𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠

This chapter contains mentions of miscarriages, please read with your own caution.

••••

FIREHOUSE 51 WAS LIKE VICTORIA'S SECOND FAMILY. Third, if we're getting technical. Even when she wasn't working, she was always hanging out with at least one member of the crew. Which wasn't exactly hard since most of them lived pretty close to her. She knew she could count on them for anything, no matter what it was or when, they were always there. She loved that they always had each other's backs, even when there was bad blood between some of them.

Mainly between the members of truck 81 and squad three. And within the members, it was mainly Casey and Severide butting heads majority of the time. But even with that, they would put their life on the line for each other without question. All of them would. That's what the job entailed. Being a firefighter wasn't for the weak, because you had to make split second decisions that could result in life and death. You had to face the reality that this shift could very well be your last.

But that wasn't always the case. There were shifts where they either got no calls or all of them werent exactly a risky situation. That resulted in them lounging around, running drills, cooking with whatever God awful ingredients they had in the firehouse or in Victoria's case, chilling in Kelly's chair at the squad table.

The squad table was just that, a table designated solely for the members of squad 3. But everyone knew Victoria was the exception. Kelly could never say no to her even if he wanted to. So, he just sat beside her, a playful glare on his face as he watched her swirl around in the chair. Her peace getting interrupted however as Casey comes walking onto the apparatus floor.

"Vic, we're gonna run drills." He tells her, pointing outside. Victoria groans as she tilts her head back, watching the others also walk out.

"Do we have to?" Victoria asks him and Casey stops beside the chair, turning it to face him.

"Come on. It's all of us." Casey states making Victoria scrunch up her nose. Kelly snorts from beside her and she glares, hitting his arm.

"Or you can make an exception." She pleads, batting her eyelashes as Casey just rolls his eyes playfully.

"Face it, kid. If we have to, you do too." Hermann tells her as he walks past. Victoria grumbles as she stands up from the chair, which was instantly claimed by Kelly.

"It was worth a shot." Victoria admits before following the group outside where the ladders were already set up.

"I suggest that she goes first." Darden says, holding up his hand before pointing to Victoria. Victoria sends him a not so nice look and he only smirks back at her.

"I second that." Cruz states with a nod, the others instantly agreeing and Victoria scoffs a bit.

"Wow, thanks guys." She mumbles, placing her hands on her hips.

"I want you to go up that ladder, grab the victim from the top and bring them down." Casey explains to her, gesturing it with his hands. Victoria presses her lips together tightly.

"What's the old record again?" Victoria asks curiously. She may as well make a competition out of it.

"Forty eight seconds."

"I'm gonna annihilate that." She says with a smirk and Otis raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah, we'll believe it when we see it." He tells her and she sticks up her middle finger at him before putting on her turnouts and getting ready, leaning at the bottom of the ladder.

With a stopwatch in hand, Casey stares at her. "Three, two, one... Go!" Victoria sets off quickly, being sure to be fast but safe as she goes up the ladder. Controlling her breathing, she keeps her gaze focused a head.

When she gets to the roof, she climbed onto it, her head turning to search for the victim but she's taken aback by the scene laid out in front of her. Her eyebrows furrow as her eyes flicker over the various different things. "What the hell?" There were rose petals scattered, candles lit--which she should've seen since it was dark but the roof was pretty high up-- and a bottle of champagne on table ij the middle.

"Guys there's no victim there's just..." Victoria stops herself as she notices someone come out from behind the vent.  "Anthony." Her heart stops, a bright smile forming instantly as she sets eyes on the man who held a bouquet of flowers in his hand. She wasted no time in rushing over to him and jumping into his arms, not really caring about the flowers in that moment. "You're back." She breathes out as she holds onto him tightly.

"I'm back, my love." Anthony responds, spinning her around a bit before placing her back on the ground. Anthony had been gone on a tour in Afghanistan for the past four months, being halfway done of it. The only time she had really seen him was on a few FaceTime calls.

"I thought you were still stationed for another week?" Victoria states, wondering what he was doing back early.

"Yeah, I told you that so I could come here and surprise you." Anthony admits, holding her hand and squeezing it. Victoria smiles as she tilts her head.

"Well, consider me surprised." She says before leaning in and kissing him. It was sweet and gentle before they pulled away from each other.  "You did all of this?" Victoria asks as she gestures to the romantic set up.

"With a little help from Gabby and Shay." He admits and Victoria should've known that, they were acting suspicious all week but she just thought it was because they wanted to steal her ice cream from the freezer.

"It's beautiful." She tells him, leaning against the man who was gazing down at her with so much love and admiration in his eyes.

"I want everything with you, Vic." Anthony admits and she stares at him, a bit confused. "After this tour, I'm done. I wanna come home to you." He tells her and she was shocked, her eyes widening.

"Really?" Victoria asks him, wondering why he suddenly decided to leave the army. She figured he'd be a few years away from coming home.

"I want my life with you to start, I want everything." Anthony says, pulling her closer as Victoria just listens to him. "Because you are by far the most beautiful, intelligent, kind-hearted woman I have ever known. And you showed me what it's like to be truly and utterly in love with someone. Something I wasn't even sure I was capable of." He explains to her and Victoria can't help but get tears in her eyes.

"We've been living on a fault line between our jobs and our months apart and I don't want that anymore." He denies with a shake of his head, stepping back a bit and Victoria felt her heart stop as he reaches into his back pocket. "And I don't wanna waste another second." And with that, he was on one knee in front of her.

Victoria felt like everything had connected in this moment. All the puzzle pieces in her life were now one as the love of her life knelt before her with a ring box opened in his hand. "Will you marry me?" He asks her, seeming a bit nervous when he had no reason to be. With the way Victoria practically lit up and was smiling like there was no tomorrow, it was clear what her answer was gonna be.

"A thousand times yes." Connecting their lips in a passionate kiss, Victoria smiles brightly as she wraps her arms around Anthony's neck. The man holds her waist as he pulls her closer, the kiss deepening as cheers can be heard from all around.

Neither of them paid much attention though, both basking in the glory of their new engagement.

••••

THE 118 WERE ALL SAT IN THE LOBBY OF THE HOSPITAL. All of them waiting impatiently for any word on how Victoria was doing. Buck had his head in his hands as Eddie sat beside him, his hand resting on Bucks upper back. No one had said anything, the atmosphere quite tense as there was still the unspoken argument over what had just happened. But no one spoke. They didn't want to until they knew Victoria was okay. There was no use fighting until then.

Footsteps caught their attention and they look to see Athena rushing into the lobby. "I came as fast as I could." Athena admits as she hugs the man before they both sit down on the chairs. "How is she?" She asks curiously, looking around at the group.

