••••

TO SAY VICTORIA WANTED TO SNAP SOMEONE'S HEAD OFF, calling it anger seemed like a royal understatement considering the news she just recieved. Victoria was sat on the bed while on call with Gabby and Casey and oh how she wanted to throw her phone against the wall. "What do you mean they're doing a private thing?" Victoria asks with a scoff as she glares at the screen. It wasn't directed at Casey or Gabby but she couldn't fight it off her face, not when she was pissed.

"Her parents are hosting a funeral only for family." Casey tells her and Victoria clenches her jaw.

"We are Shay's family." She states firmly. Victoria had never even met shays parents because they never visited or even bothered to call Shay.

"Try telling them that. Apparently they didn't like her decision to work in a firehouse." Gabby mutters, clearly as annoyed and angry as she was. Victoria shakes her head.

"That's not fair, they can't just do that." Victoria states. She wasn't able to be there for Shay personally but missing her funeral because she wasn't allowed to go was a whole other thing.

"Unfortunately they can." Casey says with a sigh.

"You can still come home, I think it'd be good for everyone." Gabby admits, hoping Victoria would still get on the plane but by the look on her face, it didn't seem to be happening now.

"No, I'm just gonna work." She denies and Casey shares a look with Gabby, both of them more concerned than they were before.

"You're.... Vic, I don't think you should work right now." Casey tells her and Victoria furrows her eyebrows, crossing her arms against her chest.

"Why? You are." Victoria points out.

"Cause the chief can't lose the whole house. With mills out with his leg and Kelly MIA." Gabby explains to her before letting out a sigh. "Have you even talked to Kelly?" She asks, raising an eyebrow. None of them had because Kelly wouldn't answer them but Kelly was literally in LA, Victoria could find him if she wanted to.

"Haven't had the time." Victoria denies which made Gabby a little angry.

"Well, make it. I'm not losing both of you as well." She denies, not getting why Victoria wasn't taking this more seriously.

"I'm sure he's fine." Victoria says before hearing the sink turn off. "Look, I have to go." She admits, moving up on the bed and she could see Gabby frown.

"Fine but we'll talk later?" Gabby asks her and Victoria shrugs her shoulders.

"Whatever." She mumbles before ending the call. Buck looked confused as he exited the bathroom, brushing a hand through his hair.

"Who was that?" Buck asks curiously and Victoria just fiddles with her fingers.

"Just Gabby and Casey." Victoria answers him as he made his way over to her, roughly landing on the bed beside her.

"Are you making arrangements to go to Chicago?" He questions, wanting to know if she wanted him to go with her for support.

"Nope." She simply says and Buck just blinks a few times.

"I thought you were?" Buck wondered what made her change her mind or if she was still too unsure to get on a plane by herself.

"Well, apparently we can't even attend the funeral so what's the point?" Victoria tells him and Buck couldn't even contain his surprise as his lips parted.

"What, why?" Buck asks, wondering why the hell they would that that sort of thing.

"Because her parents are assholes." Victoria mutters as she rests her head against his shoulder. "I get they're grieving but we were the only ones who actually supported Shay and now we can't even say goodbye." She explains, feeling like the whole world was against her at this point.

"Did you want to stay home today?" Buck suggests but Victoria shakes her head as she lifts it, taking a deep breath.

"No, I want to go to work." She tells him as she looks at the man. Buck smiles gently, wanting to comfort her. Victoria just leans in, kissing him softly. Buck kisses her back, his hand resting on her waist. Victoria leans over him, her hand moving down his chest as she grinds against him to give him a hint but Buck shakes his head.

"We're already running behind schedule." Buck admits, pulling away from her, his breathing heavy as their lips hover over each other. Victoria grinds against him once more causing him to whine.

"Your loss." She says with a smirk on her face as she just gets off of his lap and makes her way into the bathroom. She hears him groan but then footsteps moving further away from her. Victoria sighs as she closes her eyes, feeling the pain and guilt just creeping up inside her again.

How could her parents just decide to keep them all out? It wasn't fair.

Victoria clenches her jaw, peeking out of the bathroom momentarily before pulling the pill bottle out of her bag.

