NEA HEINONEN

"And I fell from the pedestal
Right down the rabbit hole
Long story short, it was a bad time
Pushed from the precipice
Climbed right back up the cliff
Long story short, I survived"

        NEA OPENED HER eyes and instantly closed them again, the lights were blinding her at this point. She was about to sit up, when a sharp pain hit her head. She opened her eyes again, surprised; how is her head hurting and not her chest? She was shot there, wasn't she? She gasped as she remembered her death and looked around the strange room that she was placed in. It was a hospital room, that much she could make out as the outlines of the objects sharpened.

   She took a deep breath and realised that she can breathe normally without any pain, which could only mean two things; the morphine that they gave her is working perfectly or she's dead and this is Hell.

   She looked down at her body and gasped in shock. She was tiny like a six or seven year old. "What the fuck?!" She snapped. "How am I a child?! Is this my punishment for all eternity for the crimes I committed?! Seriously, not even a 'Hi, welcome to Hell, you'll be a child for the rest of eternity, hope that works well for you!' or anything?! How unprofessional..."

   "Kaisa? Kaisa, are you awake?" She heard from outside of the room seconds before a middle-aged, brown haired nurse walked through the door and smiled at her. She had chocolate brown eyes that looked at her in a kind and reassuring way. Nea looked around to see if there were any more people there, but to her surprise they were the only ones. 'Who the hell is Kaisa?' She thought to herself as she couldn't help but frown and furrow her eyebrows a bit in confusion.

   "I'm so glad you're up. It's a miracle you're even up! Just wait here for a minute, I'll go and get the doctor for you, okay?" The short nurse asked kindly. "Oh, and I'm Elise but you can call me Ellie, sweetie." Nea couldn't help but crunch her nose in disgust as soon as she heard the nurse's words. 'Ew... I haven't been talked to like that since... Probably never. I hate it. Makes me feel small.' She thought as the nurse walked out, leaving her alone once again.

   But something was different. Nea felt her heartbeat quicken up and her breath getting shorter as if she were about to have a panic attack. She was confused because she honestly didn't think this could even happen to her. She wasn't being tortured, experimented on or put under too much pressure, so why is she feeling like this? She felt defenseless and weak and she hated feeling that way. She felt... afraid, for some reason. She felt the hot tears threatening to spill from her eyes. Was this... separation anxiety?

   The nurse opened the door and walked in with a balding male doctor who smiled at her. If Nea wasnt on the verge of a panic attack, she would've pretended to gag at the sight of the doctor and turn away stubbornly. The doctor looked like a downgraded version of Mr. Clean with the balding hair and the almost disgustingly lifeless eyes. He was also short and even though he was smiling like an old McDonalds clown, Nea couldn't help but feel uncomfortable around him.

   "Hey, Kaisa. I heard you woke up. Do you remember anything?" He asked as he sat down on a wooden chair. Nea felt herself calm down and shook her head. "Well, that's because you hit an area of your head that is responsible for your memories. You have amnesia, sweetie." Nea wanted to throw up from the over the top sweet treatment she was receiving but she had to keep up the act of an innocent, naïve child.

   "What does that mean?" She asked while blinking rapidly and trying her best to look at the doctor with doe eyes.

   "Sweetheart, that means you don't remember anything that happened but you might want to prepare for this one... I have some good and some bad news, which one do you want to hear first?" Nea chose the bad news.

   "Look, I'm sorry to tell you this like this but you were in a car accident and your parents did not make it... I'm so sorry for your loss." Nea had to physically stop herself from laughing hysterically at the way the doctor delivered the news.

   "And the good news?"

   "You can go home tomorrow, some of your living relatives have come here to visit you before and they signed every contract so you'll be living with them." The doctor, Dr. Anderson -as it could be read from his name tag- smiled at her kindly. Nea wanted to pick up the heaviest thing in the room and hit his stupid smile off his face until he becomes unrecognizable but she had to keep her violent thoughts to herself and suck it up for now. No one can know about her.

   So she smiled back at the doctor and thanked him, then watched as him and the nurse left the room and she once again felt her breathing speed up along with her heartbeat. What was going on? This definitely wasnt normal. Why is she feeling like this when shes alone and why is she suddenly fine when people are around her? She hates people and loves being alone! This whole "separation anxiety" didn't make sense to her.

  'This is torture.' She thought as she sunk back into the bed and tried to fall asleep while every ounce in her body was screaming at her that she should be afraid. "Stupid child body" She muttered to herself.

-______-

        Nea, after spending another week at the hospital, learned that two weeks have passed between her death as Nea and waking up as Kaisa. So something must've happened in the span of that time. Was this a dream? She has ruled out that possibility a long time ago. Was she given another chance at living? To be a better person? Probably. But that just leaves two more questions; Who gave her this chance? and Why was it needed for her to steal a young girl's body? 'Actually' She thought, 'No, I have another question... If I'm in Kaisa's body... Then where is the real Kaisa?' She hated that the situation just left her with more questions every time she found some logical answers.

