••••

VICTORIA KNOCKED ON ROSIE'S BEDROOM DOOR. She didn't know what else to do since she hadnt come out since Victoria had gotten home. She sighs as she opens it a crack, glad she hadnt put a lock on it like Rosie had wanted. She notices her sister just laying on her bed, scrolling through her phone. "I made some breakfast if you want to come out and eat." She suggests with a small smile but it doesn't last long as she receives no answer.

She didn't blame Rosie for being mad, she just wanted to talk. "Rosie, can you please talk to me." Victoria pleads as she leans against the door frame. Rosie moves her eyes to her, a glare set on her face.

"Why should I?" Rosie asks her which honestly Victoria was glad for since at least she was saying something.

"I know I left suddenly--"

"You didn't even say goodbye." She snaps harshly. Rosie would feel different if Victoria had explained what was going on but she didn't. She was just suddenly being picked up by Bobby and brought to their house.

"And I promise you, it had nothing to do with you." Victoria denies, not wanting her to think It had anything to do with her or raising her because Victoria didn't regret that that in the slightest.

"Saying that doesn't make it all better." Rosie retorts and Victoria slowly makes her way over to the bed, sitting on the edge of it. "Why were you in Chicago? Why couldn't I go with you?" She asks, genuinely just wanting to understand what was going on.

"Because it was something I had to do on my own." Victoria admits and Rosie could see the pain that had formed in her sisters eyes.

"Did you visit Anthony's grave? Shays?"

"I was too much of a coward to even show my face at the firehouse." She mutters, feeling so pissed off with herself.

"Then why did you go?" Rosie asks but Victoria seemed hesitant to say anything. "Vic, im your sister. I know you think you need to protect me from everything but who protects you?" She questions as she moves closer to Victoria, taking her hand. "Please talk to me." She pleads, wanting to be let in on whatever pain Victoria seemed to be keeping to herself.

"I-i.." Victoria clears her throat, sniffling a bit. "I um..." She closes her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. "After shays death, I was feeling very down, I felt like nothing mattered anymore, that everyone else was just going... like everything I ever knew was just going to fade away." She starts to explain and Rosie watches her intently. "I felt like I was suffocating every single day." Victoria admits and Rosie felt her heart break a little bit.

"Vic, why didn't you talk to me about it?" Rosie asks her curiously. She was older now, it wasn't like she was still a little kid, not understanding certain emotions.

"Because I didn't want to bother anyone." Victoria hated being the burden, she hated everyone turning their attention to her when they had their own problems to deal with.

"Did Buck know you felt like this?" Rosie questions, wondering if he had known any sort of inkling as to what Victoria was hiding within herself.

"I bought oxy." Victoria blurts it out, feeling some relief leave her as it xame out. Rosie was shocked at first, her mouth opening but closing as she stared at her sister. "At first it was just to take the edge off, to take away the pain. But it still wasn't stopping the endless thoughts bashing around in my mind." She explains. Victoria had thought it would help but it had only made things ten times worse.

"Is this why you slept with Kelly?" Rosie asks her and Victoria looked a bit surprised. "I know things." She admits as she shrugs her shoulders.

"I didn't sleep with him." Victoria denies with a small groan.

"What? But didn't you tell Buck you cheated on him?" She questions, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion.

"We kissed." Victoria says. "For a whole two seconds before I pulled away-- and we were both so out of it." She admits and Rosie closes her eyes, shaking her head a bit.

"Vic..."

"I took a lot of pills that day." Victoria feels her voice shake, having to swallow harshly to be able to speak properly. "I think I was trying to convince myself that it was just to make it all bearable, to make my mistake less of..." She rubs her face as she just shifts in her spot. "I didn't know I wanted to die until afterwards, when I woke up in the hospital and I felt so..... numb." She admits.

Rosie was quietly listening, her hand squeezing Victoria's knee. Victoria felt like she was failing by admitting this to Rosie. She wasn't supposed to be aware of all of Victoria's problems she just had to focus on her own. But this is what Victoria got for not dealing with them properly.

"Bobby and Hen sent me to a rehab facility in Chicago, that's why I went there so suddenly. They sent me to Chicago because they thought being near my friends would help but I was too scared to face them because I felt like everyone would judge me even though they are like our family and they would've done nothing but help."

"I'm so sorry." Rosie apologizes, having no idea any of this had been happening to her and she felt ashamed that she didn't notice anything was wrong.

"I wanted to visit the graves but I felt like it would've been too much." Victoria surely wouldnt have made it if she had gone alone. "Even after I left rehab, I just feel like if I went there, I would've spiraled again." She admits and Rosie nods her head.

