••••

BUCK WAS GENTLY RESTING AGAINST VICTORIA. Still in the same spot with his head against her shoulder, his hand resting on top of hers. Victoria was running her other hand down his arm softly, their breathing all that was heard in the room. Buck could also feel Eddie behind him but it was more in presence than anything. Eddie was simply sat in the chair beside them, not disturbing the silence that had bestowed between them.

"I really am sorry, Buck." She broke the silence as she moved a bit away from the man so she could look at him. "I didn't mean to ever make you feel pain, especially that much." Victoria admits as she sniffles, biting her tongue a bit. "I was hurting and I didn't even stop to think about how much it would've affected you." She hated knowing she caused him pain and she would spend forever trying to make it up to him.

Buck looks at her, his eyes showing a bit of sadness. "Just don't leave me again." He pleads, not knowing if he could handle it again. Mainly because it may be for a reason that couldn't be explained or because she truly didn't love him anymore.

"Never." She denies as she shakes her head. Buck strokes her cheek, pressing their foreheads together. He moves his head to the side a bit, connecting their lips in a soft kiss. Victoria instantly kissed him back, haven missed his touch and the warmth that filled her.

When they pull away, Buck was smiling gently at her. "How are you feeling?" Eddie asks her as Buck sits up on the bed so he wasn't on her anymore. He was worried that he was hurting her and she just wasn't saying anything.

"You want the truthful answer?" She asks with a small sigh, raising an eyebrow. Both of them were silent, knowing she must be in quite a lot of pain without any medication. "But it's just burns, right? They'll heal, I'll be given the all clear and I'll be back to work as soon as I can be." Victoria says, just holding onto that as a way to push through the pain.

It was dead silent in the room. Buck tensed beneath her touch as he slowly looked toward Eddie. "Vic, did the doctor talk to you?" Eddie asks gently, wondering what the doctor had actually told her because it didn't seem he mentioned anything about the work situation.

"Yeah, about my injuries but I was still a little groggy." She admits as she shrugs her shoulders. Victoria noticed the distant saddened expressions that had formed on their faces. "Why are you guys looking at me like that?" Victoria asks, her voice wary.

"Vic, when the doctor was explaining your condition... he mentioned that he wasnt sure if he'd be okay to clear you." Buck explains to her, trying to put it in a way that wasn't blunt or sudden.

"Well, obviously he won't be right now. In a few weeks I'm sure it'll be fine." Victoria says with a small laugh. How would the doctor clear her right now? That made no sense.

"No, he's um..." Eddie trails off, glancing toward Buck as they shared a look with each other. "He's not sure if he can clear you at all." He admits and Victoria felt the whole world stop for a moment. Her skin ran cold as she just stared back at him.

"Is this a joke? Cause it's not funny." Victoria states, her voice hostile and Buck gives her a gentle gaze as he tilts his head.

"It's not a joke, baby." He denies, shaking his head. Victoria clenches her jaw as she didn't get why the doctor was saying this right now when she had only just started recovering.

"I-im fine. I can move just fine, the burns on my chest-"

"Aren't his concern." Buck tells her and she just furrows her eyebrows. "It's your heart." He states. Victoria only looked even more confused.

"My heart is fine." She retorts. Victoria didn't get how her heart was holding her back. Yes, she coded but a lot of people code and go back to work just fine.

"I know it's a lot to digest right now, If you need to be alone, we can leave." Eddie suggests, not trying to overstimulate her right now, especially since it could spur some unwanted activity in her heart.

"I got electrocuted. Buck you were crushed by a ladder truck and you came back." She points out, not meaning to bring up past trauma but it showed that this could potentially be just like that. "So, why are we saying that I'm not coming back?" Victoria asks them with a small scoff.

"It's not necessarily a permanent thing. The doctor just doesn't know right now." Eddie tells her. They definitely didn't want to believe it either, but it was a possibility they had to consider.

"Baby, we will be here with you every step of the way." Buck assures her, grabbing her hand but she pulls it away.

"Do you ever feel like the universe is mocking you? Because God, this is just--" She covers her face with her hands as she stops herself mid sentence. Victoria shakes her head as she sniffles, trying to stop the tears from falling. "You know what, yeah, I need you to leave." She tells them, looking toward the two men. Both of them hesitate, seeing her in a vulnerable state.

"Please, just leave me alone." She pleads, her voice cracking. Buck was more reluctant than Eddie was but in the end, both of them exited the room to give her some privacy.

