••••

VICTORIA HUMS AS SHE MAKES HER WAY AROUND THE KITCHEN. She was finishing up making dinner, a glass of wine beside her as she taps her foot against the ground. She can't help but smile as she sees her phone buzz and a message from Buck pop up. Putting down the spatula, she opens her phone and reads the message. She giggles, rolling her eyes.

Rosie and Jennie who were stood on the opposite side of counter, both shared a look with each other. It wasnt often they saw her reacting like that to a text message. "You're happier than usual." Rosie points out as she leans against the marble. Victoria lifts her eyes from her phone, raising her eyebrow at her sister.

"Sorry, am I not allowed to be?" Victoria retorts in an amused tone. Rosie shrugs her shoulders, crossing her arms against her chest.

"You are, it's just suspicious." She responds. Victoria just shakes her head as she turns her phone off, moving back over toward the stove.

"You've been watching way too much TV." Victoria tells her. Jennie just tilts her head a bit.

"I agree with her, somethings new." Jennie points out. Victoria doesn't glance back over at them.

"Mhm." She simply hums, turning the oven off since the food was done. Rosie narrows her gaze a bit.

"I haven't seen it in all the time I've known you so.." Jennie trails off momentarily as Rosie let's out a gasp, a smirk forming on her lips.

"Oh, my god. She's seeing someone." Rosie states. Jennie snaps her fingers as she nods her head in agreement.

"That's gotta be it."

"Because you two are little detectives?" Victoria asks with a snort. Rosie just bites the inside of her cheek.

"She comes home late, misses dinner, I've eaten take out three times this week." She explains to Jennie who makes a disagreeing sound as she shrugs her shoulders.

"Okay, but that could just be dates." Jennie points out but Rosie shakes her head.

"Nope. Last person she brought back here was Eddie so, either she's seeing someone serious or.... she's a murderer." Rosie says, pointing her finger at Victoria. The older woman didn't look that amused as she just takes a deep breath.

"I'm leaning more toward the second option right now." Victoria mumbles as she grabs the plates from the cupboard.

"If she's keeping it from you, maybe it's someone you know?" Jennie suggests. Rosie hums as she thinks about it for a second.

"If it was Eddie, she wouldn't be hiding it seeing as I met him shirtless." Rosie adds. Victoria tilts her head back, not needing to be the centre of their conversation right now.

"Can you girls just set the table, please?" She asks them, referring to the cutlery and glasses. Jennie and Rosie both take a handful, moving toward the table. Rosie moves closer to her best friend.

"What if it's Buck?" She suggests. Jennie's eyes widen as a widened smirk filled her features.

"I think we need to test our theory."

••••

EDDIE WALKED INTO THE LOCKER ROOM, seeing victoria putting her shirt on. He almost stalls at the door, wondering if he should just wait until shes done. Victoria hadnt talked to him since last shift when he had told her about knowing Anthony. He tried to text her a few times but had gotten no response. He even tried going through Buck but the man was like a road block. Buck seemed a bit annoyed at him for bringing his name up.

But before he could make a move to leave, Victoria had glanced in his direction. So, Eddie had to put a smile on his face as he nodded his head at her. "Hey." He says gently. Victoria only looks back at her locker. Eddie sighs, moving his gaze down to his back as he just stares at what was inside for a moment.

Moving over  to his own locker, he places his bag on the bench. Grabbing something from it, he glanced back over at Victoria who only shut her locker door. Eddie hesitates but moves over to her. "Here." Eddie says, holding something out to her. Victoria stares at it like it was a foreign object, her eyes narrowing. "Take it." He says, as he moves his hand a bit.

Victoria grabs it from him, getting a closer look at it, only to see it was a silver locket and it was in a heart shape. She raises an eyebrow at him. "A locket? What, we doing the whole friends to enemies to lovers shit?" Victoria asks him, slightly amused. Eddie just stares back at her.

"Just open it." He tells her and she tilts her head.

"You know I'm a taken woman." She says in a much quieter voice but there was still a teasing tone within. Eddie sighs as he rubs his face with his hand.

