••••

VICTORIA STRETCHED OUT ON THE COUCH AS THE MOVIE PLAYED ON THE TELEVISION. Kelly was all but passed out in the arm chair while Shay was sat beside her, although her eyes were trained on her phone. Victoria was enjoying the silence honestly. She liked just being in her friends company, it helped her a lot. Sometimes FaceTime just didn't do justice and she sometimes just really needed them to be with her.

"So, you and Buck?" Shays voice comes out of nowhere and when Victoria brings her eyes back to the blonde, she was just staring at her expecting an answer back.

"Huh?"

"You don't even have to tell me." Shay says with a smirk. Victoria shakes her head as she just crosses her arms against her chest.

"You're delusional." Victoria answers her and Shay laughs as she raises her eyebrows.

"Oh, please. You two were so awkward the other day it was literally painful to watch." Shay admits, not even wanting to think about it and when she tried to talk to Kelly about it, he just told her not to mention it.

"Maybe I was just annoyed with him." Victoria says with a shrug of her shoulders but she could see that Shay didn't believe a word of it.

"Mhm." She hums, glancing over at Kelly momentarily to see if he was really sleeping. "Was the sex not good?" Shay asks her curiously.

"What?" Victoria asks, her eyebrows furrowing.

"Or is he secretly an ass?"

"Shay, what are you even saying?" Victoria questions with a slight groan, being confused all of a sudden.

"I'm just trying to figure out why you would dump his fine ass. I'm fully into women and even I can see that he's got a lot going for him." Shay explains to her as she tilts her head. Victoria rolls her eyes a little bit.

"I didn't dump him." She denies and this causes Shay's mouth to open slightly.

"Oh." She grimaces a bit as she rubs her jaw. "He dumped you?" Shay asks and Victoria just lets out a groan.

"No one dumped anyone. We weren't together." Victoria tells her and Shay just slowly nods as she presses her lips together tightly.

"Ahh, I see."

"Watch the movie." Victoria tells her as she gestures toward the television and Shay holds her hands up in defense.

"I'm sorry, I'll stop."  Shay tells her, fiddling with her fingers before a sigh leaves her lips. "But, are you two gonna go on a date?" She questions curiously causing the smallest frown to form on Victoria's lips.

"No. I still need time." She admits. That didn't mean it wouldn't happen, but Victoria didnt have a specific timeline. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this, you'll just tell everybody." Victoria states as she shakes her head and Shay let's out a playful scoff, hitting her arm.

"No, I won't." Shay denies with a slight pout and Victoria only stares back at her.

"You're literally texting Gabby right now." Victoria points out as she was sure if she actually looked at Shays phone,she  would see Gabbys contact.

"I'm not." Shay denies, before looking at her phone and shutting it off.  "No, I'm not." She says again, clearing her throat a bit and Victoria laughs a bit as she shakes her head.

"I appreciate your enthusiasm but I need to be by myself right now and Buck respects that." Victoria tells her and Shay nods her head. Although she didn't take that step, she still took a step in the right direction and that's all Shay has wanted for her.

"Good. Cause if he didn't he was getting tased in the balls." Shay states, narrowing her eyes ever so slightly. Victoria smirks as she raises an eyebrow.

"You can still do that." She suggests causing them both to laugh before they glance over to a sleeping Kelly.

"Is he really trusting that we won't do anything while he's asleep?" Shay asks as she crosses her arms.

"He has too much faith in us." Victoria states as she shares a glance with Shay before they both get up and make their way over to Kelly.

••••

PULLING AWAY FROM THE HUG, Kelly and Shay both smile back at Victoria as she did not look the happiest. She just lets out a groan as she tilts her head back a bit. "Do you really have to leave already?" Victoria asks them as it seemed like they had only just gotten there. But it had been a few days and although grateful that they had come, she felt bad that they felt like they had to.

"I mean, we could push our flights if you don't wanna be alone." Kelly suggests, being fully serious which kind of made her annoyed. Victoria didn't mean to be rude in any way. She really appreciated them being there for her and although she was sad to see them leave, he didn't need to stick around for her out of pity.