"We don't know. The doctor hasn't come out yet." Bobby denies, just staring at his hands. Athena frowns as she couldn't believe it when Bobby had called and said that Victoria was hurt. He didn't say much else, mainly because he could barely speak.

"Well, what happened?"

"It was a freak thing-- cable snapped, electrocuted her." Eddie answers her, his voice monotone as he just looks down at the floor.

"And then we believe she had a heart attack." Chimney admits and Athena felt her heart ache for the girl who had already gone through so much.

"Rosie is out with May right now, should I give them a call-"

"No." Hen denies, shaking her head. "Not until we know." There was no use worrying Rosie until they really knew what was going on. Victoria could be perfectly fine for all they knew, well fine for being electrocuted, having burns and coding two times.

"Oh, Bobby." Athena says, putting her hand on his. Bobby just shakes his head.

"I put her on that ladder. She was up there because of me." He admits. He should've secured the scene more, he should've been paying more attention to her.

"She was doing her job. You couldn't have known." Athena responds but Bobby didn't seem to be really listening to her.

"I should've. I should've seen the signs." Bobby mutters and Hen frowns as she looks over at the man.

"This isn't on you, Cap." She denies. No one blamed him for what happened and Victoria definitely wouldn't. It was a freak thing and there wasn't really much they could've done to prevent it in such a short time.

"Victoria Claire?" They hear someone call and they all snap their heads in the direction of the voice. They see a man walking over to them and they all get up in a hurry.

"Here." Chimney says as he moves over to the doctor before anyone else. "Is she okay, Doc? Just give it to me straight." Chimney asks lowly and he could see it on the doctors face that it wasn't good news. He closes his eyes for a moment, preparing himself. Everyone else crowded around, wanting to know the status of their friend.

"Victoria suffered what we call a cardiac episode. The shock from the electrocution triggered a late reaction within her heart which sent her into a second wave of v-fib." He explains to them and they slowly nod their heads.

"So, it wasn't a heart attack?" Bobby asks him curiously and the doctor shakes his head.

"No, but that doesn't mean this isn't serious." The doctor states and Buck frowns as he fiddles nervously with his fingers.

"Buts she's okay, right?" He questions, hoping for the best but with all that's happened to them, he knew to just wait for the worst to be said.

"We put her in a medically induced coma. The shock to her heart was drastic enough that it isn't pumping the blood it should and so we needed to give it a rest by putting her in the coma." He tells them and Hen rubs her face.

"So, how long will that be for?"

"I don't know." The doctor admits with a small sigh. "People that suffer these episodes can be fine within two days, others within two months.... some may never recover and they don't wake up when we try and reduce the medication." He explains and no one really wanted that last option to happen.

"You're saying she might not wake up?" Eddie asks, saying what everyone else was dreading.

"I'm saying, I would prepare for the worst because there really isn't much else we can do on our side. It's all up to her." The doctor tells them. Medically, they had done everything they could do to help her.

"Thank you." Athena says with a nod and the doctor walks off. The group were silent as it really was not the news they were hoping for. Hen sniffles as she takes her phone from her pocket.

"I should call Rosie." She admits, knowing now was the time to call the girl, seeing how there was a potential chance that Victoria wouldn't wake up.

"I'll do it, Hen." Athena says, knowing Hen was already overwhelmed enough. Hen nods, handing the phone to the woman who squeezes Bobby's hand before moving a bit away from them to take the call.

Buck shakes his head as he felt fury build up inside of him. He turns to look at Bobby who didn't seem to be taking the doctors news well. "Okay, now is an amazing time to tell us what the hell was that?" He snaps with a glare which caught Bobby's attention.

"Buck--"

"No, what the hell was that out there, not giving her medication?" Buck shouts toward him angrily as he steps closer to the man. Bobby sighs as he holds up his hand to keep the man at a distance.

"It's her right to refuse care." Bobby points out, trying to use what he could to divert the ugly truth. He knew he shouldn't be the one telling them.

"Right to refuse-- what are you even talking about? She had electrical burns and you decided to allow her to not have any medication for it. Do you know how that couldve affected her?" Buck asks him, looking at him with an incredulous look on his face.

"It wouldn't have stopped her from having the cardiac episode." Bobby denies. With or without the medication, Victoria's heart was going to stop either way.

"I don't care!" Bucks voice caught the attention of onlookers but he was solely focused on Bobby. "Bobby, you allowed her to be in pain, why?" He asks, his voice slightly cracking as he just thinks of the pain Victoria must have been feeling when she first regained consciousness after the incident.

Bobby glances around a bit, Hen giving him a certain look but he shakes his head. "Buck, we shouldn't be doing this here." He denies. They were in a hospital , which wasn't the place to have a screaming match. But buck couldn't care less about that.

"She's in a coma, Cap!" Buck points out and bobby closes his eyes momentarily. "A coma and they don't even know if she's gonna survive it and you're worried about keeping your little secret?" He asks, scoffing as he just crosses his arms against his chest. "Guys, back me up here." He looks toward Eddie and Chimney who were both awkwardly standing with everyone's gazes now on them.

"It is really off-putting that you would allow her to say no, Cap.." Chimney admits, having been shocked himself when they had told him to not push any medications.

"Yeah, and now you're acting like we don't have a right to know." Eddie states. Sure, if it was a really personal thing, he wouldn't push. But this is clearly something that affected work or else bobby most likely wouldn't be the only one who knew. And if it affected work, it affected all of them.

"You don't." Bobby snaps back at him and Athena sighs, not knowing what he was keeping but it must be for a good reason if he was getting angry. She hadnt expected to come back from her call to a screaming match.

"Bobby, it's us. We're not strangers, we're not-- we care about her and you're acting like we don't have a right to be angry about this." Buck explains.

"She went to rehab." Hen states, cutting into the argument. She couldn't take it anymore and knew it was better out in the open. Especially if it was just going to cause everyone to be at each other's throats.

They all stared at her. Mostly in confusion but also shock. "What?" Athena asks, furrowing her eyebrows. Hen takes a deep breath as she winces at all the eyes that were now placed on her like she had a spotlight.

"Vic... she went to rehab."

"How do you know that?" Chimney asks her curiously and Hen seemed a bit guilty as her head hung low.

"Rehab? What are you talking about?" Buck questions with a scoff, his confusion and anger mixing together.

"She had an addiction, Buck." Bobby tells him and Hen just stares down at the ground. Buck was shocked as he couldn't believe what he was hearing, none of them could. "And it got to a point where we had to send her away. She said no to medications because she is only a few months sober and didn't want to risk it." He explains. It all making sense in their heads now. For all of them but Buck.

"N-no, I would've known if she was... I would've known." Buck says, shaking his head. He practically lived with her, he saw her everyday, how could he have missed something this big?

