I really encourage you all to listen to the sound of silence by the disturbed during a certain part of this chapter. Whenever you see ●• start playing the song

••••

ROSIE MAKES HER WAY OUT OF HER ROOM, zipping up her jacket as she puts her phone in the pocket. She noticed her sister was sat on the couch, her knees brought to her chest. It seemed she heard the door open as her head had turned a bit to look toward Rosie. "Hey." Victoria says softly with the weakest smile on her face which Rosie returned, walking over to her.

"Hey." Rosie responds, brushing her hair behind her ear.

"You going out with someone?" Victoria asks her curiously, referring to her bag on her shoulder.

"Yeah, just Jake." Rosie states and she could see the small smirk that formed on Victoria's face at the mention of the boy.

"Ahh, Jake." She teases, winking toward her sister who groans, tilting her head back in annoyance.

"Shut up."

"What happened to, it's never gonna happen?" Victoria asks her. She knew she was right when she had first met him and Buck had also shared the same thought. It had only taken a few extra months for them to realize it.

"Things change." Rosie says with a shrug, trying to be nonchalant.

"Mhm." Victoria just hums and Rosie crosses her arms against her chest.

"I've already gotten this from Jennie, can you just be supportive?" She pleads, not needing two people all over her because she fell for a boy who she said she didn't like. It happened and she wasn't going to apologize for it.

"Fine." Victoria says, holding her hands up in defence. "What's up with Tamara and May?" She asks, bringing the topic somewhere else as she had noticed the tension between them the other day.

"Oh, my god. I thought I was the only one who felt it." Rosie says with a gasp, her eyes widening and Victoria smiles as shakes her head.

"No, she definitely has a crush." She could see right through may and it was obvious just from the five second interaction she saw that May liked Tamara.

"She thinks I'm being delusional." Rosie states with a scoff, shaking her head before sitting down next to her sister. "Are you really moving stations?" She asks, wondering if Victoria had reconsidered it.

"Yeah, I stayed a few extra shifts while Eddie recovered but he's gonna be back now so there's no point in me staying any longer." She denies, the mood dimming a little bit.

"Or you could just not leave." Rosie suggests. She didn't want her to move to a different station, especially because she loved everyone at the 118.

"I told the captain at the 133 I'd start after next shift." Victoria admits. It was a done deal and she wasn't taking it back. She needed some change, she needed a fresh start.

"Maybe this last shift will change things."

"You sound like Hen." She mutters, rubbing her face. Hen was still trying to convince her into staying and had even roped Karen and Denny into it.

"The 118 is your home, you can't just leave." Rosie denies, a saddened expression on her face.

"Home is not a place." Victoria denies. She could go anywhere and make it her own, it wasn't permanent.

"It is when your family's there." Rosie states, crossing her arms against her chest. "When Bucks there." She adds, a bit quieter. Victoria sighs as she shakes her head.

"Rosie, you know why I can't stay." Victoria responds, her eyes moving to her sister.

"Yeah, because you won't tell Buck the truth." Rosie retorts in an accusatory manner. She felt like Victoria was only leaving the 118 to avoid confrontation, it had nothing to do with Buck at all.

"It's not that simple." Victoria denies but Rosie thought differently.

"Yes, it is. Hey Buck, remember when I broke up with you and ran away? Yeah that was because I overdosed on drugs and almost died." Rosie states quite bluntly and Victoria just stared at her. "See? Easy." She says with a cheesy smile but it didn't seem to lighten Victoria's mood.

"He's supposed to be angry with me, he isn't supposed to just forgive me because of me overdosing." Victoria denies. It just feels like it'd be more pity than anything and she didn't want to gain Bucks trust back that way.

"Just because you tell him doesn't mean he'll forgive you. He'll just understand more of why you did it." Rosie says as she leans back against the couch.

"I don't know if I can say it out loud to him." Victoria denies. She could barely say it to herself. The only one she really admitted it to was Rosie and that was hard enough.

"Sometimes words aren't everything." Rosie admits as she shrugs her shoulders. "Buck is an amazing guy, Vic. And you're stupid if you're going to let someone like that go." She points out. Victoria wasn't going to find someone as good as Buck so if she lost him, that was her fault.

"He's seeing someone else."

"Yeah, you've said that a billion times. Is that supposed to change anything? They're probably not even serious or they're a rebound. Buck still loves you and if you just try and explain it to him, maybe you don't have to lose him." Rosie explains to her before tilting her head, a small sigh leaving her lips. "For once in your life can you just let yourself have happiness and not self destruct everything that you touch?" She asks, genuinely just wanting to see her sister happy and not actually faking it.

"Not as easy as it seems." Victoria mumbles as she fiddles with her fingers.

