"Jim open up now!" Jin yelled sternly, pounding against the door with all his might just like Jungkook had done just a moment ago.

The man wore a mask of complete focus, though Jungkook wasn't fooled. There was fear behind those eyes. It was unmistakable. And it was immense.

"Alright I'm kicking it in," Namjoon said after a few more seconds, signing the two others to get out if his way as he prepared himself.

The man took a few steps back and brought his leg up against the door with a large blow, the sound starteling Jungkook as it shook the house.

But the door wouldn't open yet.

"One more time," Namjoon groaned, pretending his foot didn't hurt as he got ready to knock it against the door once again.

The wooden door gave out the moment Namjoon's foot collided against it. It whipped open and slammed against the wall, but the men had no time to be stunned.

Jin ran into the bathroom first, but he cursed sharply at the sight in front of him, stopping Jungkook's heart and making the student too scared to take a look right away.

The older man dropped to his knees as if his legs had given out.

Jungkook's face was rested and plain. There was no emotion as he peeked at the scene in front of him without registering, without actually seeing. One could say he was dissociating.

Jin crawled towards his little brother, who sat naked and tucked in the corner of the showercabin, trembling with blue lips as he stared at nothing. His skin pale as if he'd been painted over with whitewash, though thin lines of blood streamed down his chin as he bit down on his lips with no mercy, his teeth digging into the flesh as if he could feel no pain.

"It's icecold," Jin's voice quivered, as he let the stream of water trickle on his fingers, before turning the shower off as quickly as he could.

He moved Jim's wet hair away from his eyes, but the man whimpered, diving away before he started to gag, retching as his body tried to empty out his stomache, though there was no food to dispose of.

"He's having a flashback," Jin whispered with a quieted scream in the back of his voice as Jim puked the very little his stomache contained onto the bathroom floor.

The filter gasped for air as if he'd been drowned underwater, his fingers twitching, trying to find something to hold onto, but Jin couldn't touch him. Not when the man was forced to feel the horrors from so long ago again. Not when his mind made him re-live the traumatic experience as if it was happening at that very moment. Over and over and over again.

Jim's eyes were wide blown and frozen in motion like a cat that had heard an unfamilliar sound. He brought his legs closer to his chest and clasped his arms around them, trembling violently as he rocked back and forth.

Soft whines were all that left the man's lips, as if his soul had been buried deep within him and was crying out for help. Scratching at the walls trying to climb out of whatever nightmare it had been trapped in.

"He's not breathing anymore," Jungkook said, standing motionless as he watched Jim give up on trying to fill his lungs, shaking violently as he crawled further into the corner.

"Shit," Jin cursed as his eyes burned with tears, holding himself together though his walls were breaking slowly like succumbing to torture.

"Call 911 Joon," the man begged frantically, his hands aching to help his brother though he kept them by his side. "Jim I need you to breathe for me okay?" He started to cry as his despair tore holes through his mask.

"You're having a flashback Jim," the man tried to remind his brother. "There's no pain, no bad people, it's just me and Jungkook," he said as his voice broke on the last few words.

Namjoon took one glance at the scene in the bathroom, before quickly turning away, deciding that he had no businesss seeing this. He left and ran down the stairs, calling 911 the way Jin had ordered him to.

"Jin..." Jungkook whispered. "Jin he's not breathing..."

Jin started to hyperventilate, but in his eyes Jungkook could see how much he was pulling at himself. How much he was fighting to stay strong.

The student already knew what the man was thinking. He was not allowed to lose himself. Jimin was the one hurting, Jimin was the one in pain. All he had to do was be there for him. But Jungkook knew just that simple thing, could feel like a million knives stabbing one's body when a loved one was the person hurting.

"Jim please breathe, breathe for Jungkook... breathe for me... we're here... we're here for you always, you know that, what you're feeling isn't real, you're safe, you're home... those people are gone, the words... the sounds... the smells, they're not real..."

Jin kept trying to find something that would make the man take a breath but nothing seemed to work, and Jim's eyes lost more and more of their light as they glazed over and began slipping shut.

"Jungkook!" Jin yelled, "talk to him please!"

The man crawled towards the petrified student and tugged at his jeans, desperate tears streaming down his face as he begged him to move.

Jungkook's eyes fluttered. He looked from Jin to Jim, but he wasn't all there.

He crouched down though, and did as Jin said, looking at Jim with stinging eyes though he felt no sadness. He felt nothing. He felt numb.

"Jim..." he said calmly, his face barren of emotion as he looked at his tormented boyfriend. The way his bleeding lips were pressed firmly together without allowing any air in or out. His eyes wide and unblinking, his wet hair shielding them. And every inch of his body trembling if not from the cold from fear.

"You told me life was the longest thing we'd ever experience," the student said, his voice only audible since the bathroom magnified the sound.

