We're a mess, You and I

But the truth is

You captivate me in a way no soul ever will

Your POV:

I was breathing heavily, I feel extremely hot right now. Even though the air conditioner is on my hands are sweating. I am feeling so thirsty at the same time.

"Y/n-ah please sit down and let's talk-"

"FOR GOD SAKE.....for God's sake I'm not Y/n....my name is Yua. And I don't want to talk to you. There's nothing to talk about taehyung. Just leave me alone. Please I'm begging you."

He was 6 feet apart from me. My vision was getting blur and my dizziness was getting worse, even the headache. I'm feeling so weird right now. What was that alcohol? What the hell did I drink to make me feel like this?

"I know I forcefully brought you here. But that guy just randomly kissed you. And this just made me feel-" I interrupt him.

"Feel you What? Jealous? Hah!! Taehyung don't make me laugh....you love that woman Heejin and you have been breathing only for her but not for me."

His expression changed into a painful one. But Idc I won't let him speak. I'll say everything to him. I don't want to live with these painful and burden feelings anymore. Enough is enough.

"I know you were hurt back then or maybe something was bothering you. But that doesn't mean you'll vent it all on me. Why did you have to hate me so much? You just could have ignored me respectfully. Why did you even accept this marriage when you just didn't want to? Why did you drag me into all this? Why taehyung Why? What was my fault? What had been my fault? Was being born into this world was a curse to me? It wasn't my choice in the first place taehyung, then why?"

My legs were shaking and I couldn't stand still so I just plop on the couch and stare at him blankly. He was staring at me with a lot of emotions.

"Why did you said her name that night taehyung? Why did you make me experience such a beautiful feeling with which turned out to be my worst nightmare? Why taehyung Why?" I hiccup and sniff.

"I loved you so much. I was ready to give you everything and I did...I Devoured myself to you...I gave you my love and all but you still rejected me. You insulted my love for you."

I burst out crying remembering how every night I prepared the bed for him, how every night I waited for him for dinner. How every time I saw him at home I was excited to get close to him. But in the end, in return, I got nothing but a broken heart and a crushed pride of mine.

I look up at him as I wipe my tears. "So that night was the last thing I gave you something from me, on behalf of me. That night was last and I've got nothing else to give you. So why did you come back? Why after all those years? Why when I was leading a happy life? Why? Come on tell me? Wasn't 7 years ago all that enough? Wasn't that 2 years enough for you that you just came casually to ruin everything again? Tell me?" I glare at him.

He didn't move an inch nor did he looked anywhere but me. He was clenching on his fist. His white beautiful hands started to turn red. My tears weren't stopping, nor will they stop. Because those are the tears I was holding just for him to see and make him feel guilty for what he did.

And he is feeling guilty. His eyes are telling me that all. I look down on my lap and cover my face. I started to sob and curse him.

A few moments later I felt a warm hand on my back and it's pulling me towards them. I look up and to my surprise, taehyung is hugging me and gently patting my back.

"There was time I also yearned for warmth and love. But being betrayed I was scared and my heart turned out to get darker. And so I dragged into all this unknowingly. I thought if I could drag you into all this then maybe the world will know how ruthless it was with me."

He never talked to me about his problems. He never wanted me to know. He never thought I was a part of him. But he'd tell me all tonight.

"Heejin was my first love but being first love doesn't mean you'll become their safe place and warmth. We lacked understanding, which leads us to betray our partner. I thought even though she betrayed me I'll forgive her, she will come back to me...she said she will but she turned around and left me alone. I was struggling so much for her but she just ruined everything."

It's not the whole truth, you don't even know what she went through. You don't even have a clue that she was trying to keep you safe but end up hurting you.

"I didn't want to hurt you anymore plus I thought you were wasting your time on someone like me who isn't worth enough, I've been testing you to see how patient you can be but later I heard all those rumors about you...I was already heartbroken and my mind wasn't working well to think anything great about you. I thought like Heejin you got married to Me because you wanted to get rid of all those things you were facing so it made me despise you even more. But then I slowly started to calm down and I thought that it's time for us to separate our ways. So I decided to divorce you."