••••

EDDIE WAS AT HIS LOCKER, buckling his pants up slowly as the bruise on his back limited big movements. He saw Buck entering from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist and the steam still covering his body. Eddie tried his best not to completely gawk at the man but it was hard. And it was even harder when he noticed the bruise that was on his collarbone. It was small but noticeable with how purple it was.

"Things are going well, I see." Eddie says after clearing his throat. Buck looked a bit confused as he met Eddie's eyes until he saw Eddie just starting at his neck. Buck glanced at the mirror in his locker, a slight blush forming when he saw the hickey.

"Uh, yeah, we figured things out." Buck admits as he softly rubs his fingers on the hickey before turning to his locker.

"That's good." Eddie says, nodding his head slowly. "How's she doing?" He asks curiously.

"Well, she was doing okay until she found out she can't attend the funeral." Buck answers him and Eddie was appalled, his eyes shooting open, the look of shock washing over his face.

"Why not?"

"Something to do with Shays parents not wanting them there." Buck states with a small scoff and Eddie furrows his eyebrows.

"That's stupid." Eddie states and Buck nods his head in agreement.

"I just don't want her to spiral because of it." Buck admits, trying to be there to the best of his ability but he couldn't be around Victoria twenty four seven.

"Buck-"

"Just be there for here, I know." He mutters with a sigh, already knowing what Eddie was going to say. Buck just rubs his face, really wanting to talk about something else. "So, anyone special in your life?" Buck asks, his eyes lifting to Eddie who shakes his head.

"Nah, just focusing on work and Chris." Eddie admits. Even if he wanted to get into a romantic relationship with someone, it just wouldn't work out right now. Not when he had barely dated outside of Shannon and the one he wanted wouldn't want him anyways.

"And those bruises are just magically appearing?" Buck asks, raising an eyebrow. He didn't think it was romance related. If it was, he would be heavily concerned for Eddie.

"It's nothing, Buck. Truly." Eddie says, knowing he was referring to the massive bruise on his back which he couldn't exactly hide when changing.

"Mhm." Buck hums unenthusiastically, a blunt expression on his face. "Seriously, you should get some ointment on that." He states, pointing at it before grabbing his deodorant in order to apply it.

"Hard to reach." Eddie mutters, which wasn't a lie. He couldn't really reach the spot in order to put cream on it and it wasn't like he could ask Christopher. So he just kind of dealt with the pain.

"You know you can just call me, right?" Buck says, a small frown on his face. He would be over at eddies in a heart beat if Eddie just so much as texted him. Especially if he needed help with something like this.

"To come put ointment on my back?" Eddie asks, raising an eyebrow as he wasn't sure if Buck was serious or not.

"Why not?"

"Seems redundant." Eddie admits with a shrug. Calling him to just do that seemed like a nuisance. Eddie would feel weird if he just came over for two minutes to do that and then left.

"Eddie, I don't want you to be in pain." Buck denied and the way his eyes were wide like a puppy dogs, it hit Eddie that this wasn't really a suggestion but more like something Buck was going to do anyway. Or at least was willing to do.

Eddie held up his hands in surrender. "Fine. If you're so insistent." He says as he grabs the cream, holding it out to Buck. Buck graciously accepts it as Eddie turns so his back was facing him.

Eddie tried not to think about the fact that Buck was still in just a towel as he stepped up behind him. He could hear the cap being opened and Buck's body heat radiating onto his own. Eddie clears his throat as he just looks toward the wall. Buck moved his hand to the bruise, gracing it making Eddie tense, his face scrunching up in pain.

Immediately retracting his hand, Buck waits for Eddie to relax before putting some of the cream on his hand and moving it back to Eddie's back. He had placed the container down so his free hand could place itself on Eddie's hip. Eddie practically shivers under his touch, his whole body yearning for more. Until Buck placed his other hand on his back, right onto the bruise.

A pained noise left Eddie for a second as Buck rubbed the cream in. He tried to be quick but thorough as Eddie clutched his locker in front of him. Buck gives Eddie's hip a comforting squeeze but soon Eddie was relaxing underneath his touch once more, his breathing heavy but level.

