••••

BUCK WALKED DOWN THE SIDEWALK, heading toward the firehouse after him and May had gone to the Cafe just down the street. He had a shift that morning but May had texted him yet again asking if he wanted to grab breakfast. He decided to stop ignoring her and reply because truthfully, he needed to be around someone other than himself or the others at the station.

And it had gone well. May hadn't really brought up any uncomfortable topics, mainly talking about herself and applying to USC. She had really only asked Buck about work and if he was settling back into his loft okay but other than that, it was just general chatter. And it was refreshing for Buck.

It had been a few weeks since everything had happened and he had really closed himself off at first. When he shouted at the team and stormed off, Eddie comforting him afterwards, that was the last thing he had said to them other than when they were on calls. Mainly because whenever one of them tried to talk to him, it wasn't what he wanted to hear from them.

As he walked, May was ranting to him about the marathon coming up and was trying to prove that she could run it, especially since Buck had questioned her about it. "Hey, I could totally do it. You just have no faith in me whatsoever." May accuses with a small pout, glaring at him.

"You know people train for marathons, right?" Buck points out, raising an eyebrow. He highly doubted she would make it through when it wasn't exactly a short race at all.

"Well, it's not a marathon, it's a ten mile run." May corrects him as they stop in front of the station. Buck hums to himself as he nods his head slowly.

"Mhm. And how many miles can you run?" He asks, just staring down at the woman who was silent.

"That's besides the point." May adds and Buck smiles, shaking his head. "It's for charity, Buck." She complains. It was for a good cause so him making fun of her was him making fun of the cause. That's how she saw it.

"I doubt you'd be pulling in much money." Buck teases with a snort and May just slaps his arm.

"Then do it with me, be my motivator." She suggests, wanting to have asked someone anyways but Rosie hadn't really been in a social mood since Victoria left and Jennie was still recovering from her abortion. And Jake just straight up told her no which she thought was very rude.

"No way, I'm no runner." Buck denies, quickly shaking his head.

"You mean you can't." May retorts and Buck just rolls his eyes a bit.

"I can if I want to." He corrects her and she crosses her arms against her chest, a small scoff leaving her lips.

"I don't believe you." She admits, tilting her head. Buck knew what she was trying to do, she was trying to get him to want to prove himself right to her but it wasn't going to happen.

"You're not gonna trick me into running with you May. I can run, but I don't want to." He emphasizes the words to get his point across.

"Then you don't care about the sick kids who are dying." May scolds with a saddened sigh. Buck looked annoyed as he just shook his head slowly.

"I'll make a donation."

"With what money?" May teases, raising an eyebrow. She still didn't get how he was even paying for his loft.

"I'm sorry, which one of us just paid for your eight dollar coffee?" Buck asks, pointing down to the cup in her hand.

"Oh, whatever." She responds with a shrug, making sure to take an extra long sip of it. Buck couldn't help but laugh as he glances away for a moment.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't respond to your message sooner." Buck apologizes. He hadnt meant to completely disregard the voicemail she had sent, he was just not in the headspace to answer.

"It's okay, Buck. You were kind of ignoring everyone, not just me." May points out with a shrug of her shoulders. Bobby was having a tougher time about it than May was.

"It's just been a rough few weeks." He admits with a small frown and Mays eyes saddened as she glances down at the ground. May hadnt brought Victoria up on purpose. She knew he most likely didn't want to talk about her, especially since the heartbreak was still fresh.

"I'm sorry." May puts her hand on his arm, wanting to comfort him in some sort of way.

"I'm fine. The heartache is getting duller at least." Buck says, forcing a small smile onto his face. May knew it was fake but just returned it nonetheless.

"Well, everyone is here for you." May didn't hesitate to hug him. It seemed to catch Buck a bit off guard but he eventually hugged her back, his hold tight. It lasted for a few seconds, May allowing him to start pulling away first before she did as well.

"Hey, guys." They hear from beside them. As they turn their heads, they see Eddie jogging up to them as he takes his headphone out of his ear. May instantly smiles toward him and Buck was about to do the same thing before seeing that Eddie was shirtless.

His jaw almost dropped open as his eyes dropped to the man's chest which was displayed right in front of him, sweat dripping down it. "Hi, eddie." May responds with a wave as he stops in front of them.

Buck had a hard time speaking, ogling the man in front of him without even meaning to. May notices this, pinching his side discreetly to try and bring him back to reality. It seemed to work as Buck forces a smile onto his face. "Uh, hey." He says, his eyes moving to eddies momentarily but they didn't stay there for long, his eyes sliding back down slowly.

"You guys just get here?" Eddie questions. Buck nods, his gaze stopping to admire for a moment, hating how Eddies shorts hung low on his hips.

"Yeah, we were at the Cafe down the street." Buck says, pointing behind him but his eyes really couldnt lift from Eddie's abs. May giggles to herself as she saw the man having a mini heart attack.
"You should check it out sometime, it's pretty good-- or you know, we could stop by after a shift sometimes, I'm sure uh, Chris would love it." He admits, quickly adding Chris into it because Buck knew it sounded weird if he hadn't.

Not like Eddie and him hadnt hung out a million times by themselves. But Eddie wasn't blind and had probably seen him blatantly checking him out so it was safe to just suggest it as a group thing.