"Vic." He says, a bit sterner. Victoria rolls her eyes but looks down at the locket, opening it in order to see what was inside. Her heart almost stops as her lips part gently.

"To my love, my only love, I will cherish you forever. A." Victoria felt tears prickle her eyes as her grip tightens around the metal. "This was his?" She asks, her gaze moving back up to Eddie who nods his head.

"He was planning to give it to you on your wedding day." Eddie admits. Victoria heard the crack in his voice and she couldn't help but feel bad. Yes, she was still very much angry at him for lying but it didn't even cross her mind that he had lost his friend that day too.

"How do you have it?" Victoria questions, wondering how Eddie had gotten it if Anthony was planning on giving it to her.

"It dropped out of his pocket when he got on the helicopter." Eddie states. He had seen it in the dirt the moment the helicopter left the area. He had picked it up to make sure it was in good shape to be able to give it back to him but when the helicopter went down, he kept it so he'd be able to give it to the woman Anthony loved. "I kept it safe because I was gonna give it to his fiance one day. Not so easy to find someone named vic." He teases a bit with a laugh, leaning against the lockers.

Victoria couldn't help but smile as she bit her bottom lip. "That's all he referred to me as?" She asks, slightly humored thar Anthony never said her last name. But there wasn't really any reason to since the Army had her contact information.

"Well, he actually barely said your name, he often just said, my heart, my girl, my future wife." Eddie corrects her. Victoria closes her eyes for a moment. She knew how Anthony talked about her. Even back in Chicago, even when talking to Kelly or Antonio, the chief, he would talk about her like she was the greatest woman on the planet. Victoria felt she was the complete opposite of it.

"You know this doesn't mean you're forgiven, right?" Victoria asks as she opens her eyes again, looking at the man who still puts a smile on his face but his eyes told a different story.

"I know." Eddie hadnt expected to win her trust back so easily. He knew he had betrayed it and it would take a little bit to gain it back. "But if you ever want to talk about him, about the army, what he was like, how he talked about you, I'll tell you." He assures her. Victoria hadn't really talked to one of Anthony's army friends before, but that was because the memory was too unbearable for her.

"Thank you. Really." Victoria responds, genuinely grateful that Eddie offered. She didn't know if she'd ever take him up on it but it would be nice to talk to someone again who actually knew him.

"Just don't put it in your pocket." Eddie jokes and Victoria laughs a bit as she shakes her head. Turning back to his locker, Victoria stares at the locket for a few more seconds.

"Eddie." She says, catching his attention again. "You believe me when I say I don't blame you, right?" Victoria asks him. She really didnt want him to think she was angry with him for anything that happened over there. She just needed him to really know that.

Eddie nods his head, although his eyes saddened and his jaw clenched a bit. "I still blame myself." He admits, his gaze dropping to the floor before he turns and heads into the bathroom. Victoria frowns as she looks after him. The guilt he must be carrying, that he must've had all this time, she felt horrible for screaming at him.

And although she didn't blame him, she didn't even think that he might blame himself.

••••

BUCK AND VICTORIA WERE WALKING HAND IN HAND DOWN THE STREET. The lights beeming down at them as they tried to figure out where they were going. Well, Buck was. Victoria was just staring down at the locket in her hand as they walked. She felt awful that she wasnt giving her undivided attention to Buck but she couldnt stop thinking about the words that Anthony had written her. And all those memories were just flooding around in her brain.

"So, are we doing Thai or Italian tonight?" Buck's voice registers in her ears but she didn't really catch what he said. His eyes fluttered down to hers and she didn't even notice that they had stopped walking. "Vic?" He asks curiously, squeezing her hand. Victoria brings her gaze up to his, confusion in her eyes.

"Hm?" She hums but it was clear she wasn't listening to him. Buck let his eyes drop to what was in her hand, a curious expression forming on his face.

"What's that?" Buck questions as he points toward it. Victoria felt her heart clench as she looks back down at the locket. She sighs as she brings it up between them.