"Good?" Buck asks, his hand continuing the circular motions as Eddie's head was dropped slightly, his eyes fluttered closed, not that Buck could see that.

"Mhm." Eddie could only hum, the slightest sliver of a moan escaping him to which Buck ignored since it was a natural reaction.

Once the cream was fully in. Buck pulled his hand away but kept the one on Eddie's waist. Carefully turning the man, Eddie opened his eyes to meet Buck's gaze. "Just call me, okay?" Buck tells him with sweet eyes as he tilts his head. Eddie nods, feeling deflated when Buck moved his hand from his hip. "Or even call Vic, she'll do it, no questions asked." He suggests, knowing Victoria would also be there for him if needed.

"I'll do what?" Victoria's voice comes from the door as she walks into the locker room. Buck moves his eyes over to his girlfriend.

"Put cream on his bruises." Buck answers her and Victoria glanced at Eddie, seeing the purple bruise that had formed on his back. She physically winces at the sight.

"Ooh, that looks bad." Victoria admits, walking over to them and opening her locker. Buck looked back over at Eddie as he pulled his shirt on and Victoria caught Buck's eyes flickering to the abs on the man.

"Nothing a few Tylenol can't fix." Eddie responds with a sigh. Buck clears his throat, his eyes going back to his own locker. Victoria smirks to herself as she just starts to take off her clothes in order to change. She noticed Buck looking at her curiously.

"See something you like?" She teases him which made him blush slightly in embarrassment as he heard Eddie also chuckle at her comment.

"I just don't think I ever noticed this." Buck admits as he gestures to a scar that lingered just under her bra line on her right side. Victoria glances down at it.

"Oh." Victoria barely even notices her scars anymore. "That's from the car accident." She admits before bringing up her left arm. "And this little guy is from when my mom stabbed me." She states, only receiving widened eyes from both men. "She was half out of her mind." Victoria adds with a small shrug before pulling on her shirt.

"I heard about the funeral, that sucks." Eddie says, changing the subject, to which Victoria didn't exactly like since she didn't want to talk about it. Buck ducks his head a bit as Victoria nodded her head slowly.

"Yeah." Victoria responds as she just presses her lips together. "I guess it saves me a plane ticket though." She half jokes, closing her locker off. Both of them just watch her exit the room, leaving them to just give each other worried glances.

Things were already looking pretty bleak and now it seemed things were only going to get worse.

••••

VICTORIA WAS SETTING HER STUFF NEXT TO HER BUNK. It was just easier than doing it when she was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. Not that exhaustion would be possible since she was allowed on calls but not able to actually do much on them. Bobby wanted to keep an eye on her and that meant not going anywhere that he couldn't see her.

"You know he's texting me now, right?" She hears from behind her. Victoria looked to see Buck holding up his phone. She knew he was talking about Kelly which just made her sigh. Walking over to him, she grabs his phone, deleting the messages.

"Problem solved." Victoria says, giving the phone back to him before making her way back over to the bed and sitting down.

"Why are you ignoring him?" Buck asks curiously, crossing his arms against his chest.

"I'm not."

"You just deleted the messages." He points out, walking over toward the bed.

"Buck, he just needs time alone. I'm just giving that to him." Victoria states as she shrugs her shoulders. It wasn't a complete lie but Buck seemed not too pleased with her answer.

"And did he ask for that?" Buck questions and Victoria presses her lips together tightly.

"I'll call him back soon." Victoria admits. She was gonna call Kelly eventually, she just was putting it off for as long as possible.

"Please because my phone is getting spammed." Buck mutters, placing his phone on the table before sitting down next to her.

"I think you can handle it." Victoria retorts with a playful roll of her eyes.

"What do you thinks going on with Eddie?" Buck asks curiously. That bruise on his back raised concerns for him, adding to the multiple bruises he already had. Buck was just worried something was wrong.

"Not sure. He'll tell us if he wants to, though." Victoria says with a shrug of her shoulders. She knew Eddie was a pretty private person, but he'd open up to them eventually.

"But that bruise was massive." Buck points out and Victoria raises an eyebrow.

