We continue until our anger is released, along with something else.

sexual content ahead.

𝐍𝐎𝐕. 1998
I drive home from the appointment puffing on the rest of my cigarette. I sigh and stare at the road. I try to really think about what's going on with Johnny and I, and I cant exactly place my finger on it. Why can't we get along for a day?

I sit in silence the whole drive. I throw my cigarette out the window as I arrive home. I twist the keys out of the ignition and swing my car door open. The annoying, dinging tune plays from my car until I slam the door shut. I run up the steps on the front door, my hands shake from the cool weather and I find the house key on my keychain to unlock the door. I swing the front door open and shut it. Tears fill up my eyes and I turn around to lean my head on the door. I rub my hand down it, breaking down in a pool of cries. I fold my lips in and think about that cruise and how Johnny and I first met—a flood of thoughts from the visit we had with Dr. Sivann a week ago—Johnny was lost, I had everything I could want in front of me, and I helped him out of the dark pit he was in.

Oh no...have I pushed his mind back into that dank well of disoriented emotions?

I sit at the dining table sob into my arms.

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𝐍𝐎𝐕. 1998
a week later

I take a long, warm shower of actually shaving thoroughly and using body wash that smells divine, which hasn't happened in a while. I step out into the steamy room and wrap my hair in a towel along with my body. I walk into my bedroom and see Johnny sitting on the bed facing me reading some papers. His light eyes trail up to me, his mouth is slightly open. I want to say at least hi, but instead I walk into the closet. I put on black pajama pants and a shirt I got from a concert a few years back. I take my hair out of the towel and toss it into the basket. Johnny still sits on his bed, in new clothes, but not pajamas--jeans and a sweater. I stop to look at him.

"Where are you off to?" I ask, not making any eye contact with him. I pick up my brush and look in the mirror about the dresser.

"Just work, Sav. Got' to film a scene or two." He tosses the papers on the bed.

"Didn't...tell me you had to do that?" I say quietly, expecting some smart-aleck response back from him.

"You fuckin' serious?" He snaps. I lower my head and swallow. "Our communication has been- not present." He stays silent and I slowly set the brush down. "So therefore, I have no place to tell you every move I make in life." He points at me.

"Johnny!" I lightly gasp and look up at him. "I ask for every move you make? Do I?" I turn around and cross my arms. "You're the one that has to fucking know where I'm going, who I'm with, who I'm on the phone with-"

He looks around the room and wipes his forehead. "Shit, shit, shit, Sav...I'm sorry." I glare at him and turn around back to the mirror. He sighs and kicks his boot to the wall as he takes a cigarette out of his pocket and lights it. He curses under his breath.

     "You always think someone's out to get you, or has something against you. Could you, for once, just let me be? For two fucking seconds!" I throw my hands up.

The room stays quiet, all you can hear are the faint rustle on the trees outside our window.

"Look, baby, I'll be home at ten." His voice lowers into a sweeter tone. He walks up behind me and places his hand on my hip which makes my whole body tense up. His thumb rubs my side, which makes me relax at his touch. "Ten o'clock." He smirks at my reflection. I shove his hand off me and he walks out of the bedroom into the kitchen and I hear the front door slam shut.

I run to my side table and take out a cigarette. I light it and quickly inhale. I lean my head back as it relieves the stress from our argument.

𝐍𝐎𝐕. 1998,
the next day

I rush into Lovesick for our second appointment with Dr. Sivann, at 6:00 p.m. I'm thrilled. I sigh and slam my car door shut. This time I'm running late as I walk in. But look who's still not here. I shake my head and check in with the lady at the front desk. Before long Dr. Sivann comes out to get me, and Johnny immediately walks through the door as I stand.

"Oh, Johnny." Ryan says, smiling. "What a surprise, good timing." I raise my eyebrows as I look at my feet. "Well, follow me." I smile again. I look back at Johnny to see him eyeing my ass. I sneer angrily at him and we follow Dr. Sivann. "Alrighty! Here we are. Take a seat. Can I get you two any beverages?"

