WITH HIS FACE PLACED in his hands, Jax paced back and forth in front of the couch, his cell always on standby in case Jade, Serena or Gemma called. He had informed both his mother and her mother and explained everything before he had asked them to call him if Jade showed up at one of their placesᅳ that was the only reason Serena had stayed in her apartment; in case Jade showed up at, otherwise she would've spent the night at the Cooper-Teller house with her future son in law.

Gemma had also been worried, Jax had clearly heard the genuine concern in her toneᅳ which meant that she was genuinely worried about Jade and not just pretending so that she could spend time with the boys and him again. Nero had also promised to keep his eyes open and just ride around a bit, see if he'd find her somewhere.

Jax was on the verge of losing his shit, glad that the boys were already in daycare. His head was still spinning, the carousel of thoughts never stopping. The worry about Jade, then the call from the hospital almost an hour ago..

Let's just say, he definitely had had better nights and days.

When he heard a car pull in the driveway, his head shot up and the pacing stopped, instead he rushed to the door and exhaled loudly as relief rushed through him. Jade stood in front of him, that was all that mattered right now; that his Old Lady was home, unharmed.

"Jesus babe, I was worried", he sighed deeply before pulling her into his arms, her body resting stiffly in his. She didn't make a sound, making Jax sigh again. Slowly he let go of her, bringing his hands to her cheeks. "Please just talk to me, Jade."

"Not sure what to say", she murmured, taking a shaky breath as she saw the pain in his piercing blue eyes. "I'm sorry you were worried all night. Did you sleep at all?"

Jax shook his head, deep lines forming on his forehead. He looked like shit, he knew that, but he didn't care. "I didn't, but that doesn't matter right now. I'm just glad you're home, babe."

"I'm sorry", she said again with a soft sigh before slowly closing the door behind her, awkwardly scratching her eyebrow. "Do you, uh, do you know more? Are you the father?"

"There's nothing to be sorry about", the blonde assured her before swallowing hard, rubbing both hands over his already messy hair. "The doctor from yesterday called; I'm the father. I'll get the results in the mail in a few days or I can pick them up later at St. Thomas. Jade, I'mᅳ"

"Stop..please. I need a minute", the brunette whispered, her breath trembling as she rubbed her face, a desperate laugh slipping past her lips.  "This is so fucked up."

"Babe, I'm so, so sorryᅳ" Jax stopped in the middle of his sentence, grabbing her hands. His eyebrows furrowed with concern as he gently brushed his thumbs over her bloody knuckles. "What happened?"

"Saw Tara, punched her in the face", Jade deadpanned with a shrug, slowly pulling her hands out of his before walking past him into the living room. Plopping down on the couch, she heard him follow her with quick but heavy steps. "Sit down, we need to talk."

"Jesus", the blonde murmured under his breath before following her. Jax sank down next to her, close but with enough distance in case she needed it. "Are you okay, babe?"

The Cooper woman huffed softly, trying to keep her eyes down. But she longed to be in his arms, wanting nothing more than to hug him because she secretly knew it was even harder for him than it was for her. "Well, I punched her, not her me. So yeah, I'm fine."

Jade's monotonous answer gave him a stab in the chestᅳ he didn't know her like this, so absent and hurt and he felt so fuckin' sorry that he was the reason for it. Once again he had hurt her, causing him to let out a sigh. "You know what I mean, Jade."

After a moment's hesitation, he placed a hand on hers that was lying in her lap, closing his own tentatively but with a certain pressure around hers when she didn't pull away. "Where have you been all night?"

"At Ali's", Jade began, finally lifting her gaze only to meet Jax' confused one. Before he could ask questions, she kept talking. "I needed a friend and I know what she did wasn't okay; but I needed someone to talk to, Jax."

"No, that's okay", he nodded weakly, a tired smile dancing around his lips. He was the last person who should complain now. "I'm glad you weren't alone all night. But...so, what was she like? She was practically a threat to us, babeᅳ I just want to make sureᅳ"

"She's no longer a threat to us", Jade cut him off quickly, tilting her head slightly to the side before taking a deep breath and placing her free hand on top of his. "She's been in therapy, even has a girlfriend who's pretty niceᅳ you don't have to worry about Alison."

"Good", Jax replied simply, trusting his Old Lady on this. After all, that wasn't the topic at the moment, although he would come back to it at some point. "Babeᅳ"

"No, let me go first, please", she asked, her voice soft but tinged with determination that also reflected in her glassy eyes. "We can't change the fact that the kid is yours. It happened before we got together, and it wasn't planned. Stillᅳ I have no idea how to deal with all of this, Jax."