"Eddie gave it to me." Victoria admits. Buck furrowed his eyebrows, wondering why Eddie would be giving Victoria jewelery. "He um..." She trails off, blinking a few times as she took a shaky breath. She just held it in bucks direction. Buck takes it from her, opening it up.

Victoria saw the way he faltered, his gaze softening. "Anthony was gonna give it to you." He says, a small smile forming. Victoria just nods her head as she fiddles her fingers together. Buck looks back at her, tilting his head a bit. "Well, let's see what it looks like on you." Buck suggests and Victoria frowns, shaking her head.

"Buck, you don't have to--" She starts to deny, she didn't want to make him feel bad about himself or that he had to hide feeling hurt to make her feel better. Victoria knew it wasn't everyday that your girlfriend recieved a necklace from her dead fiance.

"Nonsense." Buck cuts her off. Truth be told, Buck wasnt upset, he wasnt hurt that Victoria was thinking about Anthony. He understood why she was. He knew exactly how she felt when he started seeing her and he knew of the baggage she had. Hell,  he had a lot himself. And he wasnt going to make her feel terrible for thinking of the man who was supposed to be her husband.

Buck moves behind her, moving her hair to one side of her neck. Victoria felt nervous as she felt the cold metal touch her skin. Buck's fingers brushed against her as he clasped it before moving her hair back to where it was originally. She turns to him and she couldnt help but melt at the smile he was giving her. "See? He had good taste." He points out.

Victoria nods as her hand moves up to hover over the necklace, a smile on her lips as she just stares down at the ground. "He was perfect." She admits. Buck saw the tears form in her eyes and immediately retook her hand in his.

"Come on, I'll take you home." Buck tells her and this seems to snap her back into reality as Victoria moves her eyes to his, looking guilty.

"What? No, we were gonna get something to eat." Victoria says and Buck shakes his head.

"Vic, it's okay." He assures her, gazing down at the woman. "You don't need to act fine around me or not talk about him. You can talk about him with me." Buck tells her. He really wouldn't mind if she needed to talk about Anthony, tell someone about what she felt with him, the memories he gave her. Sometimes it was nice to just get it all out in the open.

"I didn't mean to ruin our night." Victoria apologizes but Buck was still smiling, it hadn't faltered in the slightest.

"We'll have plenty more." Buck retorts as he presses a kiss to her forehead before turning so they could walk back to the car. "Hey, I got a viewing for that loft apartment." He tells her and Victoria seemed to be a lot more attentive now.

"Oh, no way. So maddies moving?" Victoria asks, knowing Buck was looking at apartments for Maddie to move into since Doug had kind of tainted the one she was in now.

"No, uh, it's for me." Buck admits. Victoria was surprised but she also wasn't. She knew Buck couldn't live with Maddie forever.

"Ahh, she doesn't want you crashing anymore." She teases him with a small smirk. Buck chuckles as he nods his head.

"You can say that." He responds. "But I kinda want my own space." Buck tells her. It would be nice to have a place that's his. Not abbys, not Chimneys, not maddies, just fully his. He hadnt had that in a while.

"Planning on bringing a lot of girls round?" Victoria says, raising an eyebrow. Buck licks his bottom lip as he stops by the car, gazing down at her.

"Mm, well there is this one girl, really hot, sexy...." He trails off, his hand moving toward her hip as he slightly leans her into the door. Victoria laughs as she wraps her arms around his neck.

"You really got a thing for her, huh?" She asks, tilting her head as he now hovers over her. Buck shrugs his shoulders, a knowing smirk on his lips.

"Eh, she's all right." Buck jokes and she rolls her eyes, shaking her head as she brings him ever so closer, their lips now millimeters apart.

"I guess you'll need to break in the new apartment once you get it. Celebrate." Victoria suggests and she could feel Buck's grip tighten on her hips. Her eyes run over him momentarily and the words leave her lips before she even thinks twice about it. "Come home with me." She says. Buck seems a bit taken aback by her offer, creating some space between them.

"Are you sure?" Buck asks. He wasn't sure if this was just a spur of the moment decision or if she had actually thought this over.