He knelt before the filter and bowed down as if the man was the symbol of his religion. "It would be too long without you," he whispered, taking a sharp yet quivering breath. The student touched the cold and wet tiles with his forehead and folded his hands, prepared to show his beautiful boyfriend that in this moment, in this life, at this time, the filter owned a heart, and he couldn't just leave without giving it back.

"Breathe... please..." Jungkook begged quietly as far away sirens moved from the background to the foreground and the spinechilling sound pierced Jungkook's ears.

The man winced and clenched his jaw, "I told you your mine Jim..." he said through gritted teeth. "Tell me I'm yours..." he said with anger that took hold of him out of nowhere. "Tell me... you promised you'd never leave again... just look at me... just breathe..."

Footsteps stormed up the stairs, a strong hand on Jungkook's shoulder trying to pull him back. "Let go of me!" Jungkook growled, slapping the hand of the paramedic away.

"Sir we need to get to-"

The student screamed. He screamed and the sound echoed through the bathroom. He grabbed Jim's colourless face and looked at the man, searching deeply in those brown eyes for a sign, for a flicker of warmth, but mere seconds after Jungkook saw his broken boyfriend's dull expression, Jim's eyes closed and he passed out, falling into Jungkook's arms as his conscious slipped away.

"N-no..." Jungkook mumbled, feeling lost as Jimin's body went limp and rested on him.

"Sir! We need you to move now!"

The paramedics forcefully took Jimin from Jungkook's hold, shoving the student away while gently carrying the filter onto a stretcher, immediatly covering his naked body with a thin blanket.

Jungkook shook his head, stumbeling as he picked himself up to run after the paramedics, yelling and shouting to get the love of his life back, but he was captured into arms of both Jin and Namjoon, who like everyone else in this world for a moment, had disappeared from Jungkook's mind completely.

"Let me get him! Let me help him! This is my fault I triggered him! I fucked up!" Jungkook yelled and sobbed and tried to force himself out of the hug Jin and Namjoon tried to hold him in. "Please I need... I need to be with him!"

Jin rubbed Jungkook's back and cried on the man's shoulder, "just let them do their job Jungkook!" he sobbed as he pressed the student close, "he'll be okay... Jimin will be okay..."

"Come on Kook.. you'll see him again soon," Namjoon added, grunting as Jungkook tried to claw his arms away from him.

"But... he's mine! He's mine..."

Jungkook felt gravity pull him down and after a while he stopped fighting it. He collapsed into Jin and Namjoon's arms and entered a state of shock. He heard nothing, felt nothing, he barely realised it when Namjoon picked him up and dragged him out of the house, sitting him down in the car and strapping him in as if he were a toddler that couldn't take care of himself. Though right now, it truly seemed like the student couldn't. He belonged to Jimin. Over the last few months everything he did, thought, said. It was connected to that man. It wasn't right a voice had kept reminding him. But then Jungkook would erase it and excuse it with love. Because if it was for love it was okay right?

Muffled sounds of Jin stepping into the passengerseat and Namjoon starting the car reached Jungkook's ears, but he felt like he was underwater, floating without feeling like anything was happening to him. It was far away. Like a dream. A dream that would turn into a nightmare one day. The car drove away and passed buildings and meadows and houses but it all became a blur. Everything was one big blur.

~~~

"He is slightly malnourished and dehydrated. He indeed suffered a ptsd flashback as you informed us and we gave him some calming medication to let him sleep. Thankfully he started breathing normally again after passing out."

The doctor informed Jin with a monotone voice and a lifeless expression.

"We will send someone once he wakes up, but we do think it would be best if he stays the night."

Jungkook's eyes darted to Jin, who nodded and tried out a smile, but it didn't reach the man's eyes. He felt just as bitter as Jungkook did. The student could tell. He felt like he was to blame.

Jin sat down next to Jungkook in the waitingroom without uttering a word since Jungkook had heard it all.

It still felt too early to speak. Because there they were. Two men who thought they'd given everything to help the man they loved, defeated, because they didn't do enough. They had pretended things were getting better without any right to do so. Pretended Jimin was simply a man with 5 personalities instead of a man with a trauma that scarred him for life. He'd been so selfish, Jungkook thought. So set on dating Jimin and making it work, so occupied with deciding if integration was the best choice or not...

Why hadn't he thought about it better? Why did he have sex with Jiminie without telling the others? Ofcourse Jim got triggered. Ofcourse the memories all flooded back. Ofcourse, Jungkook crumbled. He was like Jimin's past boyfriends. He tried to fuck every filter, and he'd caused the person he loved an incredible amount of pain because of it.

Namjoon walked up to Jungkook and disturbed the student's destructive thoughtprocess by holding a cup of coffee before him.

"Here, you'll need it," he said, handing Jin a cup as well. "Rest your mind for a moment Kook," the man said as he ruffled up the boy's hair with a fond smile. "You think too much."