••••

BUCK WHISTLES AS HE WALKS INTO THE LOCKER ROOM. Eddie was already at his only locker as his eyes moved to Buck curiously. He wore a giant smile on his face as he all but danced to himself. Eddie was curious but also a bit weirded out that he seemed to be bright and cheerful. "You seem happy." Eddie states as he crosses his arms against his chest. Buck glances at him, his smile not budging in the slightest.

"I am." Buck responds as he turns back to his locker. Eddie narrows his gaze a bit, leaning against the metal as he tilts his head.

"And why is that?" Eddie questions, a bit suspicious. Buck only looks back toward him once again, a small laugh leaving him as he places a hand on his hip.

"Can't I be happy?" He retorts but Eddie just hums a bit.

"Yeah but you're like extra happy." Eddie points out and Buck looked a bit confused, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Extra happy?" Buck asks but Eddie gives him a pointed stare, clearly not about to let this go.

"Buck." He says in a taunting tone and Buck bites the inside of his cheek. Buck moves his eyes around the room, double checking that no one else was going to come in.

"I just um..." Buck trails off for a moment, practically jumping with the joy that built up inside of him. "I bought something." He admits and Eddie's face shows the slight scared expression that formed.

"That's scares me." Eddie was mainly saying it in a joking manner. Until Buck pulled something out of his bag which made Eddies jaw drop and yep, he had a right to be scared. "Holy shit." He could barely even blink as he stared at it. "Is that..." Eddie didn't know if Buck was crazy or stupid.... or both. He was aiming more at both.

"Yeah." Buck responds, his eyes moving down to the engagement ring in his hand. But as he looks back at Eddie, he notices the slight distain in his eyes and the fact that he wasnt immediately congratulating him said a lot. "Wow, hold back your excitement." He mutters, putting the ring away because it looked like Eddie was gonna toss it in the garbage.

"No, I um..." eddie stopped himself, not knowing exactly what to say without hurting Buck's feelings. "It's just... isn't it soon?" He asks. Was he a bit.... sad that Buck was already deciding to propose to Victoria? Maybe he was on the inside but he mainly was truly afraid for him. Buck seemed like the type to spontaneously get married. Victoria did not.

"It doesnt really matter as long as you love the person right?" Buck says with a shrug of his shoulders, still not seeing why Eddie was having such a dilemma.

"Yeah, sure." Eddie responds, rubbing the back of his neck. "But it's only been a few months and you only just recently moved in officially." He points out. And even that was a spur of the moment, she doesn't want to deal with her grief, decision.

"So, you think I'm an idiot." Buck says, glancing toward the ground as he clenched his jaw a bit.

"Buck, you know I dont." Eddie assures him with a sigh. "I just want you to think about it." He admits but Buck didn't need to think about it. He was in love with Victoria, it would never be anyone else for him. Not anyone he could have anyways.

"I'm ready."

"But is she?" Eddie asks, bringing up the elephant in the room. "You said it yourself, she won't even go to therapy." He states, crossing his arms against his chest.

"Because she doesn't like talking to strangers." Buck corrects him. Even he himself had trouble starting therapy again, and eddie wasnt exactly the master at it either. "Just forget it." He scoffs, shaking his head.

"No, buck--"

"Seriously Eddie, I know how you feel about it now." Buck mutters before just pushing past the man and leaving the room. Eddie sighs as he tilts his head backward. He hadnt meant to make Buck upset, he just didn't want to see him get hurt for moving too fast.

But it seemed Buck was head strong with what he wanted to do, and Eddie didn't seem to be enough to stop him from potentially making a big mistake.

••••

VICTORIA ROLLS HER EYES AS SHE PUSHES HERSELF UP FROM THE COUCH. Someone had knocked on the door and she tried to ignore them at first. That was until they started doing it over and over again to which just became annoying to her. "Jesus, I'm coming." She mutters as she storms toward the door. Opening it, she was met with Kelly as he stared back at her. Her eyes widen slightly, a bit shocked. "Kelly." He says, her gaze running over him for a split second.

"Figured you couldn't ignore me this way." Kelly admits, pushing his hands into his pockets. Victoria frowns, seeing how disheveled he looked. He seemed to not have slept for a few days. But with the way everyone was so worried about him, she wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't.

"I wasnt--"

"Vic, you were." Kelly says, not needing her to try and lie or come up with an excuse. He knew she had been ignoring him and he got why. He just missed her and needed to talk to her now after giving her some space.