"She didn't want anyone to know, Buck." Hen admits, trying to keep her voice soft as she knew this was all very sudden information for him.

"But you know." Buck points out, feeling a bit out of place because Hen seemed to know as well as Bobby but he didn't.

"Because i-- because something happened okay? And I know this is probably frustrating, confusing-- you probably want to hate us, all of you. But we kept this a secret because it was the right thing to do. Because it wasn't ours to share." Hen tells them. She didn't know if she should mention the overdose. They couldn't probably piece it together with them sending her to rehab, but with the state Victoria was in right now, Hen felt it was best not to mention it.

"What was it?" Buck asks suddenly which caught her a bit off guard.

"What?"

"What was she taking?" He asks again, wanting to know. Hen hesitates as she glances toward Bobby.

"Oxy." Hen answers him with a small sigh. It's as if she saw Bucks heart break all over again. "I don't know if she had a dealer or if she just went up to someone on the street." She admits, shaking her head. She truly didn't know all the details, no on really did. But it some parts were more obvious than others. "She didn't leave you for no reason, Buck." She denies, her gaze soft.

Buck just stood in front of her, his eyes having drifted to the floor. He didn't say another word as he turned and headed down the hall. "Buck." Eddie calls out after him but it was no use. He needed to be alone and no one was going to stop him.

••••

VICTORIA GLARED OVER AT KELLY, her arms crossing over her chest as she just stuck her tongue to the inside of her cheek. "That is not how you play!" She denies angrily, Gabby and Shay both agreeing with her as they nod their heads. Kelly raises an eyebrow, wondering if they were actually serious or not.

"This is uno, there are no rules." Kelly retorts and It was literally the one game they played that really didn't have any set rules. It always changed everytime they played.

"You definitely cheated." Gabby states, narrowing her eyes. Kelly looks a buy exasperated as he stared back at the woman.

"How could I cheat?" He asks her, genuinely wanting to know what they classified as cheating. "Vic literally put two plus cards on mine last round and you guys didn't say shit." Kelly points out as he gestures to the woman.

"Because that's allowed." Shay tells him and Kelly was a bit annoyed as he raises an eyebrow.

"Oh, and double skipping isn't?" He responds and Victoria nods her head firmly, although she winces as she holds onto her stomach, feeling a sudden sharp pain.

"Exactly." Victoria tells him, moving a bit in her spot to maybe get more comfortable.

"Now that is some bullshit." Kelly says, leaning back against his chair. "This is why Casey and I never play with you guys." He points out and Gabby rolls her eyes.

"Oh,  come on. You're the only one complaining." She tells him and Kelly clenches his jaw, his eyes moving to Casey who was only sat quietly, staring at his cards.

"Casey, man. Back me up here." Kelly pleads but Casey holds his hands up in defence.

"I have learned when to keep my mouth shut." Casey admits with a small laugh and Kelly glares at him slightly.

"You're such a pussy." He mutters. Gabby shakes her head before looking toward Victoria. She noticed the woman hunched over a bit, her face written in pain which made her a bit concerned.

"Hey, you okay?" Gabby asks her curiously. Victoria lifts her head slightly to try and nod back at the woman.

"Yeah, yeah. Just not feeling too well." She admits and Gabby frowns, sharing a glance with the others.

"Let me check you out." Gabby suggests, standing up from her chair but Victoria shakes her head, groaning as she also stands.

"No, it's all good, I'm fine. I just need to go lay down." Victoria tells her, going to turn and head for the couch when she hears a gasp from behind her.

"Vic." Gabby says and Victoria turns her head, seeing they all now looked very worried for her.

"You're bleeding." Shay admits and as Victoria looks down, she sees blood spreading down her thighs which makes her breath hitch in her throat.

"Call 911." Gabby says as she quickly rushes to Victoria, helping the woman sit back down. Victoria felt her heartbeat quicken as she stared at the blood. She didn't know what it had meant but she could take a guess, and she really hoped it wasn't what she thought it was.

Laying in the hospital bed, Victoria felt completely numb inside. She was simply staring at the phone in her hand as she laid on her side, the night sky looming through the windows. She hadnt expected this to be how her day would turn out. Especially with a loss of something she didn't even know she had.

Her finger hovers over the call button again, pressing it for what seemed like the millionth time. A exhausted sigh leaves her lips as she just holds the phone out in front of her. It rings a few times and she wasn't really hopeful for an answer. But luckily, the feed connected and she saw the face of her fiance on the screen.

He had a sympathetic smile on his face as he gazed at her. "Hey, baby.  I'm sorry I didn't pick up earlier, things have kind of been insane over here." Anthony admits as he glances around and Victoria could hear what sounded like faint gunfire in the background.

"It's okay." She simply responds, not having the energy to really say much else. Anthony looks confused as he sees the machine in the background of her screen.

"Are you in a hospital? Is everything--" Anthony stops himself, fear flowing through his veins. "Vic, are you okay?" He asks, worry building up as he saw the way she was so shut down. She only did that when it was something really serious.

Victoria couldnt stop the tears from forming in her eyes. "I'm sorry." She admits, her voice cracking.

"Sorry? Why are you sorry?" Anthony asks, furrowing his eyebrows as he was very worried about what was going on. "Sweetheart, you can-- Talk to me, vic." He pleads, seeing the woman he loved in despair which only made pain brew up inside of himself.

"I um..." victoria had to stop herself, tilting her head back as she still couldnt fully wrap her head around it quite yet. "I was at Gabbys and I started feeling off, my stomach was twisting and I had these really bad cramps. I thought it was just my period at first." She admits as she squeezes her eyes shut a bit. "But then blood started to run down my legs and I..." Victoria takes a shaky breath, not being able to stop her tears. "I lost the baby." She says, her voice full of anguish and fear.

Fear that maybe he'd blame her for it. Victoria knew that was stupid and so far fetched because Anthony didn't have a mean bone in his body, not towards her. But that's where her mind went, creating the most unrealistic scenarios to prepare herself for the worst.

"Baby?" Anthony asks her, more confused than anything because he hadn't even realized there was a baby to lose. That made him paranoid that maybe he had missed a call or a text telling him about it. But he doubted that was something she would just leave a voicemail about.

"I was pregnant." Victoria states and she could see Anthony's eyes fill with sadness. "I-I didn't know. I swear, or I wouldn't have continued to work." She explains to him quickly. If she had known, she wouldn't have continued going into fires and putting herself in dangerous situations.

"You lost the baby?" Anthony asks her, as if just trying to really get his bearings over this whole thing. Victoria sniffles, feeling numb as she had no one actually by her side right now. Visiting time was over and Anthony wasn't even physically here.

"Yeah."