"Sure, sounds good." Eddie responds with a bright smile, the one he always gave Buck specifically. Or that's what it seemed like to Buck. It just felt extra smile when it was aimed his way. Especially because Eddie always looked deep into his soul when he smiled at him.

"So, you go on a run?" May asks, even though it was very obvious what he had done due to his sweaty abs being displayed right in front of her face. She would be lying if she said she was hanging out with Buck just for Buck. Firefighters were eye candy and sometimes she just needed to admire.

She loved Buck, he was becoming like part of the family as Bobby practically acted like his dad but that was the reason she needed other firefighters. Buck, she saw more like a brother than anything. At least she hoped their relationship could grow into that. She loved Harry but she always wondered what it would be like to have an older sibling.

"Yeah, gonna run the ten mile next week." Eddie tells them and May's eyes widened in excitement.

"Me too, Buck chickened out." She says with a smirk and Buck pushes her lightly, giving her an unimpressed look. But Eddie only laughs as he shakes his head.

"Oh, Buck doesn't run." Eddie denies. He had made the mistake of trying to get Buck on a run with him, it ended with Buck getting a cab within the first five minutes and driving right past him.

"I run, but only if somethings chasing me." Buck points out. He would run if he had to, but he didn't see the point of purposely doing it. He got enough cardio in at work.

"I'd be dragging your ass down the block." Eddie teases with a smirk on his lips. Buck glares playfully at him before a gasp leaves his lips, putting a hand on his own chest.

"You wouldn't carry me bridal style?" Buck jokes, putting a pout onto his face as Eddie scrunches his nose up.

"Too much effort." He denies with a shake of his head. Buck chuckles as he just takes a step toward the man.

"You can just say you're not strong enough." Buck taunts cockily and Eddie raises an eyebrow, his eyes running over the man quickly.

"Oh, you wanna start something?" Eddie asks, tilting his head a bit. Buck honestly knew Eddie was stronger than him and if he really wanted to, he could pin Buck to the ground. Would he really be complaining though? Buck feels his stomach fill with butterflies as he pushes away the sudden thoughts.

"I have to get to school, I'll text you later." May says, interrupting their intense eye contact. Both of them probably forgot she was even there. At least that's what it looked like to her as Buck had become flushed, clearing his throat as he looked toward her.

"Did you want a ride?" Buck asks her, gesturing to his jeep but she shakes her head.

"It's not far and I gotta start training remember?" She says, nudging his arm and honestly, she didn't want to break up the little banter they had going on. "It was good seeing you, Eddie." May tells him, backing up a bit.

"Yeah, you too." Eddie responds with a smile and May just waves at them before starting to walk down the sidewalk. She can't help but glance back at the pair as they made their way into the station, laughing with each other with the occasional brushing touch.

May couldn't help but roll her eyes she smiles to herself before focusing back in front of her.

••••

VICTORIA STOOD IN THE CIRCLE, her fingers fiddling with each other. She never got used to these meetings, even after a few weeks of attending. It was more because she felt vulnerable even though no one was judging her. It was a safe space but it took her a while to actually open up and admit the truth. Because she wasn't going to admit it to herself. A bunch of strangers seemed to help with that.

"Hi, I'm Vic." Victoria says as she lifts her hand in the slightest, waving it at the group in front of her.

"Hi, vic." They all respond in unison. Victoria clears her throat as she brushes her hair behind her ear.

"Some of you know me, some of you don't. I came in a few weeks ago because I was sent here by my boss and I needed to complete rehab in order to not lose my job." Victoria starts, chewing the inside of her cheek. "At least that's the reason I first believed." She admits. Victoria didn't believe she had a problem when she first walked through those doors. All she saw was a barrier between her and her getting her job back.

"I didn't accept the fact that I was an addict. I just told myself over and over again that I only took a few for pain. That it was an accidental overdose." Victoria explains to them and maybe at first it was. But when she had taken almost that whole bottle... she knew it was much more than that.

"But I don't think that's true." She denies, shaking her head a bit. "I think part of me wanted to die." Victoria felt her heart begin to race, the many eyes on her as she admitted her truth. "A-and I didn't want to come to terms with that so I just acted like everything was okay." She adds, sniffling a bit.

Victoria hadn't realized she wanted to die until she heard countless other stories from other people in the centre. She felt herself connecting to them in a way, and it opened up her real struggle inside of her. That she hadnt wanted to be there anymore and that was the reason she had self destructed her entire life. The reason she took the pills. The reason she left Buck. She wanted to die even as she left Los Angeles and she didn't want anyone to know.

"I lost my fiance a few years back in Afghanistan. He was murdered on our wedding day when his helicopter was shot down. I keep thinking I'm over that loss, that I moved on... found happiness."
Victoria scoffs at herself as she shakes her head. Maybe she had wanted to die because of all the loss she suffered, maybe it was because she didn't feel like she deserved the happiness she made for herself, maybe it was simply because life was getting too hard for her.

She hadnt dug deep enough to figure it out yet. And she wasn't sure she wanted to open up that part of herself at the moment.

"But I don't think I was ever ready to let that go." Victoria admits. She had first started dating Buck because she was sure she was at least semi ready to start dating. And maybe she was. But that didn't mean the loss wasn't still lingering in the back of her mind.