"And itll heal." Victoria responds before a sly look forms on her face. "After you put oil on his big heavy muscles." She teases, winking toward the man who turns red a bit but she could tell he was trying to hide it.

"It was cream." Buck corrects her, narrowing his eyes. Victoria smirks, tilting her head as she places her hand on her hip.

"Mhm." She hums, stepping closer to the man. Victoria wasnt one to get jealous unless she was in a bad mood and someone flirting with her man just royally pissed her off. So, Buck checking out eddie and vice versa was not even a blip on her radar. "You wanna know something?" Victoria asks him, gazing up at the man.

"Do I?" He responds, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her in closer.

"I love you." Victoria says with a bright smile. Buck returns it.

"Even more than hen?" He teases and she scrunches up her nose, playfulness in her eyes.

"Now, let's not push it." She responds and Buck chuckles lightly before his lips were on hers. It was supposed to be a soft kiss, a quick kiss, but then they just kept going back and back for more. Victoria was next to him one minute and climbing onto his lap the next. This caused Buck to lowly moan against her lips as the kiss deepened.

Victoria moved her hands into his hair, gripping the small strands lightly as she rocked against his hips. She felt Bucks hands tighten on her hips, dropping to her ass briefly as he moves his tongue into her mouth. Victoria gladly accepts it, only kissing him harder as she presses her body against him.

Moving them a bit, Victoria was now laying on her back with Buck on top of her, the soft mattress helping alleviate any pain he might have in his leg. She runs her hand down his back as she gasps in his mouth, having felt his fingers trail against her breast.

Now, Buck has learned his lesson numerous times to not have sex during his shift. Has he really learned from it though? Not exactly. But he had been sex deprived for months until recently and all of the pent up energy had to go somewhere. He couldn't exactly deny Victoria when she climbed onto his lap. It probably was not the best idea to do it in the open bunk room though, not that either of them were thinking clearly.

Buck grinds against her and she could feel his hard bulge against her thigh.  Victoria moans softly, wrapping her legs tighter around him as the kiss deepens, their tongues clashing together. His hand moves into her hair, gripping it tightly as he groans into the kiss. Victoria was practically trying to swallow any sounds he made because they both knew he was the loudest out of the pair.

Victoria moves her hands under his shirt, feeling up his abs before lurking her fingers along his waist. Buck kisses her roughly as he was dying for any sort of friction between them. He started to unbutton her pants, the kiss growing in intensity if that was even possible.

What neither of them expected was for Chimney to walk into the room just as Buck started to put his hand down Victoria's pants. "Lunch is--" Chimney stops short as he stares at the couple. Buck only lifted his head, looking like a deer in headlights as he just stared over at Chimney. The man smirks, raising an eyebrow. "If you two are hungry, foods on the table. I see you worked up an appetite." He teases, chuckling under his breath as he just walks back out of the room.

Buck groans as he drops his head on Victoria's shoulder, feeling the girls body move as she laughs, her hand covering her mouth.

••••

STANDING IN THE KITCHEN, trying to twist a lid off a pickle jar, Victoria struggles as she leant against the counter. She was a bit annoyed that it was being so stubborn but it didn't help that her fingers were shaking and were feeling a lot weaker right now. The pair of eyes staring into her soul also didn't help. She just places the jar onto the counter, a long sigh leaving her lips as she tilts her head back for a moment.

"Why are you hovering?" Victoria asks, her gaze finally moving over to where Eddie was lurking by the table. Eddie seemed caught off guard, glancing around before he cleared his throat.

"I'm not hovering.... I'm grabbing a drink." He lies, very badly in her opinion. She just raises an eyebrow, placing one hand on her hip.

"Then do that." She states, gesturing to the kitchen. Eddie makes his way over, grabbing a glass from the cabinet before moving over to the fridge to pour some orange juice in it. She half expected him to leave with it only for him to stand next to her once more.

"What? I'm drinking." Eddie says as he catches her annoyed gaze. Victoria rolls her eyes at him.

"Eddie, you're not subtle." Victoria denies as Eddie took a huge gulp of his juice. He places his glass down, tilting his head a bit.