"Rosie's over at Athenas. It'll just be us." Victoria states as she runs her hands down his chest. Buck seemed reluctant but as her hand moves into his, giving it a small squeeze and he saw the once desired expression turn into a soft gaze, he allowed himself to let out a breath and nod his head.

"Lead the way."

••••

VICTORIA MOANS SOFTLY AS BUCK LITTERS HER NECK WITH HOT KISSES. He was sucking the skin ever so slightly as his hand ran down her thigh. Victoria tilts her head back, her nails moving down his back. The moment they had gotten back to her place, they were on each other. The Thai food they had picked up on the way was forgotten on the little table next to the front door along with Buck's shirt. They barely made it to the bedroom but with enough stumbling around, they managed their way.

By this point, their clothes were strung around her room as Victoria was just left in her undergarments while Buck was still in his boxers. Not that it would last long with Buck's hand trailing up her back, his hips grinding down into hers as his lips move across her jaw before engulfing her own. Victoria kisses him back, feeling his free hand grip her hair tightly, their tongues battling each other for dominance.

Bucks hand expertly removes her bra, tossing it behind him, moving his palm back down her body in order to wrap her legs around him more. Victoria chases after the man's lips as he pulls away but she doesn't complain when he begins kissing along her chest, sucking at sensitive areas. Her back arches slightly but Buck just holds her hips down as his lips trail down her stomach and toward her underwear.

He lingers around the area, kissing along her thighs. Victoria lifts her hips impatiently, needing contact. She could hear Buck chuckle. The asshole. He knew what he was doing and as she glances down at him, the smirk was no doubt on his face right now. His fingers trail on her underwear, his index finger hooking beneath them.

Victoria was honestly surprised with how eager he was to pleasure her. It seemed Eddie and Buck were the two men who even thought about a woman's pleasure. At least within the men that she's interacted with since she's left Chicago. As he places another soft kiss on her thigh, Victoria lets out a whine. "Buck, I swear to God." She says breathlessly.

Buck glances up at her and he can see the desperation in her eyes. He chuckles a bit but pulls her underwear down her legs before hooking them around his shoulders. Victoria clenches her legs together in anticipation. She can feel his breath hit her which makes her gasp, squeezing her eyes shut. Her hand grips the sheets beneath her.

She knew he was teasing her and honestly, he was going to pay for it afterwards. But finally, Buck tightened his grip around her thighs before allowing his mouth to go to work between her legs. Victoria arches her back, one of her hands going to his hair, tugging out it quite harshly. Buck groans against her which only sends another flutter of pleasure through her.

Victoria feels him thrust a finger inside of her as his tongue magically works around her. She moans as her thighs tighten around him. Buck adjusts them a bit so he could continue. Victoria whines as Buck adds another finger, and then another, her body filling with euphoria as he doesn't slow down in the slightest. She tugs at his hair again, as if pulling him toward her more. Buck chuckles, the vibrations sending a long moan out of Victoria.

Her hips raise again but he once more holds them down with his arm. "Evan..." She pleads as she throws her head back into the pillow. Buck stopped what he was doing momentarily, his head lifting to look up at the woman but she was just withering above him, her eyes squeezed shut. He makes his way up her body, still thrusting his fingers into her. He uses his free hand to tilt her jaw and she flutters her eyes open.

Victoria almost whimpers as she wanted his tongue back inside of her. But there he was, hovering over her with a glint of something dark in his eyes. "Say it again." He demands. Victoria had to process it for a few minutes what he was even asking her to do. As his fingers increase in speed, she gasps as she bites her bottom lip. But then it hits her. He wanted her to moan his name.

Now, Victoria would one thousand percent scream his name tonight but she wasnt one to just do it for the pleasure of a man. Mainly because if Buck wanted to tease her so much, she was gonna make him work for it. Victoria only smirks as she tilts her head, moving her lips so they were almost touching his before slightly turning so they were at his ear.

"Make me." She moans out intentionally. Buck raises an eyebrow, as if amused she was challenging him. He just moves them suddenly making her gasp as she lands in his lap. His fingers now removed from her making her internally whine since she was so close before.