"Because I blew up the one good thing I had going for me. Not only my job but my relationship with my boyfriend-- well, I guess now he'd be my ex boyfriend." She corrects herself, her stomach twisting slightly. "When my friend Shay died, I just hated the fact that I couldn't be there to save her, and then on top of it all, I couldn't go to her funeral. I missed a call, I lashed out at my friends-- at Buck." Victoria knew she had treated them all unfairly, they were just doing their best given the situation.

But grief wasn't exactly the best motivator.

"And they all understood because I was grieving and they just wanted to support me. But Bobby, he's my captain, he sent me home after I missed the call and that was probably the worst moment of my life. Not because I was missing work but because of what came after."

"I kissed somebody else." Victoria admits, a shaky breath leaving her lips.  "Only for a millisecond but being in the mindset of everything in my life is spiraling, my job is gone, the pills orbiting through my system, I somehow convinced myself that it was unforgivable." She explains to them. And it was logical to her in the moment but she knew looking back at it, or anyone else hearing it, they would believe she was crazy.

"Even though I have the sweetest boyfriend in the entire world, I managed to believe that he would hate me for what I did. That I had ruined the happiness I had with him, the love I had." Victoria knew Buck would've one hundred percent understood. He probably wouldn't have even blinked if she had told him. And maybe if she hadnt started taking the oxy, that's what would've happened. But they weren't in the alternate timeline. They were in this one.

"I took more than half the bottle that was left and I.... I died. I'm only sitting here because one of my best friends saved my life." Victoria admits. She was grateful that Hen showed up when she did, because she knew the only reason she survived was because of her. "And she and my captain sent me here." She felt like a disappointment in Bobby's eyes even though she knew he would never judge her for this.

He's actually been her main supporter and told her that he would be her sponsor once she got out of rehab. He even offered to let her stay at the house as well, just in order to settle back in and not have to worry about things for a little while. Victoria truly didn't deserve the love that Bobby had shown her.

"But she said I should tell Buck before I left and.... I said I would. But I didn't tell him about the pills, about the overdose, about the fact that I felt like my heart was cracking into pieces." Victoria closes her eyes momentarily. "Instead, I told him that he didn't deserve me, that I didn't want his pity or his support.... that I cheated on him." She would never willingly hurt Buck. Even though she had walked out on him.

At least Victoria had believed she would never hurt him.

"It had all come out before I could stop myself and seeing the look on his face, the betrayal that seeped into his eyes I just--" She stops herself short, her mind going back to that horrid night. If Victoria could take it all back she would. But she feared it was too late for that. "I ran out of there. And I believed I was doing him a favour, hurting him before we got too invested and it happened further down the line. But I didn't do it for him. I did it because I was selfish." Victoria admits, shame seeping through her.

She knew she was selfish, only thinking about herself and not Buck's feelings. She could blame the pills but that was just an excuse. A mask to cover up the real reason. "Because I was scared that if I didn't hurt him, he would end up hurting me." Victoria's voice cracks. She clears her throat as she blinks back her tears. "And i think part of myself never wanted me to be with Buck purely because my anger toward my fiances death was still there." She knew it was pathetic.

Not wanting to be with someone purely because of how her last relationship ended. But all Victoria has known in the last few years was pain. And she didn't know if she could go through it again, at least not having control over it. At least this way, she only had the pain of letting Buck go.

Waiting for a disaster that most likely would never have happened wasn't the best mindset for Victoria to be in. And she desperately didn't want that for her and Buck. But she never got to say goodbye to Anthony and no matter what she did, she would never have that closure.

And what if something happened to Buck and she never had closure for that either?

It was just an endless spiral for Victoria that just kept going down. "And because I hadn't made peace with it, I could never have happiness, I couldn't allow it. So I pushed it away, or more so exploded it." She mutters as she runs a hand over her face. Truthfully, there were a thousand different ways she could've handled her breakup with Buck.

But the pills she took, the adrenaline still pumping through her veins made it quick and painful. At least Buck wouldn't be wondering why she left him. Victoria told him she cheated and made him hate her. She could handle that. She could handle him hating her if it meant he would move on.

That did cause one issue though, regarding when she went back to Los Angeles. "Now I don't know what to do. Because I know Buck hates me and even when I'm done here, I won't have my life to go back to. Because things will never be the same." She admits. Victoria could come clean about everything but she didn't know what that would do now.

That would just change the story into her lying to him and still walking out on the man who's already gone through that pain numerous times before. And Victoria knowingly did the same thing. Even if she went back, even if she explained, she didn't believe he would ever want to be with her again.

"Not after what I did."

••••

HEN MADE HER WAY OVER TO HER FRONT DOOR AFTER HEARING A KNOCK. She didn't know who could possibly be at her house since she wasn't expecting anybody, so she cautiously opened the door. Only to see Kelly on her doorstep. His hands were in his pockets and he looked a bit awkward standing in front of her. Especially when he saw that she wasn't exactly happy to see him.

"Uh, hey...." Kelly says, drawing out his words a bit. Hen crosses her arms against her chest as she just leans against the door frame.

"Kelly, what are you doing here?" Hen asks him, wanting to know why on earth he thought it was a good idea to show up at her house.

"Vic gave me your address a few months back, in case of emergencies." Kelly admits causing Hen to raise an eyebrow at him.

