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JADE RUBBED THE tip of her nose with a sniffle, a soft sob following as Alison tried her best to comfort her best friend. Which wasn't easy, not now that her little secret was out, exposed by the very two people who should've never found out about it.
"I mean, I know I'm the one who's in the wrong here", she choked out, trying to be as quiet as possible as the two-year-old was already sleeping in his travel cot. "I should've never kept this from him, I know that", the brunette added sobbing, shaking her head slightly. "But he said himself that he wasn't ready; I just didn't want to put him in a shitty situation."
"Hey, I know that." Ali's gentle tone held comfort and firmness as she placed the tips of her fingers against Jade's cheek, gently turning her head towards her. "He told you clearly and unambiguously that he wasn't ready for a second child. Sure, you could've told him anyway", the blonde noted with a hum, rubbing her thumb gently over Jade's cheek. "But you don't know what would've happened. It would've probably ended in pure chaos."
"But at least I wouldn't have taken my son's father away", the brunette whispered, her guilty conscience showing. "Maybe Jax would've been happy at some point anyway."
"Come on, Jade, you don't know if that would've ever happened", Ali sighed, shaking her head while searching for her best friend's eyes; she then smiled encouragingly at the brunette. "Just a few more days and we'll be back in Arizona and you're away from this shit show again."
"You don't know Gemma", Jade replied dryly, averting her gaze again, which lingered on Thomas' travel cot. "I'm not getting out of here, Ali."
The blonde scoffed, not quite sure what Jade meant by that. "What is she going to do, Jade? Kill you?"
What Alison meant as a joke elicited a bitter laugh from Jade. "There's a chance, yes. When it comes to Jax or her family in general, Gemma will cross a lot of boundariesα ³ and she always wanted grandchildren. She won't let me go."
"Shit Jade", Alison, shocked by the statement, grabbed Jade's hands and squeezed them tightly. "I know that sounds terrible, but if it's that bad we should get out of hereα ³ now. Or at least talk to the police, get a restraining order or whatever."
"No cops." Jade's head shot up, her expression serious as she looked at Alison. She would never unnecessarily involve Jax with the law, that would only mean more trouble for him and probably his club. "Besides, I can go wherever I want, they would find me, Ali. And I won't miss my father's funeral."
Alison threw her hands in the air with a sigh. "Okay, no cops. But you have to do something. Is Jax as bad as his mother?"
Jade shook her head slightly as she played with the strings on her black sweatpants. "No, Jax is different, not as manipulative. I really liked Gemma, but she's too possessive, everything has to work the way she wants it to. Jax, on the other hand, is willing to compromise and is someone you can actually talk to."
"Then why don't you talk to him?", suggested the blonde. Although she wasn't thrilled that Jade was meeting the man she still had feelings for, Ali wanted to get back to Arizona with her friend and Thomas as soon as possible. "I mean, maybe he'll understand and make sure his mom leaves you alone."
"That would be a possibility", the brunette agreed with a sigh, pressing her lips together briefly, which still had a salty taste from her tears. "But what if he gets angry? Wants to see his child? I..", Jade's voice trembled, a new tear rolling down her face. "I can'tα ³ I don't want him to hate me."
"Because you still love him", Alison deadpanned, heaving a huff. "You could have someone so much better and you're still in love with a guy who didn't want you and your child."
Confused at the sudden change in Ali's body language, Jade studied her friend with a frown. "What's your problem? Feelings don't just disappear."
"I know, believe me", Alison said dryly, sliding a little further to the edge of the bed before tucking her feet under the covers, turning off the light on her side. God, she was sick of hearing that Jade had feelings for someone else, especially a guy. "We should get some sleep, got a lot to do tomorrow."
Jade was lost for words when Ali turned away from her, clearly angry about something. "Ali whatα ³"
"Just go to sleep, Jade", the blonde muttered, staring at the wall that was only a few inches from her face. "Like I said, we have a lot to do tomorrow."
"Alright, fine." With a sigh, Jade turned over on her other side after getting under the covers, also turning off her light.
When the room was plunged into darkness and everyone seemed to be angry with her, except for her son, Jade had a hard time finding sleep, the thoughts in her head too loud.
After tossing and turning for what felt like an eternity, the exhaustion took over as she finally drifted off into a restless sleep.
α ³
THE ATMOSPHERE BETWEEN the two friends was still tense the next morning and Jade's conscience was gnawing at her. What did she do? The last thing she wanted was to have an argument with the only person who had been there for her for the past two years, besides her father.
A headache was forming as she looked for a certain sweater in her suitcase, which she finally found and put on. Only a moment later, Thomas woke up.