"Maybe you need to work on yourself a bit and can't be in a relationship. Either way, you've gotta tell him." Rosie says, squeezing her shoulder before getting up and making her way toward the door.

••••

VICTORIA WALKS TOWARD HER DOOR. She had decided to go for a run because honestly it was the one thing she had going for her that would get her brain to stop spinning. She felt like everything was becoming out of her control again and that had caused her spiral last time. Victoria couldnt let that happen again. Not when Rosie was depending on her.

As she opens the door, she is face to face with Buck who had his fist raised as if ready to knock. Victoria blinks a few times as she slowly takes out her headphones. "Buck." She says, a bit surprised as she glances around for a moment. "What are you doing here?" Victoria asks, wondering why he was at her apartment.

"Well, you avoid me at work and won't answer any of my calls so I figured this is the only way to actually get you to talk to me." Buck admits, a bit annoyed as the past few shifts have basically consisted of her avoiding him. Eddie had been out so she had been filling in for him.

"I'm not avoiding you." Victoria denies as she just moves to the side, walking back into her apartment. Buck scoffs as he follows after her.

"Really, then what are you doing?" Buck asks her curiously. "Vic, what is going on with you? Bobby seems to know so why can't I?" He was more pissed at the fact that Bobby seemed to know whatever it was and yet he wasn't allowed to.

"Bobby doesnt--"

"Stop lying." Buck snaps a bit and she could see the anger in his eyes which was replaced with despair. "Please just--- vic, I need you to be honest with me because I can't take any more of the lies." He denies, a pleading tone in his voice.

"It's not just...." Victoria stops herself as she shakes her head. "Buck, I can't just spew it out on a whim." She denies. She didn't even know how to say it. She had kind of just spit it out at Rosie and she didn't even know if that was the right way to do it.

"Why? Is something that big of a deal that you can't tell me right now?"

"If you need to know it's nothing about you then yes, it has nothing to do with you." Victoria says with a sigh as it really didn't. It was her own issue that she caused and had to deal with.

"I don't care If It has nothing to do with me, Vic. It still affects me." Buck points out with an annoyed groan. "You left me abruptly, told me you cheated which was a lie, ran off to Chicago to do God knows what and then you turn back up here like nothing happened and are acting like you never even wanted to be with me." He states. Sure, maybe whatever she was keeping didn't affect him directly but the aftermath of all of it did.

"You know that's not true." Victoria denies with a frown. Of course she wanted to be with Buck, that was never even a choice. She just felt like he deserved better than her.

"Well, that's how it feels." Buck mutters, looking down at the ground.

"It's complicated." She admits with a small sigh.

"You're keeping something a secret, that much is clear." Buck states, crossing his arms. He wasnt sure who else knew but Bobby clearly did and he wasn't saying anything either.

"Like how you're keeping Eddie a secret?" Victoria had said it without even blinking. She probably should have thought it through, she just wanted the conversation off of herself if even just for a moment.

Buck was dead silent as he stared wide eyed back at the woman. He wasnt expecting her to say that. He wasnt expecting her to know. But somehow she did. "What?" He responds, although he didn't even know what to say.

"I know you're seeing him, Buck." Victoria admits. It hadnt been hard to spot once she got back. They werent exactly being careful which was why she was surprised no one else had figured it out. Buck opens his mouth but she stops him. "Now you're gonna start lying?" She asks him, raising an eyebrow.

Buck sighs, crossing his arms against his chest. "Why, are you mad that I'm with him?" He questions her curiously and Victoria furrows her eyebrows.

"Of course not, Buck." She denies. Victoria only wanted him to be happy and if that was with eddie, she really didnt care. Yes, it still hurt but she knew eddie would treat him right. "You can be with whoever you want to be with." Victoria tells him and Buck frowns lightly, almost like that wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"Then why are you bringing it up?" Buck retorts.

"To show you that sometimes things are kept secret for a reason." Victoria points out. They were keeping their relationship a secret for whatever reason and Victoria was keeping her secret because she was terrified to let it known to the world.

"We only haven't said anything because it's still new to us, not because we want to manipulate those around us." Buck denies with a small scoff and Victoria couldnt help but clench her jaw a bit.

"Manipulate, really?" She responds, tilting her head. Buck really hadn't meant it in that way.

"Is it really that bad?" Buck asks her, just wanting to know even just the context of it all. "Vic, Kelly won't answer my calls now and the voicemails he's left... clearly somethings wrong and I think it has to do with you. On top of you and Bobby being secretive, I know you're hiding something." He explains to her. He had even called Gabby and she explained that Kelly wasn't acting like himself and she was worried about him.