"I just didn't think you'd want to see me." Victoria admits with a small frown as she lets him inside before closing the door. Kelly seemed confused but also a bit hurt.

"Why?" He asks. The whole reason he had shown up here in the first place is so they could be there for each other.

"Because I wasn't there." Victoria admits and Kelly freezes a bit. He didn't know why he didn't think of this. She had the same reaction when Darden had died, the guilt of not being there to stop it.

"It wouldn't have changed anything." Kelly denies. Hell, he was at both fires and couldn't do anything to save either of them.

"You don't know that." She mumbles with a shake of her head as she just takes in a deep breath. "Want a drink? Don't know if I can talk about this sober." Victoria admits as she walks toward the cupboard.

"Sure." Kelly responds, having already drank himself six feet deep every single day since Shay died. "Why aren't you at work?" He asks, watching her grab two glasses before walking into the living room.

"Bobby benched me." Victoria admits as she sits down on the couch. Kelly raises an eyebrow, although he wasn't surprised.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing." Victoria responds but Kelly just stares at her. She groans, rolling her eyes as she takes a long sip of the scotch. "I missed one call." She tells him and Kelly chuckles, taking the bottle from her.

"Well, I've missed two weeks worth of shifts, so." Kelly admits and Victoria furrows her eyebrows a bit.

"Did you not go on leave?" She asks curiously. Kelly shrugs his shoulders, taking a long drink.

"Boden probably did after realizing I wasn't going back." Kelly states, knowing Boden would cover for him. Victoria sighs as she was kind of tired of having everyone blow up her phone to get him back.

"Kelly, you have to go back." Victoria tells him. She did know he needed the others though and if she needed to push him back toward them, she would.

"Oh, like you do?" He retorts, raising an eyebrow and she narrows her gaze at him.

"Wow." Kelly didn't mean it like that but he knew why she couldn't go back and now, he had a reason as well.

"It's different. We lived together and now going home will feel... so empty." Kelly tells her and Victoria laughs as she takes another long drink from the bottle, coughing a bit.

"You do realize I went home to an empty house once too." She points out and Kelly rolls his eyes drinking from the bottle.

"I know." Kelly knew she would understand it the most which is why he hoped she wouldn't try to push him back to Chicago, at least not right now.

"So, I get it. And hey, if you really need to, you can crash here." Victoria admits. She wasn't going to let him continue to do whatever he has been for the past few weeks.

"I might drink all your alcohol." He jokes and Victoria smiles gently.

"There's not much left." She retorts. Victoria had drank most of her liquor supply already. Between shays death, being kicked off the team and trying to help Jennie, it was a lot for Victoria and she needed to just get the edge off.

"I just..." Kelly trails off for a moment, clenching his jaw as he tried to hold back his tears. "I'm so angry that I wasn't able to protect her, you know?" He says and she slowly nods her head. "I mean, this wasn't supposed to happen." The way his voice just broke down made Victoria's heart break.

"I know."

"S-she was supposed to come back out." Kelly had died inside when he saw Shay laying on that bottom floor, Gabby doing compressions over her. And learning that she hadnt even made it to the hospital was just a nail to seal the coffin tight.

"She's still with us." Victoria says as she moves her hand to his but he scoffs, shaking his head.

"I don't need her wit-- I need her alive, Vic. I-I don't know how im supposed to just go back to my normal life." Kelly admits as he still tries to fight back his tears but he wasn't able to anymore. Victoria squeezes his hand, bringing him closer to her.

"Sometimes you don't." Victoria admits. It took her along time to get back to normal after Anthony died, and a whole lot longer to decide to let herself be happy. It didn't happen overnight. It took a long time to heal.

Kelly throws the bottle across the room, causing it to crash against the wall. His head drops into his hands and she could hear the muffled sobs leaving his lips. Victoria rested her head against him. "Kelly..." She says softly, rubbing her hand up and down his back.

"I-I can't breathe without her." Kelly tells her and she only wraps her arms around him in order to hold him close. Kelly holds her as well, giving into the comfort that she was displaying.

"I know." She states firmly, pushing back her own tears as she sniffles lightly. "I'm so sorry." Victoria whispers into his ear as they continue to hold each other, neither of them moving an inch for a minute or two.

It was only when Kelly's head turned to the side that she lifted her own. Their eyes meet and she offers him a sweet smile. She didn't even notice how he leant in until his lips were on hers. It felt very familiar to her, which it would since they had kissed quite a few times. But every other time, it had been when her life was at its most vulnerable and she needed to not think for a moment.

