon was desperate to hear about her academics rather than listen to her singing and get this audition over with. Or maybe he was already uninterested. He might've been giving her a warning of how she might be going to work at a McDonalds rather than make a steady career out of this.

"I'm focusing on Music and Theatre right now" Avi replied anyway, suddenly aware of how preppy she sounded.  "If not, probably psychology" She then quietly laughed as she pictured herself as a therapist, giving away advice to her client when in reality, she's the one who really needs a therapist.

Cheryl leaned forward to wink at her playfully. "I mean, I think Simon could use a therapist to take his head out of the clouds" The audience roared in laughter at Cheryl's remark, presumably finding anything said about Simon funny but Avi's smile dropped as well as her heart.

That was a definite hint. Cheryl stating Avi's going to be a therapist instead of making a career out of music only meant they didn't want her there.

"Cheryl" Simon said in an exasperated tone with a shake of his head. "I'm offended but since we have to move on, what song are you gonna sing today Aviana?" He questioned, picking up his pen again and starting to roll it in his fingers. He seemed to really adore the pen considering he had been rolling it in his fingers for the past sixty? years of his life.

"I'm going to sing an original song I wrote" Avi breathed nervously, suddenly feeling rather below. She knew how uncertain Simon was with original songs and she only expected her work would satisfy him. All her questions about Simon being problematic were answered when his face twisted in what seemed like doubt and unsure. But she kept going on. There was no backing out now. "It's called Brush Fire"

"Interesting" Simon slowly nodded his head before taking a deep breath seemingly to prepare himself for another failure of an original song. "Aviana" He sighed. "You do know that singing an original song is a huge risk?"

She meekly nodded, having nothing else to do after his words. "I do, but I'm ready to take that risk"

She couldn't believe she said that to Simon.

But then again, she practised this line in front of her mirror sixty times just in case she was asked that question. And she was.

"Confident" Cheryl purred into the camera playfully though she looked quite unsure herself. "I love it"

Since Avi was overthinking ways her audition will get messed up again, her hands had started to shake slightly. Not like anyone could see it though they probably knew the girl was nervous off her arse. Her heart squeezed like it was going to drop from the said arse and crawl into a corner to never resemble again. Her head was spinning But she couldn't do anything about this now. Except, face this. There were so many likelihoods her tune would go wrong. Her voice might crack in the middle, maybe she'll run out of air. Or maybe she'll even possibly forget the lyrics to the song she knew by heart. As much as she wanted to continue in the contest, she was scared and nervous about the result. Nevertheless, she couldn't back out now.

She had to be self-sufficient and face this venture.

So she closed her eyes and perceived she was in her grandma's garage surrounded by the dust and empty boxes as she rehearsed alone, or singing to herself in the mirror while she danced around naked. She blocked out every single applaud and cheer coming from the audience. And then, she waited till the familiar fastidious melody of an organ and the synthesizer filled the room. She had recorded the track by herself after a long day in the music room in her school with a little bit of help from her friend. Avi had to say, she loved the tune they made at the end of the day.

The music was taken care of, now it was her time to show her skills.

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https://youtu.be/KyieWa7eoEQ

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"𝑺𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒔𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒆, 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒖𝒔"

...Tammy, the Italian exchange student who became friends with her the moment they sat together in class...

On the stage, Avi quietly let out a breath as she finished the first line without messing it up. The lyrics still imprinted in her mind just like when she scribbled them down in her journal a year ago. Avi was thankful her voice was not hoarse or dry as it was. It was some kind of booster for her, it made her much more certain in what she was doing. And as the music flew out of the speakers, her story began to untwist right in front of her eyes. Page by page, she began to reminisce her story from the beginning.

"𝑾𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒆𝒅"

...Tammy, who became closer to her until they weren't just friends anymore. Tammy, who she snuck away at night to meet...

Her eyes instinctively closed as the lyrics left her mouth in a raspy tone. The audience was immediately in awe of the fifteen-year-old in front of them. They saw the way the judge's lifted their eyebrows as her voice caught the three of them off guard. Cheryl and Louis slowly twisted their waist's to look at each other with fascinated expressions. Simon was still leaning back on the chair, relaxed, but the furrow between her eyebrows visibly deepened. Her eyes once again closed as she started to turn the pages of her story. 

"𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅, 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆"

...Tammy, who stole kisses from her under the moonlight and kept her sane when everything else was falling apart around them...

The hand which were not holding the microphone intuitively moved to flow in harmony to match the melody of the song as she sang. The lyrics to the song were much clear to the audience now. Cheryl's mouth slightly jacked into an honest astonished expression as she took in the dreary lyrics and her melancholy voice to go with it. Louis slightly leant back in his chair to take a quick look at Simon, but the man didn't even budge from his hunched position. Avi quietly breathed out, making sure to put the mic away as she did so. She wiped her hand on her pants, trying to calm her nerves which were bubbling up in her stomach.

"𝑵𝒐𝒘 𝑰'𝒎 𝒔𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒘, 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒊𝒈𝒏𝒐𝒓𝒆, 𝒘𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒔𝒆​​​"

...Tammy, who was scared and only wanted them to be together when the doors were closed behind them...

Knowing she's going to vocalise the chorus next, Avi opened her eyes to take a peek around the venue. And when the audience took note of this, the whole venue suddenly broke into loud cheers, making the girl's face split into a very large grin. Cheryl who was seated sat up in her chair, lifting up her hands to show her support and regard for her song. This gave a sense of confidence to Avi as she now knew Cheryl at least liked the song. She gave the audience yet another large smile. It was the only sort of honest happy expression she had shown since she stepped out of the legs of the stage.

"𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒘𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒂 𝒃𝒓𝒖𝒔𝒉 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒆, 𝒃𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏​​​​​"

...Tammy, who slowly started to keep a distance from her and neglected her when she needed affection...

The shaking of her fingers slowly started to ease down as the words for the chorus effortlessly fell from her mouth and echoed around the venue, catching everyone in a daze. It was almost as she had cast a spell on everyone in the room from the way they silenced to listen to her voice. Her face twisted in agony as her past started to play in front of her eyes. She tried her best to ignore the pain and instead concentrate on her singing. Simon was staring at the girl on the stage with a look that could be only described as highly impressed.

"𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒘𝒆 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒗𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒂 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏?"

...Tammy, who lied about being honest and was caught in the act by her best friend...

Avi's eyes squeezed shut as she relaxed her throat, letting her voice smoothly glide to a higher octave. Cheryl's eyebrows shot up at her high note and she promptly twisted her torso to look at Simon again. But Simon promptly ignored her, his fascinated stare fixed on the girl who was on the stage wearing strawberry sneakers.

"𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈, 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈. 𝑩𝒐𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒂𝒚, 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚"

...Tammy, who physically drained her and took her life and soul away...

Avi was praying inside her head, praying she will not mess up at the last second - the last line of the song. She was rather disappointed when the producer's told her that she will have to cut out the second verse in order to keep her audition within the two-minute time limit. But now she was grateful for the fact that she only had to sing one verse since the nerves were almost eating her wholly.

"𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒊𝒏 𝑳.𝑨.​​​​​"

...Tammy, who crushed her heart and moved to Italy in just two months...

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You guys, I can't believe it, THE FIRST CHAPTER IS OUT! I really hope you guys liked it and the writing style. This chapter was actually 4K words and what do you think? Was it too short? Too long? Please please let me know. I was supposed to update it last night but there was a bloody power cut and my laptop died :( hope I didn't keep anyone waiting for that long :)

And please don't hesitate to give me your feedback on the chapter and where I should improve! Also, I don't know what drug I was high on when I chose her outfit for the audition - I mean, she really does be looking like a huge ass strawberry lol. And up there, Charlotte Lawrence is how I pictured Bexley. Sassy, Fiesty and Hot. But of course, you have the freedom to picture anyone :P

Also, the song Avi is singing is a real song by Gracie Abrams called Brush Fire! Please listen to it while you're reading, it's beautiful!

And now for the questions,

1, Did you like my writing style?

2, Is that outfit alright lmao?

3, Who do you think is Tammy?

4, What are your thoughts on Bexley?

Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please don't forget to show some love!

Stay safe and Wear A Mask!

TPWK ♡

- 𝑬𝒔𝒂