"Okay? I don't see an emergency." Hen states firmly, waving her hand around. "Or are you referring to the fact that you blew up an entire relationship?" She asks him and Kelly frowns, he knew she would've found out but he didn't get why everyone was so mad at him.

"Vic won't answer her door or her phone. I'm just worried Hen." Kelly admits but Hen didn't seem to care what he felt right now.

"You don't need to. She's fine." Hen responds bluntly, placing a hand on her hip.

"Have you talked to her? Is she here?" He asks, trying to look inside but Hen blocks the door.

"She's not here, Kelly."

"Then, where is she?" Kelly questions, wondering where Victoria had ran off too. He knew she wouldn't just leave Rosie unless it was something serious.

"Why would I tell you?" Hen responds, raising an eyebrow at him. Kelly sighs, glancing down at the ground.

"Look, I was out of it a-and not entirely sober and It was a mistake. We made a mistake." Kelly apologizes even though he didn't really owe Hen anything. Buck was the only one he needed to apologize to but it didn't go well when he tried.

"A mistake? Right, because you fuck somebody by mistake." Hen snaps back at him with a glare.

"What?" Kelly responds, feeling a bit taken aback by her words. "What are you talking about?" He asks, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

"You know Buck isn't talking to anyone? He's completely shut himself off. Eddie is the only one who seems to get him to open up and you want to act dumb?" Hen retorts with a scoff, crossing her arms against her chest. Kelly had no idea what she was talking about though.

"We didn't sleep together." Kelly denies but Hen only rolls her eyes.

"Save it, Vic already confessed to Buck." Hen tells him with a shake of her head. She couldn't believe he was trying to blatantly lie right to her face.

"We kissed." Kelly corrects her, not knowing how it got twisted into a full on affair. "If you could even call it a kiss since it lasted all of two seconds." He mumbles and Hen was silent for a moment.

"You kissed?" Hen asks slowly, narrowing her eyes a bit.

"Yeah, and I felt terrible so I ran out." Kelly tells her and Hen gets a look of realization on her face. "I tried calling Buck to explain as well since I knew Vic would come clean about it and he was furious at me and wouldn't let me get a word out. Now I see why." He mumbles the ending with a sigh. No wonder Buck was all but screaming at him, he thought Kelly had hooked up with his girlfriend.

"Wait, so why did she tell Buck she cheated on him?" Hen questions, more confused than ever now. But it did track with Victoria's latest decisions.

"I-i don't know. I'm just trying to find her in order to talk, I swear." Kelly says, holding his hands up in defense. Hen sighs, rubbing her face before moving out of the way of the door so he could walk inside.

"Yeah, well that's gonna be pretty hard." Hen admits and Kelly furrows his eyebrows, shutting the door behind him.

"Why?" Kelly asks her and Hen was hesitant. She didn't know how he would react to hearing the news because even Bobby didn't take it too well and he was usually level headed.

"Vic overdosed the other week." Hen says reluctantly. She knew Bobby said not to say anything to anyone but she couldn't just leave Kelly in the dust. Not when he was for sure going to try and file a missing person's report.

"What?" Kelly asks, his body frozen, his eyes slightly wide as he stares back at Hen. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He didn't even know she had begun taking pills.

"Yeah, apparently she was taking oxy to deal with the pain of losing Shay. Bobby and I sent her to a rehab in Chicago." Hen explains to him and Kelly had to rest back against the wall cause he felt like he might collapse.

"She went back?"

"I don't know if she saw anyone, she said she would but she was probably lying." Hen admits. She knew Victoria would probably avoid her friends, most likely feeling ashamed to even go say hi to them.

"But if everyone knows, Buck would understand why--" Kelly starts to ask, not understanding why Buck would be so mad-- well, if Victoria told him she cheated he understood that--, but if she told him about the pills, surely Buck wouldn't push her away.

"Buck doesn't know." Hen says with a small sigh. "No one does. She made us promise not to say anything." She tells him and Kelly just looks at her, his lips parted slightly.

"That's crazy." He admits. People would want to know so they could be there for her. He was grateful Bobby and Hen got her the help she needed but Kelly hated that he didn't see the signs.

"I know, but she's right. They should hear it from her." Hen admits. She didn't even know if she could tell Buck in the right way. Victoria should be the one to say something, especially since she broke his heart.

"I-i didn't..... did she overdose because of me?" Kelly asks, almost to himself as he just stares down at the floor. Hen frowns as she steps closer to him.

"Kelly, it wasn't your fault. She was struggling and didn't see a way out, that was all. You couldn't have prevented it." Hen had thought that herself, if she could've seen the signs, would it have made a difference? But there was really no use in thinking that way. Because what was done was done.

"But I should have seen it." Kelly admits, feeling the tears well up in his eyes. "I should've." Hen only wraps her arms around the man as he begins to break down. "I should've seen it." His voice was broken now as he held onto Hen, feeling his heart break even more than it already was.

Because he already lost two best friends, he couldnt handle losing another.

••••

EDDIE WAS LOUNGING AROUND ON HIS COUCH, just watching the program that had popped up on his TV when he first turned it on. He was too lazy to switch it because he wasn't in the mood to watch anything anyways. Christopher had gone to his room already and so it left him alone. A sigh leaves his lips as he ran a hand down his face. Suddenly he heard a bang on the door, almost like a thud, which made his head snap toward it.