   She was now in a car, going wherever it is that the people who came here to pick her up lived. And the whole ride, she had to listen to them trying to strike a conversation with her. She just stayed quiet and didn't say anything more than necessary for two reasons; one: She didn't want to blow her cover and accidentally say something might strike some suspicions in the people that fully believed she was Kaisa and two: She wasn't in the mood for talking.

   So she looked out the window, completely ignoring the two adults and thought of everything. Her possibilities as a child, how this could've happened, why isn't she dead, how to play her role as a child, etc. She was making up plans and theories in her head, one wilder than the other until she got snapped out of her thoughts by the car stopping in front of a big, beige and beautiful house.

   "We're here, darling!" The woman, whose name Nea has already forgot, smiled at her from the passenger seat and got out of the car.

   'Yep... This is most definitely a torture...' Nea thought to herself as she, too, got out of the car and followed the overly sweet couple inside. They were talking about some suitcases and how they're in the house already but Nea, once again, did not pay attention. She just thought of the many ways to escape until the man spoke up.

   "Oh, and we have an alarm system that turns on automatically at exactly 9pm and turns off at 7am. I hope that won't cause us any trouble. I know you have amnesia, honey but please don't try to forget this little detail as it's very important. Can you do that for me, hun?" A world crashed in Nea as all of her plans and hopes of escaping during the night has been flown out the window. Nevertheless, she nodded. The man smiled at her reaction and clapped his hands together as he looked around.

   'He doesn't even know the difference between amnesia and short-term memory loss... Jesus, what idiots am I surrounded with?' Nea rolled her eyes and instead of trying to get to know her new guardians, she went up to her new room after a short question of asking for directions to it in Finnish.

   As soon as she got up and looked around the big white room with barely any furniture in it except the bed and the small desk placed by the window, she lied down on her bed and took a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for this little "adventure" she'll have to endure due to her new life as a six year-old child named Kaisa.

-_______-

        At exactly 9pm, when she was done with everything for the night, she heard a relatively quiet beep that clearly signaled that the alarms were now turned on. The couple warned her while she was eating her dinner that the alarm goes off at something simple too, such as an open window. Nea thought that that was weirdly obsessive and she suspected that the couple may have some -diagnosed or undiagnosed- OCD.

   "What the fuck is wrong with these people?" She sighed as she rolled over and looked out the window to stare at the full moon with the stars surrounding it, it was a quite bit poetic. "Something's off... I don't know what, but the last time I felt something like this I died." She could feel it. The anxious feeling was bad. And it wasn't the separation anxiety this time. "The alarm system's on... Which could either mean that they have some serious Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or that they aren't planning to let me go. Neither is good but God, I hope it's not the latter..." She let her voice trail off as she thought of the possibility of the couple being her kidnappers. After all, she knew nothing about them and thanks to Kaisa's amnesia, she doesn't remember anything from her life.

   She sighed, frustrated that she got nowhere that day. She turned on the TV to look at the news in hopes of seeing someone searching for her or any clues on who exactly this girl is and these people she is now being forced to live with.

   "It has been exactly three weeks since Nea Heinonen, also known as 'The Gray Spy' was found dead in a local theatre. She was found with a gun near her with her fingerprints on it and a wound, which is suspected to be from the gun she had with her. Local police officers reported and closed the case as suicide."

   "That's right, Elaine. Maybe she had enough of living the way she did and decided to end it all."

   "Or maybe she went crazy due to being under arrest for so long... Maybe she decided she'd do the job hers-" Nea turned the TV off and rolled her eyes in annoyance.

   "That's bullshit! It wasn't even the same gun, he had a completely different one. If you would just look into it you'll know that I didn't commit suicide, why in the world would I do that?! I'm not an idiot! Why is everyone turning a blind eye on my death?! Doesn't it-"

   "Kaisa, honey... Can you please turn down whatever action movie it is that you're watching and go to sleep?" She heard from downstairs. That's when Nea realised that she wasn't exactly quiet so she just shouted a quick "Of course, sorry!" back and sighed as she rubbed the bridge of her nose as she thought of how she needs to be more careful.

   She couldn't sleep that night at all. Too many thoughts, plans and theories were running through her mind for her to focus on sleeping and actually getting some sleep. She rolled on her back and stared at the plain white ceiling as she continued thinking. She didn't know much about reincarnation or how to act like a child convincingly or to act like she had (or in this case has) a relatively good childhood. With no constant arguing, no alcoholic parent or sudden flinching at loud noises or if someone goes too near her. But she knew one thing; if she wanted to play the part of being Kaisa, she actually had to become Kaisa as a tactic... That meant that her old identity would be gone and buried along with her body. That didn't necessarily mean that Nea Heinonen's abilities and maturity would be gone, too.