"Can you just leave?" Victoria asks, feeling her body start to tremble as she turns away from him.

"No, no I'm not walking away from you." Buck denies as he moves in front of her, grabbing her hands but she rips them out of his grasp.

"Maybe I want you to." She pleads as she stares up at him. Buck frowns as he steps closer to her, bringing his hands to her cheeks and this time she didn't push him away.

"Vic, it's me." Buck says softly, not understanding why she was making this so difficult. "Anything you say to me is said in confidence, you know that." He admits. He wouldn't even tell Eddie if that's what she wanted. Buck needed her to know that he was here for her, no matter what. "Whatever it is, I will be here for you." He assures her but she shakes her head, the tears falling from her eyes.

"You should hate me." Her voice was almost incomprehensible as she sniffled, gazing up at the man.

"Why?" Buck asks her. "Because you left me?" He raises an eyebrow. Maybe he should, maybe he was being too easy on her but he didn't care. Buck only hated people for specific reason and she didn't do enough to make him hate her. "Yeah, I'm royally pissed about it but somethings telling me you had an actual reason. And yeah, maybe that isn't an excuse but if you just tell me what it is, maybe I can decide for myself." Buck explains to her.

Victoria only pulls away from him abruptly, rushing past him. "Vic." He says, watching as she made her way to the front door. "Vic!" Buck calls out, following after her but by the time he got to the door, she was already to the staircase, the door slamming behind her.

Buck sighs as he brings his hand to his face, leaning against the door frame.

••••

BOBBY HAD HIS HAND RESTED ON VICTORIA'S BACK, listening intently to her explain what had happened with Buck. She had showed up at his door less than half an hour ago, pouring rain, although it didn't seem she really cared as she had just broken down the moment she saw him. "And then I just ran out." Victoria admits as she covers her face with her hands. "I couldn't look him in the eye." She denies. She could've said it if he wasn't looking at her with that goddamn puppy dog look on his face.

"And why do you think you couldn't?" Bobby asks curiously and Victoria honestly wasn't sure of the answer.

"Fear? Shame? I don't know..."

"You know one of the first steps of healing from something like this is coming clean." Bobby points out. The whole point of going to rehab, getting sober, is to own up to things you've done and to not have anything holding you back.

"I just thought it'd be easier. I guess saying it in front of a bunch of strangers was easier than people I know." Victoria admits. Saying it in those circles in the centre was such a blip to her. But even just thinking of telling Buck made her chest tighten.

"Because they have no perceived notions of you. They're not gonna be around forever while as your family is here to stay. You're afraid of disappointing them." Bobby says. He was the same way with everyone finding out what he did. His was way worse in his own ways but it seemed Victoria felt her trauma was unforgivable.

"It's different for you and Hen, hen found me and called you, I didn't have to say anything. But with the others...."

"You told Rosie though, right?" He asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Yeah, but she's my sister." Victoria says with a small sigh.

"Is Buck really that hard to talk to?" Bobby questions. He would've thought that Buck would've been the easiest to tell but maybe their breakup was causing the hardship between them.

"Of course he isn't, he's all understanding and sympathetic." She admits. Buck was an amazing listener to anything she had to say and he always told her the right things.

"Then it stems from something inside of you that you have to deal with." Bobby states and Victoria rubs her face as she shakes her head.

"What, like somethings broken? Because that's been there for a lot longer than I've been here." Victoria admits with a scoff. The tear in her heart, in her soul formed way before she showed up in Los Angeles. The first crack happened when her dad died and it just kept ripping from there.

"I don't think you ever actually allow yourself to get over a loss, to grieve properly, to push that pain out of your life instead youve let it stockpile." Bobby explains to her. She's never dealt with the loss she's gone through, that much being clear from how she reacts when talking about it.

"Maybe that's why the thought of telling people about what happened to you is so daunting. Because you still blame yourself for it happening, you believe that since you can't forgive yourself, they wouldn't be able to either." He tells her and Victoria frowns. Shed never thought about it that way. "Maybe you still believe that you deserves to die instead of being brought back." Bobby says, his gaze soft as he stares at her.

Victoria brings her eyes to her hands as she feels tears prickle them. "How do I fix it?" She asks, genuinely wanting to know the answer. How does she stop feeling this way, how does she start to just feel happy like everyone else? "H-How do I stop this pit in my stomach from forming?" Victoria feels her voice cracking as she sniffles.

"Sometimes you can't." Bobby admits. Its not something you always had control over. "Sometimes you just have to learn how to live with it. If you don't know if you want to be here, maybe that's the first step you need to figure out in order to get where you need to be." He explains to her and she tilts her head back as she takes a deep breath.