He glances around, carefully getting up from the couch. Eddie looks toward Christopher's room, seeing the door shut.  Before he could make it fully to the front door, a knock sounds through it. It made Eddie a bit confused as he stopped in front of it. Unlocking it, he pulls the door open, peeking his head outside, only to see Buck leant against one of the chairs.

"Uh, hey buck?" Eddie says, wondering what he was doing here and why he was knocking. Buck had come strolling into his house numerous times over the past few weeks and hadnt knocked once except for the first time. "Why didn't you just use your key?" He asks, moving out onto the porch in order to place his hand on Bucks shoulder.

As the man turns to look at Eddie he could see the alcohol in his hand. "I was trying." He admits, his words slurring together ever so slightly. Eddie raises an eyebrow as he lowers his hand to bucks waist to make sure the man didn't fall over.

"Are you drunk?" Eddie questions, although he was pretty sure he already knew the answer to that.

"Tipsy, thank you very much." Buck responds, pointing his finger right in eddies face. The man leans against Eddie, his eyes glancing around the area.

"You didn't drive here, did you?" Eddie asks with a frown appearing on his face and Buck narrows his eyes.

"I'm not an idiot."

"That's debatable." Eddie mumbles, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"I brought us some refreshments." Buck says with a smirk as he lifts the beer case before making his way past Eddie and into the house.

"I can see that." Eddie says, hesitantly closing the door behind them. "Uh, Buck, Chris is in his room, I'm not sure--"

"Just one?" Buck pleads, his eyes like a puppy dogs as he stepped closer to eddie, one hand holding the beer bottle and the other resting on Eddies belt. Eddie clears his throat, his gaze shifting to Bucks hand for a moment. "For me?" He tilts his head, his eyes not being able to stay still as he looked at Eddie.

Eddie knew it was a bad idea, he did. His son was in the next room and Buck was already pretty handsy. He was very touch affectionate so Eddie didn't think too much of how Buck was holding onto him. But the week had also been long and Eddie felt like he deserved a night off. "Fine." Those were his famous last words as it would turn out.

Because before he could even blink, he was standing in his kitchen, his--truthfully he hadn't been counting how many drinks he had-- but it was one of the many beers in his hand as he listened to Buck rant about Victoria. "A-and she made this whole deal about, I'm not gonna leave you Buck, I'll always be here and what did she do?" Buck's voice was loud as he held his glass of whiskey that he had stolen from Eddies cupboard.

"She left you!" Eddie all but screams and Christopher was in his room probably wondering what the hell they were shouting about. He usually just tuned them out with his head phones though.

"Exactly!" Buck says, slamming his hand against the counter. "Like what a liar. And a hypocrite. You know she just dumped Rosie at Bobby's?" He states, shaking his head as he finishes off his glass before grabbing the bottle.

Eddie scoffs, leaning back against the counter as he brings his beer to his lips. "What a bitch." He mutters and Buck seemed happy that Eddie was agreeing with him.

"Thank you." Buck says with a groan, tilting his head back. "See, Hen gives me none of this." He admits and Eddie seemed a bit offended as he brought his hand to his chest.

"You went to Hen first?" Eddie asks, sulking as he dropped his beer from his lips. Buck presses his lips together tightly.

"It was at work." He says, and it wasnt like he had much of a choice to talk to her. "She keeps saying, give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe there's something more going on, maybe it was an accident-- yeah, because you sleep with someone else by accident." Buck rolls his eyes, hating how Hen didn't even seem to care about Victoria did to him, she was just on her side.

"It was really Kelly?" Eddie says, scrunching his nose up a bit.

"Yeah! And I actually thought we were becoming friends. What a joke." Buck retorts, taking a swig from the bottle before placing it back down.

"Well, I'm here buddy." Eddie says, pointing over at the man with a firm nod and Buck was grateful that he could rant to Eddie and not be judged. It's why he really only talked to him the past few weeks.

Maddie told him that Victoria was grieving and that there was a lot she could be going through, and that she couldn't judge someone for running away since she did. And since Maddie felt that way, so did Chimney so there was two people out the window.

Hen, like he said, seemed to be on Victoria's side. Bobby was trying to play the neutral side but it was clear he was more trying to get Buck to not be mad at Victoria when she comes back. Buck had every right to be angry and yet Bobby didn't seem to see it that way.

Even Athena was trying to get him to see that Victoria has her faults like everyone else. Rosie and Buck hadn't talked since he moved out of the apartment and he didn't know if it was because she felt like she couldn't talk to him because she was Victoria's sister, or if she felt Buck had provoked Victoria to do this.

Either way, Eddie and Christopher was his safe space right now. The only other person he felt comfortable around was May because although she has known Victoria for years, she understands that what she did was wrong and is there for Buck and just listens to what he has to say.

"I-i tried to be there for her through Shay's death and this is how she repays me? I mean, she just self destructs our entire life?" Buck asks, holding back his tears because he was sick and tired of crying over her. She didnt seem to care for him so why should he waste his emotions on her?

"You can't really save someone from themselves, Buck." Eddie admits, not wanting him to think it was his fault. Buck couldn't have done anything, especially if Victoria didn't want his help.

"Especially if you're not around to see they need saving." Buck admits, hanging his head a bit before glancing back over at Eddie. Eddie chews the inside of his cheek as he just sighs.

