••••

VICTORIA STARES IN FRONT OF HER, her hands clasped under her chin as her mind just rattles from the events that had taken place. She still couldn't accept the fact that Jennie was gone. She had known the girl since she was a child, only ten years old. And now because of one boy who seemed to want to take his own pain and suffering out on other people, Jennie was gone. Along with numerous other teenagers who would never get to go back to their families.

"Hey." She suddenly jumps as a hand touches her shoulder. Victoria spins around, only to see it was Buck. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you." Buck apologizes with a small frown and she sighs as she rubs her head.

"Its fine." Victoria responds as she turns back around, leaning against the counter.

"You didn't come to bed last night." Buck points out, resting beside her.

"I just fell asleep on the couch." She admits. Truthfully, she hadn't really slept, she was mainly tossing and turning and she hadn't wanted to wake them up.

"Has she come out of her room yet?" Buck questions, glancing over at Rosie's bedroom.

"I didnt expect her to." Victoria denies. "She barely registered when I asked if she wanted to take a shower." She admits, thinking about the moments after and having to practically scrub the blood off of Rosie herself.

"What are you gonna do with her clothes?" He asks, noticing they were still in a bag by the door.

"Burn them, I don't know." She mutters, covering her face gently. Buck places his hand on her back.

"Let me make you some coffee." Buck suggests, rubbing it slightly before moving toward the coffee maker. "Wheres Eddie and TK?" He asks, noticing how it was quieter than usual.

"Uh, went on a run, i think." Honestly, she wasn't really listening when they had been talking to her.

"You didn't wanna go with them?"

"I don't think either of them trust me right now." She denies before her eyes move over to Buck. "Guessing you don't either." Victoria adds.

"Vic, of course I trust you, baby." Buck says, putting his hands on the counter as he looks at her. "But what were you thinking? You could've been killed." He tells her.

"I was thinking that the police weren't doing shit to rescue my little sister. I was not about to go to my sick mother and tell her that her youngest daughter was murdered by some demented psychopath."

"And you would've let Rosie do that?" Buck asks her, raising an eyebrow.

"I told Athena that I wasnt going to apologize for it." She denies with a sigh and he shakes his head.

"You know, your stubbornness can sometimes be annoying, right?" Buck tells her and she just stares back at him.

"Youre one to talk." Victoria retorts before looking toward the bedroom door. "I'm gonna go talk to her." She admits as she gets up off of her stool.

"Okay." Buck says, watching her walk over before focusing on what he was doing.

She knocks lightly before opening the door slightly. "Hey, Rosie. You awake?" Victoria asks as she notices the girl turned away from her with the covers pulled over her. She closes the door behind her, making her way to the side of the bed so she could see her. "Tk and Eddie are out on a run, did you maybe wanna join them?" Victoria asks, seeing the girl was awake but she was simply staring at the wall. "Could be good to get outside." She adds but again she doesn't get a reply.

Victoria sighs as she places her hand on Rosie's arm, rubbing it lightly. "Are you hungry? I can make you something. Chocolate chip and banana pancakes are still your favourite, right? Although I'd probably get Buck to make them so I don't burn them like usual." She makes a joke, laughing a bit but it fades when there was no reaction.

"Whenever you feel up to talking or even just getting out of bed, I'll be here." Victoria assures her as she runs her hands over the girls back. "I know what it's like to lose a best friend." She adds, not knowing if that helped a bit or if it just made Rosie want to stay silent even more.

But it was true, she knew the pain and grief of losing a best friend. Hell, she knew a lot more pain than that. And she knew it took time to open up, to even talk after something like this happened. Victoria wouldn't push her sister to say anything, not when it was clear she was still processing. But whenever she was ready, she would be here.

She would always be here.

••••

"SHANNON AND I DIDNT KNOW WHAT WE WERE GONNA NAME CHRISTOPHER. THEN WE SAW HIM AND WE KNEW." Eddie tells Chimney who seemed to be stressing over the fact that he and Maddie hadn't picked a baby name yet. The man snaps his fingers before taking out his phone.