"You don't have to explain anymore, okay? I understand." Rosie didnt want her to say anything she wasnt ready to say yet. "Does Buck know any of this?" She asks cautiously, not knowing if it was a sore subject to bring up. Victoria was silent.

"No."

"Why did you hurt him, Vic?"

"I wasnt thinking. The only thing that was in my mind was the constant nagging that I wasn't good enough for anyone and that he deserved someone better. So, I guess my mind convinced itself that if I made him hate me, he would be forced to move on instead of waiting for me to get out of rehab."

Rosie slowly nodded her head. She hated how Victoria felt like she had to keep all of this bottled up inside. "I get why you did it but, you really hurt him, you know that right?" She asks. She liked Buck and felt awful when she learned how much pain he was in.

"Yeah... I want to make everything right but now he's with someone else and I don't want to ruin what he's made." Victoria admits. She didn't know if what Buck was saying was the truth but she did believe it. He did seem a bit happier.

"If you tell him, he'll come back to you." Rosie says, understanding what she meant. "But you don't want that." She adds and Victoria just looks up at the ceiling.

"I don't know what I want anymore." Victoria denies, feeling her heart want to plummet into her stomach. "I still don't know if I even want to be here." She admits, hating even saying it out loud, especially in front of Rosie. "Is it selfish for me to think that way?" She asks, her eyes moving back to Rosie.

"Why, cause I'll be left alone?" Rosie retorts, knowing all victoria ever thought about was other people. "You can make things about yourself for once, you don't always have to be looking out for other people." She says, taking Victoria's hand in her own but Victoria couldnt take it anymore, the tears falling from her eyes.

"I just want it to stop." Victoria covers her face with her hands and Rosie was quick to engulf her sister in a hug. She never wanted to put any of this on Rosie because she was supposed to be the little sister, but Rosie was growing up and she now understood more than Victoria ever wanted.

But sometimes it was good to have a sister to lean on, a sister to confess everything to, someone who will just support you no matter what. Because that's what Victoria needed in that moment.

Even if it was about how much her life wanted to come to an end.

••••

BOBBY WAS WATCHIHG EVERYONE VERY CAREFULLY. Seeing how separated they all were. He couldn't remember the last time they had a group discussion that didn't end in a fight. Bobby knew this was partially because of Victoria and Buck. Everyone was divided on which side to be on. None of them realizing that there shouldn't be any sides in a fire house. They all had to be one team in order to save people's lives. And Bobby couldn't let them forget that.

"Okay, everyone gather in." Bobby calls out, gesturing for them to come toward him. They all seemed confused, wondering what was happening.

"Uh, why?" Buck asks, placing his hands on his hips.

"Because we are gonna run some drills." Bobby tells them and everything instantly let out a chorus of groans.

"Come on." Victoria mutters, tilting her head back.

"Why?" Eddie asks.

"Can't we just have dinner, Cap?" Chimney questions, wanting to eat, not burn more calories.

"No, because from just watching you for the past hour, I see we need to work on our team building skills." Bobby states as he looks between the group. Buck just shrugs his shoulders.

"We're perfectly fine in the field." He admits and bobby raises an eyebrow.

"Is that right?" He asks, clearly not agreeing in the slightest. "On the last call alone, Vic was by herself on the second floor of that apartment fire-- which I didn't authorize you to go in either." Bobby says, pointing his finger at her and she winces slightly. She just thought they needed more help so she had went in. Granted she should have asked first.

"When I asked you to find her and go by her side to find victims, you disobeyed me and kept sweeping the third floor with Eddie." Bobby adds as he looks toward Buck who only crosses his arms against his chest. "Hen was calling so much over the radio at you that I didnt even know what half of it was." He states with a scoff causing Hen to fiddle with her fingers. "And Chimney you were so concerned with what the others were doing that you didn't realize vic had gone off by herself when she's supposed to be trailing you." Chimney looks down at the floor to avoid the pointed stare.

"Did I miss anything?" Bobby asks, tilting his head as he looks at his team who didn't say anything. Until Buck piped up, clearly a bit pissed off.

"So it's our fault that vic went off by herself?" Buck questions, pointing toward Victoria.

"Oh, like you don't do that." Victoria retorts. He's acting like he isn't ten times worse at ignoring orders.

"Not into fires."

"I can name countless times you've done it." Victoria admits, crossing her arms against her chest.

"Well, it was reckless for you to do it when you know you're not supposed to be even going in fires." Eddie adds, taking Bucks side once again which makes Victoria let out a scoff.

"Oh please, I have more experience than both of you combined. I am more than capable of navigating a fire by myself." She tells them. Chimney glances between them.

