LONG-ISH CHAPTER!! <33

BUCKY BARNES

"Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?
Did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?
Were you writing a book? Were you a sleeper cell spy?
In fifty years, will all this be declassified?
And you'll confess why you did it"

        THE MISSION WAS supposed to be easy. Only one target, no witnesses, the usual. At least that's what they told him. But they never once mentioned that they would want to drag Kaisa with them.

When Pierce appeared in front of his cell, he knew exactly what was coming. What he didn't expect were the words coming out his mouth the very next minute, "Last time, you failed me, Soldat. That's not like you. So, I have a surprise... We decided to give you another chance. And... You'll be bringing the girl with you. Address her by her new name... Poltergeist."

James froze at the word. Is that why she was here? Why his Kai was being dragged to this jail, this hell on Earth... to be a weapon like him? Of course, he knew she went on missions before but he also knew they were never quite as complex and hard as this one was going to be. And she certainly never went with him. This was new. And as much as it hurt him to admit, James LOATHED changes. And he also feared how she'd take on The Winter Soldier, the brainwashed side of him. And this time, without a glass separating them, that was also preventing him to actually cause her any harm. But now? He wasn't sure. Nothing was holding him back from slapping her or even punching her if she gets on The Winter Soldier's bad side with her possibly childish behaviour. Nothing, except if the sadistic assholes that were doing this to him and his little girl specifically ordered him not to hurt the girl.

He snuck a glance at her discreetly, studying her expression closely, but much to his surprise and confusion, he found nothing. Kaisa's face was completely void of any emotion, her body language giving away absolutely nothing.

James didn't know what to think about this whole situation, but he decided to do the same thing the blonde in the cell next to his was doing and suppress any and all emotions that he felt.

As they took James to "wipe and restart him", he tried to swallow the lump that was forming in his thoat and instead concentrate on playing all the memories he had with Kaisa, desperately trying to engrave her into his mind. He really didn't want to go over forgetting her once again, it was more torturous that anything else they could've ever done to him. He had a weird feeling, a sensation in his chest that he had done this before only for a different person... Almost like deja vu.

-______-

"Let's go over this mission one last time, shall we?" The raspy, almost mocking voice of Alexander Pierce was heard.

The Winter Soldier sat in the back of the plane, his face cold and expressionless and next to him sat a six-year-old looking little girl with almost the same look on her face if it wasn't for a flicker of defiance that sparked behind her cold blue eyes. The Soldier noticed it as soon as his eyes landed on her and if it weren't for the guards pointing their guns at him and restraining him, he would've immediately lunged on the girl, deeming her as a threat.

Now, he was getting slowly used to her company. She was silent, which was unlikely for a child her age, but much appreciated by The Winter Soldier, he really did not have the energy for annoying children at the moment. Plus, he wasn't entirely sure he would've been able to resist strangling her if she spoke all the time.

As Pierce explained the mission once more and reminded The Soldier that the girl was an ally and not an enemy and to call her by her codename, the pilot exclaimed in Russian that they arrived, The Soldier stood up, followed by his small companion and put their parachutes on.

One target.

Not hard for him.

He wasn't sure about the girl, though. Just why on Earth did they decide she needed to accompany him? She looked so out of place with her her big, blue eyes and her small frame. He was sure she would be useless, but the higher-ups insisted on it, so it wasn't his place to argue.

Not like it was ever his place to argue, but at this point he was used to being ordered around and not making his own choices. In a way, it was refreshing, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. At least he didn't have to think about that part. He could focus on the mission now...

It was close to midnight as they landed on a rooftop of an apartment building, he cut off the parachute and instantly got into position, expecting the small girl to do so too. When she didn't, The Winter Soldier looked at her with a hint of annoyance. "Get down," He ordered in a cold tone and the child finally looked at him after what seemed like forever. "What? Can't you understand English? Get. Down! Poltergeist! На землю!" He gestured with his hands for her to lay on her stomach so they could start the mission. He was getting tired of her unsure and hesitant behaviour. Honestly, did Pierce really think that this would be a good idea? This girl clearly had no idea what to do. (To the ground)

The girl just stared back at him like she had seen a ghost.