"It just feels like..." She trails off for a moment as she feels an overwhelming numbness take over her body. "Even when I got out of rehab and thought I had gotten everything off of my chest, a weight was still pushing me down." Victoria starts as she looks back at Bobby who listens intently. "Like the only reason I'm still living is for reasons other than myself. And if those reasons weren't there, I wouldn't have anything keeping me here." She tells him.

"And what are those reasons?"

"Rosie. My friends. Buck." Victoria states. She truly wasn't living for herself right now and if she didn't have her loved ones around, she wouldn't try as hard as she did to stay alive. "If I died, Rosie would be left alone. You all would mourn me and wonder what you could've done to change it. And Buck..." She closes her eyes momentarily.

"I broke him when I left." Victoria knew she had hurt him a lot when she had walked out on him. She knew maddie had in the past, she knew his parents never cared, his bitchy ex had done the same and she had too. Victoria told herself she never would and yet she did. "I don't know what would happen if I gave into this nagging feeling to just end everything." She admits. She didn't want Buck to grieve her, not when she didn't deserve his tears.

"So, you need go figure out how to live for yourself." Bobby says, knowing what she meant. She felt like she was simply on this earth to cater to other people, to help their feelings, to not cause them pain.

"Is it really that easy?" Victoria asks him, looking toward the man who gives a small smile as he shakes his head.

"No." Bobby denies. It was hard to decide to live for yourself,  especially after youve lost so much. Finding the meaning of life is almost impossible after the universe fell apart around you. "But if you actually start to try, you'd be surprised about how much your thoughts can change." He admits.

Victoria didn't want to die. But she did. She wouldn't ever try and do what she did again, not when someone she loved could find her again. She didn't want to traumatize someone else after what she caused Hen to feel. But she wouldn't exactly stop something from happening to her. It was a fine line between life and death and she seemed to walk right on top of it, waiting to fall one way or the other.

And that's something she needed to change quick before she truly died because of it.

••••

BUCK WAS JUST SAT ON THE COUCH IN EDDIE'S HOUSE AS HE STARED AT THE TABLE. He couldn't stop thinking about his conversation with Victoria. There was something she was genuinely afraid of telling him because of how he would react. Buck couldn't think of one thing that would cause a bad reaction. He already knew she didn't cheat so what else could it be? What could've caused her to break down and run out? What could she possibly think would make him hate her?

He just wished she would talk to him. But he knew that was hard for her. She wasn't always the most open person, especially about something personal which he assumed this was. Buck wondered if it was something to maybe do with her mom, or something back in Chicago. He didn't know what, but something has upset her so much that she feels like she can't talk to him about it.

"I know my cookings bad but I didn't think my coffee was too." Eddies voice cuts into his thoughts and Buck blinks a few times as his gaze moves over to the man who had a playful expression on his face.

"What?" Buck asks, furrowing his eyebrows before looking down at the cup in his hand. "No, no it isn't." He admits, placing the cup on the table as he just leans back a bit.

"Okay, then is there a reason you've been staring at it for the past ten minutes?" Eddie questions curiously, a bit of concern in his voice. Buck sighs as he brings his hand up to run over his face.

"I went to see Vic last night." Buck admits, knowing there was no reason of really keeping it from Eddie.

"And did it not go well?"

"She ran out crying if that's what you mean." He mutters. How well could he say it have went if that's how the outcome ended.

"I know how much you want to know the truth but maybe you should just back off a bit, give her some room to tell you on her own." Eddie suggests. It seemed Victoria was just backing herself into a corner and Buck constantly asking her was probably not helping.

"She's leaving after today, Eddie." Buck states. It wasn't like he had an infinite amount of time to ask her, she wasn't apart of the 118 after this shift.

"Okay? But is she moving? No. Just give it a few weeks then stop by her apartment again." Eddie tells him. Buck was acting like she was moving states when she wasn't even moving apartments. She was simply switching stations.

"What if we're on opposite shifts?" Buck asks him and Eddie just raises an eyebrow.

"Then stop by the firehouse."

"What if--"

"Buck, you've gotta stop with the What ifs." Eddie pleads, a headache already beginning to form. Buck presses his lips together tightly for a moment.

"She wanted to tell me though, Eddie. I could see it she just.... she just didn't." Buck admits, feeling defeated in this moment. Eddie moves closer to him, taking his hand in his own and giving it a squeeze.

"How about we talk to her together, hm? Before end of shift?" He suggests, wondering if Buck would have a better time if he wasn't alone. Buck scrunches his nose up, a bit awkward.

"You don't think that'd be weird?" Buck asks him curiously.

"Why would it be?"

"She kinda knows about us." He admits hesitantly and Eddie was a bit surprised but he also wasn't. Victoria had been hinting she's known since she's come back.