This time was no different than that. She was in pain, she was suffering and he was beside her. But the main difference is she did have somebody she cared for. She had somebody she loved and who she knew loved her back. So, as her body instinctively kisses back for a millisecond, her brain snaps on and she pulls away abruptly, her eyes widening like saucers.

"N-no." She stutters out as she quickly makes some distance between them. It seemed Kelly realized what he did as the guilt showed on his face.

"Fuck, I--- Vic, I didn't mean to do that." He apologizes and Victoria could tell he truly did feel bad about it. She knew he would never intentionally do anything to harm her or her happiness. He most likely didn't even think of what he was doing either.

"It's..  um, I..." Victoria had no words, her mind was just spinning on what she would tell Buck. Would he even believe her? Would this cause a fight, would she lose him?

"I'm sorry." Kelly says as he quickly stands up from the couch.

"Kelly-" She didn't want him running out and getting himself into trouble or worse but he was already halfway to the door.

"I'm gonna go. Shit, I'm so sorry." And with that he was out of the apartment. Victoria was left on the couch, trying to overcome the shock that had flooded her system.

She had no idea how it had just happened. Victoria was just comforting him and it lead to a kiss. A kiss with someone who wasn't her boyfriend. Her sweet, adoring boyfriend who couldn't harm a fly. She had just cheated on him and she felt the guilt build up inside of her.

Now, any other rational person wouldn't freak out over something as small as this. They would just call their partner and explain what had happened and it most likely wouldn't be an issue. But Victoria was not a rational person right now. Right now, she believed that her smallest mistake meant losing Buck forever. Especially since he knew she had history with Kelly.

Victoria feels her heartbeat start to increase so she gets up from the couch, rushing toward her bedroom. She could barely see clearly as she searched around in order to find where she had stashed her pills. The smartest plan probably wasn't to hide them where Buck could find them, but it wasnt like he would intentionally look for them.

As she searched the room, she finally found them in one of the small drawers under a few things. Taking the bottle out, she squeezes her eyes shut as she moves toward her water bottle that was sitting on the night stand. She coughs a bit, trying to get her breath out but it was still getting hitched in her throat.

Her hands fiddle with the cap, almost not being able to get it off with how frantic she was. But as the cap flies off, she pours some of the pills into her hand. She needed this pain to stop, she needed her stupid heart to stop making her panic every single time something bad happened. As she stared at the pills, she just continued to pour until the bottle was empty.

Swallowing the pills, the container drops from her hand as she brings her hands up to her head. Victoria could almost see the reaction Buck would have. He'd probably feel so hurt and betrayed. She knew he got jealous easily and was insecure about being abandoned or feeling like he wasn't chosen. So, if he found out she had kissed Kelly,  he'll probably believe that she never wanted to be with him.

Which was far from the truth but Victoria wouldn't blame him if he hated her after it. When she got with Buck, she promised herself that she would never hurt him, that she would never ever want him to feel a slither of the pain that she has felt in her life. She never wanted to cause it. But apparently life had other plans for her.

"Fuck!" She screams as she hated herself. Victoria just wished she could have a semi-normal life where she didn't make a mess every two seconds. Her hands clutch the counter as she closes her eyes. Everything was collapsing around her. Victoria knew she couldn't be happy and she was idiotic to think it could ever happen for her again. But just like always, she screwed it up. And Buck didn't deserve that.

He didn't deserve her.

Victoria felt her head become a bit fuzzy as she stumbled forward a bit. As she looked toward the mirror, she noticed her world had become twisted and as she went to lean forward, her body went crashing back to the ground, her vision going completely black.

••••

EDDIE JOGS AFTER BUCK WHO HAD LEFT THE FIREHOUSE AT LIGHTNING SPEED. He had tried to catch the man in the lockerroom but he had already left. Eddie knew Buck was still slightly pissed at him and he just wanted to clear things up. But with every step Eddie was taking, Buck seemed to be taking two. "Buck, wait up." He calls out, trying to get him to stop that way. Buck rolls his eyes but comes to a halt, waiting for Eddie to catch up to him.

"What do you want?" Buck asks, a bit harshly. Eddie sighs as he places his hands into his pocket.

"To talk." He admits and Buck didnt seem to want to, his gaze quite annoyed. "Look, it's not that I'm not supportive of you proposing, I just wanted you to be sure, that's all." Eddie explains to him. He and Buck got into a pretty good place and Eddie didn't want to ruin that.