"Youre right. We're way ahead of our skis here." Chimney says, typing a message to Maddie. It wasn't even a second before he got a response, just staring at it.

"Uh, I don't think she liked that idea." Buck jokes and Chimney let's his phone drop to his side.

"I think she just called me a psycho." He admits and Buck laughs as he looks at the others.

"You can't force it, Chim. Somethings come naturally, others you just have to wait for." Victoria tells the man, glancing around as she bites the inside of her cheek. "When they told me in the hospital that I was pregnant, before they said that I'd... lost it--" She stops for a moment, taking a breath. "I thought of naming him after my dad. Of course we didn't even know i was pregnant let alone what the gender was." She explains as she looks at the man who listened intently, a bit of sympathy in his eyes.

"But Anthony always thought honoring my dad was a good choice, and if it was a girl we were gonna call her Riley, after his friend who died in combat." She finishes and Chimney nods his head momentarily.

"Well, i don't think either of us want to name her after our fathers but thanks for the input." He says, lightening up the air a bit. "And I personally think you would've made an amazing mom." Chimney tells her, a sincere look on his face and she couldn't help but softly smile at him.

"Thanks, Chimney." She responds and he just squeezes her shoulder before heading toward the stairs. Victoria moves her eyes to Eddie and Buck, neither of them having said anything.
"

Look, I wasnt really thinking when I ran into the school. The only thought running through my mind was... I can't lose anyone else." Victoria says, her voice cracking a bit.

"And I understand that. It was still idiotic. I mean, you're not the terminator." Eddie tells her and Buck hums a bit.

"Shes scary like him." He mutters and Victoria squints her eyes at him causing him to shut up.

"So, I've been thinking about the wedding and I was wondering if maybe we could have it in Chicago." Victoria suggests nervously as she fiddles with her fingers. "I-i know it wouldn't make sense for all our friends here but I was thinking Bobby could pull some strings-- and I know your family is in Texas, Eddie so if you don't think it's fair--"

"I think it's an amazing idea." Eddie responds with a smile, grabbing a hold of her hand. She felt relieved as she nodded her head.

"And um... I was thinking of inviting Anthony's family." She adds. Victoria knew it might be weird, it was her dead fiancé's family and she was inviting them to her wedding.

"They took care of you, Vic. There as much your family as Rosie is. Of course they'd be able to come." Buck immediately agrees. He was just glad she finally opened up to the idea of speaking to them again.

"This isn't happening like next month, is it?" Eddie asks, raising an eyebrow as he was getting a bit suspicious.

"God no. I think id go insane." Victoria scoffs, shaking her head.

"Yeah, wouldn't want bridezilla on our hands." Buck denies and Victoria was seriously about to pick up a halligon and commit murder.

"Seriously, I'm warning you." She tells the man, pointing her finger at him. Buck presses his lips together tightly.

"Hey, guys." Athena says as she walks up to the trio.

"Hey, Athena." Eddie and Buck respond with a smile. Athena only looks toward Victoria, narrowing her eyes a bit.

"Vic."

"Well, isn't it my favourite person in the whole world?"  Victoria says with a smile, clasping her hands together tightly.

"Sucking up now isn't gonna do you any good." She denies and Victoria presses her lips together tightly. "Can we talk?" Athena asks curiously and Victoria was hesitant.

"Gonna scold me again?" She questions, not really wanting the whole station to hear it.

"If you keep mentioning it." Athena warns and Victoria holds up her hands in defense before following her to the locker room. "You know Lucy?" She asks and Victoria nods her head.

"Yeah, we've gotten pretty close since Rosie started hanging with the girls more, why?" Victoria responds.

"Have you spoken to her recently?"

"Uh, maybe a few days ago?" Victoria answers her. "Whats going on? Is she okay?" She asks, concern now in her voice.

"There was an incident at Angela Lopez's wedding, she's an officer at Lucy's station." Athena starts, a small sigh leaving her lips. "Did you ever meet Jackson West?" She questions.

"Yeah, he's tagged along on some of my hangouts with Lucy."