"We're not talking about Vic anymore, are we?" Eddie asks, raising an eyebrow and Buck turns to face him a bit more.

"Look, I'm sorry I wasn't there, Eddie. You and Chris needed me, and I had my head so far up my own behind with that stupid lawsuit--"

"We're way past that, Buck." Eddie tells him with a shake of his head.

"I'm not." Buck denies and Eddie sighs a bit. "I should've been there. Maybe I could have... talked some sense into you." He admits and this makes Eddie snort a little bit.

"You talk sense into me? That would have been interesting." Eddie retorts and Buck rolls his eyes. "Considering you were planning on proposing to Vic, what, eight months into your relationship?" He points out and Buck frowns slightly at the mention of it but he only brushes it aside.

"I would've told you not to buy that truck." Buck admits and Eddie nods his head slowly before pointing his finger over at him.

"Yeah, you would've talked me into buying something more expensive." Eddie corrects and Buck smiles.

"Yeah, fair point."

"Look, things got a little out of hand for both of us. Don't beat yourself up about it." Eddie tells him, not wanting to bring up old memories. "Seriously, I thought drunk you would be more fun." He teases with a wink. Eddie hadn't seen Buck drunk that much but this isn't what he had in mind. But maybe they were more buzzed than anything.

"Why, cause you'd rather do it?" Buck asks, raising an eyebrow and Eddie looked a bit confused.

"Excuse me?"

"Come on, eddie. If you're not gonna be honest with frank, at least be honest with me." Buck says, just staring at the man who seemed to get a bit tense.

"Who said I wasn't being honest with Frank?" Eddie asks with a small scoff and Buck shrugs his shoulders.

"You said you two weren't clicking." Buck points out and Eddie narrows his eyes a bit.

"Maybe I'm not a therapy kinda guy."

"Right, right, you, uh-- you prefer to work it out in the ring." Buck says, making the actions with his fists. Eddie rolls his eyes playfully.

"There was no ring, Buck. There was a fence." Eddie corrects him while Buck places his glass down on the counter.

"Come on. You don't think while you were going through your phase, just maybe, you were throwing your punches at the wrong guy?" Buck questions and Eddie laughs a bit.

"Seriously? You're gonna make it about you, again?" Eddie asks as he raises an eyebrow, an amused glance on his face. Buck chuckles lightly as he looks down at the ground for a moment.

"Look, I'm just saying, you were pretty pissed." Buck admits and Eddie just narrows his eyes a bit. "Now, I thought for sure that day in the grocery store, you were gonna take a swing at me." He says, beginning to move over toward Eddie, his eyes ever so discreetly looking down the man.

Eddie runs his tongue over his bottom lip as he just shakes his head. "Not that you didn't deserve it but I wouldn't do that. You're on blood thinners." Eddie responds with a light smirk as he brings his beer up to his lips.

"Oh, I'd still take you." The tone in Buck's voice confused Eddie momentarily. And as he met Buck's gaze, he could tell Buck was thinking about something. Eddie shifts in his position, noticing him getting ever so closer.

"You think so?" Eddie didn't mean to sound so flirtatious back, maybe it was the alcohol that gave him the newfound confidence but he was sure Buck was just clueless as to what he was doing. Although it did seem Buck had been flirting with him through the night. He could never tell with Buck but the way his gaze ran over Eddie more loosely this time caught his attention.

"I know." Buck says cockily, his hand moving to his belt to settle on it. Eddie takes a shaky breath as their legs brush together. "You wanna go for the title?" He asks, biting his bottom lip and Eddie all but choked on his beer.

The sentence definitely had two different meanings as they had been played video games with Christopher the day prior but that couldn't be what Buck was referring to. Not with the way he was looking at Eddie.

"We've definitely had way too much to drink." Eddie says with a laugh, rubbing his face as he moves slightly, only to be pressed against the counter by Buck. He meets the man's eyes again and this time Eddie was certain that maybe he wasn't wrong about Buck flirting with him. Maybe there was reciprocated feelings after all.

Cause one moment he way stood in front of Buck and the next, Buck's lips were on his own. Eddie was quick to kiss him back, feeling like he was dreaming as Buck's hands gripped his hips. Buck hadn't really expected Eddie to kiss him, especially since he was almost certain the confident move he made would backfire. But it wasn't and now he was kissing Eddie, the way he had dreamed of since they met.

And if Buck wasn't a bit drunk, if he didn't completely use all of his confidence up or could push away the fear that lingered inside of him, he would take it slow. He'd want to cherish these first moments with Eddie. But he did have that fear that Eddie would pull away from him, that he would be disgusted or shocked or.... hate him.

So, he was desperately kissing Eddie with all his might, his hands clutching the man's body as he felt as though if he let go or slowed down, he would lose him. Eddie's hands move to bucks face, bringing him closer as the kiss turned rougher. Running his tongue over Buck's bottom lip, his pressed it into Bucks mouth, making the man moan into the kiss.

Eddie muffles the sound as he kisses Buck like he was the only man in the world. Which right now, in this moment, he felt like he was. Sliding his hand down, Eddie's hand lands on Buck's ass, squeezing it slightly and he can feel Buck grind against him.

It was one thing to kiss in his kitchen, but Eddie didn't feel like taking this further and having his son walk in on them. So, he reluctantly pulls away from Buck who seemed half out of his mind as he chased after Eddie's lips. Eddie gives him one more kiss before holding him back a bit. Bucks eyes flutter open and Eddie could immediately see the panic that filled them.