"Well, I am sure." Buck still seemed quite irritated and defensive. Eddie tried to think of way to get through to Buck without being so blunt with it.

"I know. I just... I thought maybe we should try something smaller at first, at least to give Vic a slight hint, you know?" Eddie states which only makes Buck furrow his eyebrows.

"Why?"

"Because she's not exactly known to be great with big changes. Remember when everyone found out about you two?" Eddie points out, raising an eyebrow. He was just trying to stop a huge disaster from happening.

"I guess that's a good point." Buck admits as he chews his bottom lip before frustratingly running his hand through his hair. "So, what should I do?" He asks, needing advice and Eddie thinks for a moment.

"Take her out tonight, set the tone, kind of give little hints. I'm not saying do it tonight, but just insinuate it." Eddie tells him and Buck fiddles with his fingers.

"Take it slow, you mean." Buck retorts, knowing Eddie was practically telling him to not make such a rash decision.

"Yeah, exactly."

"Okay." Buck says as he slowly nods his head. "Okay, I'll do that." He admits and Eddie chuckles lightly.

"Good." He replies. Buck just lightly smiles at him before turning to head back toward his jeep which left Eddie confused. "Woah, where are you going?" Eddie asks him and Buck seemed even more lost than he was.

"Uh, home?"

"You promised Chris you'd help him with his science project, remember?" Eddie points out and Buck snaps his fingers, a groan leaving his lips. He couldn't believe he had forgotten that.

"Right, sorry. I completely spaced." He admits in an apologetic manner. Eddie smirks as he crosses his arms against his chest.

"You're not getting out of it that easily." Eddie teases him and Buck rolls his eyes playfully. "Come on, I'll drive and just drop you back at your jeep later." He says as he rests his hand on Bucks back and the man nods.

"Okay, sounds good." Buck responds, walking beside Eddie, their shoulders brushing together as they head toward Eddies truck.

Meanwhile, Hen makes her way down the hallway toward Victoria's apartment. She had tried to call the woman a few times but had gotten no response and was starting to get worried. It could be that Victoria just didn't want to talk to anybody but even then, she usually texted saying to leave her alone and Hen hadn't recieved a message.

"Vic?" She asks as she knocks on the door. Hen glances around, not seeing anything out of the ordinary so far. "Vic, I know you're in there." Hen admits with a small sigh, knocking again. "It's not like you go anywhere else." She mutters under her breath. Victoria hadn't really left the apartment since Bobby benched her. The therapy sessions he told her to go to have just been pushed aside.

"Vic?" Hen calls out, banging on the door now. She places her hands on her hips, trying to hear anything inside of the apartment. Hen had seen Buck at the firehouse when she left so she knew he wasn't home. "Screw this." She grabs her key out of her bag which she only used in emergencies. If Victoria was home, she just knocked but this seemed like an emergency.

As she opens the door, Hen walks inside, letting her eyes scan the area. There were a few lights on but other than that, everything seemed fine. "Vic?" She asks, making her way through the apartment. She noticed the empty bottles which raised a bit of concern. "Rosie, are you here?" Hen questions, wondering if she was home instead.

But she still got no answer. Hen peeked her head inside of Victoria's bedroom. "Vic?" She asks, carefully walking inside. Hen was starting to think she just wasnt home, until her head turned to the side. Her eyes widened as she laid her gaze on the bathroom floor. The floor where Victoria was laid on, unmoving.

"Vic!" She shouts, rushing over toward the woman. Kneeling down beside her, she saw vomit beside her as the woman rested on her back. "No, no, no." Hen mutters as she leans down, trying to see if she was breathing. "Vic, can you hear me?" She asks but not finding a pulse worried her, but what worried her more was the empty bottle that laid beside her.

Hen quickly took out her phone, calling 911 and putting it on speaker as she started to do compressions. "911, what's your emergency?" She hears through the phone and honestly, hen was internally grateful that it wasn't Maddie that answered the call. She didn't need to be more freaked out than she already was.

"I need an ambulance to 97 West Avenue, apartment 23. My friend overdosed and she's not breathing." Hen explains quickly as she stares down at Victoria.

"Okay, ma'am. Help is on the way. Do you know what she took?"

"Uh..." Hen glances toward the bottle frantically before quickly reaching over toward it. "Oxycodone." She says as she reads the label, shaking her head a bit.