"No thank-"

"Whiskey sour with bourbon." Johnny interrupts me. He clears his throat and brushed the tip of his nose with his finger. The room stays silent. "That...was a joke."

Dr. Sivann pathetically laughs. I rest my head in my hand in embarrassment. I cross my legs, since I'm wearing a work skirt.

"We will get started now." Dr. Sivann takes his seat in his expensive looking luxury chair. He cross his legs and I notice his fun colored socks underneath his tailored grey pants.

He starts out by just asking us how we've been. We both basically said nothing has gotten better or worse.

"Has there been any bigger arguments from either of you?"

We both nod our head.

"The little things really just get me goin'" Johnny says, and Ryan and I look over at him. "That didn't make sense." Johnny mumbles to himself. "Dr., she really says some dumbass stuff sometimes and-" I sit up strait.

"Excuse me?" I raise my voice. I purse my lips. I just want to slap him.

"Sorry." Johnny raises his hands. "It's true." He gives that menacing smirk. "Well, yes, we argue." He says blandly.

God he makes me so fucking mad.

"How are these resolved? If- if they are, of course." Ryan asks. Johnny and I make eye contact and I look down, playing with the hem of my skirt.

"I'm down right guessing you don't talk through things, because communication seems to be the problem. Are they never resolved? Is it sexually, Mr. and Mrs. Depp."

"Yes." I say confidently—more confidently than expected.

Dr. Sivann nods.

"This is pretty common—not healthy, but common with my clients I've had over time. Now as I've said this is a safe place that we can talk about anything in. Feel free to let anything out, I just want to hear your emotions and thought process of the way you make up—before and after, and say, the couple of days after?" Ryan says and looks back and fourth at each of us. "I am here to help and be your coach at fixing this, I don't want to get involved. Mkay?"

"Yes sir." I answer. Johnny mhms.

      "Alright, has there been any recent quarrels between you two?"

     "Yes." I say low and clear my throat quickly. "Yes. Last night."

     "Go on." Ryan says and I begin to tell the story.

︎𝐍𝐎𝐕. 1998,
the night before

I lay on the bed of our room.

I lay on top on the all the sheets and all the pillows and the comforter, in lingerie, waiting for my husband to get home.

He's supposed to be home from work tonight, by ten, he said. I roll over to lay on my stomach as I stare at the clock on my nightstand. I rest my head in my hands as I stare right at the digits on the clock.

Ten o'clock, babe. He said.

It's 1:30 A.M. I yawn and collapse my whole body on the bed, wiring my heavy eyes wire shut. I shiver from the cold air blowing from the vent and I grab a pillow and clutch it to my chest.

Oh how mad me makes me, but this seems the only way we can fix things recently.

My eyes flicker into darkness due to my exhaustion.

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I flutter my eyes open slowly and feel the warm covers over me, along with another heavy object resting on my waist. I inhale, only to smell his scent. I turn my head to see him peacefully sleeping, his heart shape lips are slightly ajar and the middle of his eyebrows are slightly scrunched. He shuffles his hips closer to mine and his finger tips tickle my stomach.

I attempt to close my eyes, but the adrenaline of Johnny being in bed with me and the thoughts of last night make my eyes stay open. We've been sleeping in separate rooms. It's different having him here, yet comforting.

I feel his soft breath on the back of my neck which completely relaxes my muscles. His hand rubs from my bare stomach to my side slowly. He shifts in his position and groans very quietly under his breath, rubbing my hip. I reach my hand to grab his and I rub his hand with my thumb.

He inhales and presses his warm lips on my neck and gives it a long kiss.

     "Good morning, baby." His morning voice utters out, making the 'baby' sound more like 'bay". I don't reply, I just hum in his response and his hand lets go of mine to rub my body some more. He sweetly kisses the side of my neck again. "I got held at work last night..." He kisses my shoulder. "I'm so sorry." His voice is raspy, but filled with much emotion. "And I'm sorry for yelling at you last night...too."

I swallow and lick my lips, slowly turning to lay on my back. I cut my eyes over to him and his sleepy chocolate eyes gaze down at me. He lifts his head to have a better look at me.