Victoria didn't know what to do. Firefighting was her life and now she was being told that she may never be able to do it again. Being on that ladder may have been the worst thing to ever happen to her. Because now she didn't just lose the people she loved in her life,

She lost the one thing that she truly lived for.

••••

KNOCKING ON THE DOOR, Rosie leans against the doorway as she waves slightly toward her sister. "Hey." She says, gaining the womans attention. Victoria slightly smiles back, although she was still reeling from what Buck and Eddie had told her. Rosie was standing in front of her with a brown bag in her hand.

"Hey." Victoria responds as she sits up a bit. Rosie walks over, standing next to the bed before placing the bag down on the table.

"I brought your favourite. Figured you wouldn't want to eat hospital food." Rosie admits and Victoria felt glad to have her sister in her life.

"Thanks."

"Buck wanted to come back in but he wasn't sure if you wanted him to or not." Rosie tells her as she sits at the edge of the bed. Victoria sighs as she glances away. "Is it such a bad thing?" She asks curiously, furrowing her eyebrows. "Not being a firefighter?" Rosie elaborates.

"Rosie, it's what I was made to do." Victoria tells her. To anyone else it was just a job but to her, it was her life.

"You can do tons of stuff, like be a paramedic." Rosie tells her but Victoria didn't seem to like the idea.

"It's not the same."

"You're still saving lives." Rosie points out and Victoria just lets out a small sigh as Rosie bites her bottom lip. "I was so scared, Vic." Her voice trembles a bit. "I thought I was really going to lose you this time." She had honestly thought that Victoria was dead when Hen had picked her up.

"I'm still right here." Victoria states, placing her hands on rosies cheeks. "I'm right here, sweetheart." She assures her, wiping away the tear that fell.

"But you want to go back." Rosie responds. "Despite everything the doctor is saying, you want to continue and possibly get hurt again." She points out and Victoria furrows her eyebrows.

"That's the risk of the job." She admits. Someone had to do this job and with it came risks, but that was the cost of rescuing other lives.

"Maybe this was the universe telling you that you need to stop." Rosie suggests and Victoria goes to say something but her sister cuts her off. "Look, I lost Anthony too." She says firmly which caught Victoria a bit off guard. "I mightve been young but I still remember him. He was family. Then you took me away from Chicago, 51. Dad's gone, Mom is..." She trails off for a moment, taking a deep breath. "It's just you and me." She states, staring at her sister. "A-and I really don't want to lose you too, Vic." She denies with a shake of her head.

"You're not gonna lose me." Victoria assures her as she squeezes her hands.

"It's the risk of the job, right?" Rosie responds and this makes Victoria go silent. "Please, for me, can you just consider another path? The doctor might never even clear you to work. And I'm sorry if that's harsh but it's true." She explains to the woman who's head drops slightly.

"I know." Victoria says. She knew there was a very real possibility that the doctor never cleared her, she just wasnt able to fully let that into her brain just yet."I guess I'm not ready to accept that." She denies and Rosie frowns as she places her hand on her sister's arm.

"I'm really sorry this happened to you and I know how much you love firefighting." Rosie admits. It was something Victoria felt like she was called to do. "But maybe it's time to move on." She suggests. There were other things she could do around the firehouse other than fight the actual fires.

Victoria saw the tears leaving her sisters eyes. "Come here." Victoria says as she pulls her sister tightly against her, not caring about her burns in that moment. She didn't even think about how her sister must've been feeling. Rosie almost lost her numerous times after losing others as well.

Maybe she was right. Maybe it was time to move on and find something else that gives her purpose. Even if it's not firefighting.

••••

VICTORIA OPENS HER EYES, having been asleep for the past few hours. That's all she could really do in the hospital and the doctor said she wouldn't be out for at least a few weeks. She knew she was gonna go crazy, especially since she had no job to look forward to whenever she did get better. She glances around the room, adjusting to the light before seeing a woman sitting beside her.

"Gabby?" She recognized quickly once she got her vision back. The woman smiles back at her, moving closer to her

"Hey, you're okay." Gabby says, brushing Victoria's hair out of her face. Victoria winces as she sits up a bit.

"Relatively. What are you doing here?" Victoria asks and Gabby sighs a bit.

"Buck called me." She admits. It had been one of the first things he did. "God, when I heard what happened, I got the first flight out." Gabby tells her as Victoria fiddles with the sheets.

"You didn't have to."

"Of course I did." Gabby would always put victoria over everything else. "Matt and the others wanted to come too but we couldn't all take last minute trips to Los Angeles." She says with a gentle smile. Gabby saw Victorias gaze on the door and it didnt take long for her to figure out who Victoria was looking for. "I've left messages." She adds and Victoria looks toward her. "He hasn't returned them yet." Gabby denied sadly.