As if he had been awake for hours, the two-year-old pulled himself up on the railing of the bed and smiled widely when he spotted his mother, squealing as she came towards him and held out her arms, ready to pick him up.
"Good morning, baby", she cooed lovingly, lifting her son out of bed. "How was your night, hm?"
Thomas flew into the air once, his belly laugh filling the small room, and landed back in Jade's arms before she placed the boy on her hip. "Let's get you some breakfast."
Running a hand through his blonde hair, she walked over to the large bed Ali and her shared, set Thomas down on it and quickly changed his diaper before changing her son's outfit, putting the pajamas neatly back in the suitcase.
Her gaze slid to the side as the bathroom door creaked open and Alison entered the room a moment later, an apologetic expression on her face. "Good morning."
"Morning." Jade picked Thomas up again, cradling his head, her gaze still fixed on Alison. "Look, about yesterdayα ³"
"No, please let me go first", the blonde sighed, slowly taking a few steps toward Jade. With a gentle smile, she ran her hand over Thomas' head, who smiled at her in return. "I was wrong for acting the way I did yesterday, and I'm sorry."
"I just want to know why", Jade sighed with a shrug. "What did I do wrong?"
"Nothing, you did nothing wrong", Ali answered quickly, sighing deeply as she ran her fingers through her still damp hair. "I'm just worried about you; besides, I only want the best for you. And I'm scared you'll be forced to stay here."
"Jesus Ali." The brunette pulled her friend into a hug, careful not to hurt Thomas who was between them. "It'll be okay, okay?"
"I really hope so." Alison sighed.
The blonde inhaled the scent of Jade's perfume that hung on her neck and clouded Ali's mind. She wanted nothing more than to press her lips against the soft skin of her friend and see what would happen. But she didn't do itα ³ it would take time before she could convince Jade that she was the right choice for her.
Alison slowly pulled away from the hug, smiling sheepishly as she held her arms out. "Let me get breakfast with our little guy here, then you can call the real estate agent you wanted to hire to sell your father's house."
"Are you sure?" Jade looked at her friend carefully to make sure that everything was really okay with Alison. "But that's not a bad idea, I'm sure he'll want to know a few things."
"I think so too", nodded Alison, placing Thomas on her hip after Jade handed her the two-year-old, whom Ali loved like her own. After all, she had been there from the beginning after the women had met in Arizona while Jade was pregnant. "Coffee with milk and sugar and a croissant?"
"Sounds good", Jade smiled before giving her son a kiss on the cheek. "Be good with Auntie Ali, okay?"
The boy just squeaked happily while playing with Ali's hair. Alison, on the other hand, just swallowed quietly, trying to keep her smile when she was called 'Auntie'. She wanted to be so much more than that.
"Okay, let's go before we all starve", she chuckled a little nervously, grabbed her purse and planted a quick kiss on the corner of Jade's mouth, not uncommon between them. "Say bye to Mommy, baby", she told Thomas lovingly.
The two-year-old beamed at his mom and waved back when Jade waved to him, and then snuggled up to Ali on the way out of the hotel room.
"Be careful", Jade called after them as she stood at the door, smiling as she watched the two of them walking down the street.
As she was about to close the door, her blood froze in her veins at the rumble of a bike approaching. Her gut told her immediately that it was Jax, that he had found herα ³ and she was right.
Jax parked his Dyna right in front of the parking lot by their room and took off his helmet. Taking off his sunglasses, his hard gaze landed on her, studying her silently as he dismounted his bike.
Jade swallowed as he walked towards her with slow, long strides, the gravel crunching under his white Nikes. He looked different, so much different. The boyish features had disappeared, his piercing blue eyes dull and empty. No mischief shone in them anymore, the familiar Teller-smile gone.
His blonde hair no longer ended at his shoulders but was short and slicked back, giving his face an even sharper, harder look. Even though he wore a flannel under his kutte, Jade could see the muscles underneath, much more than two years ago, which he flexed under the checkered fabric; consciously or unconsciously, Jade didn't know.
Two years ago he looked full of life, seemed younger. He almost looked ten years older than the last time, marked by life. Now he was so attractive that Jade almost drooled at the sight, but she was also intimidated by the cold look in his dull eyes.
When he finally stood in front of her, his figure significantly taller than hers, he looked down at her. "Can we talk?"
And boy, even his voice was deeper. Jade cleared her throat. As if she had been in a trance, she only slowly came back to reality, which hit her like a truck.
"I don't really have a choice, do I?", she asked with a sigh and crossed her arms.