"It's not your fault, okay? Please, don't blame yourself." He tells her without even a second thought. "I'm gonna try and get leave to come and see you, okay? I'm gonna try." Anthony assures her, wanting to hold her in person instead of having these heavy talks on a phone.

"Okay." Victoria says, her voice gentle. She wanted to believe him but it was hard getting leave from the military, she knew that.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart." He apologizes, feeling incredibly awful for not actually being there for her.

"We were supposed to have our little family." Anthony felt so heartbroken that he couldn't be there and comfort her in person. He wanted to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be all right. But until then, he had to settle for their FaceTime calls and try to be there for her as much as he could.

"Hey, hey." Anthony says, catching her attention as she looks back at screen, her tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes making him want to just completely collapse. "We will still be a family." He states. It wasn't like they couldn't try for another baby. They hadnt even planned this pregnancy so Anthony knew that it hopefully wouldn't take long for them to actually have their little baby in their arms.

"I promise."

••••

BUCK SNIFFLES AS HE HELD VICTORIA'S HAND IN HIS OWN. They were finally able to visit her and everyone had agreed to let Rosie go first but the moment she walked into the room, she had come running out. Seeing her sister on a ventilator was too much for her. Athena and May had gone after her but it didn't seem like she wanted to see Victoria, not until she was better at least. If she got better.

He knew he shouldn't think like that but he couldn't help it. The doctor said there was a possibility that she would never wake up and that's all he thought about now. Buck couldn't lose her and yet right now there was a very real possibility that it could happen. It wasn't a guess, it wasn't imaginary, it was one of the outcomes that could turn into reality.

"Vic." Buck starts, his voice fragile as he sniffles, wiping away his tears with his free hand. "I don't even know if you can hear this." He admits, biting the inside of his cheek as he just takes a deep breath. "God, I hope that you can." He whispers, squeezing her hand a bit. He was silently praying that he'd feel a squeeze back but he knew that was a long shot.

"I need you to wake up." Buck admits. Not just for him but for all of them. None of them wanted to lose her and he had no idea what would happen if she didn't end up waking up. "I need you to... I need you to fight, baby." He pleads, another tear rolling down his cheek. There was really no point in stopping them now.

"You just have to fight. For me, for Rosie, for everyone. And I'm sorry I didn't see what was going on with you, I'm sorry you had to go through that by yourself and I'm sorry you didn't think you could tell me." Buck hated that Victoria had kept it to herself, mainly because he thought he had been clear that he would always be there for her, no matter what. He didn't want to think that she didn't trust him or thought she couldn't because she could. Buck never wanted her to feel alone.

"When I saw you hanging from that ladder... Vic I don't want to live without you." Buck denies, shaking his head. The whole argument between them, his anger-- although justified-- seemed pointless as he stared at Victoria breathing through a tube. "Okay? I can never live without you and I don't want to. I hated every single second that we were apart and I hate every moment where you're not in my arms." He explains to her as if she was really listening to him.

"I want to marry you someday, Vic." Buck states, the smallest smile growing on his face as he just thinks about it. "I want to be the father of your kids, to have forever with you." Forever seemed to always feel everlasting until now.  "There is no doubt in my mind that I want that with you. But I can't have that if you don't open your eyes, baby." Buck squeezes her hand again, staring at the woman as the monitor beeps behind him. "That's all you gotta do, just open your eyes." He tells her, just needing her to do that one thing. Just open her eyes and everything would be okay again.

"Please." Buck tries to keep himself together, he did. But it was harder with every passing moment he sat in this room with no response. "Please come back to me." His head drops onto their hands, the tears now freely flowing down his cheeks as he waited for any sign of life, any sort of signal that Victoria would wake up and gaze right back at him.

Victoria lays on the bed, the tube in her throat, multiple ivs hooked up to her arms, leading to the machines sending beep throughout the room. The only thing about this whole thing was that she looked peaceful. There wasn't any pain on her face, she didn't seem to be anxious or afraid. Because she was within her consciousness in that moment. She was within a place where pain couldn't reach her.

Standing in the church on her wedding day, Victoria stared at herself in the mirror. It was exactly how she had pictured it to be. Her dress was perfect, her hair was perfect, her makeup, the venue, everything was so extremely perfect. Maybe a little too perfect that it made Victoria a bit nervous about this whole thing. Luckily, a comforting set of hands rested on her arms.

"Oh, my god, you look so beautiful." Gabby says with a smile on her face, gazing at the woman through the mirror. Victoria smiles back at her, letting out the breath that she had been holding.

"Like a literal angel." Shay adds with a nod. Gabby tilts her head, sensing the girls nerves and taking her hand in order to give it a squeeze.

"Anthony is one lucky man." Gabby points out as Shay instantly agrees with her.

"He really is."

"I can't believe this is really happening." Victoria admits. She had waited for this day for so long. So much time and effort had been spent going into it and now the day was finally here. She should feel scared, terrified almost, but she didn't. Because she had never been so sure of anything in her entire life like she was about Anthony.

"Well, believe it. You are the most gorgeous bride in the world." Rosie says with a giggle and Victoria smiles down at her sister, lifting her hand to the girls chin momentarily. But there was one issue with all of this, Anthony wasn't here.

"Has anyone seen Anthony yet?" Victoria asks curiously. The wedding was supposed to start half an hour ago but apparently Anthony wasn't in his room to get ready like he was supposed to be. That was the only thing that was causing her skin to crawl.

"I'll go check. Make sure you two don't catch a glimpse of each other." Shay says with a wink, smirking at the woman. Victoria shakes her head, slightly amused before watching the blonde leave the room.

"I am so proud of you." She hears a new voice and sees Kelly standing by the door. "Long way from being terrified to settle down, hm?" Kelly teases as he walks up to the woman.

"I think it's a miracle that we're both on the road to get married." Victoria admits with a smile and Kelly nods, scrunching up his nose a bit.

"It's definitely something." Kelly says with a chuckle as he places his hands in his pockets. "But I know Anthony will treat you right. He always has." He points out, never once doubting that Anthony would treat his best friend right.

"Yeah, he will." Victoria's voice was hesitant as her eyes move to the door again. She had a feeling in her gut that something was wrong and she knew never to ignore it. Although right now she did because if she gave into that feeling, it would slowly begin to consume her.

"Hey, he'll be here." Gabby assures her with a smile, but just as Victoria goes to nod her head, Shay comes back into the room, a wary expression on her face.

"Vic?" She asks and they all look over at her. "There's people who want to talk to you." Shay admits, opening the door a bit further and Victoria's heart plummeted to her stomach as she sees two military men walking into the room.

"Victoria Claire?" One of them asks and Victoria was speechless for a moment. She couldn't force the words out of her mouth because she was afraid she would be sick. This was exactly what her gut was trying to tell her.