"She's got a point." He admits, not wanting to take sides, he was just adding useful facts... or opinions to the conversation.

"You do know you could've gotten us all trapped if you wouldn't have been able to get out by yourself?" Buck retorts, raising an eyebrow and Victoria only narrows her gaze.

"What, you need to hold eddies hand to find your way out of a three story building?" She asks him, looking between them.

"Hen was the one confusing us with everything she was saying." Buck snaps, gesturing over to the woman who only glares back at him.

"Well, if you'd answer me, I wouldn't have to say it a thousand times." Hen retorts and Buck rolls his eyes.

"Half of what you were saying was bullshit." He admits and Hen just scoffs, tilting her head back a bit.

"You being an arrogant prick wasn't." She mumbles and Buck clenches his jaw at her comment.

"You should've just went to find vic when Cap told you to. We don't leave anyone behind." Chimney tells him, piping a bit and Buck lets out a humourless laugh.

"Oh, we don't? I'd have loved to get that memo three months ago." Buck sneers and Victoria went to respond but Hen beat her to it.

"That has nothing to do with the job and you know it."

"All of you be quiet." Bobby raises his voice causing everyone to stop talking. You could hear crickets, that's how quiet it had become. "I am sick of this, all right?" He snaps, glaring at his team who stood in front of him with their heads hung low. "Can you all work together or do I have to find myself a new team?" He threatens and they all mutter a series of sorry and yeses.

A sigh leaves Bobby's lips as he shakes his head in disappointment. "Now run hose lines." He demands as he gestures toward them. No one moved for a moment. "That is an order." He states and they all rush off. Bobby desperately wanted to keep his team together, he didn't want one person to change.

So he either had to get them in line, or change was going to become inevitable.

••••

SITTING AT THE TABLE EATING LUNCH, Victoria was by herself at the end because she didn't really feel like talking to anyone. She could hear multiple conversations happening, Chimney and Hen, Buck and Eddie. She saw the way Buck clutched onto eddies arm as he laughed and she smiled gently before her eyes returned to her plate.

Hearing her phone buzz, she glances at it, seeing she was getting a video call from Gabby. "Hey." Victoria says as she answers it, seeing the woman pop up on the screen.

"Hey?" Gabby responds with a small scoff which makes Victoria furrow her eyebrows. "That's all you have to say?" She asks and Victoria could only stare back at her.

"Uh, what?"

"Were you just never going to tell me that you were in Chicago?" Gabby questions and Victoria went silent. Multiple eyes turned to her and she quickly got up from the table. She rushed down the stairs before Gabby could say anything else. Buck was confused, furrowing his eyebrows as he looked toward Bobby who had a knowing look on his face.

"It wasn't a fun trip, Gabby." Victoria denies, keeping her voice down while also lowering the volume on her phone.

"You don't think we would've wanted to see you?" Gabby wanted to understand why Victoria just wouldn't mention it to anyone.

"I tried, okay? I really did but I chickened out." She admits. She had thought about it, she had even started to get a cab there but she had stopped halfway.

"How long were you there?" Gabby questions and Victoria knew if she gave the real answer, Gabby would automatically assume something was wrong.

"Not long, I promise." She lies, really not wanting to talk about it right now. "I just needed to come home after everything that's happened." Victoria admits.

"We would've come to you, you didn't have to come to the station." Gabby denies. She knew the station could bring up some pretty bad memories.

"I know. I just... I felt like I would've brought everyone down." Victoria wasn't lying about that. She had been in a pretty rough place and wouldn't have been the best person to be around.

"Vic, we all love you and we just want you to be happy."

"What am I even gonna say walking in there after six years?" Victoria asks. She knew she's gone on video calls with them but that wasn't the same. Especially with all she's been through and all she's let happen.

"I've missed you all and I'm happy to see you." Gabby says bluntly, narrowing her eyes. She was pretty upset that Victoria hadn't visited them but she must have had a good reason.

"I was not in the state of mind to say that." Victoria denies. She probably would have screwed things up there as well.

"Just.... call me next time, okay?" Gabby says after a moment, a small sigh leaving her. She didnt mind being the only one to go see her, she just didn't want her to be alone.

"Okay."

"Kelly came back two months ago, I don't know if you've been talking." Gabby tells her, wondering if she knew anything about it. Victoria had thought about Kelly a lot but hadn't reached out. She didn't know how to.

"Uh, we haven't been in touch much." She denies.

"He's distracted, Vic and I don't know why. It's not Shay... not anymore. We just can't seem to figure out what's going on with him." Gabby tells her and Victoria could tell she was very concerned. "He won't even tell Matt." She admits and Kelly usually confided in Casey about a lot.