"I'm just checking up on you." He admits. It wasn't a bad thing to want to ask her how she was, especially since she hadnt said anything about how she was doing since she broke down the other day.

"Buck does that plenty." Victoria admits. She loved Buck but he really just had to at least have an hour in between every time he asked.

"There's a lot of things Buck does but i doubt it involves talking." Eddie says with an amused expression on his face. Victoria clenches her jaw, pressing her tongue to the inside of her cheek.

"I knew Chimney couldn't keep his mouth shut."  She mutters. The whole station probably knew of Buck and hers Makeout in the bunk room.

"So, that's what you do? Distract buck so he doesn't constantly ask how you are?" Eddie teases as Victoria shrugs her shoulders. She didn't mean to do it, it was just her automatic response to Buck questioning her. She knew she could talk to Buck, she just wasn't in the mood to do that right now.

"Seems to be working for the moment." Victoria mumbles back, her hands still shaking a bit as she tried to open the jar. Eddie watches her struggle for a moment longer before taking it from her.

"I'll open it." Eddie says, using little to no effort to pop the lid off. Victoria just stares at the lid before looking back up at him.

"I could've gotten it." She tells him and Eddie shakes his head.

"Mhm." He simply hums before his gaze just stood still on her. Victoria grabbed a pickle, lifting it to her mouth but stopped before she ate it. Her eyes slowly moved back to his.

"Eddie, seriously, I'm fine." Victoria says with a slight groan. Eddie crosses his arms against his chest as he leant against the counter.

"Are you?"

"Are you?" She retorts, raising an eyebrow and he looked a bit confused. "I know where that bruise is from, Eddie. Lena stopped by." Victoria admits and she saw the way Eddies face completely dropped.

Victoria hadn't expected Lena to come by and drop the massive bombshell that she did, but she was glad someone had common sense. Not the man who was going into illegal fighting rings and almost killing people. Victoria couldnt believe this is what Eddie was doing to, what, get his mind off of things? He could've gotten seriously injured, injuries that could've benched him forever.

"She--- what did she say to you?" Eddie asks frantically and Victoria just shakes her head as she sees Bobby walking up the stairs.

"I'd be more worried what she said to Cap." Victoria corrects him and eddies eyes widen. He turns around, seeing Bobby just standing near the railing. His eyes close as he grimaces a bit.

"Shit." He mutters. Victoria just moves past him, knowing that Bobby wanted to talk to him alone. As she walked down the stairs, she saw Buck standing near the firetruck with a confused expression on his face.

"What's going on?" Buck asks curiously and Victoria just sighs as she crosses her arms against her chest.

"Uh, I'll let him tell you." She admits, because although she didn't agree with what he was doing, it wasn't her business to just go spreading around the house. Lena only told her and Cap because she thought Victoria and Eddie were close and she'd want to know. Truthfully, Buck was a bit closer to Eddie than she was but Lena didn't know that.

Buck frowns but nods, his eyes flickering back up to the railing where Bobby was gesturing Eddie over to the table.

••••

VICTORIA SITS ON THE EDGE OF THE BED IN THE BUNK ROOM. Her hands were gripping the sheets as she just stared in front of her. Yet another missed call passed from Kelly, along with texts from friends back in Chicago. Victoria didn't mean to ignore them all, she just didn't want to mope around and talk about Shay because she knew if she started, she would just completely lose it. She had to keep herself together. This job was the only thing she really had, especially with what was keeping her family together.

She hated dragging the team down or making them pick up slack but that's exactly what she was doing by not being able to fully work. And she understood why Bobby was somewhat benching her but she didn't need to be. Victoria was fully capable of going on calls and helping the same way she always did.

But maybe Bobby sensed her anger this morning. She hadnt exactly looked pleased when she arrived but that was only because of Shay's parents. Why did they have a say on who could or could not be at Shay's funeral. It infuriated her because she and 51 had been more Shay's family just this past year than her parents had been for quite some time. And to be denied getting to say goodbye, it made Victoria want to punch someone.

She grabs her bag, pulling out the pill bottle and pouring some into her hand. Victoria put them into her mouth, grabbing her water and swallowing them. She just lets out a massive sigh as she drops the bottle back into her bag and just lays down on the bed. Staring up at the ceiling, Victoria just tried to turn her mind off. If she didn't, she would spiral and she couldn't have that happening.