"I'm just sad you're leaving. I'm not a lost puppy." Victoria responds and Kelly just nods his head, his eyes looking down at the ground. Shay glances between them before reaching out and grabbing Victoria's hand.

"We'll call on Christmas, okay?"  Shay tells her with a soft smile on her face and Victoria nods.

"Or you could come back with us." Kelly suggests. He could see the look Victoria got on her face which he immediately knew meant it wasnt going to happen. "It's never gonna be the perfect time." He denies. He knew she was waiting for a good time to go back, some day where she felt all her grief leave her but that day may never come if she was waiting for it.

"I tried that over a month ago and just sat in the airport." Victoria points out with a sigh. It's not like she hasn't tried. She just can't force herself to get on the plane.

"Well, you'd have company this time." Kelly points out, gesturing toward himself and Shay. Victoria's gaze softens. She knew he just wanted her to come home but Los Angeles was her home now.

"Kelly, I know you're just looking out for me but I'm still not ready to go back." She denies. Kelly doesnt push on it, accepting that she still wasn't ready. Did it hurt? Of course it did but she was on her own timeline.

"Okay. I had to try." He says and Victoria bites her tongue a bit.

"You'll keep me posted though." Shay states, changing the subject drastically as she smirks at Victoria.

"On what?" Kelly asks, furrowing his eyebrows as he glances between them.

"She knows." Shay says with a small wink. Victoria knew that Kelly was already aware of it but she didnt say anything.

"And I'll know in about ten minutes." Kelly states with a smirk, rolling his eyes. Shay slaps his arm, glaring up at the man.

"I'm not that bad with secrets." She denies but she sees the way they share a glance with each other. "I hate you both." Shay grumbles, just turning and walking away from them. Victoria laughs as she shakes her head, meeting Kelly's gaze once more.

"You'll be all right?" He asks, his tone more serious now and had a hint of concern within it. But Victoria nods as she didn't want Kelly worrying about her anymore.

"Yeah."

"I really miss having you there." Kelly tells her. When she lived in Chicago, they were inseparable.  She was his best friend before Shay came into the picture and she had left. They knew literally everything about each other, knew their worst moments, their toughest. It was hard not having the same connection they used to.

"I miss you too." Victoria says, trying not to get too emotional. "I miss everyone." She states. Wanting to see them all again one day but she still needed to fully heal before she was able to set foot in Chicago again.

"Well, everyone still loves you. They understand why you had to leave." Kelly tells her and she frowns but nods. Victoria didn't mean to just leave out of the blue even if they all saw it coming, even if they all did understand why. She missed them truly and although she loved her friends at the 118, 51 would always be her first family.

"I just can't believe it's been five years next week since I left." Victoria admits, taking a deep breath. She couldn't see how it had been five years already. Time did go way too fast in her opinion.

"I know, it's crazy." Kelly agrees as he puts his hands into his pockets.

"You're still making the same dumb decisions but--" Victoria smirks as Kelly lets out a scoff, raising his eyebrows.

"Hey, you're the one talking." He retorts and she just smiles as she looks down at her shoes momentarily. Clearing her throat, she glances around before looking back at Kelly.

"I um, I spoke to Buck." Victoria admits. Kelly was a bit shocked, his eyes widening but that was only because he never actually expected her to take his advice. Mainly because she never did.

"You did?"

"We have a date on a day that's to be determined." Victoria admits and she saw the bright smile that formed on Kelly's lips.

"That's great." He responds, putting his hand onto her shoulder and giving it a squeeze. "You know I'm really happy for you." Kelly tells her. He knew how hard it was to even have a conversation with Buck, let alone potentially go on a date with him.

"Kelly!" They are cut off by Shay's voice who's already halfway down the airport. They both glance over at her before a small sigh leaves Kelly.

"We've gotta go." He tells Victoria who nods her head. "I'll see you soon, okay?" Kelly says, pulling her into a tight hug. Victoria hugs him back for a second before they pull away from each other.

"Bye." She says as she looks back up at him.

"Love you." Kelly tells her, turning around and making his way over to Shay.