I clenched on his suit jacket hearing all those. It feels weird to hear him confessing his fault to me.

I heard him sighing. "That night I didn't even know I did I got so drunk and end up with you. But I clearly remembered that I was with you...I didn't mean all that and I don't even remember what I said to you. All I remember was we were together that night and the next morning you left. Because we have signed the papers I didn't bother looking for you...but knowing that you got pregnant and all I felt even worse."

He didn't mean all that.....

Why does my heart hurt knowing it? But at the same time, I felt relieved? I hate all these mixed feelings.

"After you left 2 years later I found your diaries and letters to me. I couldn't believe at first that we've known each other since childhood and that you've been in love with me since then...I read about your past life, I read about how people were bullying you...even imagining those things makes me feel worse and you have suffered it all. I've suffered a lot too but it was nothing compared to yours."

He pulls back from me a cupped my cheeks. "I'm sorry for everything I did and you had to suffer. I'm sorry for being rude to you and insulting you even when you didn't deserve all those. I'm sorry for suddenly coming back to your life and ruining everything over again. I'm so sorry for behaving like an obsessed psychopath and claiming you all mine. I'm so sorry for everything and I'm sincere about it."

My eyes widen and my heartbeat raised. I look up into his eyes and saw him already tearing up. His eyes were wet and red, his nose was red and his lips were shivering, his voice cracked and he started to hiccup too.

"I-I'm really sorry for everything Y/n. And I love you. I love you a lot so please, I'm...I'm begging you to come back to me. Please...I need you...I need you back in my life and I regret everything. Please give me another chance...I promise I won't ruin it...please...please."

I saw the sincerity in his eyes. He's sincere, he's being honest with me right now. He's not lying, he's not faking, he's telling the truth, and he's honesty with his promise. Those tears are genuine.

I couldn't tell what to do or say. I was speechless...was I being too much with him? But I still can't get over these painful feelings it hurts so bad.

I grab his hands tightly and started to cry with him. Together we cried, maybe it's the first time but I can feel him being genuine and honest towards me. We kept crying and sobbing. I don't know what time it is but I just keep on crying like this with him. Because I started to feel lighter now that I've said everything and heard everything.

⚠️warning for real⚠️XD 

Taehyung wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me towards him. He buried his face on the crook of my neck and kept on crying. I wrapped my arms around him and kept sobbing hard. I can feel his heartbeat and I'm sure he does too.

After few minutes we both calmed down but we remained like this silently. We can only hear our heartbeats and our breathing. Taehyung slowly pulls away from me but keeps on looking down. He stares at me for a while.

Suddenly he came closer and connects his lips with mine with strength and purpose. His hands slide into my hair and wrap around the back of my head.

He kisses me like he's giving me every kiss he wishes he could have given me in the past, and every kiss he'll wish he could give me in the future.

All of them, all at once. I felt a teardrop on my cheeks. I'm not sure where my hands are at this point. I think they're resting on his thighs. but every part of me other than my mouth has just gone completely
numb.

The only thing I'm fully aware of is his mouth on mine. His kiss is all, but After few seconds we parted our lips. I looked at him, he's crying again. His eyes and nose Became red.

Two of my palms were resting on his chest I can feel the deep rise and fall of his chest, and his hands were holding my waist. My body is too weak and my mind blank.

He said "I Won't miss the chance tonight. I'll make you feel the feeling you deserve. And the feeling that only belongs to us."

Saying that he cradles my head between both of his hands and he kisses me slowly. Soft and deep and full of highs and lows and depth, passionately, desperately. I can taste his tears too. I break apart from him, finding the strength to push against his chest.

Our mouths separate, but my hands remain pressed against him. He stares at me silently, suddenly his hands slide down to my thighs and another hand on my back as carried me and stood up as I slide my hand around his neck. I stare at his side profile silently watch him.

He walks upstairs while carrying me in his strong arms, he doesn't look at me knowing how I'm already watching him.