"S-sorry, I um... fuck, I made this awkward and--" Buck starts to stutter out, most likely believing Eddie had pulled back because he wanted it to stop. Buck hadn't been thinking when he had kissed Eddie, he just felt like going for it after he thought Eddie was flirting with him.

"Woah, you think I don't want to do this?" Eddie cuts him off, raising an eyebrow and Buck looked blissfully confused. "My hand on your ass gives no indicators?" He asks with a small laugh, giving Buck's ass another squeeze. Buck turns red as he leans his body against Eddie.

"I just thought--"

"I was just gonna move us to the bedroom, you know, I have a kid to think about." Eddie points out, gesturing to where Christopher's room was. Buck seemed to relax, a huge smile forming on his face before he was smashing his lips back against eddies. He was gripping any part of Eddie that he could as they stumbled their way toward eddies room.

Eddie was half expecting them to fall as they got through the door with the way they were so focused on each other. The door closes a bit harder than Eddie would've liked but he paid no mind to it, pressing Buck against the door as his lips leave Buck's momentarily to trail down his neck. Buck runs his hands through Eddie's hair, tilting his head to the side as Eddie sucks at his skin.

His hand drops to the door, Buck turning the lock before they're moving over to the bed. He didn't know how it happened, but Buck landed on the bed first, Eddie towering over him. Buck gazes up at him, his eyes big as he watched Eddie take off his shirt. Buck was quick to follow in suit before his hands moved to Eddie's belt buckle.

Eddie chuckles at how eager Buck was. He never would have thought Buck wanted this as much as he did. Eddie pushes down his pants once Buck pulled off his belt and he just crawls on top of Buck who hastily brings him down into another kiss. The kiss was hot and quick as Buck's hands ran down Eddie's chest.

Moving his hand to his own belt buckle, Buck grunts as he pulls it off so that there was barely anything restricting them. Eddie saw the bulge in Buck's boxers as he yanked his pants off and he couldn't help but smirk a little before his lips were back on Buck's. Buck greedily kisses him as he pushes down on eddies back so he could get some friction. Eddie grinded down on him, earning a stuttering moan from Buck.

Eddie continues his actions as he moved his hand down to Buck's boxers. He squeezes Buck's dick through the fabric and Buck gasps. Eddie goes to lift the waistband when Buck stops him.

"E-eddie." He moans out and Eddie brings his eyes to Buck. "I've just um... I've never been... you know." Buck was a bit embarrassed, mainly because he hadn't said anything until the moment Eddie had his hand on his literal dick.

"Really? Buck 1.0 has never been with a guy?" Eddie teases him, tilting his head as he keeps his hand pressed against Bucks lower stomach.

"Oh, and you have?" Buck retorts, raising an eyebrow. Eddie smirks as a small chuckle leaves his lips.

"You don't know a lot about me, Evan." Eddie responds as he starts to kiss down Buck's body once more. Buck shivers, his hips lifting momentarily and he hid his strangled moan as he met Eddie's half hard dick.

"Say that again." Buck pleads. Eddie makes a mental note of what sends an extra sense of pleasure through buck as his fingers loop around the waistband of Buck's boxers.

"I'd rather get my mouth around you." Eddie responds and Buck was shocked, his eyes widening. But now he was impatient as he wiggled underneath eddies touch, the man placing kisses lower and lower.

Buck groans as he lifts his hips once more and Eddie was quick to stop him, giving a warning look but it was more in a sense of 'I dare you to do that again'. As eddies hand wraps around him again, Buck sighs, content as he bites his bottom lip.

Now, Eddie had dreamed about how Buck sounded, how he moaned, the small whines and whimpers. How Buck would say his name. And on any other day, If they were alone, Eddie would love to hear it, it would be music to his ears. But today wasn't any other day, not with his kid in the next room.

So, Eddie squeezed Buck's thigh, hoping it gave him a signal to be a bit quieter. But he wasn't even sure Buck was thinking straight right now. And it seemed he didn't get the message as his moans only got louder. Eddie should've stopped right there, or at least pulled off for a moment to tell Buck that he had to be quiet. But as he wasn't quick enough, and he was so focused on Buck's moans, his hands had loosened around Buck's hips and they had shot upward making Eddie deep throat him.

"Eddie!" Buck all but screams out his name which makes Eddie stop abruptly, quickly throwing his hand up to cover Buck's mouth. He moves up Bucks body, all the while keeping his eyes trained on the door. It was locked but he was waiting to hear footsteps moving down the hallway. Thankfully that didn't happen and Eddie could actually breathe again.

"Shh." Eddie whispers as he stares into Buck's eyes and Eddie knew he didn't do it on purpose. It was his body's natural reaction. Eddie just needed him to be more quiet about it. "Pretty sure Chris is still awake." He admits, seeing that the time was only nearing eight thirty.

"Sorry." Buck apologizes sheepishly, his cheeks turning red. He never wanted to put Eddie in an awkward position which he would if Christopher overheard them. Buck didn't even want to think about what he may ask Eddie.

"I thought Vic was kidding when she said you were loud." Eddie says with a chuckle. The slightest touch and Buck was absolutely gone which was mind boggling to Eddie. He didn't feel Buck tense beneath him.