Victoria was getting good at masking her emotions, at pushing away the things she didn't want to feel. Maybe it wasn't exactly healthy but it worked for her. And Victoria couldn't have anything standing in the way of her career. Not pain, not grief, not the constant berating from her peers asking how she was. She just needed some peace and quiet right now. As her eyes slowly flutter shut, her breathing comes to a standstill as she allows the sleep to encompass her completely.

As the alarms go off, the team races to the trucks, all of them quick to grab the gear and get inside. Bobby heads toward them, noticing the jacket still left on the side of the door. He glances around, not hearing any movement. "Where's vic?" He asks, his eyes going back to the group. Buck furrows his eyebrows, glancing out the door.

"Uh, she should be here." Buck admits, wondering where she could be. Bobby stands there for another second before shaking his head.

"Well, we can't wait around for her." Bobby denies, grabbing her jacket and dropping it to the ground before shutting the door and getting into the passenger seat. As the truck turns on, the Sirens sound loudly as they make their way out of the station.

It was only when the trucks were reversing back inside did Victoria awake from her slumber. Her body jolts as her eyes move around the room. She was quick to grab her phone. Seven hours had passed. "Shit." She mumbles as she jumps off of the bed, quickly rushing out of the room and toward the apparatus floor. "No, no, no." Victoria feels her heart stop as she watched the crew get out of the trucks.

Buck was the first to see her, a look of concern on his face but he also seemed sorry as his eyes flickered to Bobby. The captain on the other hand looking royally fed up. Victoria made her way over to him, her palms sweaty. "Bobby, I am so sorry. I-i fell asleep and--" She starts to say, trying to excuse herself but he only cut her off.

"And missed a call." He finishes for her. Bobby seemed really disappointed in her while the others just stood by and watched.

"I closed my eyes for two seconds, I didn't mean to miss the alarm." Victoria admits. It wasn't like she had intentionally skipped out on it, she had just felt so tired and the pills she took just kind of knocked her right out.

"Vic, I made a decision by letting you back on the truck so soon but maybe I made the wrong one." Bobby says, shaking his head a bit. Victoria frowns as she furrows her eyebrows.

"It was one call. And I don't even do anything that important so it's not really a big deal." Victoria retorts. On the other calls she went on, she just stood on the sidelines mainly. But with the way Bobby was now looking at her, that didn't seem to matter.

"A structure fire is a big deal and since I was down a member of my team, I had to reposition everyone and it meant that we lost valuable time." Bobby snaps making Victoria nervous as she hadnt meant for that to happen. She just thought it would've been like any other call. And she could tell Bobby was trying to be lenient toward her but he also had to be a captain.

"It won't happen again." Victoria denies, dropping her head a bit.

"I know it won't. Because you're done. Go home." Bobby states firmly. He really wanted to go easy, to not get angry with her but he trusted her, he trusted her word that she could be in the station and she could keep a level head. Missing a call just completely washed that all away. So, he didn't care how much she said she was fine or she needed to work, he couldnt have her working under him if this is how she was gonna act.

"Bobby--"

"No, you are not to step foot in this station until you complete at least three city mandated therapy sessions and that is just to get back in. You will not be on active duty until I say so and if you try and fight me on this, I will have to go to the union." Bobby didnt want to bring this to light to anyone who isnt under this roof. Missing a call should result in some discipline so he was still going pretty easy on her.

"Go home." Bobby says before heading toward his office. Victoria's eyes stay on the ground, not daring to look up for a moment. But as she does, she just sees the others, smoke covered as they start to head toward the showers.

"I'm sorry guys." She says weakly but they don't say anything. Only buck was left behind as he lingered around her, his hands in his pockets.

"They're just tired." Buck tried to make her feel better but Victoria didn't know if she believed him. She felt horrible and the fact that they didn't even look at her made it triple.

She knew they most likely won't hold it against her, they'll probably forget about it within the same day. Or not hold it against her because she was grieving. She hated it. She hated being treated differently all because she lost someone. Victoria understood they were trying to be nice but she didn't need that. Honestly Bobby was the only one treating her like he would the rest of them.