"Bye, Vic!" Shay shouts, waving at her and Victoria smiles as she waves back at the woman. She watches as Shay and Kelly made their way toward the security line. A long sigh leaves Victoria's lips as she looks down at her fingers. She just turns, heading for the exits and trying to stop the pit that was slowly forming in her stomach.

••••

A KNOCK ON THE DOOR GRABS ATHENA'S ATTENTION. She places her glass of wine down and makes her way over to the entrance. Opening it, she saw Rosie standing with a bag over her shoulder and her friend Jennie behind her. Athena smiles sweetly as she instantly brings Rosie in for a hug. "Hi, sweetheart." She says once they pull away from each other. Rosie matches her smile.

"Hi, thena." Rosie responds as she and Jennie step into the house, Athena closing the door behind them.

"May, Rosie's here!" Athena calls out.

"Thank you again for letting Jennie come as well." Rosie tells her as she glances toward her best friend who seemed the slightest bit out of place but it was more because her parents freaked out before they had picked her up.

"Oh, no worries. Everyone is always welcome." Athena says, giving a comforting smile toward Jennie. "How have you been?" She asks curiously and Jennie nods, fiddling with her fingers.

"I'm good, Ms Grant."

"None of that nonsense, it's Athena." She responds and Jennie smiles softly. May could be heard walking down the hallway and she all but gasps as she sees her friends.

"Oh, my god. You will not believe what happened today." May admits as Jennie and Rosie walk over to her, both with confused yet curious expressions on their faces.

"What?" Rosie asks her, wanting to know if there was any drama. But at their school, there always was.

"Jack Sanchez tried asking me out." May tells them. Rosie physically repulsed as she heard it. Jack Sanchez was quite literally the human epitome of a five grade jackass.

"Oh, please tell me you sucker punched him." Rosie pleads with a small groan.

"Or gave that creep an embarrassment of a lifetime." Jennie adds as she raises an eyebrow. May presses her lips together tightly with a tiny grimace.

"I just kind of walked away." May admits and Rosie brings her hands up to her face. Jennie shakes her head as she places her hands on her hips.

"May, may, may. We seriously need to toughen you up." Jennie tells her and May rolls her eyes playfully before pulling both girls toward her room. Athena smiles as she shakes her head, making her way back over to Bobby.

"That was really sweet of you to invite Jennie." Bobby tells her as he wraps his arms around her.

"I know her home situation isn't the greatest. Thought she'd want to at least be happy for the holidays." Athena states. Rosie had come to her and asked if it would be okay for Jennie to come over as well. And honestly, Athena didn't mind her house being the 'safe' space that others needed.

"Did you know? About Vic?" Bobby asks her curiously. Athena sighs as she leans against the counter.

"She asked me if Rosie could come over for Christmas when they first arrived here. May and Rosie had met at school and I had met the girl, she seemed sweet and like a good kid." Athena explains to him and Bobby nods his head.

When Victoria first moved, Athena had only met her through May. She had asked if Rosie could come over and Athena thought she should meet the parents first. That's when she learned that it was just Victoria. She never pressed for information because she knew that sometimes there were somethings you didn't talk about. And since then, she's just been there for Victoria and Rosie in any way that she could.

"I never really asked about her situation and when she said she wasn't going to join us, I accepted that boundary. I always extend the invitation but she never accepts." Athena states. She always invited Victoria to join. Did she ever think she'd get a yes? No, she didn't. But that didn't mean she shouldn't at least ask. She just wanted the woman to feel like she wasn't alone in the dreadful time.

"Well, that's very thoughtful of you." Bobby responds as he runs his hand down Athena's arm who only smiles softly. "Although I don't think she's gonna be alone much this year." He admits as his mind goes back to the firehouse from the previous shift that he had.

"What do you mean?" Athena asks with a confused expression on her face and that was when Bobby explained what was going on to her.

••••

THE SILENT AIR FILLED THE APARTMENT SPACE, the only sound to be heard was the soft talking from the television that Victoria wasn't even looking at. She was just laying on the couch staring up at the ceiling. Victoria honestly hated how she allowed her grief to get the best of her every single year. It had been thirteen years and it still pained her to reach Christmas eve. Victoria wished she could be one of those people who could just let it go and make it a happy memory instead, to turn the day into one that wasn't full of misery.