"Isn't he at work?" Victoria asks her, furrowing her eyebrows.

"He uh, took a leave last week. Hasn't contacted anyone since." Gabby tells her and Victoria frowns. "I don't know what happened between you two, or if it even had anything to do with you, but I'm really worried about him." She admits and Victoria drops her gaze for a moment.

"Yeah, so am I." Victoria mumbles with a sigh.

"I'm worried about you too." Gabby says after a moment. Victoria knew she would bring this up, it was kind of hard not to when she was confined to a hospital bed. "You were in Chicago, vic. Why?" She didn't want to push. If victoria truly didn't want to say, Gabby wouldn't make her. But she was just really concerned for her.

"My life kind of flipped upside down." Victoria admits, tilting her head back. "My mom's getting worse." She says, just one of the many things that have happened in the past few months.

"Is it her memory?" Gabby asks, already knowing of the issues that came with the womans schizophrenia.

"She didn't even... she didn't know Anthony was dead."

"Oh, vic." Gabby grabs her hand, giving it a comforting squeeze but it most likely didn't help.

"And I've been struggling so much with Shays death that I turned to... I turned to pills and I practically self destructed my whole life." Victoria admits, sniffling a bit. Gabby frowns as she had no idea about any of this. "That's why I was in Chicago." She states. The only reason she didn't visit is because she didn't want to disappoint them and she felt like she had.

"Does Kelly have anything to do with this?" Gabby asks hesitantly,  wondering if there was a connection. Victoria closes her eyes, rubbing away her tears.

"We kissed." She tells the woman who looked slightly surprised but didnt say anything. "For a split second and i-i don't know if he thinks I hate him or if it was his fault or-- I haven't talked to him since, Gabby and I'm scared." Victoria states. He hadnt called since she got back and he wasnt answering her texts.

"I'm sure he's just decompressing somewhere." Gabby suggests. At least that's what she prayed was happening and it wasn't something worse.

"Hopefully."

"Maybe if you call him, he'll answer." Gabby states although Victoria wasn't all too sure. "I'll give you some space."She says as she squeezes Victoria's shoulder before making her way out of the room.

Victoria looks down at her phone, just staring at it as she hesitates. Taking a deep breath, she picks it up, scrolling until she got to Kelly's number. Her finger hovers over the call button. Maybe he didn't want to talk to her. Maybe he felt like their friendship was done. But that wasn't how she felt. Pressing the call button, bringing the phone to her ear, it didn't surprise her when the call went to voicemail.

"Hey, Kelly. It's Vic."  She starts as she bites her tongue. Victoria truly didnt even know what to say right now. "I know it's been a while and you probably have no idea why I'm calling you now as opposed to four months ago. A lot of shit has happened and I just wanted you to know that I don't blame any of it on you. Okay?" She just didnt want that to be the reason he went MIA. Victoria hated just thinking she was why he wasnt himself.

"Kelly, what happened between us was an accident and we both know that. It had nothing to do with what happened afterwards, with what happened with Buck, that was all me." Victoria explains to him. She was sure he wouldn't even hear this but if he did, she needed him to know. "I'm sorry if I made you feel like you had no one or you had to run away. I'm worried about you, Kelly. We all are. Please go home, or even come here. I-im in the hospital right now but all you need to know is I'm okay." She didn't need to worry him anymore.

"You're my best friend, Kelly. I love you." Victoria admits. It was always him. Him, Gabby and Shay were her best friends and since she lost Shay, she couldnt lose either of them. A sigh leaves her lips as she just rests her head back against her pillow. "I'll see you." She says before hanging up and letting the phone hit the bed.

••••

BOBBY WAS STOOD NEXT TO VICTORIA'S BED, simply running his fingers through her hair. He still couldn't believe she was still here. But even though she was, he still felt like this was his fault. He should've seen the power lines snapping, he should've pulled her back. Maybe then she wouldn't be searching for another career. He notices her wince making him become concerned.

"Is it hurting?" He asks her curiously. Victoria moved her eyes to his and she just shakes her head a bit.

"Just the new dressing." Victoria didn't need them to take pity on her for being in pain.

"Taking medication for your burns, no one would judge you for that." Bobby denies. But he knew she wouldn't want to. It was hard for someone who's been in recovery for years let alone a few months.

"It's all so new, Bobby." She responds, her voice a little raspy.  "I want to do this, for myself." Victoria admits and Bobby sighs as his hand drops to her shoulder.