"I don't know, Gabby. Like I said, I haven't spoken to him in a while." Victoria says as she rubs her face. She hoped what happened between them wasn't what was keeping Kelly from being himself.

"Well, will you let me know if you do?" Gabby asks her, worry in his tone and Victoria nods.

"Yeah."

"You seem a bit better." She admits, seeing that it didn't look like Victoria was too sleep deprived as she was before.

"Relatively." Victoria states. There were aspects of herself which had gotten better and some that had gone to shit. "I just massively screwed up here, Gabby." She tells her as she rests her head against the wall.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Gabby asks her gently and Victoria takes a deep breath.

"I just..... I think I know what I have to do, I just don't know how everyone will react." Victoria states and Gabby was silent for a moment.

"Well, just tell the truth. That's all I can tell you." She responds. Gabby couldn't tell her what would happen because she genuinely didn't know. Plus she didn't know what Victoria was referring to.

"Yeah, thanks." Victoria responds, chewing at her bottom lip.

"I love you." Gabby says, blowing a kiss into the camera. Victoria gently smiles toward her.

"Love you too." Victoria says before hanging up the call. She just leans against the wall as she tilts her head up. Closing her eyes, she brings her hands up to cover her face.

••••

BUCK HITS THE PUNCHING BAG HARD, a groan leaving him as he just shakes his head. He kept thinking back to the call with Gabby and Victoria. Why had Gabby said she hadnt seen Victoria. Wasn't that the whole point of Victoria supposedly running off to Chicago? "Bobby's acting like he's not the one lying to all of us." He admits as he lands another punch. Eddie, who was standing next to him was just confused as to what he was talking about.

"What do you mean?"

"He knows something. You see it too, right?" Buck asks him, turning to him as he stops the punching bag. Eddie shrugs his shoulders.

"He's just worried for the team." Eddie suggests. Bobby was trying to keep the team from falling apart, partially the reason he snapped at them.

"No, it's something more." Buck denies with a shake of his head. "Rosie said something about Bobby knowing more than he's letting on about vic. And do you see the looks he gives Hen?" He asks and Eddie didn't really get where all of this was coming from.

"It's probably nothing."

"He said she took some time off to go to Chicago and yet she doesn't visit her friends? That doesn't strike you as odd?" Buck wanted to know he wasn't crazy but it didn't seem Eddie shared the same thoughts he did. He did see Eddie rub his jaw a little bit.

"I mean, it's a little weird." Eddie admits as they were given the reason that Victoria needed time and had headed back to Chicago to do that.

"More than a little. They're keeping something from us." Buck states firmly and Eddie simply runs a hand across his face.

"Why don't you just ask?" Eddie suggests. He didn't get what theorizing was going to get him, other than a night of restless sleep as it kept him up.

"You seriously think she'll tell me?" He retorts as they watch Victoria walk down the stairs and head in their direction.

"Then I'll ask." Eddie replies and Buck snorts a bit.

"Doubt she'll tell you either."

"Then what do you want me to do, Buck?" Eddie asks as he brings his fingers to the crease between his eyebrows.

"I don't know." Buck answers him quickly as Victoria enters the room and heads over to where the weights were. Eddie watched her carefully and Buck was just discreetly shaking his head but Eddie simply ignored him.

"So, Gabby seemed pissed." Eddie speaks up and Victoria glances over at him. She wasn't sure he was actually speaking to her at first but she knew Gabby wasn't a name he just threw around.

"I thought you weren't talking to me." Victoria retorts bluntly as she stares back at Eddie who seemed taken aback a bit.

"I'm building a bridge." Eddie admits with a forced smile. Victoria just rolls her eyes a little bit.

"Well, it's none of your concern." She denies as she turns back to what she was doing. Although it didn't seem like she would be working out if they kept bothering her.

"If you weren't visiting your friends in Chicago, then what were you doing?" Eddie questions, just wanting to know why she had flown halfway across the country to not even visit the people she had there.

"Maybe I was visiting family." Victoria says as she shrugs her shoulders.

"Your mom's in an asylum." Buck says, a bit too blunt for Victoria's liking and she instantly glares toward him.

"She's in a nursing home." She corrects him as he was practically implying that she was crazy. Victoria was not about to allow him to call her that. "Don't talk about my mother when you know nothing about her." Victoria sneers and Buck did feel bad that he had said that. He hadnt meant to, he just thought thar was what Victoria had meant when she said she had committed her.

"You weren't visiting her for three months, vic." Eddie denies as that was a less than plausible story.

