39. let it out

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Days became weeks. I actually had everything under control, except Melina and Alexei who were still with me. They drove me crazy, acting like parents and i hated it. They made me feel like a child again. They are making me lose my patience slowly but its there. Yelena was lucky as she went to make more of the vials and check on the Widows, she'll be back soon get Melina and Alexei.

I let them take the apartment as I stayed with Matt for a while. We liked how we actually woke up together, the way we settled in for the night. But some part of me misses the sneaking out and the crime fighting.

"Does Foggy know?" I asked Matt as he hands me my cup of coffee. "I know Karen hasn't been answering my calls."

"Foggy doesn't. He's wondering where you are." He sighs. "Karen, well she's busy. She got the job at the bulletin." He sits next to me. "Maybe you should tell them, Foggy especially."

"You know how Karen got when she found out who I was, she was upset, River told me that she pushed him and told him that how dare I do this." I rubbed my face with my hands. "And Foggy, he will never look at me the same again." But it will let me move on and not hold onto this feeling. They have to know, the real story. "Fine." I sighed. "Let them know please?"

"I'll tell them." He kisses my cheek and heads to work. I headed downstairs to my place and started to work on some stuff from home. I needed some space from the idiots in the lab telling me what to do. I actually got the peace and quiet until Alexei started to sing in Russian, singing to the top of his lungs. Melina started to breathe over my shoulder and telling me that I've done the work wrong. The mixture of their voice aggravated me. If it was possible, you could see the smoke coming out my ears. Then Alexei and Melina started to argue about dinner, hitting pans, slapping their hands on the table, the shouting. I had it.

"Stop it!" I shouted. They stopped. "You both have been on my nerves since you came here." I charged at them, taking the pan out of Melinas hands and the spoon out of Alexei's. "Just because I let you stay here doesn't mean i have forgotten about what you did to me! Soon as Yelena comes, I want you out! Stop acting like my father and my mother. I don't know how many times I've said that."

"Devon-

"Dont Devon me." I stopped Melina. "Not once I heard you say sorry to me. You knew what they did to me and you didn't do a thing." They looked at each and then at me. "You both are acting like nothing happened with us!"

"Im sorry that I was the one who you stopped trusting everyone." Alexei managed to say. "Im sorry that i was the one who didn't let you hug your family. Im sorry that I was the one who didn't let you hug your father when he died."

"Im sorry that i took your heart away, made you into a monster." I crossed my arms and looked at them. I stood there for a while, gathering this in.

"I don't forgive you." I choked.

"We understand." They nodded. "But look at you, you've changed. All on your own. Even though you don't care, we are glad to have you as a fake daughter."

"I'm glad to have raised my strong girl, even if it was a short time." I stared at them blankly. "We are proud." With that, I just grabbed my laptop and walked to my room to be away from the for a bit.

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I sat in the bar with Matt waiting for Karen and Foggy. We came an hour early to be sure and well im nervous. I chose a table in the far back and kept Josie pouring me shots.

"Just breathe." I chugged my 8th glass.

"Easy for you to say. Foggy was pissed when he found out you were daredevil, you not as close as bad as me." I whispered to him. "They know that the red widow killed and worked with criminals, what makes you think that they will let this slide?"

"Theyll come around, one day." The doors opened and i saw them. I felt like my stomach turn, not from the alcohol. "Just breathe." Karen walked behind Foggy, who was happy to see me. They sat down and Karen doesn't look at me, she crosses her arms and looks the other direction. I get it.

"Whats up Dev?" Foggy asked.

"Why are we here?" Karen sassed. I cleared my throat, trying to piece the words together. Matt grabs my hand from under the table, making me feel calmer.

"Ive been hiding this from you both for too long and its time for me to tell you the truth." Foggy frowns as my accent slips. I went on about my life, the kidnapping, the red room, Dreykov, me being the Red Widow. The same story I've been telling since the beginning. "I get it if you both don't want me in your life after this, and I understand." Foggy sat there stunned and Karen not so surprised.

"You worked for Fisk." Foggy said. "You used us?"

"I never used you guys. I didn't spy on you guys for him, I had my own personal reasonings. You three mean so much to me, i was Fisks weapon to scare people, to get him what he wanted, just like he used my dad."

"You killed people. A lot! I don't even know I should be talking to you." My head falls.

"Not my proudest moments. Again, i was controlled, but i want to change, if I was trained to be like this, maybe i can be trained out of it." I looked at them. "When i was with you, i was the real Devon, i never faked anything with you."

"The stories I've heard about you. You are deadly." Foggy leans forward. "I dont know who you are anymore."

"If you kept this from us, what else are you hiding."

"Im not a killer anymore."

"You think you can just wake up one day and decide who you want to be?" There was a moment of silence. Karen left and Foggy was just hurt.

"I really don't know what to say Devon."

"Foggy, I never meant to let this go on. I came here, to start a new life then my dad killed, Fisk making me work with him, Dreykov, this was never supposed to go this way."

"I see now that you two are so prefect for each other." He gets up and leaves. I closed my eyes and shed a tear.

"They'll come around."

"Not after this." I wiped my tear and looked straight ahead. Its done. This what happens when you do this.