"Okay, you're gonna want--"

"I'm a paramedic, I know how to treat her, I just need you to get help here right now!" Hen screams, dropping her phone as she continued the compressions."Vic." She says, praying that she'll see any sign of life. "Come on." Hen pleads, trying to focus all of her attention on Victoria. "Don't do this to your sister." She couldn't imagine being the one to tell Rosie that her sister died.

She already lost so much, she couldn't lose Victoria too. And Hen wasn't about to let that happen. She wasn't going to take the one piece of family that Rosie had left. And she sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to steal Buck's happiness as well.

Victoria suddenly jolts and Hen pulls away momentarily. She sees the woman start to gag so she turns her on her side so that she could puke everything up and she wasn't choking. Hen rubs her back, a breath of relief leaving her as she holds onto the woman. Victoria coughs as she clutches onto her stomach.

"LAFD!" She hears from the doorway. Hen was glad they got here so quickly but it was probably mainly due to luck.

"In here!" Hen calls out, glancing toward the door and seeing them walking toward her. "I got her back but I think we should get her to the hospital quickly, I'm not sure how much is still in her system." She explains to them.

"Holy shit, is that Vic?" One of the firefighters ask, their eyes going wide as they stare down at her. Hen seemed irritated by his comment.

"Do your damn job and get her on a stretcher." She snaps at them, a glare set in his eyes. Hen knew they were only worried but she just needed Victoria to be on her way to the hospital. She leans back over Victoria, placing her hands on her cheeks. "You're gonna be okay." Hen assures her before standing up and letting the others do what they needed to.

She takes out her phone, immediately calling Bobby. "Hello?" He answers after a moment. Hen closes her eyes momentarily.

"Bobby, I need you to meet me at the hospital." Hen tells him and she could hear Bobby suck in a slight breath.

"Why, is everything okay?" Bobby asks her and Hen had to collect herself for a moment. "Hen?" She could hear the worry in his voice.

"I-It's vic." She admits, her voice cracking as she watched the firefighters lift Victoria onto the stretcher.

"Hen, what happened?"

"She overdosed." Hen could feel her tears well up. "I was-- I was able to get her heart back and-- please just meet me there." She pleads, not even having the energy to explain fully what happened. She didn't even know herself.

"Okay, I'm on my way, send me which hospital once you know." Bobby tells her before hanging up the phone. Hens gaze move back over to Victoria who's eyes were closed once more. She felt the tear leave her eyes as she places her hand on Victoria's shoulder.

She felt ashamed that she didn't see this, that she didn't see the signs. Just Victoria missing that call shouldve been it for Hen to ask if something was going on. But she didn't,

And Victoria almost died because of it.

••••

A GROAN LEAVES VICTORIA AS THE LIGHT GLARES INTO HER EYE. Her body feels like someone hit her with a jackhammer and opening her eyes seemed to be the least of her problems. But she forces them open, her vision blurry as she gripped the sheets beneath her. She notices figures beside her but couldn't make them out right away. Everything in her body hurt and her brain was racking around in her skull.

"Hi." The voice was familiar as she felt a hand in her own. Victoria closes her eyes for a second again momentarily before tilting her head in order to look to the side. She noticed Hen and Bobby standing beside her.

"You really gave us a scare." Bobby adds, his voice still sounding like echos in the room. Victoria's gaze moved to the monitor beside her and that's when she realized she was in a hospital room.

"What happened?" She asks, her voice broken and rough. Hen glances at her hands, looking like she had been crying.

"You overdosed on oxy." Hen tells her and Victoria felt her heart stop for a moment. She hadnt thought it was that bad, she just wanted to sleep a little or stop her panic attack. Victoria never even realized she passed out. "Doctor said you swallowed at least half the bottle. Said you're lucky to be alive." She says, fiddling with her fingers.

"If Hen hadn't found you when she did, we may not be having this conversation." Bobby adds and Victoria could see the pain in their eyes that they were both trying to hide.

"Pills? Vic, what were you thinking?" Hen asks her. Victoria felt like she had completely disappointed them and she hated it. She never meant for anyone to find out and it wasn't supposed to go this far. It was only supposed to dull her pain.

"I wanted the pain to go away." Victoria admits, trying to fight back her tears but one Slips out anyways.

"Why didn't you talk to us? We could've helped you." Bobby tells her and Victoria seemed hesitant.

"She didn't want to be a burden." Hen answers for her, already knowing why Victoria had kept it to herself. "What if it had been Rosie who found you? Did you really think that through? Do you realize how traumatizing that would have been for her?" She asks the woman who hadn't even realized that could've happened.

