75. nothing to hold on to

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Its been what, 2 years since the whole blip. The worlds been a quieter but emptier place. In Matt, River and Issacs world, Devon has been gone for a year. 2 years where River lost his sister yet again, the only person in his family. He had to leave, the loss of his parents and now Devon got to him. How can he still be here? He left New York for a bit, only calling for Matt and Issac. It was something Devon would have wanted. But just being in a place where he had nothing but horrid memories didn't sot with him.

Issac, he lost the one who he called mom not so long ago and now has to be left in a world without her. Not only he lost his mom, he lost Peter. Issac has been getting more into trouble. He couldn't hold in his anger. He felt guilty, he didn't say goodbye or that he loved Devon. Now being in that apartment alone at times, he misses her. Issac felt helpless, why cant he do more?

Issac had been locked in his room, MJ and Ned would try to take him out or stay with him but Issac couldn't do it. But yet, Issac would be alone. Matt was gone doing god knows what. Issac would look at the photos of Devon, her with Matt and Foggy at St. Pattys day, Natasha, Yelena and her as kids, River and her, and the new addition, her, Matt and Issac. He would stare at that picture all day. God he misses her.

And for Matt... Jesus... Poor sweet Matthew.

He had lost everything. Things were finally starting to settle, started to be better. Their happy ending. But he can still feel her hands gripping onto his suit, in panic. The only thing he felt was her vanishing from his arms. Matts depression ate him alive. Foggy and Karen tries to help but nothing could replace Devon.

Matt had started sleeping on the couch, he couldn't risk the pain of her side of the bed fade. Her smell, her sweet scent was now fading away. He had nothing to remember her by, just her suit he held onto at night. Theres no voice message, no flirty remarks, nothing.

Matt and Issacs relationship was starting to get worse. Matts depression and Issacs anger, they start to clash and then one of them would leave and not come back for a few days. If Devon was here, she wouldn't let that happen. Ever.

"Matt?" Karen places her hand on his shoulder. Matt zoned out again. He was thinking about Devon, again. "You okay?" He just nods. "New client." She takes him with Foggy. The three of them sit down in front of their nee client.

"What can we do for you today Mr. Herbert." Foggy smiles.

"How can I get the money that my wife left behind? She was wiped from the blip and the bank-" Matt zones. How can someone do that? No respect. Matts fist balled up. Foggy notices.

"Sir, due to the blip, we are afraid that we cannot fight for that." Foggy takes over Matt just sits there. Once that Foggy finishes and the client leaves, Matt immediately steps out. He leans back against the wall and takes a minute. Devon. Devon. What did you do to me? He thought. "Matt..." Foggy says as he founds him in the back of the alley.

"I just needed a little air." Matt clears his throat.

"You need a break." Foggy sighs. Seeing his friend in this much pain was devastating. Foggy noticed that Matt had more reckless on his 'nightly duties'. It was seriously like him thinking that Devon was dead by Elektra all over again. "What to talk about her?" Matt stays quiet. God he wanted to but he didn't want to burden Foggy about it. "Go home Matt, get some rest. Be with Issac."

"No, i can-"

"Mid Town High School. Mid Town High School." The ringer goes off. Matt sighs.

"Speaking of the devil." Matt waits, debating on to answer even.

"Hello?" Matt answers.

"Mr. Murdock, this is principal Morita. I have your son Issac here with me. Im afraid that you will need to come to the office." Matt sighs.

"Is he okay?"

"He is. But im afraid i can't talk about this situation over the phone." Matts head falls back.

"Yeah, ill be there." He shuts his phone. "Issac." Foggy nods. Foggy also knew how much trouble Issac was getting into. First, Matt said that hes been sneaking around at night, then a fight at school, and well, thats just the beginning. Foggy has been trying to get Issac out, which he has good luck with. Issac liked being with Foggy, Uncle Fogs. But this acting out, this fighting with Matt, its just he misses Devon.

"No, yeah, go. Your kid needs you. Karen and I got this." He pats his arm. Matt heads down, catching a cab and sighing when he got to the school. Teenagers, teachers speaking. Running, walking. Then he can hear Issacs music. That loud emo rock music. Matt heads in.

Issac hears the walking stick the moment Matt got out the cab. Super-hearing. Issac's leg started to bounce. What will this lead to at the end? Silent treatment? Screaming match? Issac sees Matt in front of him. He sinks in his chair. No hi, nothing. Matt just sat with Issac, waiting.