"Yes?" She eventually responds once she feels Gabbys touch once more. "Is something wrong? Did something happen with Anthony because he was supposed to be back yesterday but I didn't get a call and I just thought that--"

"There was an attack." The other man states simply and Victoria falls silent. She felt tears prickle in her eyes. There really was only one reason they were here. If he was injured, they would simply call. Thats what happened when he got shot. "Anthony was up in a helicopter with a few other men when it was shot down due to enemy fire. There was an explosion and... we are very sorry for your loss, ma'am." He apologizes, dipping his head a little bit.

We are very sorry for your loss. Those are words Victoria never thought she would have to hear again. Not since her father's death. But this time it felt so surreal. With her father, she had been there when he had died, she couldn't make imaginary scenarios up in her head, she couldnt think it was a lie or that it wasn't really happening. Because she saw it happen.

But here, they were just telling her Anthony was dead. No warning, no real sympathy, nothing. Just straight up saying that he had died. That he was -- Victoria felt her ears ringing. Maybe she hadnt heard them right. She was pleading that she hadnt heard them right. But she could hear Gabby sniffling beside her, she could feel Kelly's hand on her shoulder. He was comforting her.

"No." Victoria shakes her head, taking the smallest step back. "N-No, you're lying. He's supposed to be here, he told me he would be here." Anthony made her a promise, something that he never broke. He wasnt even supposed to be on a mission, he was supposed to have flown back a few days ago. "He's not-- no. He's not dead." She tried to convince herself, even though the true reality was damning.

"We were unable to find his body due to the location and the carnage seemed significant when we looked overtop." He explains to her and Victoria felt her stomach twist, her hand resting on it.

"Carnage?" Victoria spit out the words. They were telling her that her fiance was just in a pile of carnage that they didnt even bother to go to. "You just... y-you left him over there?" She asks them and both men stay silent. It didnt even seem like they were very high up in the ranks either. "You left him there to die! You didn't even help him!" Her voice was loud and full of agony as she rushed at them, pushing them back.

Kelly was quick to wrap his arm around her, pulling her away from them. "Vic." He whispers, tears in his eyes as he knew she needed comfort but also to her her anger out, although taking it out on the two military men wouldn't do anything.

"You left him there! My fiance is--" Victoria couldnt say it, falling back against kelly as her hands came up to her head. Nothing about this seemed real. Nothing seemed right with the world. She felt like the universe was against her. Today she was supposed to get married and instead, now she was a widow. She was a widow. If she could even call herself that.

"No, no, no." She felt herself hyperventilating as Kelly held her in his arms. Gabby and Shay were bent down beside them, none of them truly knowing what to do. There was nothing that they could say, there really wasn't anything that would take away even an inch of the pain that was creeping into the hole in her heart.

Because Anthony was dead. Just like that, in the blink of an eye. Victoria never understood the saying, 'you never know what you have until it's gone.' 'Cherish every moment because it could be your last'. Until now. The one person who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with was now ripped from her. And she didn't even get to say goodbye.

She didn't get to spend their last moments together, she hadnt even seen him face to face in months. And that's what made it all so much worse. Most people got the privilege of seeing their loved one before they passed or even seeing them in a casket and being able to say their final goodbye.

But Victoria would get none of that. Because they left him over there, not even bothering to try and recover his body. She knew there may very well be nothing left but she didn't care. They didn't even try.

He was her whole world and to them he was disposable.

••••

THE GROUP IMPATIENTLY STOOD IN THE WAITING ROOM, all of them anxious as no one really knew what was going on. The doctor had called Hen and told her there had been some new developments with Victoria but hadn't elaborated on it. Everyone didn't know if it was good developments or bad ones. Because he had said that she could spiral and they were all praying to God that it wasn't the case.

Buck was just pacing back and forth, his head in his hands. Eddie just watched him, not even trying to stop him because he couldn't really say anything to get him to calm down. The one thing that did get him to stop was the doctor walking over to them, making everyone become on high alert.

"You said you had news?" Hen asks quickly, stepping forward. The doctor nods his head and the smallest smile forms on his face that sends a bit of relief through everyone.

"Victoria's vitals seemed to have stabilized and her heart is showing signs of proper blood flow again." He tells them and Rosie smiles brightly. May wraps an arm around her, bringing her close. "We lightened up the sedation a bit and we have full hope that she'll regain consciousness within the next few hours." The doctor explains to them. Everyone seemed elated by the news, all of them sharing glances and hugs.

"Oh, my god." Bobby says, tilting his head back. He was glad that Victoria was going to be okay. He was terrified that his mistake would end with her not making it. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he was ever the reason one of them didn't make it.

"I told you she was going to be okay." May says as she squeezes Rosie's shoulder and the girl nods her head.

"Nothing can keep her down, she'll be back at work being stubborn in no time." Chimney says with a laugh, smiling toward Hen who shakes her head but smiles back at him. The doctor didn't seem to be sharing his opinion though.

"I'm afraid not." He denies and everyone lost the bit of happiness that had been coursing through them.

"What do you mean?" Eddie asks curiously as no one else had really started to reply to him.

"The episode Victoria had, it might not be the only one. And with a job as taxing as firefighting, I don't know if I can clear her to go into the field with this condition." The doctor states and Buck just stares back at the man.

"You can't clear her in the near future, you mean... Because it can get better over time, right?" Buck questions, almost pleading for a positive answer back but by the look on the doctors face, he didn't really have high hopes.

"Potentially. But I'm not going to sugar coat it and say she'll be back firefighting anytime soon. I don't even know if I'll ever be able to clear her for active duty." The doctor admits and the room went dead silent for a moment. No one ever really thought this could happen. Victoria not being a firefighter just didn't make sense. The 118 wouldn't be the same without her around.

"Vic won't be a firefighter anymore?" May asks, a frown on her face as she looks toward her mom. Athena sighs as she places a hand on Bobby's arm, seeing the complete despair in his eyes. She knew he would continue to blame this on himself, especially if this was the true outcome to Victoria's injuries.

"At this moment in time, no. She will not be a firefighter again."

••••

THE PAST MONTH HAD BEEN A BLUR FOR VICTORIA. She had barely even remembered half of it. Ever since Anthony died, the world seemed to have come to a stop. Even though others were moving around her, it seemed like her mind wasn't. Victoria was bed-ridden for most of it, not getting up unless she had to use the bathroom. He friends would come over, try and coax her out of it but it had been no use. The only thing she had said during the first week was her intent of moving out of the state and that had shocked everyone.

The funeral had been the thing to get her out of bed and even then, it was a fury of blinding conversations and false sympathies. Victoria didn't understand why strangers were at his funeral, acting like they had known him. Coming up to her and offering their condolences, shaking her hand as if it was a business proposal and her fiance hadn't just died on their wedding day.