Laying in the bed now, it did cross her mind but when she had just kissed Kelly and had taken the pills, her only thought was that she wanted this suffering to end. "I-I wasn't thinking." Victoria admits and Bobby sighs, bringing his hand up to rub his face.

"Sometimes people self destruct without thinking of others around them, of all people, I understand that." Bobby admits, feeling his heart drop lightly. "But you know that I'll have to report this." If she had overdosed, it was more than likely she was taking pills on the job as well.

Victoria's eyes widened. "Bobby, I'll lose my job. P-please, you cant do that." She begs and Hen frowns toward her.

"I had to call 911, Vic. It's already in the system. The 133 saw you." Hen explains to her and Victoria closes her eyes, bringing her hands up to cover her face.

"It's better to get on top of it. Now, I can say you're getting help, that you will no longer be a danger to the job but that means you will have to go to a rehab centre." Bobby explains to her and he could tell it was already a bit overwhelming for her. "It won't be public, it'll be kept under wraps, only the 133 and the chief will know." That's if the 133 hasn't already said something.

"Buck isn't here, is he?" Victoria asks suddenly, her eyes flickering over the room.

"The others don't know yet, we were gonna call them after you woke up." Hen tells her. She didnt want to keep this from anyone but it wasn't something to just blurt out to everyone. Plus, hen was really just trying to bring herself back after finding Victoria like that.

"Don't." Victoria states which causes both Hen and Bobby to look at her confused.

"What?" Hen asks her, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Don't tell the others." Victoria panicked as she was so afraid when she first woke up that she would see Buck. She didn't want to see him, not after what she did.

"Vic, a support system--" bobby starts to say but Victoria just shakes her head, seeming to not care what she needed right now.

"I don't want them to know." Victoria denies. Hen shares a glance with Bobby. Her not talking to them was most likely what caused this in the first place. Hen blamed herself for not paying more attention but she was now. And she wasn't going to let Victoria sink ever further.

"They're gonna notice somethings wrong." Hen points out. The team weren't exactly the type to just miss things or leave you to deal with things on your own.

"Then lie."

"Vic--" Hen starts to say but Bobby cuts her off.

"We won't tell them." He states and Hen looks at him like he was crazy but he just shakes his head. Bobby would try and keep it under wraps as much as he could, but it wasnt going to be easy. "There's a rehabilitation centre in Chicago, close to your old house. Go there, Vic. Go home and get better." Bobby tells her. That was one thing he needed in return.

"I'm sorry." Victoria apologizes, her eyes filling with tears as her voice breaks slightly. Bobby places his hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, you're gonna be okay." He assures the woman. Victoria was lucky to be alive but Bobby would be sure to make it stay that way. He understood what it was like to get addicted to someone and have it potentially ruin your entire life. And he wasn't going to let that happen to her.

"Are you gonna at least tell Buck?" Hen asks, the boy was sweet but with the way his whole heart revolved around Victoria, there was no way they could lie to him about this. Victorias eyes cast toward her hands. "Vic, you can't just abandon him without saying anything." She denies. Hen understood she was in pain but causing someone else's was not the answer.

"I'll talk to him."

••••

BUCK OPENS THE DOOR TO THE APARTMENT, a huge smile on his face as he held the flowers in his hand. He looks around, seeing a few lights on but other than that it was pretty quiet. He had been a bit later than he was expecting but luckily the reservation Eddie had gotten him wasnt until nine. "Vic, im home." He calls out, closing the door behind him.

He heard some shuffling in the bedroom so he starts to walk toward it. "So, I got us a table at the Starlight downtown. I know, Buck how did you pull that off? Eddie had a favour from a friend." Buck says with a small laugh, the nerves getting to him again. "But that doesn't matter, all that matters is we get ready and--" Buck stops himself short, his smile dropping from his face as he stopped in the doorway.

His eyes landed on Victoria who was beside the bed but he was more focused on what she was doing. There was a suitcase in front of her and she was piling her clothes inside. "What are you doing?" Buck asks, confusion in his voice as he glanced around. Victoria didn't even look back at him.

"Packing." She responds bluntly. Victoria needed to, she couldn't let her emotions override her right now. Not when she could barely think straight.

"Why? Where are you going?" Buck questions as he moves over toward her. Victoria sighs as she zips up her back, her eyes looking at him for a split second.

"Back to Chicago."

