53. because i do

🕸️

With Matt in my arms, rocking back and forth, crying for to come back to me, I prayed to god to bring him to me once more. I will not lose him again, not this time. I took off his mask and stroked his hair, touching his face.

"Im here, listen to me okay? Don't you dare leave me again, i will bring you back just so I can kill you myself do you hear me?" I whispered to him. "I need you Matt, come back to me. For me." He groans and holds my hand.

"Devon?" I helped him sit up.

"We have to leave, police and FEDs are on their way. If we go now-"

"Where is he?"

"I don't know. I think he left." I whispered again. Matt took a moment, father Lantom was dead. Matt holds me tight and repeats that he is dead, and that wannabe daredevil killed him. "I know. Im sorry." I put my head on his shoulder and his head on my chest. "But we have to run. Cops are here. We have to go."

"Devon, the man in my suit, his name is Ben Pointdexter. Hes an FBI agent. He works for Fisk." Of course Fisk would hire him. His skills are top notch. "So does Agent Nadeem. They find you, they kill you. I will not let them kill you. I don't care what you say, I will protect you."

🕸️

Matt and I ran down to the basement and hid until the mess was over, which was probably not soon. I groan as my shirt was soaked in my blood from my side that Pointdexter threw that wooden plank at. We heard police coming closer and closer. We had to hide.

"Youre hurt." He holds my side, his hand covered in blood. I didnt say a thing because I couldn't lie. It did hurt. "Why did you come here? What is wrong?"

"I had to run. I was looking for you. Sister Maggie brought me here because Mason wouldn't return my calls."

"River?"

"Hes with Alexei and Melina until this is done." I found a towel and i put it on my side.

"I had him Devon." He goes to the sink and wipes his nose from the blood he had. I frowned, had him? "I just gave up my one shot to come here to save you."

"Had him? What do you mean by had him?" I stepped up to him.

"I was in his penthouse. Waiting for him. That was it." I shook my head. This isn't Matt. "It was...the moment."

"Please don't tell me you were going to kill him Matt." I put my hands on his chest, but he quickly grabs them, shushing me. "Do not shush me, how dare you-" he covers my mouth with his hand.

"Hes back." We looked up at the ceiling. "Pointdexter is upstairs and he's with Needem." Matt quickly thinks  of something because they were coming downstairs to the basement. We quickly hid in the stone coffin, no space between us. Hugging each other so we could fit. His nose touched my forehead and my lips touched his neck. We heard them talking with Sister Maggie and dogs sniffing around. I closed my eyes and held my breath. Matt held my hand and i calmed down a bit. "Okay." He breathes out. I helped him move the top and the coast was clear. He hops out and helps me. "Alright, theyre gone. I guess we'll just wait here until...until they leave." I leaned back on the pillar, standing in front Matt who sat on the steps. "Why is Fisk hunting you?" I chuckled.

"I told him that I was actually going to kill Vanessa, knew where she was."

"You actually told him that?"

"She's already here in New York. If Fisk was going to reveal who i am, might as well take him down with me." I sighed and slid down. "My anger got in the way."

"Are you really going to kill Vanessa?" I sat there, not a word came out. "Devon?"

"If he destroyed my life, might as well do the same to him. Take the one thing he loves the most. He doesn't deserve happiness. He took that away from me. Fisk deserves to know what it feels like to have everything he loves taken from him. So yes, i want to kill her." I stopped shouting, slapped my hand over my mouth as I got angry.

"Jesus, Devon."

"He sold me to Dreykov, knowing that Ill be like this, might as well show him what he created." He sighs. He wasn't angry or upset. "Im an idiot, i know im sorry. But he cant get away with this. He keep getting away with this."

"No, you were doing what you knew."

"He got pissed anyways after I said I was going to send him a picture of when I'm done with her." I clapped my hands. "Thats why im here. Hiding like a coward. Melina would be so devastated to know im in hiding from a man." I dropped my head, my braids falling down. "Thats why they are after me."

"I wish I could help sooner, Devon-"

"You always treated me like i was some type of angel, even when you knew what Ive done." I ran my hands over my hair. "Why? Why do you love me?"

"Because I know you are not all bad, theres good in you." He stands up, shuffling his way to me. "And you try so hard to make up for what you did. I admire you for that. You really care for the people you love. Will risk your life for them." We stood there, he reached out for me to take his hand. My hand took his and pulled me closer.