The Winter Soldier was getting annoyed. He would've just punched her off the rooftop if it wasn't for his handler directly ordering him not to be aggresive towards the little blonde and he was certainly not going against orders.

   The blonde's face fell in the matter of seconds. She looked like she had just learned something as her eyes darted to the dark skinned man in the apartment. Suddenly, her eyes narrowed and her glare gained a new emotion; pure rage. She looked at the man like he had done something unforgivable and horrible.

   The Winter Soldier didn't understand what was going on, but soon the girl laid down on the rooftop and pointed her rifle at the middle aged man and with a newfound compliance and determination and waited.

   The Soldier was caught off guard for a second, surprised at her quick change of mind but quickly regained his composure and went back to concentrating on the reason they were there in the first place. The child was weird, he sort of knew that, but seeing her display such a large amount of emotion and rage was confusing and surprising, to say the least. And even with how furious she seemed, her grip on the rifle was strong and determined. Not a single shake in her hands, not even a flicker of second thoughts behind those blue eyes that didn't look innocent anymore. Instead, they looked like there was a fire of hatred only growing by the second. He had never seen her like this. Not like he had seen her before but still, it didn't seem right that a child her age would be so bloodthirsty and set on killing. She looked way too young to even understand the concept of death let alone cause it.

   A wave of protectiveness washed over him and as soon as he detected a new feeling, he immediately shook his head, trying to drown it out. No. He can't allow himself to feel. He can't allow himself to show ANY weakness or emotion. That wasn't his job. His job was to kill, to make the world a better place. That was what they always told him. He's a weapon. A weapon. Weapons don't feel. They do not want to take the girl next to them away from any way of harm, they do not care what happens to them or anyone else, they do not do ANYTHING else than what they were made to do and they most definitely do NOT feel empathy or regret. That wasn't allowed.

   Not allowed.

   He must focus. This mission can't go wrong, he has to prove himself. He's still useful. He's not broken. He's still the perfect weapon.

   "Begin," They both heard in their earpiece as they both got into position.

   This is it.

   This is his chance to prove himself.

   He nodded to the girl next to him as she, too, positioned her gun on the man, waiting for the perfect moment. The Winter Soldier was about to pull the trigger when he heard another bullet already breaking the window of the apartment and hitting the target with perfect aim and great force.

He looked at the small blonde next to him, surprised and shocked. The little girl didn't even look phased, her face showed no emotion, except for the small glint of rage and pride behind her cold blue eyes. She stood up and looked down at The Soldier, waiting for him to do the same.

The Soldier shook his head, pulling himself out of his shock and stood up after Poltergeist, looking away from her. Something about her glare didn't sit right with him, there was something behind her eyes that made him uncomfortable. He didn't want to think about it, the longer he stared into her eyes or at her, in general, new emotions whirled around him, and he didn't like that. He wasn't supposed to feel anything, he wasn't allowed to. So why? Why does he... care?

No.

No. He can't.

He can't do that. If he has to, then he'll force himself not to care. Even if it breaks his ice cold heart, like a hard punch on a frozen lake. He could feel it. He could feel. And he didn't like it. He knew what would happen if he continued to be useless and feeling, if he continued to care. Why was she making him feel?! This girl is SO infuriating! So annoying and always in the way.