"Why do either of you care?" Victoria asks in a bit of a harsh tone. "You told me you never wanted to see me again and you said that you're not my friend anymore so pick a struggle. Talk to me or don't." She snaps. She didnt care if they wanted to hate her but if they wanted to do that, then they should just leave her alone.

As she goes to move past them, she stops beside Buck. "And for the record, I would have never left you alone in a fire, no matter what." Victoria says, pushing past him and heading toward the stairs. Buck frowns slightly as she watches him

He hadn't actually ignored Bobby's ask of him, he had been bringing a victim outside and couldn't actually go up to where Victoria was. Buck didn't abandon her but apparently that's what everyone thought now. Buck just turns back to the punching back before landing yet another blow against it.

••••

WALKING TOWARD THE LOCKER ROOM, Victoria was just listening to Hen rant about Denny and his schoolwork. She couldn't help but laugh at how stressed the woman seemed to be over it. As they enter the room, they see Buck sat on the bench. The conversation dies down as Hen just looks between them. Buck simply gets up and walks past them with not even a second glance. Victoria just sighs as she crosses her arms against her chest.

"He can't stay in a room with me for longer than five seconds." Victoria mumbles as she sits down on the bench. Hen just stares at her with a dumbfounded expression on her face.

"Maybe he will if you just talk to him." Hen points out, placing a hand on her hip. Victoria meets her gaze, letting out a small groan.

"Hen--"

"He deserves to know, Vic. They all do." She states, tired of keeping the secret from everyone especially since it was causing problems.

"And it's my decision to tell them." Victoria retorts. She didn't need them telling everyone she was junkie. She could barely accept that fact herself and it was hard enough telling Rosie.

"Okay, maybe you don't tell them about that, but you should at least tell Buck about Kelly." Buck, who had come back for his phone, stopped short by the door, hiding behind it at the mention of his name.

"That's already over with." Victoria says, it was done deal.

"Vic, can you stop being so stubborn." Hen pleads as she clasps her hands together but who was she kidding, Victoria was always hard to talk to about these sorts of things.

"The damage is done. Nothing will change." She denies and Hen didn't believe that in the slightest. At this point, Victoria was just making up excuses.

"You don't think Buck would think differently if he learned you lied to him about Kelly?" Hen asks her. Buck furrows his eyebrows as he continues to listen, wondering what she meant about that.

"I know he would." Victoria says, a bit frustrated. It wasn't that she didn't think Buck would instantly talk to her if he knew she didn't cheat. It's that she knew he would actually try his best to understand if she did tell him. And that would mean he would just push away all of his pain for her and she didn't need that.

"Then why aren't you saying something?" Hen asks her, if she knew he would somewhat forgive her then why was she waiting?

"Because it's over, hen." Victoria says, feeling herself become numb again despite her trying her hardest to let her emotions in. "And I know if I say something now..... Buck deserves better than me." She says, shaking her head. Hen frowns as she just stares at the woman.

"So, youll allow him to hate you?" Hen questions, she couldn't believe she would just give up her happy ending because she felt like Buck didn't deserve her.

"Yes." She simply says and Buck felt his heart clench a bit as he stared at the floor.

"I know you've been through a lot. But you deserve happiness too and Buck--"

"Deserves better." Victoria finishes for her, more firmer this time. She had come to terms with the fact that she wasn't more than a broken doll. And Buck deserved someone better and to not be stuck with someone who constantly needed to be fixed.

The alarm rings before Hen could say anything else. Buck was quick to rush off to the truck before they could see him. As Victoria heads out of the locker room, she catches Bobby coming out of his office. "Can we talk after the call?" She asks curiously and Bobby looks at her for a moment.

"Of course." Bobby says with a nod before they both make their way toward the truck.

The call ended pretty quickly which Victoria was thankful about. She made her way to Bobby's office after getting her stuff situated and closed the door behind her. Bobby was sat at his desk, clearly waiting for her. "What did you need to talk about?" He asks her curiously as he watched her fiddle with the papers in her hands.

Victoria moves back and forth on her feet, contemplating it for a moment. But in the end she just walks over to the desk. "Here." She says as she places the paper down in front of him. Bobby was a bit confused as he picked it up.

"What is this?"

"My transfer papers." Victoria answers him and Bobby was shocked as he stared a the paper before lifting his eyes back to her. He didn't know where this was coming from. He could take a guess but he didn't think she would leave because of it.

"Vic--" He starts to say but she shakes her head, trying to keep herself contained.

"Bobby, I can't stay here." She denies, not wanting to cause any more problems. "My relationship with Buck has distrupted the whole team and I never meant it to. I guess that was my bad for thinking I could come back here." Victoria says, feeling stupid for ever thinking things would be the same.