"Hands and knees, baby." Buck tells her, his hand sliding down her ass, giving it a squeeze. Victoria doesn't move an inch, only moving her hand down to his bulge, massaging where he desperately needed attention. This causes him to groan but he just flips her so she lands on her stomach. Victoria giggles as she is forced into the position he wanted.

She arches her back, clenching her fingers into the sheets as he settles behind her. Victoria hoped he didn't start with the teasing shit again because honestly, she just needed to cum right now and she knew he did as well. Victoria was already well ready to take him, no matter how big he was.

And it seemed Buck knew that as well because he didn't waste a second in thrusting into her, filling her all the way. Victoria gasps as she drops her head a bit. Buck wasnt like the other assholes shee dated though, he waited until she was comfortable, glancing back and giving him a little nod before he began his movements.

Did Victoria regret making her little comment? Not in the slightest now as he thrusts into her at a deep and even pace. His fingers were digging into her hips and she was moving back with him in order to intensify their pleasure but as his hips hit hers, her head drops toward the bed. Buck was a moaning mess behind her, not that she was any better as she was all but shoving her face into the pillow to mask some of it.

Buck grabs her hair with one hand, lifting her head slightly to hear the long whine that was leaving her. Victoria's jaw all but drops open as the man increases his pace. "Oh god, Evan!" Victoria's voice was hoarse as she screamed out his name. Buck squeezes her hip in response, a groan leaving him as he thrusts deeper inside of her, if that was even possible.

"Fuck. Don't stop!" She pleads as she felt her orgasm creeping up on her like a freight train. Buck just brings both his hands back to her hips, continuing the pace he was at as he knew this was what was working for her. Victoria felt his movements stall a bit, signaling that he was close too but as her eyes roll back, her body dropping to her bed as her arms had been too weak to hold her up, she lets out a deep moan as her orgasm washes over her.

Victoria tried to move her hips back to meet his, trying to give him that friction. But luckily he didn't need much help as he was cumming in seconds, using his hand to catch himself but she felt his body weight pressing against her back. Their breathing was heavy as Buck fell beside her on the bed, rolling onto his back, closing his eyes.

She lets out a laugh as she turns her head to face him, not having the energy to roll over at the minute. "I missed that." Victoria admits and he didn't open his eyes but a bright smile made it's way onto his features. She saw his hand move toward her and then he was pulling her toward him so she was resting on his chest.

As soon as she settled, he opens his eyes, meeting her gaze, both of them ignoring the sticky situation they were in at the moment. "You're amazing, you know that?" Buck tells her as he lifts his hand to brush the hair out of her face. Victoria raises an eyebrow.

"Am I?" She teases him as she brings her hand up to run down his chest. "I didn't hear you saying that before." Victoria points out. Buck chuckles as he tilts his head.

"Oh, you need me to say it?"

"I think you need me to say it." Victoria corrects him with a lingering smirk on her face. Buck blushes, his eyes drifting. Victoria was very aware of how Buck responded to praise. Don't get it wrong, she loved it too, but she loved giving it to other people more. "Don't get all shy on me now." She says as she tilts his head back toward her.

Buck felt embarrassed that he had a praise kink, it was probably due to how he was treated growing up. But the way Victoria praises him has such a hold over him and she knows it too. Buck couldn't help but give a reaction when she did it though, it was a natural bodily function for him now.

He felt her hand trail down to his waist, her lips kissing along his collarbone. Buck gasps as she wraps her hand around his dick. He was a bit sensitive but he didnt want her to stop. "Vic.." He whines out, squeezing his eyes shut. Victoria was going to move her hand to start jerking him but she doesnt when she notices he wasn't looking at her.

So, she brings her free hand to his jaw, tapping it a bit. Buck opens his eyes with furrowed eyebrows and she was only gazing down at him with a mischievous glint in her eye. "Evan, you are so fucking amazing." She starts, putting the emphasis on his name which gained a needy moan from him. "Every thing you do, the way you touch me, the way you speak, your moans.... they're all fucking perfect. You're perfect." In her eyes, Buck was perfect. He may not see it himself, but she did.