"He was shot in the back after being taken along with Angela." Athena tells her and Victoria couldn't believe it as she stared back at the woman.

"Oh, my god." Victoria gasps as she looks down at the ground.

"Hes dead." Athena confirms and Victoria shakes her head.

"God, Lucy must devastated." Victoria admits. She had no idea any of this was going on. Maybe Lucy didn't want to worry her or maybe it had all just happened so fast.

"I just thought you should know."

"Yeah, thank you." She responds. "I-im gonna go ask Bobby if I can leave early." Victoria says, knowing she needed to be there for Lucy.

"I can give you a ride to the station." Athena tells her and Victoria nods before heading off towards Bobby's office.

••••

KNOCKING ON THE DOORFRAME OF THE LOCKER ROOM, Victoria noticed that Lucy was sat by herself just staring down at her hands. She makes her way inside as Lucy turns her head to see who It was. She seemed slightly surprised but also relieved to see Victoria. "Can i sit?" Victoria asks as she stands beside the bench. Lucy sniffles but nods, her eyebrows furrowing a bit.

"Vic, hi, what are you doing here?" Lucy questions curiously as Victoria sits beside her.

"I heard about what happened." She admits and Lucy stares back at her silently. "I'm so sorry." Victoria tells her and Lucy glances back in front of her.

"It just doesn't feel real." Lucy responds and Victoria brushes her hair out of her face.

"It never does." She denies. "At least he can rest easy now. You guys caught the people who did it, right?"  Victoria asks, having not heard that much from Athena.

"I thought that would at least make me feel a bit better but... I just cant go home without thinking about him." Lucy denies and Victoria understood that feeling entirely.

"I can say things get easier but the truth is, you just get better at masking the pain. Grief never fully goes away."

"I heard about the shooting." Lucy admits as she looks at the woman. "Tamara says that Rosie isn't really answering her or May." She adds and Victoria nods her head.

"Yeah, she's just holed up in her room right now. Which i can't really blame her for doing."

"Why is the world such a cruel place?" Lucy asks, shaking her head and Victoria let's out a sigh.

"I don't know." She admits. "If you need a place to crash, TK is leaving tomorrow and he said he doesn't mind sleeping on the couch if you wanna take the guest room." Victoria suggests but Lucy smiles gently.

"Thanks but Tim's already offered." She answers the woman who nods.

"Okay, well, my place is always open." Victoria assures her, not wanting her to think she wouldn't ever have a place to go.

"Ive never really... lost anyone."

"Its something you can never really be prepared for." Victoria admits as it was almost always sudden. Sometimes you got to say goodbye, or learn of it months prior, but a lot of the time, it was tragic accidents.

"I know i shouldn't be shocked, I mean, our line of work is dangerous i just--" Lucy stops herself, trying to stop her tears. "I cant believe he's gone." She denies, looking down.

"Come here." Victoria wraps her arms around the woman, allowing her to rest against her as she cried softly. She rubs along Lucy's back, wanting to offer what little comfort she could for her.

"Hey, we're headed out-- oh, sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt." Tim stops at the door as he notices the pair. Lucy pulls away, wiping her tears quickly.

"No, its okay." She denies as she sniffles, standing up from the bench, Victoria following her. "Uh, Tim, this is Vic, Rosie's sister." Lucy introduces them and Victoria smiles gently at him.

"Its nice to meet you." Tim says, nodding his head to which she does the same.

"Thank you for coming to check on me." Lucy says as she grabs Victorias hand, squeezing it momentarily.

"Always." Victoria responds with a nod before pulling the girl in for another hug which Lucy graciously accepts. "I'm just a phone call away, okay?" She assures her as they pull apart. Lucy nods as Victoria rubs her arm a bit before making her way out of the room.

As she looks back, she notices Tim had started to comfort her and she couldn't help but smile as she watched the pair for a moment before heading toward the elevator.

••••

THE TEAM BEGIN TO CLEANUP AFTER THE PILE UP. A woman had drunkenly drove down the wrong side of the freeway and had caused a huge car accident. Multiple people were dead, numerous more in the hospital because of one idiotic choice. The only good thing that had come out of the day is that Maddie had gone into labor and Chimney went to meet her at the hospital. Other than that, it was pretty fucked.