But she couldn't.

Because it wasnt like she had just lost her dad that night. It wasn't like she had gotten a phone call or her mom had told her. No one had broken the news to her because she was with him. She had scars from that night that she desperately wanted to be ridden of. But even if she could, that memory would forever be fresh in her mind. The way her father tried to talk to her, his voice coming out all cracked and breathy. The blood seeping from his wounds.

And his heart. She would never forget the way she had felt it stop. How she saw the life leave his eyes as she desperately waited for help to arrive. And when they did, there was nothing they could do. Not even with the CPR that she had given him. He was gone. And she had watched it happen.

It was the sole reason she had become a firefighter. Her plan was to become a nurse but when her dad died, at first she had no desire to do anything. To just crawl into a hole and let it swallow her. But when her mom went off her meds, it was hard to do that. Because she wouldn't just be leaving herself, she would be leaving her little sister with no one to raise her. Or even worse, leaving her little sister to be potentially killed.

And it wouldn't be her mom's fault. When she had an episode, it all seemed so real to her. So hurting Rosie wouldn't be her fault. But Victoria couldnt let anything happen to her. Happen to either of them. And even with Anthonys help, it wasn't enough. So, she put her mom in a care home where they could give her the help she needed and Victoria raised her sister with Anthony.

And then on her eighteenth birthday she had enlisted to the Chicago fire department. Because she wanted to save others. She wanted to save who she couldn't. She wanted to prevent another little girl from losing her father. Because she didn't want anyone else to experience the pain that she had. Of course you can't save everyone but even one life was enough for her.

One life made a difference.

A knock on the door makes her let out a long groan. She wasn't expecting company so whoever it was better know that she wasn't in the best mood right now. Victoria slowly sat up, glancing around her apartment. Her eyes stopped on her sisters room, the door open as she was currently at Athenas. Victoria felt horrible, always shipping her off on Christmas but she wanted it to be a happy time for Rosie and that wouldn't happen if Victoria was around.

She sighs as she makes her way toward the door, running a hand down her face. Victoria honestly hoped it was just someone she could tell to go away, like a neighbor. But as she opened the door, she was met with Chimney, Eddie, Buck and Hen. Victoria stops dead in her tracks as she had no idea what they were doing at her apartment. They were all holding separate things, all standing in a specific placement.

"We brought Chinese food. Well, its a bunch of different things but theres also chinese food in here..... i think." Buck says with a huge smile on his face which contorted to confusion for a second as he explains the bag in his hand. Victoria could only blink a few times, not even being able to process it before the others started to talk as well.

"And drinks." Eddie adds, moving into the apartment with Buck.

"Also, die hard. Classic Christmas movie." Chimney trails in behind them. Victoria let her lips part, confusion overwhelming her as she turned to watch them walk into her living room.

"Um--"

"I tried to make him put it back." Hen grumbles as she walks past Victoria as well. Victoria could only close the door behind her, still trying to figure out why they were even here. She didn't want to kick them out or anything but she wasnt expecting company.

"What are you guys doing here?" Victoria asks them, moving over to where the group was standing. Her eyes roam over them, seeing them start to place the stuff on the coffee table.

"Hanging out." Chimney says like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yeah, we haven't hung out outside the firehouse in a while. Why not bring back the old tradition?" Hen suggests with a smile but this just causes Buck to look at her, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Old tradition?" He asks, wondering what she was talking about. Hen just glances at him.

"Yeah, we'd got to someone's house at least twice a week, have a feast, watch movies, stuff like that." Chimney explains to him and Buck looked beyond confused.

"When was this?"

"Oh, we didn't like you back then." Hen admits as she pats his shoulder. Buck looked like a lost puppy and Victoria felt kind of bad. But it was also quite cute.

"Look, I see what you're doing and really, I'm fine." Victoria tells them and Hen just raises an eyebrow.

"You think this is pity? Girl, Buck doesn't know the meaning of the word." She states causing Buck to groan as he crosses his arms against his chest.