Acting like his family wasn't completely shattered by his death but trying to keep it together because of the young children among them. His brother, Gavin, had been by her side most of the funeral and the service afterward. Neither of them really talked, just silently sat beside each other. Victoria was pretty close with Anthony's family, because of her lack of one. They were all welcoming toward her and Rosie, mainly because they had known her practically all her life.

But his brother was a bit distant with her once Anthony left for the military the first time. Mainly because he didn't understand why she didn't stop him. Gavin didn't see his brother as an army guy and with his death now being caused by it, it created even more of a rift between them. Although Gavin never blamed her directly, he wasn't exactly her best friend either.

And she understood why he was upset. Anthony had this whole family. Gavin had his young daughter, his parents and their other brother Jesse who was only ten. No one really wanted him to join and almost expected Victoria to be the one to say something and stop him. But they knew what she did for a living, they both had a risk to their job. The only difference was, her family at firehouse 51 would actually care if she died.

Standing above his grave, receiving the flag from a member of the army, it all felt so surreal. They played the bagpipes, they gave him a military send off but that was it. And even then, Anthony's mom had to call and request for that to happen. Victoria hated that they didn't care that he was dead, just that they lost a soldier. And even then, he was apparently easily replaceable.

But he wasn't to her. Victoria felt like a part of her had been ripped out and she didn't know how to fix it. She didn't know how to breathe, let alone go on about her life alone. "Vic." A voice cuts through her thoughts as she just continues to stare at the picture in her hand. She didnt even know how she was still standing, let alone building up the courage to move across the country.

She had decided to leave Chicago about a week after the funeral. There were some hesitation from her friends but ultimately they all supported her. And now it was finally time for it, finally time for her to leave and she was stuck staring at the picture of Anthony.

"Vic." She hears again making her head finally turn as she felt a hand on her shoulder. Victoria notices Kelly beside her, concern in his eyes as he noticed she seemed a bit out of it. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He asks her curiously, not wanting her to rush into anything. It had been a month of planning but he still felt like she could take more time.

But Victoria nods her head, taking a shaky breath as she puts the picture into her purse. "I can't stay here anymore." She denies, biting her tongue as her gaze moves over her now empty house. So many memories lingering all around.

"I get that but..." Kelly trails off for a moment. "Packing up your life like this, it's not exactly healthy." He didn't know if this was the best decision. At least not this soon but he knew Victoria wasn't one to always think things through.

"Kelly, everytime I look at this house, all I see is the person who I was supposed to end up with, and all I see is how that is never going to happen because he is gone." Victoria explains to him and Kelly frowns but he did understand that. Being reminded everyday wasn't easy and it always felt like their was something lingering around you. "I can't eat, I can't sleep, I'm in pain every second of my life as I stay in this city and I.... I cant do it anymore."  Her voice cracks as she shakes her head.

"My life is in pieces and I need to go somewhere where I can mend it, somewhere where I can forget about the hole that I'll never be able to patch." Victoria admits. She needed to leave and get a fresh start. She didn't know if that meant never returning. Truthfully, she wasn't fully thinking too far ahead right now. "I need to go." She states and Kelly seemed to still be hesitant to let her go but he knew she needed this.

"Okay." Kelly says, his words barely audible as he nods his head, lifting his hands to her shoulders. "Okay." He says again, this time more clearer as he squeezes her shoulders, moving his hands up to her cheeks. "You know I am always here for you. We all are." He tells her, not wanting her to think that just because she leaves, she won't have them anymore.

"I know." Victoria responds, tilting her head into his touch. Kelly felt a tear leave his eye as he pulls her in for a tight hug.

"I'm gonna miss you." Kelly admits as he closes his eyes, holding her close. He never thought he'd have to say goodbye to her. Sure, she was just moving away but being just down the street from each other was so much different than being across the country.

"I'll miss you too." Victoria tells him, her fingers gripping his shirt as her tears roll down her cheeks. If there was a way for her to stay in Chicago, or have her friends come with her, she'd take it in a heartbeat. But this was something she had to do on her own.

"Don't find another best friend over there, okay?" Kelly states as he pulls back from her and Victoria couldnt help but smile, laughing softly.

"Never."

"I love you." He says, squeezing her hand as he smiles back at her. Victoria presses her lips together tightly as she sniffles.

"I love you too." She responds, rocking their hands together a bit before pulling it away from him.

"Everything is loaded in the car." Casey interrupts them, standing in the doorway. Victoria takes a deep breath as she wipes the tears from her face before meeting Kelly's gaze again.

"You ready for this?" Kelly asks her curiously as he looks down at her. And in all honesty, Victoria wasn't sure if she would ever be ready for it.

••••

THE SOUND OF THE MONITOR ECHOES THROUGHOUT THE HOSPITAL ROOM, a steady rhythm emitting as Buck stood by Victoria's side, his hand in her own. Eddie was behind him, although standing a few meters away as he didn't know if Buck wanted comfort from someone else right now. Buck gently stroked Victoria's cheek as he saw her slowly opening her eyes.

He smiled softly as he waited for her to come around a bit, tilting his head. "Hi." Buck says, his hand moving away from her as she furrows her eyebrows. Victoria glanced around for a moment, a bit groggy but she could still understand what was happening.

Her eyes move to Eddie and she couldn't help but smile. "Well, this is a nice view to wake up to." Victoria says, her voice cracking a bit from her throat being so dry. She sees that both of them werent exactly in the happiest mood. "Oh, no. Serious faces." She jokes, as she wondered why they looked like someone had just murdered a puppy.

"Vic." Buck says gently, reaching to take her hand in his own although he was reluctant. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asks her, keeping his voice low as she had only just woken up. She had woken up maybe a few hours ago too but the doctor said she couldn't have visitors until the morning. Buck had slept in the uncomfortable hospital chairs to be the first one in.

"Who told you?" Victoria asks.

"Both of them." Buck admits with a sigh. "They kind of had to since you refused medication for electrical burns." He points out. It was a dead giveaway that something was wrong when usually Victoria was screaming for pain meds after she got a papercut.

"Didn't think you'd want a junkie girlfriend." Victoria mumbles as she looks up at the iv bag above her.

"I could've helped you."

"I-i wasn't thinking about you." Victoria denies with a frown and Buck seemed a bit taken aback. "I don't mean to sound harsh or anything I just...." she sighs as she runs a hand over her face. "Shay died and I just couldn't handle it. I wanted to take the pain away." She admits. She didn't care about anyone else in that moment.

"Was that why you acting off during shifts?" Eddie asks her curiously and she nods her head slowly.