"Did she say something?" Eddie questions him.

"Well, nothing against it, but I don't know, I just thought it might be weird." Buck was shocked at how Victoria seemed to just be okay with the fact he was seeing Eddie. She didn't even ask when it had started or if he had feelings prior to it happening.

"And again, why would it be?"

"Because...." Buck trails off, biting his bottom lip.  "You know, she's my ex and .. well you're--"

"You mean because it's the woman you're still in love with in the same room with the man you're seeing who just so happens to also be her friend?" Eddie asks, raising an eyebrow and explaining it like it was nothing. Buck looks down at his hands, his cheeks turning red. "Okay, let me ask you this, how is it gonna go when you two finally make up and everything's good in vic and Buck world?" He questions, placing his hand on Bucks knee.

Buck was confused, furrowing his eyebrows as his head tilted slightly. "What do you mean?" Buck asks him and Eddie shrugs his shoulders.

"I mean, would you want to get back together with her?" He retorts and that didn't even seem like a question for Buck. Of course he wanted to be with Victoria again if he understood the true reason why she left him in the first place. That love for her didn't just disappear.

"I love her." Buck states but Eddie shakes his head.

"That's not what I asked."

Buck was silent for a moment. "If I say yes, would I lose you?" He asks quietly, fear building up inside of him as he fiddled with his fingers.

"I mean, it's still new between us, Buck. We haven't even gone on any dates so it's not like it would be devastating if you were to say you wanted to go back to her." Eddie admits. He would feel devastated but he wouldn't let Buck know that. Eddie knew he was more of a rebound and he shouldn't have expected anything more.

"So, you want me to go back to her?" Buck asks, a bit confused and sad thinking Eddie was just pushing him away. Eddie sighs as he brings his fingers to the bridge of his nose.

"I'm saying, it's your choice what you want." Eddie corrects him. He was in no way telling Buck to leave, he didn't want him to. Eddie finally felt like himself around the man.

"What If I want to go back to her but I still want you?" Buck questions and Eddie could only stare back at him.

"And by that you mean...?"

"You two like each other, right? I mean, you've hooked up." Buck points out and Eddie was definitely not getting what he was trying to say.

"Yeah, once. I mean I'd be lying if I said I didn't find her attractive or that I didn't have a crush on her when I first came but I don't see how that's relevant." Eddie denies. Of course he had developed feelings for Victoria when they met, who wouldn't? She was like a goddess in his eyes. But he didn't get what Bucks point was.

"What if I don't lose either of you?" Buck questions and Eddie had to comprehend it for a moment before finally understanding what he was trying to say.

"You want to be with us both?"

"Yeah." Buck says. He had thought about it and it's a bit unconventional and theyd probably get weird looks but he didnt care. "I mean, once vic and I sort things out." He admits and Eddie nods his head slowly.

"You don't wanna be mad at her anymore?" Eddie asks him curiously. He didn't want him to just move on quickly if he still held resentment.

"That's the only issue you have with it?" Buck asks, furrowing his eyebrows a bit. He thought Eddie would be a bit more hesitant, although he also thought Eddie was straight so what did he know.

"Well, to be fair, I did have feelings for Vic but I pushed them away because I knew you liked her." Eddie admits nonchalantly and Bucks heart swooned a bit. The fact he pushed away his own feelings because Buck liked Victoria made Buck fall even more.

"That was nice of you." Buck says with a small wink, teasing him and Eddie rolls his eyes playfully before a sigh leaves his lips.

"But I just want you to think about this okay? Would you want to take her back even after what she did to you, even when you know the reason." Eddie states. He just wanted Buck to think about everything before just stepping head first in which he always seemed to do.

It wasn't that he doubted bucks love for Victoria, but Eddie didn't want him to be blinded by what was going on with her and think he had to forgive her just because of it. He wasnt sure what she was keeping from them but nothing deserved a sudden change of heart. Buck still had every right to be mad at her,

Even if his heart did want something else right now.

••••

WATCHING THE HOUSE FIRE WITH HER HANDS ON HER HIPS, Victoria felt redundant just standing there doing nothing but Bobby hadn't ordered her to go inside the house. In fact he hadn't ordered her to do anything which made her a bit annoyed. Since she said she was transferring, Bobby hadn't really been using her much on calls. She understood it was out of the blue but she had stayed a few extra shifts to help out, the least he could do was actually use her for something useful.

"Vic, I want you going up the ladder to put the water on the house once everyone is out." Bobby's voice comes from beside her and Victoria lets out a small groan as she tilts her head back.