     "I saw you were waiting for me." His hand rubs across my torso to the opposite side of my body from him. He rubs my side, his hand chills me making my back slightly arch. His arm moves the covers off my body as he traces the side of me.

My chest slowly rises and falls. I stare up at him. The sunlight coming through the curtains shimmers his eyelids and highlights his dark brown hair.

     "Kiss me, Savannah." He whispers, rubbing my cheek with the back of my hand. His eyes look around my face and gaze down to my lips as he wraps his arm around to my back bringing me to him to crash his lips to mine. The way this man kisses me gives me sparks immediately.

     "You're going to listen to me?" He asks firmly.

I hum back.

His hands both hold my back and I put my hands around his neck. I run my hands through the hair on the back of his head. He amorously kisses my lips, suctioning them around my bottom lip. I rub down his bare shoulders and his large hands rub down my body. His wet lips kiss my chin and sloppily down to my neck. I lean my head back, opening my mouth slightly from the pleasure. I pleasantly smile and bite my lip as he kisses lower to my collarbone and middle of my chest. I grind my hips up and soon after he picks up my rhythm as well along with me.

The kiss we share is sloppy and desperate and didn't hold much meaning. He reaches around to my back and unclips my bra with one hand and my breasts pop out. He holds the bra up while still kissing me.

"Can't believe I," He kisses me. "missed this last night." He says breathlessly and kisses me again.

"Mm, it's what you get for being a smart ass." I snap back wrapping my arms around his neck. I roll over onto my back again, taking him with me. I ruffly tug his hair

He gets on top of me and I feel that he still had his pants on from work, they press against my crotch. He lifts his head up, with a gratified expression plastered on his face. His chest rises and falls against mine and he leans his head down to kiss me once more. I moan against his lips, half on accident from the passion he kisses me with, but mostly on purpose just to get him going more. He bites my bottom lip and pulls away. Johnny gets up on his knees, reaches down, and unbuttons his pants throwing them off across the room. I reach my hands for the bulge in his boxers and I squeeze it while biting my lip just to be sexier.

"Oh baby, so naughty." He growls and climbs back down to me. He holds my sides and presses his crotch down onto mine, while sustaining eye contact with me. My breath hitches as his hand trails down my body, pulls my panties to the side, and enters two fingers at once down in me. He first swirls them around to tease me and then slips the down into my hole pumping them in and out quite fast. I open my mouth wide and cover it, muffling the sound that comes from my mouth. I lean my head back on the pillows and clutch.

"Oh my God, Johnny. You're so horrible." I catch my breath as he slows down. He smirks at my reaction. He takes his drenched fingers out and licks them clean.

"Tastes so good, though." He rolls his eyes and leans down to kiss me. He licks my bottom lip and I slip my tongue right into his mouth. We both 'mmm' into each other's lips as we make out. One of his hands rubs my shoulder and runs down to squeeze my breast. His ruff tongue continues to circle around my mouth. He reaches down below him and pulls my panties down, I lift my hips up so he can pull them down the rest of the way. They stop at about my knees.

His hands go straight into my womanhood, pumping them in and out as fast as he could, once again.

"Oh fuck me..." I whisper and clench the pillow my head rests on. He gives a soft grunt in response and swirls his fingers around. He curls them deep in me, and adds a third finger. He sits up, grabs under my chin with his large hand to lift my head up. My mouth is dropped in ecstasy and my body goes numb from the pleasure. "Mmmmm." I manage to whine. He goes so ruff, not caring if he hurts me.

     "Yeah, Sav. Oh yeah. Feels so good on my fingers...can't imagine what'd it feel like around me."

His words carry me over the edge. My moans become consistent with his pumping fingers. My body shakes as I come all over his fingers my thighs. I lean my head back to catch my breath. Johnny rubs the sides of my arms to calm me down. He leaves kisses and bites on my cheek, jaw, and neck but they have a certain hunger in him, waiting for his pleasure.