"Hen found me, that's why she knows." Victoria says quietly, not knowing what parts they were told and what parts were left out. "She... had to restart my heart." She takes a shaky breath, barely able to keep eye contact with either man. "She called Bobby and they helped me get into the rehab centre in Chicago. Bobby thought being around my friends there would help me." She explains, even though she was too ashamed to even visit them. "He's been my sponsor." Victoria didn't want Buck to hate Bobby for keeping this from her.

Buck shakes his head as he truly still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that he had missed all the signs. "I should've noticed." He admits and Victorias gaze softens.

"Buck--"

"No i-i didn't even see this happening to you and I was-- god I was so focused on myself and--"

"I don't blame you." Victoria says, cutting him off quickly before he completely got lost in apologizing which he should never do. Not for this. "Trust me. This is my fault. Everything is." She admits, fiddling with her fingers. Taking a deep breath, she just closes her eyes for a second. "The night I overdosed was... it was the day I kissed Kelly." She tells him and Buck nods his head slowly.

"We were so out of it, both of just completely a mess talking about shay and Kelly had broken down and i-I went to comfort him. I kissed him, or he kissed me, I don't know but it happened." Victoria truly didnt remember who kissed who, not that it lasted for very long. "The moment my brain actually started to register it though, I pulled back. God, I could just picture what you would look like and I.... I thought i had just screwed everything up." She admits although she knew Buck would have never made a big deal out of it. "Kelly left quickly. I mean he was apologizing profusely and then ran out....And I turned to pills." She says, feeling ashamed that she used oxy to try and take away her problems.

"When Bobby told me he was admitting me to rehab. I didn't want to drag you down with me." Victoria tells him and she could see the hint of confusion flash over Bucks face. "I know you would've been there for me, I know." She quickly adds, not wanting him to think that she hadnt thought of that. "I just wasn't thinking straight and I thought letting you go was the best thing to do. Granted, I didn't do it in the best way." She mumbles, rubbing the back of her neck.

Buck seemed a bit amused and for the first time in a while, he genuinely smiled toward her. "Telling me you cheated, that you couldn't be with me and then running out?" Buck retorts, narrowing his gaze. Victoria nods, feeling a bit embarrassed.

"When I came back and I saw that mark on your neck....i know I had no right getting mad or feeling betrayed because i was the one that hurt you." Victoria admits. She had no right to feel jealous because she had caused his pain. He was allowed to do whatever he needed to in order to relieve it. "I guess I was just angry at myself because in that moment, I believed I lost you forever." She states, still believing she didn't deserve him but now it was for a whole different reason entirely.

"Honestly knowing it was Eddie was a little better because it wasn't just some random person." Victoria adds, moving her eyes to the man who was just resting against the chair. "I'm sorry, I'm just kind of dumping this on you too." She admits, having not even realized that he was still standing there.

"Honestly I was too invested to leave." Eddie responds with a small smile and Victoria couldnt help but laugh a bit. As it fades, her gaze moves back to Buck, her eyes softening.

"Were you really gonna propose?" She asks him. She hadnt forgotten what he said to her when they had gotten into the argument. How he had a ring, how he was going to propose. It had shocked her so much and she didn't know if she should even be bringing it up.

"Yeah, I was." Buck admits breathlessly. Although he had never gotten the chance, he still had the ring in his bedside drawer back in his apartment. Eddie had seen it a few time but hadn't said anything to him about it.

It seemed Buck was hesitant to say the next thing, looking down at his hands momentarily. "Would you have said yes?" He asks her curiously, hope in his tone as his eyes move to hers. "Forget everything that happened, forget why you left. If none of that had happened, if we had been still in a happy relationship. Would you have.... would you have accepted it?" Buck didn't know what answer he truly wanted.

In one sense, if she said yes, it would break his heart to know that they could've been engaged months ago and in another, if she said no...... well, that would be a whole other level of heartbreak.

Victoria knew what he wanted to hear, she was even trying to convince herself that it was the right answer. But she couldn't do it. She couldn't lie to herself like that, she couldn't lie to Buck after everything she put him through. Not over something like this. Something so delicate and consuming that wasn't made to be taken lightly.

She closes her eyes, not even wanting to look at him as she bit her bottom lip. "No." The words leave her lips quietly. Victoria knew he had heard them but he didnt say anything back to her, he was simply stood where he had been for the past five minutes. She didnt know if it was because of shock or he was trying to process it, but she felt terrible that he had to hear this from her.

But there was a very valid reason why she would say no and none of it really had to do with Buck at all. "And it's not because I don't love you or I don't want to be with you. It would've had nothing to do with you. I just... I wouldn't have been ready to take that step. I'm still trying to allow myself to accept you completely into my life and to allow myself to feel happiness. I wasn't ready to get married or start that next chapter." Victoria didn't know what would have happened had Buck gotten the chance to propose.

It probably would've ended way worse than her leaving for Chicago.

"Not that I wouldn't want to marry you some day. I just.... not this soon." When Anthony had proposed, they had been together for years. Sure, they dated young but she still felt like her and Buck and a lot more growing and loving to do before they got to that point.

Victoria went silent, looking back at Buck who was simply gazing down at her. It didn't seem like he was angry at her words or hurt. It more seemed like relief. Maybe because he knew that if circumstances were different with her past and how she felt, that she would have no issues saying yes to him.

"Okay." He responds as he nods his head. Buck wasn't going to shout at her or get angry because there really was no reason to. She had the right to say no and her reason wasn't exactly surprising to him. Buck realized now that she had a lot of self healing to do and he was ready to help her with that process.

Victoria flickers her eyes to Eddie for a moment, opening her mouth but closing it soon after. She scrunches her nose up, debating it for a moment. "Can I just ask-- I have to-- who made the, like how did, who kissed who because honestly, I did suspect that you were... you know." She admits as her eyes stay on Buck who furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"What?" Buck asks, genuinely trying to figure out what she had meant by that. "Wait, hold up--"

"I was comforting him, we were literally knees deep in liquor--" Eddie starts to explain to her but Buck shakes his head.

"Wait, no. Back up. What did you think I was?" He questions, crossing his arms. Victoria doesn't really ignore him but she was more invested in what Eddie was saying.

"So, did you make the first move?" Victoria asks the man who just slowly moved his gaze over to Buck causing her eyes to widen but a smirk to grow on her lips. "You kissed Eddie?" She raises an eyebrow and Bucks cheeks turn red momentarily.

"I-i guess, uh, yeah I did but like, why is that not-- you wouldn't have been surprised, why?" Buck didn't get why she  wasn't surprised that he had kissed Eddie.

"Because, I don't know, I always thought you were a little, you know, fruity." Victoria states and Eddie chuckles to himself as Buck was just completely bewildered.