"Hows Lucy holding up?" Hen asks curiously as she looks over at Victoria. The woman sighs as she rubs her face a bit.

"As good as she can for someone who's best friend was murdered." Victoria admits. Hen shakes her head as she rests against the firetruck.

"God, why is everything just so fucked up lately?" She asks and Victoria didn't know either.

"She can't even go home without seeing him everywhere."

"Guessing you offered her to stay with us?" Eddie didn't say it with any attitude or anything, he just knew she was that sort of person and was wondering if they were gonna have another guest.

"She has a place she can go." Victoria answers him and he nods his head.

"At least she won't be alone." Buck says and Hen just stares at the cars surrounding them.

"I cant believe all of this was because of one drunk driver." Hen mumbles, shaking her head. Victoria looks down at the ground, closing her eyes briefly.

"Dispatch to 118, come in. This is sue."

"Go for captain nash." Bobby answers with a sigh.

"Captain Nash, we received a call from a driver who says he was in the pileup who claims he's still trapped in his car." Sue tells him and he looks confused as his eyebrows furrowed.

"I believe we already extricated everybody involved. Are you sure they were in this crash?"

"The line went dead before we could get too many details. We'll try to reconnect with him now."

"Bobby, the call came from an Albert han, isn't that Chimneys brother?" May asks curiously and they all stop what they were doing, looking at each other in shock.

"Are you sure, I thought that call was dropped?" Bobby asks her.

"I called the number back and it gave me his voicemail."

"Uh, what did the message say?" Buck questions through the radio.

"He said his name and to not leave a message because um.." She starts, trailing off as she couldn't remember the end of it.

"Cause that's what texts are for." Buck finishes, feeling his heart drop. Victoria shakes her head as she couldn't believe this was happening.

"Yeah."

"All right, let's go! Every vehicle!" Bobby demands, pointing down the street.

"Albert!" They all shout as they rush down the line of cars. But they had checked every single one, there was no sign of anyone. Could they have missed him so easily?

"God, could this week get any worse?" Victoria mutters to herself as she felt like the universe was seriously testing them right now.

"Albert!" They continue to call before they all head towards each other again.

"Cap, we've been up and down this road twice, he's not here!" Buck denies, becoming very frustrated as he felt overwhelmed knowing Albert was somewhere out here probably bleeding out.

"Dispatch, this is captain nash. That very first 911 caller who reported seeing the vehicle. Which exit were they calling from?" Bobby asks into the radio, a deadly silence echoing afterwards.

"Its says exit 43, exit ramp." May tells them and they all look toward the sign.

"He wasn't in the pileup." Buck denies, seeing how they weren't even near the exit Albert had been at.

"He was in front of it." Bobby says, looking toward the group. "everybody on me, come on! Were on the move!" He tells them, all of them rushing toward the truck and getting inside. The sirens loud as they raced down the street.

"Hes alive, he has to be." Victoria says as she looks at them and Buck shakes his head.

"He better be because I really don't wanna tell Chimney that his brothers dead on the same day his daughter was born." Buck admits, his eyes on his hands. Eddie sighs as he reaches over, gripping his hand tightly.

"This is it, stop here." Bobby tells the driver and they all jump out, looking around for any sign of the man.

"Albert!" Buck shouts before noticing something on the ground. "Hey, tire tracks eight here!" He tells them, rushing over to the edge and seeing a car upside down at the bottom of the hill.

They all run down, hoping to find Albert alive but it had been a while since his call. "I see him!" Hen calls out as she bent beside the car. "Looks like he's lost a lot of blood, his pulse is racing." He tells them and Buck and Eddie get situated to try and extract him from the car.

Victoria watches as they were able to pull him out, the man seemingly unconscious as he was covered in blood. "Stay with us Albert." Eddie says as they get him onto the stretcher. Victoria and Hen immediately move it toward the ambulance.

"We'll meet you guys at the hospital." Bobby tells them as they get into the back, the doors closing and the ambulance making a move down the road.