"Not really." Jax put a hand on her arm and gently shoved her back into the room, closing the door behind them both. "Sit down, I got a few questions."
Jade didn't know why, but she just did as he said. Once she sat, she placed her hands in her lap, swallowing softly. "I assume Gemma or Tara told you about our little encounter."
"They did", Jax nodded neutrally, taking a seat in the chair across from hers. Slowly he leaned back, taking in the sight before him. "Is that boy my son, Jade?"
He watched as the woman lowered her gaze, unable to meet his eyes. It was answer enough, but he wanted to hear it. He wanted to hear that the boy was his. Apparently, though, that wasn't easy for Jade. But he just didn't have the patience, he had to know.
"Talk to me!" His palm came down on the table, the sound bouncing off the walls. Immediate regret filled him as Jade wincedα ³ but he had a right to know if he was a father. "I need to know Jadeα ³ just tell me", he added more calmly but no less firmly.
"He is, yes, he's your son", she sobbed out, placing her elbows on the table before letting her head fall into her hands. "I'm so sorry, Jax. I know I should've told you about this."
It broke his heart to see the woman who had once been so important to him cry. But he found it much worse that she had apparently been so afraid of him telling him the truth that she had even left town. Jax had been so sure that she wanted the abortion just as much as he had, and now he wasn't even sure if he really did back then; or if it was all just too much for him. Because a part of him was glad that she had kept their baby.
"Jesus Christ, Jade." Jax' features softened as Jade's sobs became more hysterical, the woman definitely desperate, if not scared. Sighing, he ran a hand down his face before leaning forward and grasping both of her wrists, his touch gentle. "Look at me, please."
Jade shook her head, too ashamed to even look the man in the eye. "Please don't hurt me, Jax. Iα ³ I didn't know what to do, what was right."
"Jade." His tone now a lot firmer, he gently pulled her hands aside and looked at her in pain, shaking his head slowly. "I would never hurt you, darlin', you should know that."
For the first time, Jade looked up, a deep sob following as their eyes met. "But I kept your son from you. Even Gemma wanted to rip my head off me when the penny dropped."
"I don't give a shit what my mom wanted. It's not her business and I already told her to stay away from you", Jax explained as anger ripped through him at how scared Jade was; and Jade wasn't usually someone who was easily intimidated. "This is between you and me. I'm the only one you have to face, okay? And I'm not goin' to hurt you."
"Why would you do that for me?", she asked, sniffling, holding her breath as Jax closed his hands around hers. "Aren't you angry at all?"
"There are a lot of things I would still do for you", Jax said honestly, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't know. Sure, I'm pissed, but on the other hand, I also blame myself."
Jade swallowed, staring at the blonde biker in disbelief. She had always thought that Jax never had the same feelings for her that she had for him. They had been nothing more than friends with benefits. But that wasn't the issue now, this was about their son.
"Why would you blame yourself for that?", she asked, clearly confused, before she finally regained some control over her feelings. "I'm the one that kept something from you, not you."
Jax looked at her, smiling sadly. "But apparently you were so afraid of my reaction that you felt you couldn't talk to me about it."
"Jax, no..", Jade shook her head quickly, her lips trembling again. "I knew you weren't ready for another child and that was okay with me. I had the appointment, even sat in the waiting roomα ³ but I couldn't do it."
"Why didn't you ever say anything?", Jax wanted to know, pain flashing in his blue eyes that suddenly were covered with unshed tears. "I would've supported you anyway. I wasn't ready, I just wasn'tα ³ and so much shit happened after that. I don't recognize myself anymore most of the time, and maybe it was better that at least one of my sons was protected and safe."
"What are you talking about?" Jade asked quietly, her heart pounding against her chest. So much emotion, teary eyes and his voice almost failing; she had never seen Jax like this before. "What the hell has happened in the last few years?"
"Too much shit, way too much", Jax sniffled through a dry laugh, this time it was him who looked away. After a moment he took a deep breath, pushing his own emotions down again; like he always did when everything became too much. "So no, I'm not angry. But I hate that I couldn't be there for you and him, that I missed the first and most important months of his life."
"I'm so sorry, Jax..", Jade whispered, her voice trembling with guilt. "I really thought it was best for everyone."
Jax nodded, showing more understanding for her situation than she had expected. He squeezed her hands one more time before leaning back again, his features a little harder again. "I want to get to know him, Jade. I want him here with me."
Jade's face fell, all color draining from it, the young woman now as white as the wall behind her. "How do you imagine that? I live in Arizona, have my job and my life there. I mean, you can see him, but I can't stay here."