"What were you gonna do to Fisk?"

"Kill him." My heart dropped. I was stunned. This wasn't him talking. He would never. "Your turn to judge me."

"Im not." I cleared my throat. "I get it but..." i didn't want to mess this up. "You shouldn't do this. Killing? Matt..."

"It has to be done."

"Okay, youre going to listen me." I let go of his hand. "You know about the Moscow Massacre? That VP and his family killed so bad?" He listened. "I killed them. I killed the VP, his wife right in front of their daughters. Then i killed the girls. I walked in wearing my white suit and I walked out wearing red. Since that day, they have called me the red widow."

"Devon-"

"Deep down inside of me didn't want to kill the girls, they were young, young like Yelena when we were trafficked. But i did it anyways, till this day i cannot forgive myself for what I did. It was one of ruthless missions i ever done." I took a shaky breath. "I wish i can go back and let Dreykov kill me right there when he sent me to kill Natasha but there is no turning back. I hate myself everyday. Red Widow is part of me that I cant let go. No matter where I go, how much I changed, i will always be the Red Widow. There no turning back from that. If you kill Fisk, you will hate yourself for it. That is not you. Do not turn out like me, please Matt."

"What if it is the way back? For me? I cant let Fisk go." He puts his finger under my chin, making me look at him. "Now that he has hurt you, i cant have him alive."

"Killing someone, even Fisk, it will change everything that you build up for, your name, the way you feel about yourself." I placed my hands on his face. "You will not be able to forgive yourself for this."

"Then why do you keep doing it?"

"Because I have nothing to feel. Im used to the feeling, but for you..." i placed my forehead on his. "This is not you, and i will not let you kill him. I will not loose you again. I want my Matthew back."

🕸️

Matt helps me with my wound, cleaning it and wrapping it up. The bleeding stops so it didn't hurt as much, only when he tighten the wrap around my waist. He stops but continues.

"What? Are they back? What is it?" Moments later, Sister Maggie comes. That wound is not healed. I don't blame him, she was here all this time, and said nothing.

"Thank god." She sighs of relief. "Its not safe for you two to go." Matt gets up.

"Yeah we know. I can hear them." He walks past her. She looks at me with my shirt covered in blood. She gasps and I shook my head, im fine. Sister maggie nods.

"I can come back with food, but in the meantime, you should get cleaned up. We have fresh clothes. Donations for the poor." She runs to the shelves and starts pulling out clothes. She hands me a sweater and black jeans. I thanked her and she grabs some clothes for Matt, but he didn't take it from her, just kept his distance. So she puts the clothes on the bed. "Ill come back as soon as I can, youll be safe here."

"No we wont." Matt sighs. "They brought in search dogs." Son of a bitch. Sister Maggie runs out and I started to change, slipping out of my bloody clothes and into the ones i was given. Matt was on the hear out, listening. "Yeah, they're taking the dogs next door.  Buys us some time." He takes off his shirt and i saw the scars, newest to the collection of his body.

"Matt." He knew i was looking, flexing his muscles and putting on a new shirt.

"start getting dressed, call Mason or Natasha. Soon as they get here, you're going to leave."

"Im not leaving now, i need to be here for you."

"I don't need you here, i need you safe. I do this, then you can come back."

"Why are doing this? Why do you push everyone you care about away?"

"Can we not do this right now?"

"You came to me for help, im going to help. So don't you dare push me away."

"Im not pushing you away-"

"I mean you pushed Foggy, Karen, me away."

"Im not. I told you, I'm trying to-"

"No, because what I think what you are doing is protecting yourself-"

"You wanna talk about this right now?" We start to argue. The tension was hot. "There are people trying to kill us and you wanna-" our voices overlapped, me trying to talk about him and he was trying to switch the conversation.

"Matt let me speak and just shut the hell up for one damn second!" I yelled at him. He stayed quiet. "Look, i was never going to leave you then, and im not going to leave you now. Neither will Foggy and Karen."

"Like you and Karen are close friends again." I scuffed as he interrupted me.

"Im doing this because i love you, i care for you, no matter how much of an asshole you been. I would die for you, do you understand that? Don't think for a second Im going to leave you. I never was. We all would jump off a cliff for you." I grabbed him by the shirt and kissed him. He pushes me against the wall and i gasped. His hands went under my sweater and up my chest. "Asshole." I managed to say. His lips hovered over mine.