"I thought you said you didn't want to anymore since you weren't allowed at Shays funeral?" He points out, curious to know what had convinced her so suddenly. Victoria rubs her face a bit.

"Changed my mind." She tells him.

"Are you sure you want to do it alone? I can talk to Bobby and maybe I can--" Buck starts to say but she didn't want him to go with her. Especially because she wasn't actually visiting Chicago. She didn't plan on seeing any of her friends unlike what Bobby had suggested.

"I'll be fine." Victoria responds and Buck was a bit on edge, he wondered why she was being so cut and dry toward him.

"Well, how long will you be gone?"

"I don't know."

"A week? Two?" Buck asks, trying to get any answer out of her.

"Maybe longer." Victoria responds as she grabs her bag, making her way out of the bedroom. Buck follows after her, feeling his nerves grow.

"Well, the last time someone told me they're going away and I couldn't go with them, it didn't really end well for me." Buck admits as he grabs a hold of her bag so she couldn't go far. Victoria sighs as she turns back to face him. "Vic, are you sure you want to go?" He asks, she had cold feet before, maybe this time would he just like the others.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure." Victoria says, knowing Hen would kill her if she didn't show up at the rehab centre.

"You seem a bit on edge." Buck admits and Victoria closes her eyes momentarily.

"Maybe its because you're berating me." She says in a harsh tone. Buck seemed shocked a bit, trying to push away the hurt he was feeling.

"I'm sorry, I just want to make sure you're okay." Buck tells her. "Is Rosie going with you?" He asks curiously and Victoria shakes her head.

"She's gonna stay with Bobby and Athena." Bobby had offered it when they had dropped her home. Athena had questioned it when Bobby told her but she didn't push for any answers. Bobby simply told her Victoria was going back to Chicago and Athena didn't seem to need anything else after that.

"Well, I mean, I could look after her--"

"That's not necessary." Victoria denies with a shake of her head. She knew if Rosie stayed with Buck, it would just give her more incentive to come running back to him and she couldn't do that. Not anymore.

"I don't mind." Buck says with a frown growing on his face. Why hadn't she asked him first? Rosie wouldn't need to pack her stuff, she could sleep in her own bedroom.

"Can you just stop?" Victoria asks him and Buck didnt even know what he was doing wrong. "Stop being so nice and considerate a-and you. Please just stop treating me like I'm the best thing in the entire world." She pleads, not needing him to make this harder than it actually was.

"Well, you are to me." Buck retorts. He loved her with his entire being and yet here she was denying it.

"I shouldn't be."

"Vic, please just talk to me. What's wrong?" Buck asks as he steps closer to her, taking her hand in his own but she only pulls it away.

"I don't deserve you." Victoria denies and Buck furrows his eyebrows, wondering what suddenly made her think like that. "And you don't deserve me. You deserve someone who will treat you right and love you and... not hurt you or constantly drag you down." She explains to him and Buck frowns, blinking a few times.

"That's insane, of course--"

"I cheated on you." Victoria says. Buck felt his whole world stop turning, his body turning to ice as he stared back at her. He saw the guilt in her eyes, the way she backed away from his hold. This was everything crashing down on him suddenly and it made his breathing get a bit erratic.

"W-what?" Buck responds, his voice cracking, the pain evident in his tone. Victoria could tell he was hurt, especially with the way he was staring at her like she had just ripped out his heart, which she had.

"Kelly came over and we-- it happened, okay? So, yeah, I don't deserve you." Victoria says, sniffling a bit as she shrugs her shoulders. She knew she should've specified what really happened but she didn't think it would really make a difference. Victoria didn't deserve him, she never had.

"You... you really slept with him?" Buck could barely get the words out. He wondered if it was just one time. Or if they had been together when Kelly had been texting him. Kelly had his number, they had talked and yet.... apparently he had continued to sleep with his girlfriend.

"I'm a self destruct button, Buck. You can't get your happiness with me because I don't have any to give." Victoria responds and Buck felt tears prickle his eyes. He had to push them back, clearing his throat as he shook his head.

He didn't believe it, and even If it did happen, she didn't do it to hurt him. Buck couldn't ever think that low of Victoria. "It was a mistake. You're grieving and given the empty bottles I'm sure alcohol had--"

"Stop doing that!" Victoria didnt meant to yell at him, especially seeing the flinch that made her heart ache. "Stop making excuses for me and acting like this isn't affecting you." She tells him. It wasn't like she hadnt done anything wrong. She had kissed Kelly and that alone made her feel not worthy of Buck's love.