Buck moves his hips, grinding into her hand and she giggles as she starts to stroke him very slowly. He groans as he tilts his head back. Victoria only stops once again and Buck knew she was getting him back for teasing her. She climbs onto his lap, straddling him as she kept her hand where it was.

He moves his eyes back to hers and she only runs her thumb over his bottom lip before leaning down and pressing a kiss to the nape of his neck. "Do you know that?" She asks, tilting her head as she starts to stroke him again, going a bit faster this time. Buck shakes his head absentmindedly, half not hearing what she asked and half self consciously not aware of how she saw him.

"You need me to say it, baby? You need to hear me say it?" Victoria asks in a whisper as she trails her lips down his chest while increasing her hand speed. Buck whines beneath her touch, his hips jolting up momentarily. He was so zoned in on how her hand felt around him, that he didn't even notice that she had gotten all the way down to his waist until she was planting a kiss on the top of his dick.

"F-fuck!" Buck stutters out, a gasp leaving his lips as he once again jolts toward her. Victoria holds his hips down gently but before she could continue, she heard the front door slam shut.

"Vic, you home?" Rosie's voice came from the other side of the apartment. Victoria pulls away from Buck who had already tensed, his head turning to the direction of the bedroom door.

"Shit." Victoria mumbles as she frantically searches for her clothes in order to put them on. Buck was a bit slower, only because he had to take care of the problem she had caused.

"Vic?" Rosie asks and her voice was getting closer with every moment that had passed.

"Y-yeah! One second!" Victoria replies frantically, glancing around her room before her eyes set on the window that went to the fire escape. "Go out the window." She tells him and Buck wasn't sure if she was serious as he sat at the edge of the bed having pulled his boxers on.

"What?"

Victoria groans as she picks up his pants, throwing them at him. "Buck, put on your pants and go out the fucking window." She says in a hushed voice, her tone frustrated. Buck looks around the room.

"Can't I just hide in the closet?" Buck suggests, not really wanting to go out the window half naked.

"No, cause she'll know." Victoria responds. Buck sighs as he gets up from the bed, pulling on his jeans. The door knob rattles causing them both to glance toward it.

"Why is the door locked?" Rosie questions and Victoria runs her hands through her hair.

"Uh, I'm just changing." She answers. Making a gesture for Buck to go to the window, mouthing the words at him.

"Whyd you need the door locked for that?" Rosie wasn't stupid. She had noticed the shirt and the shoes near the door when she picked up the bag of what looked to be take out. And with the amount of times Buck was over at their apartment after the earthquake, she recognized the shoes.  "Is this Thai?" She asks, moving back toward the kitchen.

"Yeah, help yourself!" Victoria pushes Buck toward the window, the man almost tripping over his own feet.

"Is Buck having any?" This causes both of them to stop and stare at each other. Victoria felt her heart drop as she stays silent. "If you want to sneak around, best not leave his shoes at the door. And his shirt." Rosie tells them, amusement in her tone and Victoria knew her sister was smirking.

She lets go of Buck, covering her face with her hands as she just sits down at the edge of her bed. "Shit." She mumbles. Buck moves toward her, placing his hand on her shoulder but she shrugs it off. "Can you leave, please?" Victoria asks him, her voice cracking slightly. Buck frowns, not knowing if he should really leave her alone right now. "Buck, please." She says, not being able to look up at him.

"She's your sister, she won't--"

"Buck." Her voice was vulnerable as she shakes beneath him. Her breathing was getting shallow and she felt like the walls were closing in on her.

Buck hesitated but made his way toward the door, making sure he looked half presentable before exiting the room. He took another glance at Victoria, the woman just silently rocking back and forth on her bed as he closes the door behind him. Walking down the hall, he sees Rosie sat at the dining table. Her eyes ran over his appearance and he was a bit embarrassed as he quickly walked toward his shirt.