"Why me?" Victoria asks him, wondering why no one else could do it. She was never on the water, mainly because it was the most boring job. Especially since there were fifty other cannons pointed at the house. Bobby raises an eyebrow.

"Because I said so." He responds making Victoria narrow her eyes at him.

"I thought it was gonna be a fun last shift." Victoria admits. Although they have been on constant calls today, nothing actually fun had happened during any of them. They had been nuisance calls or things they got done in ten minutes.

"Spraying the water is fun." Bobby tells her but Victoria gives him a blunt expression back.

"Mhm." She hums as she places a hand on her hip, looking at him suspiciously. "Is this another tactic to try and get me to stay?" Victoria asks him. She wouldn't be surprised as both Hen and Chimney have tried numerous things to try and get her to stay. Chimney even locked her in the janitors closet which she wasn't exactly happy about.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Bobby denies and Victoria only shakes her head slowly.

"Vic." She hears someone call. Victoria turns her head, noticing a smoke covered Buck walking her way. "I really need to talk to you when we get back to the firehouse." Buck tells her. He had been trying to talk all day but they had been getting call after call which made things difficult. He couldn't exactly have this conversation in the firetruck with everyone listening.

Really, he believed she would either brush him off or act oblivious but she actually just sent him a small smile. "Okay, sure." She responds and she could see the relief that formed on his face. "Now I'm gonna go do the funnest part of our job." Victoria says, giving a thumbs up to him and Buck couldn't help bit laugh a little bit.

"Funnest isn't a word." Bobby denies and Victoria looks back toward him.

"Bobby, you're killing me, you know that?" Victoria tells him with a groan before making her way toward the truck. Hen sighs as she stops beside Bobby, crossing her arms against her chest.

"Still couldn't convince her?" Hen asks him curiously.

"She made her decision. We just have to respect it." Bobby tells them as he sees Chimney stopping beside them as well, shaking his head.

"I can't imagine this team without her on it." Chimney denies. It had been him, hen and Victoria for almost six years, even before Bobby had come to the house. He couldn't believe she was leaving them.

"Cap, I think we should turn the power off the fires getting too close to the electrical lines." Eddie says as he jogs over, looking at Bobby who glances up at the lines.

"How long will that take?" He asks curiously and Eddie thinks for a moment.

"Maybe a few minutes." Eddie admits. Bobby contemplated it, seeing the wires moving with the wind as the flames dawned closer.

"By then the fire could jump to the next house." Bobby says. They could do it but they needed to get a jump on this fire now before it became too out of control. "Is everyone clear?" He asks and they nod their heads. Bobby glances up to where Victoria was on the ladder. "Send up the water." He says into his radio.

Victoria leant on the ladder as she aimed the hose at the house. The water starts spraying out making her let out a sigh. Her eyes move around the area, her gaze going to the wire beside her. She could see it was sparking, the flames a bit too close for her liking. Victoria frowns as she glances down at Bobby, one hand moves to her radio to say something when the wire snaps, heading in her direction.

She couldn't do anything as it had hurled toward her, suddenly jolting electricity into her body causing her to fall backwards. Everyone glances up at the sudden commotion, seeing Victoria hanging upside down on the ladder, seemingly unconsciously.

Bucks eyes widen as he jumps up from where he was, rushing toward the truck. "Vic!" He shouts, practically sprinting up the ladder, not seeing the woman moving an inch. Everything was moving in slow motion as he got nearer. "Vic!" Buck screams, getting to her body and grabbing a hold of her.

Victoria's eyes were closed, her head tilted back which made Buck almost lost his breath. "Hey! No, no." He pleads as he brings her body closer to him. "Vic, can you hear me?" Buck asks, putting his fingers against her neck as he leans down. But she wasnt breathing and he couldnt feel a pulse. "Vic?" He didn't know why he thought that she would magically come back to him.

Buck placed her on his lap, being the on the ladder making it awkward but he didn't care. He started compressions as he muttered underneath his breath, his eyes filling with tears. "Come on, baby. Don't do this." He tells her. Buck couldn't lose her, not like this. Not when he had only just gotten her back and he hadn't even gotten that. Buck couldn't let her die with everything left unfinished. He didn't know if he could live with that.

"Buck!" Bobby calls up to him but the man was so focused on what he was doing, he wasn't really listening. He blew three rescue breaths into her mouth before continuing his compressions. "Buck, can you move her?" He asks, trying to keep a steady head as he watched Buck on the ladder.

"Come back to me." Buck whispers, his voice crying as he waited for any sign of life to come from her. Hoping, praying that this wasn't the moment he lost her forever. "Vic." He was barely hearing anything else around him. His own heart pounding in his chest as he stared down at Victoria.