"Yeah." He says as he still has me in his arms. Yeah? Thats all i got? A yeah?

"Can you please explain? You agree with me?"

"That could actually work." Still confused. I pushed him off of me.

"Im a little slow here, what could work?"

"Foggy." We decided to tell Foggy and Karen to send the pictures and video of me to Mahoney, to arrest me and get me out of here safe. That was the only way out. It was damn good plan. "Are you sure?"

"Its Mahoney." I nodded.

🕸️

I stepped out of the basement and into the church with my hands up. Foggy was there and the FBI agents drew their guns at me.

"Dont shoot! Shes unarmed!" Sister Maggie runs in front of me.

"This is why im here. To surrender my client." Foggy speaks up. "To the NYPD." Needem didn't take his eyes off me.

"Devon Hobbs, you are under arrest." Mahoney walks in, shouting my name. "Cuff her." The cops grabbed my hands from the back of my head and cuffed me. Pointdexter runs in. He was pissed.

"What the hell are you doing?" He yells. "Shes ours detective."

"Like hell." Mahoney stands up.

"Shes a federal suspect."

"No need to fight over me boys-" Foggy snaps at me, the look of shut the hell up was written all over his face.

"Shes a suspected murder. Thats state law."

"And shes here to surrender to the NYPD." Needem tells Foggy to shut up. "Im just saying, as the only attorney here,"

"Put a sock in it Nelson," Mahoney yells. Foggy backs down. "These feds know the las. Shes our suspect. They can file a writ and maybe talk to her later." Pointdexter walks up to Mahoney. I was ready to get him if he ever puts his hands on him.

"I will not let you take her." Needem takes Mahoney away from Pointdexter, talking to him. They nodded and head back to us.

"Detective Mahoney will take custody of the suspect." Needem announced and they took me away.

"Bullshit!" I smirked at Pointdexter as they walked me out. Mahoney drives me and Foggy to an abandoned building where we are meeting Matt at. Thankfully the cop with us ill not say a word about me, so did the other cops that were there. Mahoney comes and opens the door and lets us out. Karen was waiting there.

"Come on out of there." He tells us. Before he could uncuffed me, I handed him the cuffs and smiled., showing him the bobby-pin in my hand. "You are like Romanoff." He swats the cuffs from me.

"The FBI is going to freak when they find out you let her go." Karen walks up.

"Yeah well, they can kiss my police blue ass."

"Seriously, are you gonna be okay?" I wiped my nose.

"I had to see it with my own eyes. Fisk really has turned the goddamn feds."

"Some of them."

"Cant believe no one saw it coming."

"Some of us did."

"Devon." I turned back to him. "You should be in prison but when you kill, they were bad people so I cant really say anything. You caused me a lot of paperwork headaches but you took some nasty people out of my city. Your secret is safe with me."

"Thanks Mahoney. Maybe we should partner up one day, you know-"

"Don't push it." He walks back to his car and i laughed. I looked at Karen and she stared me down. I ignored her and meet with Matt up at the roof with Foggy and Karen.

"So it looks like you needed my help after all." Foggy says to Matt as we made it to the top. Matt hands me my bag, my suit and other belongings still in there.

"Yeah i did, Foggy, youre right."

"Do you have any idea how much life has sucked for the three of us while you were off doing your own thing?"

"I got some of Devons half of it as she yells at me." I chuckled to myself. "Im sorry Foggy. Maybe i was wrong to push you away."

"Okay its insanely hard to fight with you if you keep agreeing with me."

"Good, cause I don't want to fight with. Look, the way Ive treated you three...you deserve better."

"Yes, we did." Matt agrees.

"Okay, so where do we go from here?" I tapped my foot.

"I dont want to leave you, but i cant ask you to be accomplices to what I have to do now."

"Well, im wanted in about 70 countries, i dont mind adding more people to my list." I crossed my arms. Foggy shakes his head. "It was a joke, can i joke?"

"What does that mean?"

"It means Matt is gonna go kill Fisk." I told him. Foggy snaps his head at Matt.

"That building falling on you really messed up your head." we decided to do Foggys way, no killing. He made it clear, take Fisk down with the law. We needed someone who would take Fisk down, with everything to lose. Ray Needem.