"Okay." She could see something was wrong. Bobby had seemed a bit distant since he came in, even more than before. It made her curious as she stared at the man.

"Is everything okay?" Victoria asks him. Bobby doesn't meet her eyes, just turning away as he nods his head.

"Yeah, yeah. Nothing you need to worry about." Bobby denies but Victoria knew he was keeping something from her.

"Bobby, what happened?"

"Vic, I really think you--"

"Tell me." Her voice was harsh, not needing to be kept in the dark about anything. Bobby closes his eyes momentarily.

"Athena was attacked." Bobby tells her and Victoria could only stare back at him in shock. "She was searching for a suspect and he got the upper hand." He admits.

"Oh, my god. Is she okay?" Victoria asks, frowning as she sits up a bit.

"She's gonna be fine. She's a little banged up but she got the monster and that's enough." He explains but that didn't seem to be enough for Victoria.

"Can I see her? Is she here?" Victoria asks, pushing her covers away and trying to get up but Bobby quickly stops her.

"You should rest." Bobby states but Victoria just gives him a stern look.

"Then get me a wheelchair and I'll sit." Victoria states. Bobby stares at her momentarily. He glances around, as if waiting for a doctor to come in.

"I really don't think it's a good idea. I'll send her your love." He tells her, not needing her to injure herself even more. Victoria only scoffs as she crossed her arms against her chest.

"Bobby." She says, not really going to take no for an answer. Bobby seemed to contemplate it until ultimately sighing.

"If Buck asks, I'm not the one who did this." Bobby says as he grabs the wheelchair from the corner before beginning to help her.

"Mhm." She hums as she winces, getting into the wheelchair. Bobby sighs as he brings her out of the room. He knew he was in deep shit if they got caught, even if Buck was much younger than him.

As they get into the hospital room, Victoria could see a very beat up Athena laying on the bed. Her heart almost stopped at the sight. "Thena." She says gently. Athena turns her head, confused to hear the voice.

"Vic, what on earth are you doing out of bed?" Athena asks before her eyes move to her husband. "Bobby, you should know better." She scolds, glaring slightly.

"I would've come no matter what." Victoria admits, it didn't matter if Bobby helped her or not.

"She would've wrestled me through the door." Bobby points out and Athena sighs but doesn't say anything.

"I just needed to see that you were okay for myself." Victoria tells her, her eyes running over the womans appearance. "Although seeing you right now, yikes." She teases and Athena laughs as she raises an eyebrow.

"You don't exactly look like a picnic yourself, doll." Athena responds and Victoria smiles.

"We're both messed up in our own ways."

"Well, only one of us has to be in prom photos." Athena points out and Victoria raises her eyebrows.

"Right, that's today." It had been such a hectic few weeks that she forgot it was the end of the school year. "God, I am not prepared for next year. Rosie's already looking for dresses." Victoria admits with a groan and Athena laughs a bit.

"I'll pray for you." Athena tells her. Victoria smiles gently, moving her hand to hers.

"I'm really glad you're okay, Athena." She admits. She didn't know what she would do if something happened to Athena.

"We're both okay." Athena responds as she squeezes her hand. "You won't be if you don't get miss electric back to her bed." She warns Bobby with a stern look. Victoria shakes her head a but.

"Nice nickname." She responds and Athena only laughs.

"It suits you."

••••

AS EDDIE WALKS INTO VICTORIA'S ROOM, he notices that she was alone just staring up at the roof. They hadnt really talked since she asked them to leave. He wanted to give her space to process what had happened but he also knew that she may need people around her. It was a delicate balance. "Where's Buck?" Eddie asks curiously, glancing around. Victoria just lets out a soft sigh.

"He went to get some coffee." Victoria answers as she slightly sits up. Eddie walks over to bed.

"Mind if I sit?" He asks, gesturing to the chair and she just shrugs. "What's going through your head?" Victoria glances at the man. She just runs a hand over her face.

"Are you guys happy?" She asks him which caught him a bit off guard. "Like, you're happy together?" Victoria elaborates.

"I mean, it's all still relatively new and I can't speak for Buck but... yeah. Yeah, I'm happy." Eddie admits. He hadnt felt this happy in a while like he was with buck. He didnt know if that was the answer she wanted though. "He loves you, Vic. You know that." He assures her.

"He shouldn't." Victoria denies and Eddie drops his eyes momentarily. "I hurt him, Eddie. I don't deserve to be taken back without even a second thought." She admits. It seemed Buck heard her situation and just decided to forgive her. It felt like pity to her.

"Trust me, it's not a second thought." Eddie denies. If anything it's all bucks been thinking about. And he truly didn't make this decision lightly.