"We can work something out, I'll talk to Buck." Bobby states, turning in his chair to get up but Victoria stops him.

"Don't." She didnt need him talking to Buck. Not when she couldnt even say it herself. "He has every right to be angry with me and I just think it's best if i let him go." Victoria tells him and Bobby didn't seem on board with that idea.

"If we tell him the truth, Vic, he'll understand." Bobby suggests and Victoria nods her head slowly but her eyes just move to the ground.

"Maybe. But either way, I hurt him and I'll never forgive myself for that. I'm not what he needs, Bobby. This house is. And he can't have that with me here." Victoria explains to him. She didn't care if Buck forgave her eventually, she promised herself that she'd never hurt him and that's exactly what she did. Victoria had felt so much pain in her life and it killed her that she gave that pain to someone else.

Bobby seemed distraught as he stared back at her. "Is there anything I can do to convince you to stay?" Bobby asks her, a pleading tone in his voice. But Victoria shakes her head, not even a moment of hesitance going through her.

Closing his eyes, bobby drops his head for a minute before standing up from his chair. He walked over to her, instantly pulling her in for a hug which she accepts. "You will always have a place here. " Bobby whispers as he holds onto her tightly and she could hear the pain in his voice.

"I know." Victoria replies, a tear falling down her cheek. "Thank you. For everything you've done for me." She states as she sniffles, closing her eyes. She didn't know if she could say goodbye to everyone else if this is how the first one was going. It wasn't like she was going far, but it was different when you weren't in the same house.

Bobby was a truly like a father figure to her and although she wouldn't be in his team anymore, she hoped they kept in touch with each other. Because she knew she'd eventually need him for something and she hoped that he would answer her call when she made it.

••••

VICTORIA WAS SAT ON THE PARK BENCH ACROSS FROM THE STATION. She was simply staring at the building under the night sky. She couldn't believe she was leaving the 118. Victoria always thought she would end her career there. She never felt like moving up in the food chain other than being a leutenient. She was pretty content with being hands on within the team and saving lives. And she always saw herself doing that here.

But now she was leaving. And she had no one else to blame but herself. Victoria knew she could've stuck it out, kept to herself and hope that everything would blow over. But that wasn't fair for everyone else. That wasn't fair for Buck. They deserved to be happy at work, enjoy themselves, not worry constantly if a fight was gonna break out.

If she had to leave for that to happen, she was okay with that. Especially because she knew they'd take good care of the place. And she didn't know where the road would lead her, maybe someday it would come right back here. But right now, she knew her path was leading her away.

"You look like you've had a pretty rough day." A voice comes from beside her. Victoria glances up, seeing Maddie standing beside her. Victoria quickly wipes the tear that had fallen down her cheek, forcing a smile onto her face.

"Maddie, hey." She responds as Maddie just sits beside her.

"Hey." Maddie says as she opens her arms and Victoria just stares at her reluctantly. "What, I don't get a hug?" She asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't think I'm hug material." Victoria denies with a small frown.

"I can't exactly blame you for running." Maddie admits, bringing her arms back down but Victoria didn't care if she understood that, Victoria still really hurt Buck.

"I hurt your brother, you should be royally pissed at me."

"I am. Under the surface." Maddie teases, winking toward her. "But I can still be your friend, especially because you've been through a lot and you look like you need someone." She points out.

"You sure Buck won't hate you just for speaking with me?" Victoria asks her curiously.

"He can deal with it." Maddie says with a gentle smile but Victoria just stares at her own hands. "Look, I'm not sure what happened, I only know what Chimney and Buck told me, but there's also your side of this whole thing." She admits as she nudges Victoria's shoulder to get her attention. "Are you gonna tell it?" Maddie asks genuinely.

"I don't know if the world would be ready." Victoria denies, biting her cheek as she feels the tears brewing in her eyes.

"You'll never know unless you say it." Maddie tells her and Victoria just shakes her head.

"Buck is the sweetest guy ever." Victoria admits. She knew that from the first moment she started seeing him, he cared so much about making everything perfect for her. "And I'm not a good person." She denies. She had come to terms with that in rehab and that was okay.

"What makes you say that?" Maddie asks, furrowing her eyebrows. "What defines a good person, Vic? Cause I promise you my brother is flawed as well. We all are. No human being is perfect." She denies, not wanting Victoria to feel so low of herself.

"Buck was everything." Victoria mumbles, a tear escaping her eye. Maddie could see how much Victoria cared for her brother, that's why she wasn't pulling her hair or calling her a bitch for what she did. Because she could tell that there was more that Victoria wasn't letting on.