So, she would go home this time. She just wasn't sure she would come back.

••••

BUCK LETS OUT A SIGH AS HE WALKS INTO THE APARTMENT. Since Victoria left the station, the vibe was pretty off with the rest of the group. No one dared question Bobby on his decision and it seemed they were also wary talking around Buck. It seemed they thought he would just go run and tell Victoria. Which he probably would have but what were they keeping to themselves that they couldn't tell her? Buck understood that Victoria missed a call but she fell asleep, it could've happened to any of them.

"Hey." Buck says, seeing Victoria on the couch. She turns her head to look over at him as he takes off his jacket.

"Hi." She responds, a bit half-heartedly as he makes his way over to her. "Is bobby still pissed?" Victoria asks and Buck runs a hand over his face as he sits down.

"He calmed down a bit once you left." Buck admits. Bobby had pretty much sat in his office since the incident except for calls so it was hard to gauge how he was feeling. "I'm sure it'll all blow over soon."
Buck states, putting an awkward smile on his face.

"I don't know if it will." She mutters underneath her breath.

"Three therapy sessions isn't that bad." Buck points out and Victoria laughs a bit, raising her eyebrows.

"Oh, because you love therapy." Victoria retorts. He would think he would never want to go back after what happened to him and honestly, that kind of just added to her argument on why therapy sucked.

"Well, I got a guy this time to talk about everything that happened after the truck explosion so it's good." Buck says, rubbing his hands against his legs.

"Well I don't want a woman, they're so judgemental." Victoria points out.

"They just want to help you." Buck points out, granted the one he previously had, had more than help on her mind. Victoria scrunches up her nose.

"I don't need to speak to some random stranger." She never understood talking to some random person about her problems and being silently judged for it. Majority of the time they just sit there and do nothing.

"Then talk to someone who knows you. I'm sure Gabby would always be up for it." Buck suggests. The woman had texted him a few times since Victoria hadn't responded to her and Gabby needed to make sure Victoria wasn't dead as well.

"And be a burden?" Victoria retorts. Buck gives her a sort of annoyed look but it was mainly because he hated how she never wanted to talk to anyone because she felt they didn't care or like she was wasting their time.

"You're not a burden." He denies but Victoria's eyes just move to her hands. "You can talk to me too." Buck adds, moving closer to her.

"You already have enough problems." Victoria admits which makes Buck smirk a bit, narrowing his eyes.

"Oh, I have problems?" Buck teases her and she just chews her lip to fight back a smile.

"You know what I mean." She responds. Buck lets out a breath as he glances around the room momentarily.

"I can handle yours too, Vic." Buck says as he takes her hand in his. "That's what it means to love each other, it's to make sure neither of us are carrying our pain alone." He tells her and she seemed hesitant, not wanting to feel like he has to but the look in his eyes tells her he isn't taking no for an answer. "You carried mine for months, let me carry yours." Buck finishes, squeezing her hand.

Victoria felt a small tear form in her eye but she pushes it back, clearing her throat a bit as her phone buzzes. "Sorry, Rosie is ranting to me." She admits as she lifts her phone to read the message. Buck looked curious as he moved on the couch a bit so he was sitting more beside her.

"About what?"

"Apparently the guy Jennie was seeing, the football player or whatever-- the one who had that rape allegation last year-- anyways, Jennie wanted to use protection but he got angry and threw a tantrum until she ... you know. And that's how the pregnancy happened." Victoria explains to him and she could see Bucks jaw clench slightly.

"So, he forced himself on her?" He accused, anger in his tone. Victoria nods but a small sigh leaves her.

"Jennie says it's her fault but, he's the one who made the decision to assault her." Victoria points out. She hated when girls especially young girls felt like being sexually assaulted was their fault because they went along with it or didn't do more to stop it. But these boys were making this decision, hurting them because they wanted to and majority of the time, saying no was only worse and could just decimate the situation.