"Wow, the second one to get kicked out shirtless. Is this a new record she's setting?" Rosie asks with a laugh but with the way Buck just threw his shirt on, moving toward his shoes, she could tell something went wrong. "Buck." She says, getting up from her seat. He doesn't look at her. "For what it's worth, I think she really likes you." She admits. Victoria might have just freaked out, it didn't mean they were over.

Buck sighs as he just turns to face the girl. "I get that she wants to move slow but..." He didn't care about moving slow or waiting to tell people, but neither could have predicted Rosie finding out and he didn't get why it was such a big deal. She would've found out anyways and it's not like she would go telling everyone about it, she knew Victoria better than anybody.

"She doesn't mean to hurt you." Rosie denies. She saw how this could be confusing and hurtful for Buck, but Victoria barely allowed herself to move on, let alone others to find out. Rosie wasn't really thinking when she outed them, she just found it funny that it was clear they barely made it in the front door. "Tomorrow you'll be good as new." She states, giving him a thumbs up.

Buck nods, his eyes drifting slightly. Rosie bites the inside of her cheek, clearly he didn't believe her. He may want to but he didn't. "Did you want to take some with you?" Rosie asks, gesturing to the food and Buck shakes his head.

"No, it's yours." Buck tells her before turning and heading toward the front door. "Have a goodnight." Without another word or glance, Buck left the apartment. Rosie knew whoever dated her sister would have to have patience. It took her this long to even try and have something serious with another person.

"Vic, you better get out here before I scarf down all this food." She calls out, moving back toward the table. It was a few minutes before Victoria opened her bedroom door and she looked terrible. Her eyes were puffy and red and she was clutching her hands to her arms as she walked slowly.

"I'm just gonna take a shower." Victoria says softly, glancing at her sister. Rosie furrows her eyebrows.

"You're not pushing him away just because I know, are you?" Rosie asks her. Victoria didn't want to push Buck away, she hadn't meant to. It just felt like everything around her was closing in and she couldn't breathe, and she didn't want Buck around when that happened.

"I-I just get overwhelmed." Victoria admits, her voice cracking. It happened even before Anthony passed away. Mainly around the time her miscarriage had happened. If things got too much for her or if something didn't happen the way she planned, she would become very overwhelmed and not be able to control her breathing or her heart rate. Half the time it started with no warning.

"Did you have one your panic attacks?" Rosie questions, knowing that was a possibility. She should've thought about that before she said anything but again, she didn't think and she felt terrible about causing a strain between their obviously new relationship.

"I just need a shower." She mumbles, making her way toward the bathroom. Rosie frowns as she watches as the door close behind her.

••••

HEN'S HOUSE WAS NOT EXACTLY WHERE VICTORIA ENVISIONED SHE'D BE AT ONE IN THE MORNING. But here she was. Sitting on Hens couch as the tired woman sat across from her. Victoria felt horrible when she had called her but Hen had immediately answered. Granted, she thought something terrible had happened and was very glad to know that Victoria had only wanted to talk.

But of course Hen would say yes. Victoria had been there for her at the crack of dawn some days when her life wasn't going the greatest. Hen would be there for her as well. "Thanks for letting me come over." Victoria says, trying to keep her voice down as to not disturb Karen and Denny who were still asleep.

"Of course." Hen says with a soft smile on her face, rubbing her eyes to be more awake. "What's going on?" She asks, concern lingering in her tone.

"I just feel like I can't breathe." Victoria admits. Even now, she still felt those walls around her. She had to get a cab to Hen's house because she couldn't even see straight enough to walk down the hallway let alone drive.

"Physically or metaphorically?" Hen questions, wanting to know whether she should be checking her out for something serious or if it was more in her head.

"Both."

"Did something happen to cause it?"

"I-I try to get my life under control and then it just...." Victoria laughs but it was out of pure embarrassment and just thinking she was pathetic for even trying. She just feels it slipping further and further away from her.

"Slips out from under you?" Hen finishes for her as if reading her mind. Victoria nods her head. "Is this about Eddie?" She asks, knowing Eddie and Victoria were still at a bit of an odds after what had happened at the station the other day.