I yawn, and sigh which comes out more sensual than I interpreted cause Johnny places fingers on my chin and smirks.

    "I'm gonna do you so hard" He licks and kisses my plump lips.

All I do is nod and Johnny reaches to pull his boxers down.

He takes no time at all to pound into me so hard my whole body moved up and down at his rhythm.

I scream so loud, a mixture of anger and pleasure. I reach up and scratch down his arms, digging my finger nails into his skin.

    "Oh you know I like that, nice try." He says. I hit his chest. My moans come out unexpectedly as he keeps hitting my g spot. I curse over and over again. "Shit, babygirl."

     "Oh God! I hate you so much." I clench my jaw and wire my eyes shut and hold onto his biceps tightly. "So fuckin' much."

We continue until our anger is released, along with something else.

Johnny lays on his back next to me, completely bare. I cover up with a sheet.

    "Johnny?" I say very quietly.

    "Yes Savannah?" He sounds annoyed. I can hear his heavy breathing even though my back is to him. 

     "What have I done to you to make you treat me this way..."

I hear his body move suddenly. He groans and I feel his weight lift from the bed.

     "You're the one that hates me. I don't hate you." I hear the buckle clasp on his jeans cling together and he pulls them up on him. I hear a lighter click and before long I smell cigarette smoke. I curl my body up and clench the cold sheet.

𝐍𝐎𝐕. 1998,
Lovesick appointment

     "Savannah, do you hate Johnny?" Dr. Sivann asks.

I look down and begin to cry. I sniff making my body flinch. The inside of my body feels uneasy. I inhale deeply. I shake my head slowly, looking at my lap.

     "No." I say and look up at our therapist.

     "Mkay, " He crosses his legs. "How often does this make-up intercourse tend to happen?"

     "Every fuckin' argument." Johnny speaks up.

Dr. Sivann nods.

     "Is there ever a time intercourse happens when not arguing?"

     "Uhh, no." Johnny shakes his head. "No." He rubs his lips with two fingers.

     "See this is when a situation like this becomes more than, just simply using the intercourse as a way to say sorry." He nods his head. He looks back and fourth at both of us to get our input on that.

I don't know what to say. How am I supposed to talk about my sex life with a guy I barely know?

"Well, your, let's say, 'homework' for this week will be to try to communicate after an argument. I'm going to give you some pointers on that—one of those being just to keep your temper down. Now Mr. Depp, we have private sessions you can take to work on yourself if that's needed with the regret you have after shouting at Mrs. Depp."

Very needed.

"Mrs. Depp, if you need any help with your emotional control, because that seems to be a problem for you, just let me know and we will sort that out for you." He nods his head.

Is he really sitting here calling us out? Johnny and I both have personal issues, but did he have to be that specific?

What he said makes me shift in my seat. I wipe my ears from the tears created previously.

"Is there anything else we need to cover today?"

I want to say something but I don't.

"No." Johnny replies.

I clear my throat.

"Alright, that's a wrap for today, then. I'll see you both next week."

Dr. Sivann starts to stand up, but Johnny raises his hand towards him, signaling him to stop.

"Go Savannah." Johnny says in a annoyed tone. He stays staring right at Mr. Sivann.

"Okay." I whisper. I stand up and pull my skirt down. I walk out of the room and some loud shuffling goes on in the room.

I hear Johnny start to bicker so I decide to stay in the hall to hear. I lean against the wall casually.

"...don't you dare talk to her about her 'emotional problems'." Johnny says sternly. "None of this shit is her fault. She doesn't need any help, none at all. I fuckin' do...but not my wife."

"Sir, I'm only here to help-"

"B.S." Johnny scoffs. "Don't do it to her anymore."

Ryan clears his throat.

"Yes, Mr. Depp. Now you may leave this consultation is going over time."

Johnny quickly walks out of the room looking back at Dr. Sivann. He looks forward with a cigarette making it's way to his lips. He stops in his tracks, looking at me.

"Goddamn." He shakes his head and walks quickly down the hall. I watch him walk away. I fold my lips in and walk out of the office shortly after him.