"But how did you know? I didn't even know."

"Oh, come on. The way you would flirt with the guys on call, the way you literally took a guys number and um well, you don't exactly look at Eddie in a straight way and i saw that before we even broke up." Victoria admits as she raises an eyebrow. Although, Buck being oblivious to all of that is kind of on brand for him.

"Why do you think I wasn't shocked you kissed me?" Eddie admits, looking toward Buck. The man snaps his head toward him, his eyes almost bulging out of his head.

"You knew too?!" Was he the only one who didn't know about his own sexuality?

"Well...." Eddie trails off, pressing his lips together tightly although Buck could see a small smirk lingering.

"I mean, I get it. I've been there. He's definitely very skilled in many areas." Victoria says, winking toward Eddie who chuckles lightly, shaking his head. "How far did you get? Like you two had sex right?" She asks, flickering her eyes between them. Eddie seemed amused while Buck seemed a bit off.

"Vic, we're not answering that." Eddie denies, crossing his arms against his chest as he fights off the smile on his face.

"Oh, you so did." Victoria laughs as she leans back against her pillow. Most people would find no fun in knowing their ex hooked up with somebody they knew but for some reason, it was just different for Victoria. It didnt seem weird at all. "Was Buck the bottom?" She asks, narrowing her eyes. Eddie smiles but it slowly drops when he notices the clenched jaw and expression on Bucks face. "He was, wasn't he?" Victoria didn't even need the answer.

"I'm glad you find this amusing." Buck grumbles, his eyes stuck on her. Victoria groans as she tilts her head back.

"Oh, come on. You've gotta make light of the situation." She admits. Victoria was in the hospital after just being electrocuted and then suffering a cardiac episode, she was allowed to tease them about this.

"You almost-- no scratch that. You did die, Vic. And i-i don't see why you're smiling and laughing, cracking jokes when you literally died. And then you coded before we even got you in the ambulance. I had to give you cpr half way up the ladder because you weren't breathing. I-i literally brought you back to life and now you're here, with literal burns on your chest and you're acting like it's a weekend at jersey shore."

His voice was harsh and very sharp but you could still hear the underlying concern and sadness in his tone. He was trying so hard to get her to see the reality of the situation but he also just wanted to hold onto her and never let go.

Eddie glances at the man, clearing his throat a bit as he steps forward. "Buck, why don't you--" He starts to say but Buck shakes his head, pushing the man's hand away.

"No! We almost lost you. And I know you think that I hate you o-or don't care about you or love you but i do. I love you so much it fucking hurts! And you died on me. You died! And now I'm supposed to just stand here and crack jokes o-or talk about sex with you and Eddie?" Buck asks, a scoff leaving his lips as he glares back at Victoria who opens her mouth to say something but Buck only continues.

"I almost lost you, not just this once, but numerous times and I didn't even know about the last one until now! You died months ago and I didn't know! Because you didn't tell me. Because I didn't see how much pain you were in until you were slamming the door in my face and flying off to Chicago." Victoria frowns as it seemed he was still blaming himself for not realizing. But she hadnt wanted him to find out, that was the whole point. It hadn't been on him to look for it.

"I didn't know how much pain you were in because my heart was torn from my chest when you broke up with me and I was left to deal with that on my own! And then you come back and you don't even-- you don't even fight for us! You just see me with someone else and you give up! You were gonna-- god you were gonna leave the 118! Do you think that feels good? Knowing you were just going to throw everything we had together away so easily? And yeah, I know you were doing it because you wanted me to be happy and if I'm being fucking honest, my feelings for Eddie go deeper than I realize but you didn't even fucking try!"

That's what pissed Buck off the most. Victoria just seemed to not even think of the months they were together when she came back. It's like it all went down the drain when she found out Buck was with somebody else. She didn't even fight for him, she just let him go so easily. And even though this wasn't true in the slightest for Victoria, it's how Buck saw it.

"I love you! I love you so much and i-i want our life, our marriage, God, I want our fucking kids together and I thought that was what you wanted too until you just willingly decided to let me go! And then you went up on that ladder and you got electrocuted and in that moment I thought I had lost you forever. That I was never going to get those things with you because you were gone. When I had you in my arms, when you were lifeless in my arms, I thought I had lost you. And when I thought I had you back. You coded in my arms again! You freaking died in my arms vic! So what do you want me to do about it now, huh?! You want me to just stand here and support you, make jokes, act like none of it happened?! Because I can't! I can't just forget it! And I'm not going to let you push me away o-or leave me or give up on us, okay!?"

Victoria was speechless as she stared back at a teary-eyed Buck. She truly hadn't realized the amount of pain she was putting on him when she was only trying to push him away because she thought that was what was best. She believed he didn't want her in his life anymore and she was okay with that if it meant he was happy.

But here he was, confessing his love, confessing he wanted a whole life with her when she was the one driving a big wedge into it. Victoria didn't believe she ever deserved forgiveness from Buck, not for leaving him anyways. She knew it was wrong, and although it was for herself, it was selfish not to even think about him for a moment. But she believed it was for him, at least when she had walked out.

"O-okay." Was all she could stutter out as her eyes flickered to Eddie momentarily. He was also pretty quiet, not knowing how to handle the outburst Buck just had. Mainly because he didn't know where he stood in this situation right now.

Buck brings his hands to his head, sobs wracking him as he hunches over lightly. Eddie puts his hand on the man's shoulder, his heart aching for him as his breathing increased rapidly. "Buck, come on man, sit down." Eddie suggests, knowing it was only a matter of time before Buck completely collapsed.

"Here." Victoria says, moving gently, ignoring the pain that shot through her body as she did. "He can lay with me." She admits and Buck climbs onto the bed with her, resting against her. "Baby, it's okay. I'm right here." She soothes, her hand moving up and down his arm.  "I'm not going anywhere, I promise." She assures him, her eyes shifting over to where eddie was. "Eddie isn't either, right?" She states.

"Yeah, yeah." Eddie says, nodding his head as he steps forward, placing his hand on Buck's arm. Just a little signal that he wasnt leaving. "I'm right here, Buck." His tone was soft as he watched Buck cry quietly with his head buried in the crook of Victoria's neck. Luckily it was the side that the burns hadn't touched so it wasn't hurting Victoria in any way.

The three get consumed in the silence, not knowing the next move to make and not knowing what the future had in store for all of them.

••••

Authors note;

I really am sorry for the late chapter, it was not meant to be this late ! And again, thank u thank u thank u for 200k on this book !!! Let me know if you want more flashbacks of Victoria's life in Chicago.

THERE WAS A SMALL PART I DIDNT FINISH WRITING NEAR THE END CAUSE THERES 12000 WORDS BUT ITS NOW DONE.