"Can we not talk about her? Like ever again?" Buck mumbles, feeling his heart break a little more every time Victoria was mentioned. Eddie grimaced, internally hitting himself for saying something, so he only started to kiss back down Buck's body to get the mood going again.

"Mhm." Eddie only hums against his skin. Buck seemed to forget about it as once more, his hips were leaving the bed in order to get any sort of friction. Eddie held him down which only spread butterflies through Buck's stomach. Being with a man was definitely different in a sense that he could actually be manhandled. Eddie was a bit stronger than him and Buck loved how he could be held down.

And as Eddies mouth swirled around his dick once more, Buck throws his head back in ecstasy. "F-fuck! Eddie, I'm gonna--- i-i--" Buck was quick to cover his mouth, muffling the rather pornographic sounds that left him. His eyes squeezed shut, his toes curling as he came into eddies mouth. Eddie seemed to smirk around him as he swallowed the load, sucking a bit more before pulling off with a pop sound.

As he glanced up at Buck, he noticed the look of pure bliss on his face, the way he was gripping the sheets as his hand had fell from his mouth. Luckily only soft pants and whines were leaving him, something Christopher couldn't hear. Eddie moves up, laying next to Buck. He leans over, pressing a soft kiss to his neck before just relaxing against the pillow as Buck came down from his high.

It seemed only a few moments passed before Buck was moving his hand to Eddie's boxers. His fingers fiddle with the waist band but Eddie stops him. "What are you doing?" He asks, raising an eyebrow at Buck who seemed a bit confused.

"Returning the favour." Buck responds in a questionable tone. Eddie sighs as he tilts his head, lifting his finger to Bucks jaw.

"You don't have to, you can take it slow." Eddie admits, not wanting to pressure Buck into doing anything he wasn't comfortable with. Buck pouted slightly as he only pushed Eddie's hand away lightly to resume his actions.

"I want to." Buck assures him, moving into a position below eddies waist and eddie could just cum at the sight alone. Not to mention he had been painfully hard the entire time he got Buck off. "I'm sure I can figure it out, I'm a quick learner." He says, a smirk forming on his features, the same cocky look Eddie was used to getting from Buck.

"Are you?" Eddie taunts, biting his bottom lip. Buck presses a soft kiss to eddies hip bone, slowly bringing his boxers down his legs. Eddie moves a little bit, seeing the precum that was covering his dick.

Buck seemed to stop momentarily, just admiring what was in front of his face. He thought he would be more nervous but honestly, he was excited and antsy to get his mouth on Eddie. Buck wanted to make him feel good, he loved being the giver, although he would never complain about Eddie sucking him off because he truly was a god at it.

He lifted his hand, wrapping it around the base. Buck was only used to jerking himself off, so the angle was a bit weird to start as he thrusted his hand up and down. He squeezed a bit when he got to the tip before continuing his actions. They were slow but calculated as his free hand held Eddie's hip.

Buck was a bit hesitant to take him in his mouth. But that was because he wasn't getting the reaction he was expecting. Buck was so used to the person he was pleasuring to be very vocal about what he was doing, to practically be calling out his name. That's when he remembers Christopher. And as he looks up at Eddie, the man's face was contorted into one of pure pleasure, his eyes squeezed shut as his hands gripped the pillow below him.

Eddie was holding back because of Christopher. He was definitely better at it than Buck was because Buck couldn't dare to not have his hand closed around his mouth. It gave Buck a boost of confidence to continue what he was doing, his lips coming down to press a kiss against Eddie's tip. This resulted in Eddie's hips jolting a bit. Buck chuckles, now this was the reaction he was hoping for.

As Buck finally gets his mouth around Eddie, he couldnt help but moan himself as he closed his eyes for a split second. He swirled his tongue around it before taking Eddie deeper in his mouth. A grunt left Eddie and Buck could tell he was trying his best not to lift his hips off of the bed. Buck was the kind of person to love going down on other people. Most of the time, people did it out of necessity for the other person, but Buck just loved doing it.

Especially for Eddie. This might be his new favourite thing because Eddie's dick sure was addicting.

Eddie knew he wouldn't last long, he had already been holding himself back since they started. "Evan..." Eddie gasps out his name, his eyes fluttering closed. Buck was caught a bit off guard by Eddies load shooting down his throat, but once he got used to it, he was fine. As he pulls off of Eddie, the dazed man in question glanced down at him. "Come here." He says, gesturing for Buck.

Buck made his way to Eddie's side so they were face level again. Eddie gives him a long, deep kiss, his arms wrapping around the man. Buck settles himself next to him, one leg moving on top of Eddie, his chest more on Eddie's side than it was the bed. Once they pull apart, Buck just rests his head on Eddie's shoulder, nesting beside him.

Eddie shifts a bit, getting more comfortable, his arm resting over top of Buck while his other hand was on Buck's thigh which was drapped across his lower stomach. Buck could hear Eddie's breathing start to relax, his grip getting looser and when he takes a quick glance, he could see Eddie now had his eyes shut. Buck couldn't help but smile as he just drops his head back down lightly.

Not daring to move a muscle as he was quite content within Eddie's arms. A place where Buck had only ever dreamed to be.

••••

Authors note;

We ALL know that scene would've ended this exact way if Christopher wasn't in the room.