"Mr. Murdock." The principal opens his door and introduces himself to Matt. "Please." He steps back to have Matt go in. "Issac, why don't you join us. I believe that your father would like to hear your side." Issac puffs out air from his nose, picking up his backpack and going in. The two Murdocks sit next to each other. Matt takes off the boys headphones. "I would like to say that Issac is a great kid, a smart kid. Bright young man." Issac looks out the window. His chin on his hand.

"He is." Matt smiles, forced.

"Ill just start on why we are here today." Morita clears his throat. He looks at Issac. "We have been doing this thing for all students. Its more like a safe place. The students go in and talk about the blip, help them through the process and help them understand and come to terms of this tragedy." Issac scuffs. Matt tilts his head. "Today, it was Issacs turn to go see his counselor, and well..." He takes out the statement that his counselor wrote up. "Issac spoke some very strong, hurtful things to her." He shakes his head. Issacs leg was rapidly shaking, making Matt grip on his walking stick. "Issac would you like to tell your father what you said?"

"Nope." He shakes.

"We will speak at home." Matts voice was stern, tired and angry. "What are his consequences?"

"Detention for 2 weeks, after school. This will be his last warning Mr. Murdock. If he doesn't get his act together, Issac will be looking at suspension, or even expelled." Matt nods. "Issac is well known here, like i said, great kid."

"Thank you." Matt stands up, placing his hand on Issac's shoulder, gripping tightly. Issac knew. Screaming match. Issac helped Matt out and onto the subway. The walk there and to the house was dead silent. Matt slams the door behind him. Issac throws his back at the wall and waits for the match to begin.

"Say it." Issac rolled his eyes.

"Why won't you start telling me what the hell you did!" Matt folds his cane aggressively.

"Why does that matter?" Issac was about to head to his room.

"Because it does!"

"Fine!" Issac turns back. "She told me I had to come to terms of letting mom go." Issac's throat started to crack. Thinking of her. Thinking of his mom. "You know what she said? She said that mom is never going to come back, the avengers did what they could. The more i think of her, the more painful it gets and start to heal is to let her go!" Issac shouts. Matt listens, he wasn't lying. "So i told her to go to hell and she has no fucking clue what shes talking about because my mom will come back. She always does."

"Gave you no right-"

"No right?" Issacs eyes widen, smiling at how stupid it was. "So if Uncle Foggy tells you to stop thinking that mom is coming back and just to let her go because its almost going to be the 3 year mark next month, you wouldnt talk back?" Matts chest tightened.

"Dont." He pointed his finger at the boy.

"Why? Tell me? Would you do the same?"

"This isn't about me, this is about you and what you did."

"She cannot tell me how i feel!" Issac shouted louder. He throws his headphones off his neck. "Answer my question, would you do the same?"

"Im not going to answer that. Go to your room."

"Oh come on dad!" Issac gets closer to Matt. "Every time i bring her up you shut down. You are not the only one that lost her."

"Just stop." Matt turns away.

"Why! Just tell me why! Nobody wants to talk about her. Uncle River is gone! Aunt Yelena is Gone! Aunt Natasha isn't answering my calls. You are not okay! Shes my mom! I fucking miss her!" Issac pulls down his hair. He's getting frustrated. "You don't sleep in the room anymore, you rot in that stupid couch every single day. Dont even try to deny that you try to call her, hoping to call you-"

"Enough!"

"And every single time i bring her up you shut me out!"

"Its not her..." He lies. "You know what, just go to your room, sneak out or whatever, you do. We can talk about this tomorrow if you in a better mood." He was turning to head the roof.

"Its not your fault shes was blipped! You couldn't do a thing about it." Issac walks behind him. Matt stops. "Just say her name! Stop pretending she was never here." Matt never moved, never said anything. Issac took that as his sign that he was never going to. Issac just nods. "Wow." He sniffs his tears away. "I see how it is. Honestly this is shocking, coming from you. You know, mom would be so disappointed in us both, mostly you." Issacs tears fell. Matt can feel Issacs chest hurt from the way he was trying not to sob. "Why do i even try with you. At this point, why even bother to talk to you. Its like you are never here." Issac just leaves, slamming the front door behind him. The frame on the wall fell, it was the one of Devon and Matt.

"Shit." Matt breaks. He punches the wall and falls down. It was true. If Devon was here to see what he has been doing, ignoring their son, pretending she wasn't here, god she would smack the devil out of him.

Not a day goes by Matt prayed for her return. He always wished that it shouldve been him. Maybe life would've been better, easier with him gone. And to answer Issac's question, yes, he would lose it if someone, anyone, said that to let Devon go. Devon is a part of Matt that you cannot erase. She was branded on him, scarred.

She was going to say yes. The ring was almost on the finger. He almost had his life together. Matt starts to sob, hands on his face. His sweet Devon. Come back to him.