"Can she press charges?" Buck asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

"It's not that easy. It would really be a he said she said and the judge will probably say, oh he's a young boy with a bright future, don't ruin it for him because of one night." Victoria says before rolling her eyes. She hated it. She hated how the system always took the rapists side because he had a future. What about the future of the woman they traumatize? What about the everlasting pain they would have to live with?

"Yeah, the justice system sucks." Buck agrees as he shakes his head. Victoria lets out a sigh, bringing her hand up to her face.

"I just wish I could've protected her more." Rosie admits. Jennie was family as well at this point, her and Rosie being best friends since they had moved to Los Angeles. And although Rosie and her had been in a fight for the last few weeks, Victoria still felt she should've checked in more.

"Hey, you're already doing a lot, it's hard to take care of one teenager let alone two." Buck points out as he places his hand on her knee. Victoria bites the inside of her cheek.

"Her own parents don't care, I should've kept a closer eye."

"Don't blame yourself, okay?" He tells her, not wanting her to think that any of this was her fault. "You're an amazing person and an even better mother." Buck admits which makes Victoria smile but raise an eyebrow.

"Technically not a mother." She corrects him and he just tilts his head.

"You've raised Rosie most of her life, it's safe to say you are." Buck says with a gentle smile on his face. Victoria just rests her head against his chest as her eyes move to the window.

She never thought of herself as Rosie's mother, they had a mother and Victoria was never looking to replace her. But their mom still wasn't in a stable mind to meet Rosie, let alone take care of her. Victoria wasn't sure if it would ever happen so of course she took care of and raised Rosie as her own. What else was she supposed to do?

It just seemed like time was passing by since Rosie was fifteen. She's almost the same age Victoria was when she first started taking care of her. And she'd hoped she'd done a good job, she prayed she had. Cause Rosie deserved to live and long, happy life.

And Victoria hoped she'd never know the same pain she has felt in her own life.

••••

Authors note;

Next chapter is a big one so......... prepare yourselves.

And now for me ranting about station 19 and 911 so if you haven't seen the finales yet, don't read further because.....

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What the fuck was the finale for station 19?? Like you're telling me THATS how it ends? Where the only person who died was what's her face who kissed Theo?? Not saying I wanted someone to die but come on, I was expecting more from the people who created Grey's anatomy. The only two times I cried were when Travis was saying he couldn't go with vic and when he showed up at the airport. If that doesn't say how bad the finale was idk what does. Maybe I'm just not used to happy finales but still, it just felt very anticlimactic especially with the time jump. Which I couldn't even enjoy because of ANDYS HAIR. like they could've at least tried with it. It's just ugh, idk like when Andy collapsed I thought they were killing her. And OMG DONT YOU EVEN FUCKING DARE TELL ME SHE ENDED WITH GIBSON. that literally made no fucking sense when her potential future was with Jack. They had no signs of that happening again until that scene and I'm like what?????? You're telling me Andy ends up with jack of all people ? Ugh, anyways

Onto 911

I honestly liked the season finale. I kinda wished Chris went to go live with Buck. I thought that was the direction it mightve gone with but maybe in season 8. Also I KNEW it wasn't amir, that was too damn obvious but it was that old mother fucker. I hated him. I'm glad Bobby was okay because if he would've die... omg. But omg Chimney and Maddie with mara, I predicted that and it's so damn cute!! I'm glad they did that. And then there was buck and Tommy....... am I the only one who gets weird vibes? Like daddy issues? And Tommy has literally called buck kid before. It's so gross in my eyes and yes, I want buddie hut that's not the reason I'm hating. Tommy saying, oh I don't have them but you do basically and I'm like ewwww dude you have like 10+ years on him and you saying shit like that is disgusting. Not gonna be surprised if that's why they end. But OMG fucking Gerrard man. Like what the fuckkkkkkkk. I knew he wasn't back for no reason. But come on bobbyyyy did you not even go to the chief before showing up???? Like you QUIT you can't just waltz back in without saying anything. But omg I hope Gerrard doesn't last long because I cannot stand him. And Tommy talking badly about him like dude, acting like you weren't HORRIBLE toward chim and Hen and don't go blaming it on Gerrard.

Anywho. That was my Ted talk. Do you agree with my opinions or do you have different ones?