"I'm sorry, but you have no choice", the blonde sighed as he smoothed his beard with his palm, his gaze lingering on the brunette. "I have a right to see him, Jade."
"Jax, come on!" Jade shot up, placing her palms on the table. "I can't just give up on my life. Do you really think I wanna watch you play family with Tara and my son? No..I can't do that."
"He's my son too", Jax raised his voice, also on his feet the next moment. "Can't you understand me too?"
"But not Tara's, and I don't trust her", the brunette replied stubbornly, definitely not ready to leave her son in Gemma's or Tara's care. "I understand you, and I don't want to take away your son, Jax. But you have to understand me too."
"She's part of my life, Jade", the blonde sighed, almost as if he wasn't particularly happy with his own statement. But that wasn't Jade's problem. "I do, but I can't drive up there all the time to visit himα ³ I have my club, another son to take care of."
"And I have a job that I need to keep our son and myself afloat", Jade countered, snorting. She had hoped for more understanding, but then again she understood his point. Sighing, Jade began to massage her temples, mentally searching for a solution. "I could stay a little longer than plannedα ³ and after that, if you want to keep seeing Thomas, we can take turns. One time you visit us, the other time we come down here."
"Thomas?" The moment his son's name was mentioned, which was also the name of his deceased brother, the blonde biker swallowed hard. "You named him after my brother?"
Jade shrugged, rubbing her arm. "You once said that if you ever had children, you would name your son after your brotherα ³ and I liked the name too. I hope your sons don't both have the same name now."
"You remember?" Fuck, he was such an idiot. Had he really forgotten how attentive Jade had always been? How important his needs always were to her? And he acted like an ass. "Shit, I'm sorry."
He slowly closed the distance between the two of them, suppressing the urge to put a hand on her cheek as she looked up at him through her blue eyes. She was still one of the prettiest women he had ever seen; perfect in his eyes.
But he shouldn't think like that, after all, his Old Lady was waiting for him at home.
"What are you sorry for?", she asked quietly, her breath shallow as she could feel his hitting her face.
"If you want to go..", he began, letting out a deep sigh. "Then you can go, I have no right to tell you to stay in Charming. But I would really appreciate it if you stayed a little longer."
Her muscles tensed, Jade straightened her shoulders. She sighed softly, knowing that she couldn't say no to the man in front of her anyway. "I'll see what I can do, how long my boss will let me leave."
Jax' face lightened up, the smile on his lips reaching his dull eyes. "Really? You're doing this for me?"
"And for our son", she added, but nodded with a weak smile before becoming her features turned serious again. "But Jax; I don't want him around Tara all the time. I know she's your girlfriend, butα ³"
"That's okay", he cut her off, looking at her sincerely. "Maybe we can talk about it again sometime, but for now it's okay if you don't want her around Thomas. Besides, I want to get to know my son first."
"Okay." Jade was happy with that for now, but she would prefer if Thomas didn't meet Tara at all. But as soon as she was back in Arizona, she wouldn't have to worry about that anymore. "And how are we going to do that? I really have a lot to do. My dad's whole house is a mess and then there's the funeralα ³ no idea when I'll find time."
Jax rubbed his chin thoughtfully before he came up with an idea. "Let me help. We can take care of Lenny's house together and I can spend time with Thomas at the same time. Where is he anyway?"
"Uh, my best friend took him with her to get breakfast, she came with me to help me", Jade explained, scratching her eyebrow. "Well, actually the plan sounds pretty good, and I could actually need some helpα ³ you know how much my dad loved to collect things", she sighed quietly.
Lenny Cooper was the best father a child could have and Jade was grateful for all the beautiful moments she got to experience with him, but his house was just pure chaos that she already feared to seeα ³ but someone had to take care of it.
"I'm sorry about your Old Man", Jax said sincerely, nudging her arm lightly with his elbow before the corner of his mouth twitched upwards. "I have to be at the club for a meetingα ³ but after that I have time and could come to Lenny's house."
"Thanks Jax", Jade smiled weakly, always overcome by a deep sadness when it came to her father. But she quickly pushed the thoughts aside and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, nodding in agreement. "Okay."
"Okay", Jax repeated, smiling at her. "See you later", he placed a kiss on her forehead and placed a cigarette between his lips on the way to the door, lighting it when he was outside and had closed the door.
Jade lingered alone in the room, her heart pounding and butterflies flying around in her stomach. Jax still had the same effect on her as he did back then, with his new look probably even more than thenα ³ although she wasn't just interested in looks, but in the person.
This could be an enlightening afternoon and Jade had no idea how she was going to deal with Thomas meeting his father.
word count; 3949
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