"BP'S 60/30. He's hypotensive with tachycardia." Victoria reads his vitals, shaking her head.

"He must be bleeding internally. Were probably looking at a ruptured spleen. He's hemorrhaging right now inside." Hen tells her and Victoria knew that wasn't a good sign.

"I'll alert the hospital to have massive transfusion standing by." She responds, turning to grab the radio when suddenly the monitor flatlines causing them to both look at it. "Hes coding." Victoria states, moving back over quickly.

"Okay, starting compressions. Push epinephrine." Hen demands as she starts to do cpr on Albert. "Come on. Albert. Don't do this." She mumbles as she stares down at the man. Victoria pushes the drug, praying to herself as her eyes stare at the monitor. "Come on, you have a niece to meet." Hen was crying, she couldn't help herself. They couldn't go through this again.

"Albert, don't do this." Victoria pleads as she had her hands on the man's shoulders, never once taking her eyes off the flatline.

"Come on, come on." Hen mutters to herself as the tears flow down her cheeks. It was another moment before the monitor beeps and the line jumps. Victoria moves her fingers to his neck, becoming all too silent.

"I-i have a pulse." She admits, her breath coming out shaky as she looks over at Hen. The woman closes her eyes briefly, feeling grateful that they were able to get him back. God knows they don't need to lose anybody else.

••••

AS VICTORIA SITS ON THE COUCH, her legs twisted with Buck's as she rests against his chest, she looks over at Eddie and TK who were walking over to them with the popcorn and drinks in their hands. "I swear the universe has it out for all of us." Buck mumbles as he had his chin resting on top of her head, taking the beer from Eddie who had held it out toward him.

"And I thought i had bad luck. A shooter, a cartel and a car accident all in one week? That's rough." TK admits as he shakes his head.

"Well, I'm just glad Albert's gonna be okay." Victoria says with a sigh. She was scared there for a minute but they were luckily able to get him back and the doctors said he should make a full recovery.

"How are Maddie and the baby?" Eddie questions as he looked over at Buck.

"Theyre doing great. Maddie gave birth to healthy baby girl." Buck says with a smile on his face.

"Did they figure out what they're gonna name her?" Victoria asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh, Maddie did." Buck admits and they all stare at him expectantly. "Jee-hyun. After chimneys mom." He tells them and Victoria smiles gently as she thinks about it.

"Thats a pretty name."

"I'm sorry that we never got to train." TK apologizes as he looks over at Victoria. She shakes her head as she looks down at her hands.

"Maybe you guys are right. I should just push it." Victoria agrees, not seeing what the point was now.

"After you berated me to let you take the exam?" Eddie asks with a scoff before shaking his head. "No way, you are taking the test and you are gonna pass because we need a win." He tells her and she wanted to feel the positivity but it was just hard to right now.

"I don't even know if I'm ready." Victoria denies and TK just sits down on the table in front of her.

"You dont have to know, Vic. You'll get there and it'll be like riding a bike. You're gonna crush it." TK assures her and she smiles gently, looking back at the man.

"Mhm." She hums, fiddling with her fingers. "You have to promise me one thing." Victoria admits and TK let's out a dramatic sigh.

"Yes, I'll be your man of honour." He responds and she snorts, raising an eyebrow.

"Thinking very highly of yourself there." Victoria tells him. "Dont give up on Carlos. You should talk to him when you go back." She says a bit more seriously, knowing they were made for each other.

"I don't know, i think I already screwed it up." TK admits with a sigh as he rubs his face. Carlos wasn't responding to his texts now and TK didn't blame him.

"Well, Carlos hasn't blocked me yet so I think youre in the clear." Victoria teases as she tilts her head making TK roll his eyes a bit.

"Oh, please. He'd probably block you on my phone and steal you for himself."

"What can I say? Everyone loves me." Victoria states with a shrug. Eddie and Buck both just give her a look to which she just blows a kiss toward them.