This was supposed to be HIS chance to prove himself, his perfect mission, HIS! Not HERS! Why did she have to go with him? Why couldn't they just shoot her and take her body away? Why couldn't they just take her back where they took her from? Why did she have to ruin everything? He hated her. No, loathed her. Everything about her. Such a show-off, killing the target with a single bullet. So what? He could do that with his eyes closed! The Winter Soldier couldn't wrap his head around what was so special about this girl? Why did they think a random, small child could come with HIM? Him! The most feared assassin, the ghost story... Accompanied with a child. How embarrassing. How pathetic. How... degrading. How could HYDRA even think that this small, tiny creature was on the same level as him??? Or... Maybe they did this as a punishment for not being able to eliminate the man the first time. This is definitely their way of mocking him, how a tiny girl was able to do the job he failed at. He was sure more punishment would wait for him as soon as they arrived back and he dreaded it. This was all HER fault! Why did she have to ruin his plans? Why couldn't she wait for two more seconds, why did SHE have to pull the trigger? So annoying... And to think he even cared for what was about to happen to her or what had already happened... Pathetic.

As they ran, he shot her multiple glares. He was annoyed now as the thoughts of her being such a perfectionist zoomed through his mind.

He would've continued to be frustrated at her if it wasn't for a crash of a window. He stopped on the end of the rooftop, looking back. There was another man, he was blond and looked distressed.

Even as he was angry at the girl, he pushed her behind him, sensing a potential threat. The man threw something at him which he caught with his metal arm with ease and threw it back with all his strength to keep him away from them. Something in him clicked and he felt that semi-familiar wave of protectiveness washing over him again, this time even stronger and he pulled the tiny child's body closer to him. He could feel her trembling slightly and her head turn, presumably to look down at the ground at least 25 feet from them. He turned back for a second and raised an eyebrow. Weak.

As soon as the man stumbled backwards from the force of the throw, The Soldier jumped off, Poltergeist following after him one second later.

-______-

"CATCH ME!!!" Screamed a voice in his ear, but he was still disoriented. He knew it wasn't real. It never was. This was another memory that he couldn't recall. Or at least, never fully. The voices always sounded like they were an old radio playing underwater, the places were changing constantly, always everything changed, the faces were always blurry, not completely clear and there yet. Just like him. Because every time he almost got there, they wiped him again. He really should've gotten used to it at this point. But it still hurt. Oh, how much it hurt...

As they gave the mission report (or, more like he did, since Poltergeist still stayed quiet, despite earning herself a harsh slap from Pierce for her disobedience to his order), they were taken back to their cells. And of course the annoying, show-off was right next to him! Just his luck...

Poltergeist kept quiet which was better than talking all the time, really, that was the only likable trait of hers. Other than that, he still despised her. Now Pierce will probably think he's weak, when in reality it's HER who's weak. She couldn't even handle this mission without trembling in fear. She probably just did it to mess with him. To earn him a punishment. Why couldn't she let him handle it? He was capable of doing it perfectly on his own!

He scoffed out loud to himself and sat down in the corner of his cell, keeping his eyes on Poltergeist. "Weak..." He whispered to himself.

The small blonde child looked up at him with her big, blue eyes that once again looked innocent and pure. It must be a façade. That's the only logical explanation. She shook her head and scooted closer to The Winter Soldier, making him furrow his eyebrows slightly as he glared at her with suspicion now.

"No... Don't say that. You're not weak," Poltergeist said softly, keeping her eyes on him.

The Soldier almost let out a loud laugh at her stupidity and naïveté, "I wasn't talking about myself," He informed her and watched as confusion spread across her face before a hint of realization washed over it and finally, hurt. Wait... Hurt?

"Oh..." She looked down and moved back. She genuinely looked hurt. And The Winter Soldier couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt build in his chest as a cold feeling spread through him that made him feel worse than ever. He hated this. He hated her. Why would he care if he hurt her or not? It's not like she's of any use or importance. He shouldn't care. And yet... The feeling of guilt only grew stronger and stronger.

"You're weird again... I'm sorry." Came from the small form in the cell next to his as he looked at her face and frowned. Why was she apologizing? Shouldn't it be the other way? And why did she sound so... remorseful? And most importantly, what on Earth did she mean by 'weird'? He wasn't weird!