When we are in front of the room I didn't move my eyes away from him, I know this is the room I used to stay in and was supposed to live in with him. He walks inside while carrying me as he pushed the door with his legs and walks towards the bed and he slowly lowers me down onto the bed.

I spread my both hands on the side because I'm really tired to keep them up, while tears rolling down from my eyes again. He hovered over me, our bodies are glued to each other leaving no gap. He was so close to me, I can feel his hot breath against my skin. He tilted his head and landed his forehead over mine. He didn't kiss me yet.

He said gently, "I know I made you suffer this much and the scars on your heart can't fade easily. But I surely will make this night beautiful and memorable for you, and this will be your sweet dream and our sweet night. The only sweet night only we will remember."

He stares at me deep into my eyes and sighs. "I can't go back to that night y/n, Please give me permission today."

I didn't say anything but smiled a little and wrapped my hands around his head as I pull him closer as he kissed me gently with full of Love.

He slowly parts his lips from mine as he slowly kissed me gently on the forehead, then again on the tip of my nose. His eyes meet mine, and he looks at me with more sincerity and honesty than I've ever seen in them before. I can feel him skin to skin.

He then came closer to my ears and whispered "I don't like that he kissed you on your lips, the lips only I can touch, only my lips can touch yours, it only belongs to me. No one can ever dare to touch you. Every part of you only I can have y/n."

I laughed lightly because those were the words I wanted to hear so badly back in years ago. His heavy breathing and tears are unstoppable. I Don't want to Stop those tears nor will I stop mine. The tears have more words than lips.

He undressed me and kissed my collarbone I hissed a little. He kissed my whole body like he won't get it again.

He started undressing and throws the dresses on the floor. He grabs my hand and flipped them over my head. Buried his face on my neck and squeezed my hand.

I felt Him inside me. I moaned and bite my lower lips. He pulled out and in rapidly, again and again, it's unbearable. I scratched his back tightly and grabbed his hair which sometimes would make him groan in pain.

I wanted to scream louder but this pain is worth enough and I'm loving this feeling. Why? Because this time in his eyes it's me...only me.

He's making love with me only thinking about me, slowly gently. In his mouth it's my name, in his mind it's me. I just want to tell him never to stop, but those words won't come out because all those weird screams I'm throwing are so embarrassing yet I can't help.

He intertwined our hands together tightly the whole time that my hands feel like it's going to break in no time. But I bear it, I bear After the heavy tough night he landed beside me. He is my pleasure with full of pain. The night was full of tears.

Kim taehyung the man I loved, to the man I was ready to give my all, my heart, my body. I didn't say a single word.

⚠️End⚠️

I laughed looking at the ceiling. Those feelings, all those feelings were those missing past feelings I once wanted to experience only with him. If only things were nice back then, then would I've been in this position to reject him and always let him do whatever he wanted to do?

Tears fall from my eyes, he saw that he pulls me closer to him, he hugged me tightly and pulled the blanket over us. He pressed his cheeks against the top of my head. And wipes the tears for me.

"Is it too late to forgive me for my actions?" I couldn't respond because my eyes were getting heavy and I'm really tired after all those things.

He plays with my hair which is making me even more sleepy. But even at this point, I don't want to think about anything else. I want time to stop at this right moment. and I never thought I'd be in this position again. A position where I know I'm right where I belong, but there's nothing I can do that can keep me there.

It reminds me of the day I had to give in for him.

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Hiiiii fast update again. Okay don't get angry at me yet dear readers chill the story is yet to touch its ending. I still got a lot to serve you. So let's calm down and stay seated till the end.

Hope you enjoyed it because I finally wrote some smut with the help of my friend. And don't criticize me okayy???

BTW CONGRATULATIONS ARMY BTS WON 3 CATEGORIES FOR BBMAS. ONE TO GOOOO.....MAKE SURE TO WATCH THEIR PERFORMANCE TODAY.

Make sure to VOTEEEEEEEE and comment. Thank youuuuu.

To Be Continued