A gasp makes him stop, seeing Victoria's eyes open in shock. Buck almost collapsed with the relief he felt, meeting her scared gaze. "Hey, hey, you're okay. I got you." Buck says, quickly bringing her against him and keeping her close. "You hear me? I got you." He whisper, closing his eyes momentarily.

She was alive. She was here. Buck hadn't lost her. Even though his heart felt like melting into his stomach, he could feel comfort in knowing her own heart was beating again.

He felt an arm on his shoulder and as he looked up, he noticed Eddie was beside him. It was clear bobby had sent him up to get them both down. Victoria clung onto Buck with all the strength she had, tears streaming down her cheeks. Buck was afraid to let her go but he allowed Eddie to help bring her down to the ground.

They got her on the stretcher, but Buck was practically blocking Chimney and Hen from doing anything with how he was holding her. "We have to treat her, Buck." Hen tells him, not wanting to delay care. She was grateful Victoria was okay and wanted to hug her as well, but she also wanted to treat her injuries so they didn't get worse.

Eddie brings his hand to Bucks arm, lightly pulling him away and Buck went with it, knowing they were right. "I'll prep the morphine." Chimney says, moving to the med bag as Victoria's eyes went wide.

"N-no morphine." Victoria denies quickly causing Chimney to look back at her with confusion clear on his face.

"What?"

"You heard her, chim." Hen says, looking at the man. Chimney blinks a few times, seeing the look they exchanged. He just lets out a scoff.

"You have second degree burns on your chest, you're gonna want morphine." He points out, not understanding why she was denying pain medications.

"She said she doesn't want it." Bobby says, a bit more stern and Chimney was dumbfounded as he looked around at the group but found Eddie and Buck were equally as confused as he was.

"Am I missing something here?" Chimney asks curiously as Buck moves to lean over Victoria.

"Vic, baby, the morphine will help with the pain." Buck tells her, his hand brushing her hair out of her face. She only shakes her head causing his eyebrows to furrow.

Chimney sighs but he couldn't exactly administer it against her will. "Okay then, let's wrap it and get her to the hospital." He tells them.

"Buck, you can cling to her all you want at the hospital. Right now we need to actually get her there." Hen states, staring at the man who nods but doesn't move from his spot.

"I'm so glad you're okay." Buck admits as he strokes her cheek seeing the pain in her eyes as she stared back at him.

"I'm so sorry." She apologizes. She didn't know what it was for, maybe everything, maybe for walking out on him, maybe for not telling him the truth. Maybe it was for simply not being enough for him. Buck lifts her head slightly, pressing their foreheads against each other.

"I know." Buck whispers into her ear before pulling back and smiling softly at her. "I know, okay? And I still love you." He tells her and he could see the genuine relief in her eyes and she smiled brightly back at him. Eddie thought he would feel hurt, seeing them reconcile and fall in love all over again, but in all honesty, it just felt the puzzle had finally been put back together.

Victoria's head suddenly drops backwards, her eyes closing, making his eyes widen. "W-whats happening?" He asks as he looks at the others. Chimney was quick to move over to them, taking Victoria out of Bucks arms and laying her back onto the tarp.

"She's crashing." Chimney tells them as he accesses the situation.

"Why is she-- you just said she was fine!" Buck screams at them, glaring at Chimney. He hadnt meant to get angry with them, he just wasn't understanding what was happening. She was just smiling at him, how could she be coding?

"Hook up the monitor now." Bobby demands and Chimney moves to do that while Hen hovers over Victoria, her finger going to her neck. Eddie was practically pulling Buck away from Victoria so he didn't interfere.

"I've got no pulse. Starting compressions." Hen tells them, bringing her hands to the womans chest. Chimney hooks up the monitor, only bringing the sound of the deafening flatline to their ears. If Buck wasn't already on the ground, he was sure his knees would have given out from under him.

"She was just awake and responsive." Chimney says, keeping his voice low as he looked over at Hen.

"Even with the pain, it wouldn't make her heart give out like this." Hen denies and Chimney looks toward the monitor, his eyebrows furrowing. He thinks to himself for a moment before something hits him.

"Hen, it might be a heart attack." Chimney states as Eddie steps forward, shaking his head.

"S-She's healthy, she doesn't have any of the risk factors." Eddie points out, his hand on Bucks shoulder but he wasn't exactly sure what that was doing for either of them.

"Healthy people can have heart attacks. Not often young people though but it does happen." Chimney explains to them as Hen continues the compressions even though it didn't seem to be making much if a difference on the monitor.

●• [song]

"Get her to the ambulance now." Bobby tells them and a few other firefighters rush over and lift Victoria off of the ground and onto the gurney. Buck tries to pull himself off of the ground but Eddie was mainly lifting him up.