"It's everything." Victoria admits and Hen frowns but nods, waiting for her to contunue. "It's my whole life and it's crumbling around me and i-i try and grab onto that one piece of light, that one part that I desperately want but then the universe is like nope, fuck you, you can't be happy because you can't allow yourself to be so I'm gonna take that one piece away from you." She states, running her hands through her hair.

Victoria was frustrated. She wished she could just be like everyone else and let people in, find love, just go about her life but no, she has a screwed up life that didn't seem to care how drained she was or how much she was internally fighting herself to even find a sliver of happiness within the world.

"And that piece of light that's being taken away from you? Is it because of Eddie lying to you?" Hen questions. She was just trying to piece it together. Especially since Victoria had come to her house at one am.

Victoria just stares in front of herself blankly, the tears prickling her eyes but even as her heart aches, their was no more sadness within it. It was merely empty. "I miss him." She admits. Hen grabs the girls hand.

"You don't want to move on because that missing piece will never be restored." Hen didn't understand the grief that Victoria went through, she didn't know what it was like to have to start from scratch after finding the love of your life. But she wanted to. She wanted Victoria to find a way to navigate this whirlwind that seems to have caught her.

"I met someone and he..." Victoria trails off, chewing at her bottom lip. "He's so sweet, Hen. He's amazing to me and h-he makes me feel like myself again." She says and she cant help but smile as she thinks back on her dates with Buck. "And I thought I could--- I let him into my life and it was fine, it was so great until it all fell apart." She admits. Hen was glad she had found someone but it seemed it wasn't going the way she wanted it to.

"How did it fall apart?" Hen asks, wanting to know if it was simply something that could be fixed or if it was a larger issue.

"Because of me." Victoria answers. Hen leans forward, tilting her head a bit. "Because of my broken heart. And God, he literally said I could talk about Anthony with him, he doesn't care that I still love him because he sees me anyways. And Rosie found out about us and I just--" She groans as she falls back against the couch cushions. "I freaked." She finishes. Hen nods her head slowly.

"You had a panic attack." Hen knew about Victoria's panic attacks. Well, the whole station did except maybe Eddie and Buck since they hadnt witnessed one. It was hard to know when they'd happen and it had honestly been so long since she's had one and now it seemed they were starting up again.

"I screwed it up."

"Did you talk to him?" Hen asks curiously but Victoria shakes her head. She couldnt have even talked to him because she kicked him out. Just like she had kicked Eddie out. "Maybe he understands. He knows about Anthony, right?" She points out. Hen didn't know who she was talking about but clearly Victoria really cared about him if she opened up about Anthony.

"That doesnt matter."  She denies, shaking her head. "That doesnt matter when I'm a fucking freak. Who kicks out their perfect boyfriend because their little sister found out? Who does that?" Victoria had found the sweetest guy ever and instead of just being normal and telling her own sister about him, she freaked and probably made Buck feel horrible.

"Someone who's afraid." Hen says with a small sigh. "Anthony was all you ever knew for so long and now this person will take his place and that terrifies you. Because you lost him and you feel guilty for replacing him." She explains. Victoria covers her face with her hands momentarily.

"How do I get past this, Hen?" Victoria genuinely needed to know because she couldn't go through her entire life feeling this way.

"Go to therapy." She says bluntly. Victoria couldn't help but laugh which is what Hen wanted. But, she also could use therapy and Hen knew Victoria hadnt gone to one session. "Just talk to him, Vic. Explain how you're feeling and if you feel yourself start to lose your breath again, just remind yourself that there's a reason you met this person. Maybe this was Anthony sending someone to you to make you happy again." Hen explains to her, her hand squeezing Victoria's.

Victoria nodded her head. She did really like Buck, more than she ever expected to. And she didn't want to screw it up, she didn't want to screw up the one good thing she had going in her life, especially when no one else has felt so....... real for her. Buck was the first person in a long time where she could genuinely see a future being formed with him. Where she could see herself being happy again.

She just hoped to God her stupid fears didn't screw it up.

••••

Authors note;

Nah because yall can't tell me buck doesn't have a praise kink