"Talk to him, Vic. I'm sure if you just speak to him, he'll understand." Maddie suggests. Buck was understanding eventually if you just told him what the problem was.

"You had a pretty rough day recently, huh? With the whole dispatch being taken hostage." Victoria says, changing the subject as she sniffles, wiping her eyes. Maddie saw the sudden change but didn't bother trying to get the conversation back on track.

"Yeah, it was pretty scary." Maddie admits, taking a deep breath as she recalls the events.

"Heard you were a badass." Victoria states with a smirk, winking over at her and Maddie couldn't help but laugh a little bit.

"Let me guess, Chimney told you?" She asks, raising an eyebrow and Victoria shrugs her shoulders innocently. As if being beckoned, Chimney walked over to them with his hands in his pockets.

"Hey, sorry for making you wait." Chimney apologizes but Maddie just smiles at him as she shakes her head.

"That's okay. Vic and I had a good talk." Maddie says as she places her hand on the womans knee for a moment before standing up. "I'm sure you'll find a way to tell him whatever it is, in your own way." She assures Victoria, giving her a gentle smile before taking Chimneys hand and walking toward her car.

Victoria watches them leave, all happy and in love as they talked with each other. She wanted that again. She wanted to not feel so much dread inside of herself. But the only person she wanted that with was Buck, and she wasn't ready to open herself up so much to him, to be so vulnerable.

Because she never had. And that was an issue she had to work on before she even thought about telling him the truth.

••••

EDDIE WAS LEANT AGAINST THE SIDE OF BUCK'S COUCH AS HE JUST STARED AT THE MAN. "And she said that? She said she didn't cheat on you?" Eddie asks him curiously as he narrows his gaze a bit. Buck was explaining to him that he had overheard Hen and Victoria talking in the locker room and well, Eddie was just trying to make sure what Buck was telling him was right.

"Not in those exact words but the way Hen was describing it..." Buck trails off a bit and Eddie nods his head slowly.

"Why would she say she cheated on you when she didn't?" He questions, still not understanding that part. Buck sighs as he moves over to the couch, sitting down and putting his hand on his face.

"I don't know. The alarm rang before I could hear anything else." Buck admits, just staring out in front of him. "But I don't understand why she would hurt me like that for no reason?" He states, shaking his head. Buck really didn't get why Victoria had told him she cheated, said he didn't deserve her and ran out. He was starting to believe what he was thinking earlier. That there was a big piece of the puzzle he was missing.

"You know who you could ask." Eddie starts and Buck glances at the man curiously as he takes a seat beside him.

"Who?"

"Kelly." Eddie suggests and Buck knew he was right. Kelly was one of the only people he could call, and he would definitely tell him the truth unlike everyone else. "He's the only other one who would know what happened." He points out and Buck nods his head slowly.

"Yeah, um... our last conversation didn't go well." Buck admits as he chews his bottom lip.

"Right, you screaming at him and hanging up." Eddid says with a small sigh. Even though Kelly had probably forgotten about that by now.

"But he did leave me a lot of voicemails." Buck admits, grabbing his phone from his pocket and scrolling through it until he got to the multiple voicemails. Pressing the first one, he placed his phone on the table in front of him.

"Hey buck, it's Kelly.... I know you don't want to talk to me. I'm not sure what Vic said but by how our call ended, I can see it wasn't good. Just um... look I can explain, just call me back."

Buck sighs as he stares down at the voice message before pressing the next one.

"It's Kelly again. Vics not answering my calls either and I'm not sure what I did. We kissed-- if you would even call it a kiss. We were drinking and talking about Shay and it happened. She instantly pulled away and so did I and I apologized and ran out. That's all thar happened I swear. Just please call me."

"So, she didn't cheat." Eddie says as the way Kelly was describing it, it was more of a drunken accident than anything else.

"Wait, here's once from two months ago." Buck states as he presses on the most recent message.

"Hi, it's Kelly. Um, I don't know why Vic... I mean i-- she's going through a lot, man and I am ninety percent sure she never meant to hurt you the way she did. She just says things sometimes and sometimes it's not... her. Just don't be hard on her. She -- I can't do this."

The voicemail cut short which made them both confused as they looked at each other. "What was that about?" Eddie wonders, trying to figure out what Kelly had been talking about.

"I have no idea." Buck mutters as he shakes his head.

"Do you think he knows why she really went to Chicago?" Eddie asks curiously. It would make sense if he did and that's why he stopped sending voicemails, because he knew he'd say it.