"Well, what do you want me to do?" Buck asks, a bit exhausted as he really didn't know what he should do in this situation. She was still hurting, she was in pain and he was expected to just abandon her?

"Scream! Be angry with me, w-walk out and slam the door behind you." Victoria suggests. Anything but forgive her so easily or act like what she did was okay.

"You're in pain, Vic. I'm not gonna walk out on you." Buck denies. No matter what he may be feeling, the betrayal, the anger, the pain, she still needed someone. Victoria was getting frustrated even though she knew this was the type of person buck was. He would never leave someone in pain, even if it caused some in his own life.

"Evan, I don't want you here!" Victoria screams and Buck takes a shaky breath.

"You're just grieving."

"No, I don't want you here, okay? Listen to the words that are leaving my mouth. I don't want you here in this apartment, I don't want you acting like I can never do anything wrong, I don't need you loving me. Evan, I don't need you in my life." She explains to him and each word was like a stab to his heart. Even the way she said his name was like a punch.

"You are quite literally the sweetest guy ever and I know you are trying to act like you're okay and like you don't want to never see me again. But stop acting, stop putting on this happy face, just stop." She pleads, clasping her hands together. "Please." Victoria gazes at the man who was silent. He didn't understand why she was saying all of this. Buck didn't get why now, why did she want to throw everything away?

"Find someone who loves you and cherishes this person that you are." Victoria says, ignoring the twist in her stomach just thinking of Buck with somebody else. But that somebody would probably make him happier than she ever could.

She saw the anger in his eyes but she didn't know which it was for, for the cheating, for the words she was saying, maybe it was for it all. "You're saying that you don't love me? Because that is quite literally the epitome of a lie." Buck says with a scoff, shaking his head. Victoria brings her hands to her face, taking a deep breath before bringing her eyes back to him.

"I'm not saying I don't love you. I'm saying, our relationship was just a means to an end. You belong with someone else." Victoria responds. It pained her to be saying this, saying any of this. But she had to. It was just better to break up with him now because she knew she would only end up screwing up his life.

"No, don't do that, Vic. Don't act like what happened between us was nothing. Because it was everything to me, it is everything to me." Buck responds, tears now leaving his eyes as he couldn't hold them back. Victoria clenches her jaw, her breath shaking slightly.

"Not anymore." She denies and she could see the complete agony that filled Buck's features. "I'm letting you go."  Victoria tells him, trying to keep herself together as she grabs her bag from the ground. Buck was in shock, trying to process everything that had just happened because he was half sure that he was having a nightmare.

But as he watched her turn heading for the door, he realized that this was actually happening. Victoria was actually leaving him. It didn't matter what he said or did, it seemed she had already made up her mind. "Vic--" He tries to say but all he got in response was the door slamming shut.

Buck stood frozen, not able to move his feet as his eyes were glued on the door. The tears stained his cheeks as he felt as if his heart was just ripped from his chest. Because it was. It was one thing to cheat on him, but she didn't even seem to really care about apologizing and moving on. She just wanted to end it with him. Buck thought things were going well, he didn't know where all of this had suddenly come from.

Was it something he had done? Had he pushed her too much about Shay? Or was she just needing space? Either way, it seemed space was what she got. Buck wasn't even sure when she was coming back. If she was coming back. And he didn't know what to say. Eddie was right. Apparently he had been thinking way too far ahead because while he stood there in the apartment which seemed so foreign to him now, he still felt the ring box in pocket.

The ring he was so sure about. Because he really did believe him and Victoria were going to last forever. Apparently that was nothing but a false reality.

And as Victoria walked onto the elevator, she just let herself collapse against the wall, the tears streaming down her face as she covers her mouth with her hand. She never wanted to hurt Buck, ever. But she knew how addictions affected couples, affected families and she had already screwed up by kissing Kelly.  What else would she do?

So, in her mind it was better to let him go now in a short fast pain, then to potentially hurt him way worse in the future. It probably was logical, it probably would end up breaking Buck's trust with other people like it did his heart, but Victoria wasn't thinking logically. Her mind was still swaying from her talk in the hospital with Bobby and Hen.

And she didn't even realize the extent of the damage that she had just caused.

••••

AUTHORS NOTE;

You can rant here if you want. I have no comments this chapter :,)

Actually I do, if Lou is in season 8 I just KNOW everyone gonna hate his ass. Especially Oliver.