"I know, darlin', me neither." The emotions that had pooled in Jax' eyes shattered Jade's heart, increasing the desire to just pull him in for a hug. But first she let him continue after he had swallowed hard, his lips trembling. "I can't do it again, Babe, abandon my own child. I made that mistake once with Thomas and still regret it to this day."

Jax' voice cracked before a choked sob tore through him as he saw the pain flash in Jade's eyes, tears forming not only in hers but in his own. Bringing her so much pain hurt him more than she could imagine. "I can't do it without you, babe. I need you for thisᅳ I need your help to raise that little girl with me."

He knew he was asking a lot, more than he should. She had already took Abel on as her own, without even thinking twice about it. But this was a child he had with Tara, this was different.

A sob from Jade mixed with Jax' sniffles, whereupon she turned her head to the side as she wiped the first tears from her cheeks. But when she looked back at him, tears streaming down his own cheeks, she sobbed again, unable to keep it quiet.

"You can raise the girl, but I can't, Jax. I'm really sorry", she whispered, her voice slowly cracking. "Please don't get mad at me if I leave while your..daughter is here. But I can'tᅳ I just can't pretend that I'm okay with Tara being a part of your life again, that the girl is hers", Jade choked out, her chest heaving violently as her crying became almost hysterical. "She's your baby and that's okay, and I'm the last person to take that away from you. And I'm not going to take away her brothers' time with their sister, they can see her too. But if she's here, I won't be. I hope you're okay with that."

With a heavy heart, Jax nodded, understanding where Jade was coming fromᅳ which didn't mean it didn't hurt like shit. He didn't deserve her, not when he was constantly causing her so much pain; and yet she didn't give him an ultimatum, but accepted that he wanted to be responsible and take care of his daughter.

"You have no idea how sorry I am about all this, babe", he croaked before rubbing his burning eyes with the back of his hand, his own still nowhere near as swollen red as Jade's. "I'll make sure I only see Tara when it's really necessary. At drop-offs and pick-ups."

"Good, because I don't want Tara to be a part of your life again, not a permanent part at least", Jade replied firmly, snorting a humorless laugh as she slowly shook her head. "She really got what she wantedᅳ I just can't believe that woman."

"Hey, look at me." Jax finally pulled her closer without giving her a chance to slip away, her face cupped firmly in his hands, the look in his eyes dead serious. "Tara's not goin' to be part of this family, I'm not letting her back in my life, babeᅳ I only care about Olivia, that's all."

Jade didn't doubt Jax' words, she knew he was honest, that he would do anything to avoid Tara. The hatred he felt for the woman was clear to see, his eyes gleaming with anger at the mere mention of her name. Still, it was a shitty situation.

"Everything's gonna change", she cried out, clinging desperately to his wrists. His short but manicured fingernails dug into his skin as her forehead fell against his, a synchronized sniff coming from both of them. "Everything was so perfect", she added in a whisper.

Jax closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly. "I'll make sure everything stays the same, Jade, I promise you. As long as we stick together, we can do this, right?"

Closing her eyes, Jade let her tears fall silently, the desperation in her boyfriend's voice so unfamiliar as his confident side was fully gone at the moment, before she confirmed that she would stay by pressing her lips to his, pouring all her love into the brief but meaningful kiss.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jax. We're in this together", she promised, her voice barely above a whisper. "But we have to find a good solution, a plan that works for everyone."

"And we willᅳ I will. You don't have to worry about it", he croaked through a sniffle, finally pulling her into his side with his arm loosely snaked around her shoulder, their foreheads still leaning against each other. "I never meant to do this to you, Jade, I really didn't."

"I know, baby", she mumbled, a slight tremor still in her fragile voice. Still, and finally, she snuggled into his side, her legs draped over his lap. "And I know it's just as hard for you as it is for me. We just have to make the best of the situation."

The blonde swallowed hard, realizing once again how lucky he was. "I love you, darlin'."

"I love you too, I really do", the brunette replied with a sigh, sinking deeper into his side and letting her head fall onto his shoulder as she tried to process everythingᅳ and Jax did the same, trying to come to terms with the news that he had another child.

As much as he had wished that Jade could eventually become part of Olivia's life too, he was just glad that she was staying with him and even showed understanding for himᅳ that was all he needed at the moment, knowing that Jade wouldn't leave him with their boys.

word count; 1920

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authors note; again, I'm really sorry about the lack of updates. I hope this'll get better after Christmas. I'm just not in the best place at the moment mentally but I think that's because of the constant cold and dark weather and should get better soon (I just need some sun over here!). Also, we have another school break here over Christmas and my hubby is also home which means I'll spend most of the time with my daughter and him. Please be patient with me, I promise I'll keep updating. And I'll also try to get another chapter out before Christmas. 🎄❤️