"Don't say that. I'm not weird." He said it directly like that, so she wouldn't know if the sentence of 'don't say that' was meant for the apology or the comment about him being weird.

"Kiitos..." Poltergeist sighed and lied down, staring at the ceiling. "I miss the old Jamsie..." She breathed out, and something cracked in The Soldier. (Thank you)

Jamsie...?

Jamsie...

Jamsie.

Why was that name so familiar to him? He furrowed his eyebrows once more, this time in deep thought. Just where did he hear it before? It sounded like... "What did you just say?" He said, his voice a million times softer and he spoke so fast and quiet like he was afraid that if he spoke any different, he would wake up. Is this another one of his dreams? A memory?

"Nothing," Came the response.

But The Winter Soldier pressed on, wanting to hear it again, wanting to hear it from her again. He can't let this go now! Not when he's so close to knowing something! "Say it again. Say that name again. Please." He begged. He never begged, but now he was practically pleading with the girl to speak that name again. He didn't care if any of the HYDRA guards or even Pierce heard. He just wanted to remember.

"I..." Poltergeist sat up and looked at The Soldier again, "Jamsie."

As soon as The Winter Soldier heard that one simple, six letter word come out of her mouth, he felt it again. He knew he was getting closer to something, a memory of some sort. He certainly won't give up now! "Again," He ordered her.

And she complied, surprising him, "Jamsie."

"Again."

"Jamsie."

And this went on for about two minutes until he asked another question. "Who's that?"

The girl studied his face for a moment, hesitating before talking in a voice that was just the tiniest bit more than a whisper... "You,"

And the final puzzle piece fell into place. Jamsie. Jamsie. Jamsie.

Jamsie.

Jamsie!

JAMSIE!!!

Jamsie was him!

He was Jamsie!

He saw the girl point at something on his chest, along with saying something that he couldn't hear over his loud heartbeat in his ear as he looked down and read the words on his dog tag. Barnes, James Buchanan.

James let out a sigh of relief as he finally got his name. It was there the whole time! How was he so stupid, so blind??

And he was from Brooklyn, too!

He looked up at the blonde child in front of him, her eyes full of uncertainty but also a good amount of unhidden hope. "Jamsie...?" She whispered, still unsure, "Are you... You again?"

And then, it happened. "Kaisa..." James almost sobbed, his legs suddenly feeling very jelly-like and wobbly. His vision was blurry and he didn't even try to blink back his tears. It was Kaisa! HIS Kaisa! His everything... And he was so so so cruel to her. Oh, God, the guilt was back. "Kai..."

Kaisa did something that surprised them both... She cried. James wanted to run over and hug her, telling her how sorry he was for how bad he was treating her and how much he regrets it. But he couldn't.

"Jamsie, you're back!!!" Kaisa seemed ecstatic.

"I'm so sorry, Kai... I was so horrible to you," He sobbed out but the small blonde child just shook her head.

"No... You weren't yourself. I know. I forgive you, Jamsie."

And for a moment, even if Kaisa was lying to make him feel better, he still felt a huge weight being lift off his shoulders. He felt so relieved that he got his Kaisa back. And he realized that even in the face of adversity, there are moments of respite.

_________________

I'M BAAAACK!!! :))))

I'm kinda proud of this chapter, hope y'all like it and yes, I rewrote it! More chapters coming soon, I'm doing better lately! <33 I hope you all have a wonderful life and thank you for the two people reading this. ❤️ I'm so grateful for every view I get, you all have seriously no idea!

If you feel like you loved this chapter as much (or even half as much hehe) as I did, then feel free to press the ⭐️ button, it means so much and gives me A LOT of motivation! <33

I also take criticism well (if it's not outright offensive and degratory) and I'm open for suggestions! 🩵

Rewritten, lengthen: 2024. 07. 28.

Word count: 3440 <33 (one of the longest I've EVER written, also in the span of two days, oopsies)

Ps; When I said "kinda" proud, I meant EXTREMELY! ^~^