"Now who's thinking highly of themselves?" TK snorts and she glares toward him before he lets out a sigh. "Fine, I'll talk to him." He mutters, crossing his arms against his chest. "And I'll act shocked when you ask me." He adds and Victoria shakes her head.

"Maybe I'll ask Gabby." Victoria suggests and Tk narrows his gaze.

"Over my dead body." He responds and she laughs, getting up from the couch. Buck rubs her hand before it drops by her side.

She heads toward Rosie's room, having not really heard much movement from within. She knocks gently before opening the door and seeing Rosie just sitting against her pillows, staring at something in her hand. "Hey." Victoria says, closing the door behind her and walking over to the bed. "Youre sat up, thats a good sign." She adds, staring at the girl.

Victoria sits on the edge, peering toward Rosie's hand and seeing she was holding a picture of her and Jennie. "Oh, honey." She says softly, seeing the tears in her eyes as she held the picture tightly. "I know it hurts right now but it'll lessen over time." Victoria states, a frown on her face.

"I never even got to tell her I loved her." Rosie's voice was broken and it made Victoria's own heart drop in her chest. To hear such pain coming from her baby sister, she never wanted her to ever have to go through something like this.

"She knew." Victoria assures her, trying to put on a smile but it was hard. "I believe that." She adds. Jennie was pretty good at knowing things before they were told to her. She practically knew everything Rosie was going to do before she knew herself.

"I didnt really understand why you ran from Chicago after Anthony died." Rosie admits as she sniffles, the tear running down her cheek. "B-but i guess I get it now because everytime I look anywhere, I see her. Even when I close my eyes." She tells Victoria who tilts her head.

"You had been best friends for seven years, it will take time. And if I'm being honest, you never really stop seeing them."  Victoria denies. She wanted to just lie and say it gets better, that they will go away and you won't have to remember them. But truthfully, she still saw them. Her dad, Anthony, Andy, Shay-- they were still everywhere she looked. She had just gotten used to the things that reminded her of them.

"I just don't wanna feel like this."

"I know." Victoria admits as she wraps her arms around her sister. Rosie holds onto her tightly, crying in her arms. "I really wish there was something I could say, something I could do to take your pain away. If I could take it myself, I would." She admits, wishing there was a way for that. "And I know you may feel like life is at a standstill, like there's nothing to live for anymore, the universe took your will away... and maybe that is true." Victoria starts, biting the inside of her cheek.

"I mean, like you said, I ran." Victoria says with a sigh, looking down at her hands. "That was my way of dealing with my loss. Keeping people at a distance, never allowing my heart to open... using alternate methods to keep myself from remembering--" She stops herself for a moment, closing her eyes. "--I did those things because for just a short while, it would make me forget they were gone." She tells her sister, looking back at her. Rosie was just listening as her eyes drifted to the covers.

"But in the long term, all it did was delay the inevitable. All it did was delay me coming to terms with what happened, from healing and from finding happiness again." Victoria admits. Although it wasn't the same for everyone, it was like this for her. And in the end, she just ended up suffering more than she should've. "I'm not saying you have to do it right now, i mean it's only been a few days. But, I know that keeping everything to yourself, not letting yourself actually grief, itll just hurt you more in the future." She explains, never wanting to push the girl.

Victoria let's out a sigh as she rests her hand on Rosie's knee. "Buck is making dinner if you feel up to coming out and eating." She states, again, not about to force her to face other people quite yet. Although she needed to put some food in her stomach eventually. "If not, at least try to get some rest, okay?" Victoria suggests, rubbing her knee a bit before getting up from the bed.

She sniffles, brushing away her hair as she turns to head toward the door. That was until Rosie's voice sounded out.

"Thanks mom."

Victoria froze in her step, her head twisting back to look at her sister who had laid back down in her bed, pulling the covers over her. She stares at her momentarily, not knowing whether it was an intentional thing or something that had just happened suddenly.

Either way, a ghost of a smile forms on her lips as her eyes drop to the ground before she makes her way out of the room.

••••

Authors note; thank you so much for your patience! Every day people are discovering this book and it makes me so happy to see you're enjoying it.

Thank you for 460k! That's insane to think about.