"Maybe not to him." Victoria says. "But I know what I did, I know how I made him feel and I know that I left him. Even after everything, I still left." She points out.

"Because you had to." Eddie says but Victoria just looks away from him. "What, are you comparing yourself to Abby?" He asks her, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Abby, his parents... I don't know."

"You are not Abby." Eddie denies. He never knew the woman but from what hes heard, Victoria was nothing like her. "She left to 'find herself' or whatever bullshit and didn't even bother to call Buck when she was there. She most likely didn't even think about him once." He explains to Victoria who doesn't seem to think the same thing. "I bet you did though, right?" He asks softly, his gaze gentle as he held her hand.

"You left, yes. But what would've been the alternative? You left because you knew you needed space to heal. You didn't want to take Buck down with you which makes sense." Eddie did understand why she left, Buck did as well. Sure, it wasnt in the best of ways and caused a lot of pain but the alternative wouldve been a funeral. "Yes, it was a shitty way of leaving but it wasn't for any malice reason. Because you are still in love with him, you thought about him constantly and you are always beating yourself up over what you did." Eddie points out. If she was just simply acting like she didn't do anything then yeah, he would have a problem with that. But she understood where she went wrong and where she hurt Buck.

"That's not someone who deserves to be tossed away." Eddie denies. He knew she thought she didn't deserve to be loved but that would just make them so her even more that she was.

"You and Buck are happy." Victoria points out. She didn't want to ruin that especially because she knew that they were just starting to get to really know each other in a deeper sense.

"We can be happy with you." He suggests which only makes Victoria confused. Eddie sighs as he leans back a bit. "Buck made a little proposition." Eddie tells her and Victoria was intrigued.

"Did he?"

"That you, me and him... we have a sort of... intertwined relationship." Eddie didn't really know how to describe if he was being honest. He had never done anything like this before.

"And what did you say to that?" Victoria didn't know what to think. She hadnt ever thought of something like that. Yes, she found Eddie very attractive but being with two people hadn't crossed her mind.

"I said, that I've always liked you." Eddie tells her which surprised her a bit. She thought it was only physical attraction between then. "And the only reason I didn't pursue it is because I knew he liked you as well." He wasn't going to make a move on Victoria when Buck was clearly pining for her.

"So, we'd be a couple. All three of us?" Victoria was wary as she said it. Mainly because she wasn't one hundred percent sure she wasn't dreaming.

"Exactly. If that's something you'd be interested in."

"I just don't know if I'm worth that." Victoria admits. Buck showed her too much love as it was and now here Eddie was saying he was ready to do the exact same thing. "Two people loving me? What did I do to deserve that?" She asks him, fiddling with her fingers as she just stares down at her hands.

"Maybe nothing." Eddie states with a small shrug. Her eyebrows furrow as she glances toward the man. "Maybe the universe has finally realized how much you've gone through and decided to cut you a break." He suggests. Not everything was as black and white as she tried to make it out to seem. Yes, they went through hell and yes, maybe she doesn't believe she deserves Bucks love or his own, but it wouldn't be so bad as to just try.

"Right." Victoria responds as she nods her head slowly. "You'll get electrocuted and lose your dream job but you'll gain two muscular, handsome men?" She says, narrowing her gaze a bit and Eddie rolls his eyes playfully as he shakes his head.

"Exactly." Eddie responds although he knew how upset she still was about her job. "Would you consider it?" He asks hesitantly. He didn't know if this was even the right time to be bringing it up. But he knew Buck would skate around the topic forever.

"Would you?"

"I wouldn't be bringing it up if I hadn't." Eddie admits, his eyes meeting hers. "Besides, I think we'd look really good together." He says, a hint if a smirk on his lips.

"Me flaunting off my burns." Victoria says with a small smile and Eddie chuckles, tilting his head a bit.

"So sexy." He responds with a wink and Victoria couldnt help but laugh. She feels his hand intertwine with her own and she couldn't stop the butterflies that filled her stomach. Her eyes move to his and there was nothing but love and admiration behind his.

Victoria still didn't believe she deserved this, to have two people showing her unconditional support. But maybe she just didn't know how to recieve it. The last few years have been rough for her and it had built up this defense mechanism that seemed to think all love was bad.

But maybe this was different.  Maybe this time she'd allow herself to actually love not only somebody else, but herself as well.

"What do you say?"

••••

Authors note;

I cannot believe we are at chapter fifty. That is completely insane. The amount of support this book has grown just this year is absolutely crazy! I cannot thank you all enough for it.