"Why are you just making fun of me?" Buck complains and Victoria felt her heart swoon as she saw the way his nose scrunched up in frustration, his eyes softening ever so slightly and the tone of his voice coming out more like a whine than anything.

"To cheer her up." Hen retorts with a shrug of her shoulders. Buck pouts but Hen noticed the smile on Victoria's face. "Look, it's working." She points out. Any other night Buck would've made a comment back to Hen but the fact that Victoria was smiling was enough for him. He didn't care if he was the one they picked on for tonight.

"I thought you guys would be over at Athenas and Eddie has chris--" She complains, not wanting everyone to ruin their plans because of her.

"I let Shannon see him so they're spending the night together." Eddie tells her, not wanting her to feel like she's forcing him away from his son. But Victoria didnt even seem glad by his answer, more annoyed.

"Bro, I gave you the perfect out and you caved?" Victoria groans, crossing her arms against her chest as she narrows her eyes. Eddie gives her a sheepish smile back.

"Now, are we doing this or what?" Chimney asks her as he claps his hands together, waiting expectantly for an answer.

Victoria let her eyes move over the group for a moment. She wasn't used to having people like this around her, especially around this time of year. But she was honestly glad. And it did give her a sense of relief. Maybe she should stop pushing people away, start accepting herself and allowing herself to actually feel things again. And she couldn't think of a better way to start than with them.

"Okay, okay, fine." Victoria caves making everyone cheer. "Forks are in the top drawer." She tells them, Buck and Eddie mostly since Chimney and Hen had been in her kitchen a million times. Eddie nods and heads that way, not seeing Buck following after him.

"Hey." Buck says catching eddies attention. "Did you let Shannon see Christopher because of what she knows?" He asks him, his voice quiet. Eddie seemed a bit pissed off as he just lets out a small scoff.

"No." He denies as he just opens the drawer in front of him, revealing the cutlery.

"Well, are you gonna tell Vic?" Buck asks, slightly knocking the drawer as he moved closer. Eddie looks over at the group, seeing no one was paying attention to them.

"Buck, can we just forget about this for now?" Eddie pleads, frustration in his tone. Buck crosses his arms against his chest, not pleased with the answer.

"You know the longer you wait, the madder she'll be, right?" Buck points out as he raises an eyebrow. He knew what it was like to be on the other side of her wrath and he didn't particularly recommend it to Eddie.

"I don't want to give her more bad memories around the holidays, okay?" Eddie responds with a small sigh. Buck couldn't help but feel the same way. If it was any other day, he would be making Eddie tell Victoria. But it was Christmas eve. And she probably had a lot of unpleasant memories from this day already.

"Fine." Buck says, glancing down at his hands momentarily. "But you are gonna tell her?" He asks, although it wasn't really a question. Eddie seemed hesitant but he nods his head.

"Yeah."

"Chop chop, it doesn't take two people to get some forks." Chimneys voice interrupts them and they both look over at the group. Buck just grabs the forks and heads back over, Eddie trailing behind him. Buck takes the empty seat beside Victoria while Eddie sits down on one of the chairs.

"Chim, we are not watching die hard." Hen groans as she tilts her head back. Chimney frowns as he was still holding the DVD.

"It's an old classic." He tells them and Victoria snorts as she looks over at him.

"You're an old classic." Victoria retorts. Hen laughs loudly along with Buck, Eddie just chuckling softly to himself. Chimney seemed offended but mainly in a playful manner.

"Wow. And I thought we were on the same team." Chimney says, placing his hand on his chest. Victoria just rolls her eyes a bit as she moves up on the couch a bit. Her arm rubbed against Buck's a bit causing her to slightly glance toward him.

He offers her a small smile but he couldn't help but feel a bit of guilt. Because he knew what Eddie was hiding from her and he couldn't just act like everything was fine. But he would tonight. Because he wanted to keep the smile on her face, he wanted to see her happy.

He didn't want to take that away from her.

••••

Authors note;

Shorter chapter today but another chapter is coming soon !

I just wanted to say thank you so much for your support on this book ! It has been overwhelming. The fact that we hit 50k just a few days ago and now we are at #1 in 911 and #2 in buck, it's completely insane.