"Maybe." Buck says, rubbing his face a bit when a knock sounded on the door. He lets out a small sigh, placing his phone down and getting up from the couch. Walking over, he opens it, only to be met with Victoria. "Vic." He says, a bit shocked that she had shown up at his doorstep once again.

Victoria seemed a bit nervous, pulling at her jacket sleeve which was one of her tells. "Can I come in?" She asks him and Buck hesitates but nods, moving to the side. Victoria walks inside, instantly seeing Eddie on the couch. "Oh, hi Eddie." It wasn't weird to see him at Bucks apartment but she could tell how close they had gotten recently.

"Why are you here?" Buck asks, crossing his arms against his chest as he closed the door behind them.

"I'm not here to fight." She states with a small sigh. "I just, um, I came here to tell you something." Victoria says and Buck raises an eyebrow.

"Okay?" Buck says as he just narrows his gaze a little bit. Victoria fiddles with her fingers, feeling the pressure underneath their gazes.

"You were right." She admits as she bites her tongue a bit. Victoria didnt know if this would even help, or if it would just keep things the same but she had to say it. "I hurt you and I broke your heart and not only that but now the whole teams a mess and I just-- I know it's all my fault and I can't ever apologize enough to fix it." Victoria explains. She could say sorry a million times and it still wouldn't ever change what she did.

"I am just so..." victoria trails off, shaking her head as she covers her face with her hand for a moment. "You won't need to worry about seeing me anymore or talking to me or anything." She admits, meeting his eyes and this made Buck confused. He simply furrowed his eyebrows as he shared a glance with Eddie.

"What are you talking about?" Buck asks her curiously.

"I put in for a transfer." Victoria states. Buck felt like he stopped breathing for a moment, or like he had been hit by a bus. Victoria was leaving. Like actually leaving. Meaning she wouldn't be coming back to the 118.

"W-what?" Buck wasn't sure he heard her correctly, he was hoping he hadn't. Her being in Chicago was hard on him, he felt angry, betrayed but part of him also felt hopeful because he knew she'd eventually come back. This time, she wouldn't.

"It's my fault, I should be the one to leave. All you did was react to the compete heartbreak I put you through. And it's not fair to be affecting the whole team so I'm leaving." Victoria tells them. She knew things had changed and she didnt want to hurt anybody else or god forbid get a victim hurt because of their arguing. "Next shift will be my last." She says and it was quiet for a few seconds.

"Uh, but what about-- Bobby wouldn't let you leave." Buck denies. Bobby surely wouldn't just let her quit out of nowhere.  But Victoria just casts her eyes downwards.

"He already signed off on it." Victoria admits and Buck could only stand there, his brain not really processing the fact that she would no longer be working at the 118. "It's official. I'm transferring to the 133." She states, pressing her lips together tightly.

"I never meant for you to actually leave." Bucks voice was quiet, almost like it was paper thin as he just stared at Victoria, tears in his eyes. He knew he said that, he said he never wanted to see her again but he truly didn't mean it. Buck couldn't ever think of his life without her. But it seemed he would now have to.

"It's okay, Buck." Victoria says, a gentle smile forming on her face as she fights back her tears although it wasn't working. "Really." She takes a deep breath, shaking her head a bit. "You don't have to be sorry for anything. I'm the one who messed up and now I'm living with the consequences." She admits. She should've seen this coming, the hostile environment, the arguments, the team crumbling around her. She had just been hopeful that it would work out.

"I had a really fun time working with you both." Victoria flickers her eyes between them, Eddie was just staring at the ground, having not really said anything the entire time she had been there. She wipes away her tear, turning to head toward the front door. Buck didn't stop her, mainly because his feet weren't working, he felt like he was paralyzed.

She stops as her hand hovers over the door handle. Closing her eyes momentarily, she turns back around, specifically looking at Buck this time. "I never meant to hurt you Buck, please know that." She pleads, her voice wavering as she didnt know how she would survive knowing Buck hated her but she would, she would push through it.

"No matter what you may think of me, I really did love you... and I still do." Victoria admits, her smile growing once more as she looked back on their relationship quite fondly. It was just her own issues which caused it to end. "I hope you find happiness, Buck. Even if it's not with me." And with that she was out the door, leaving heartbroken Buck once more only this time, he was yearning for her to stay.

••••

Authors note;

Jesus christ writing that vic and Rosie scene was painful. Honestly writing any vic scene was painful. Writing the last scene was PAINFUL.

Off topic, I hate when people comment on my tik tok, 'why is vic Hughes from station 19 in a 911 edit' like you dumbass, read the caption. Like I can't even be nice to them because they can't fucking read for shit.

Also I'm gonna be making a updated Playlist, a few songs which describes each season and it'll be posted sometime tomorrow