"I-im coming too." He says as he rushes after the others. Bobby looked at him with worry, beginning to shake his head as he wasn't sure it was such a good idea. By the look on Hens face, she didn't think so either.

"Buck--" bobby starts to deny but Buck cuts him off.

"No, I'm coming!" Buck needed to be there, to be by her side the whole way. Mainly because he was afraid if he wasn't, he would arrive at the hospital and they'll tell him she died en route. He couldn't have that.

Bobby couldn't exactly waste time to argue so he hesitantly nods his head. "Chimney, drive." Bobby demands and Chimney nods his head as he quickly jumps out of the ambulance.

"On it." Chimney moves to the drivers seat as Buck climbs into the back of the ambulance. Bobby shuts the door behind them as Hen resumes her compressions. Turning the Sirens on, Chimney speeds out of the scene, heading to the closest hospital as fast as he could.

Hen kept her movements strong and precise even if her mind was trying to collapse on her. The tears in her eyes were the obvious sign that she was trying to keep it together but was failing. She couldn't do this again. Especially knowing that with each time a person codes, it's harder and harder to bring them back.

"Come on, Vic." Hen mutters as she shakes her head, sniffling as she blinks back the tears. "Don't do this to me again." She could all but feel Buck's eyes on her as she does the compressions and it makes it that much harder. Hen hadn't wanted him in the ambulance because she wasn't sure what she would do if Victoria's heartbeat didn't come back.

She couldn't take Buck's eyes on her now, let alone if Victoria died. "Please." Bucks voice was quiet as he sat next to Victoria. His gaze now on her as he held the womans hand. She looked so peaceful even with Hens movements jolting her body. Her face was soft and relaxed and it only made Buck's heart ache even more.

"Vic, you're gonna be okay." Buck assures her, bringing up his other hand to stroke her hair. His body was shaking with the tears that left his eyes, his emotions coming to a crash as he desperately pleaded for Victoria to wake up. "You hear me? You're gonna come back to me." He states with a firm nod, pressing a kiss to the side of Victoria's head.

Hen closes her eyes, not being able to watch as she continued her compressions. And she almost broke down when Buck's eyes moved to her own and she saw the pure desperation in his eyes, the overwhelming pain that had boiled up inside of him. "Hen, p-please." Hen didn't think she'd ever heard him sound so... broken. And in that moment, there was nothing she could really do to comfort him. Because she couldn't even comfort herself.

"Vics a fighter, she'll pull through." Chimney's voice comes from the front as he glanced back at them before his eyes drifted back to the road. "She has to." His voice was low, his fingers gripping the steering wheel as his jaw clenches slightly.

"Come on, baby." Buck silently begs as he drops his head onto her shoulder. "Please come back to me." He pleads as he squeezes his eyes shut. Buck hated how he let something so petty drive them apart. He had spent the past few weeks making her feel bad about what she did, even though he knew it was because she was in pain. And instead of just trying to talk to her when she got back, he only made that pain worse.

"Chimney, drive faster!" Hen screams toward him, her voice full of raw emotion.

"I'm going as fast as I can." Chimney responds, only being able to go so quick without causing an accident.

Buck had never been so sure of what he wanted in his life until that moment he saw Victoria hanging from the ladder. In that exact moment, it finally hit him. And when they got her back, he believed that it could happen, he believed he could be truly happy with the future he had in his head. And then she coded in his arms. She died. And that future was ripped away from him.

As they pull up to the hospital, the ambulance screeches to a halt. Chimney jumps out of the drivers seat, rushing to the back of the ambulance in order to open the doors for the doctors. Helping get the gurney down onto the ground, the doctors rush her into the emergency room.

The others follow in after them, their world acting in slow motion as their friend is wheeled down the hallway quickly. They were stopped by the nurse before they could go through the doors that led to a restricted part of the hospital. She just gives them a sad look before following after her team.

Hen brings her hands up to her head as Chimney stands beside her. His arm wraps around her as the woman almost collapses against him but he is quick to hold her up. He couldn't even fight back his own tears as all they could do was stand their in silence as they watched their friend get further and further away from them.

Chimneys eyes move to Buck who was standing motionless near the door. His face was tear stained as his eyes were glued open. It was clear he was in shock. Chimney was surprised he was still on his feet. But Buck was so hyper fixated on worrying about Victoria, that he didn't care if his body was aching with exhaustion and pain.

The silence overcame them as they all just stood there with each other. Because that's all they could do. They just had to hope that Victoria would pull through. But she had to. Their world would never be the same if she ended up dying today. Which is why she was going to make it. They believed that.

Even if the universe kept trying to break them apart.

••••

Authors note; vic begins chapter is next :)