32. i have to

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I stepped outside and took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. I did our whistle and Yelena did it back. She pops out of the building and we stood in front of each other.

"What changed your mind?" She asked me as we walked away from the apartment.

"You." She stops. "I made a promise that I would never leave you, hurt you. I don't want to break it again. So if you are going to take down Dreykov and the Red Room, I'll help you."

"We need to find Natasha." I rolled my eyes and groan. "She'll know what to do with these." She pulls out the vials. I quickly shoved them back into her bag.

"Are you insane! Dont ever do that! Who knows if widows are still here."

"Like we wont win a fight against these new widows. Dreykov was desperate when you left." She blows. "Do you know where Natasha is?"

"No, but I know who might."

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We head up to the fancy apartments in Brooklyn and knocked on the door. River opens it and takes a moment.

"Devon?" He hugs me. "I knew it."

"What?"

"I knew it was you when you called." He then looks at Yelena who was snooping at his plans. "Whos that?"

"Yelena, my sister." They both went up to each other. "Yelena this is River, my brother."

"She used to talk about you all the time. To be honest I thought it was an imaginary friend." Yelena told him. "We need a favor." I shoved her arm.

"Who are we looking for?"

"Natasha." Yelena leans against the desk, helping River with the search. "I know she didn't stay close, since the whole Sokovia accords. Track her and we send her something and done." He types fast and lets it load. He comes up to me, pulling me to the side. "I should've said something about me being alive. In my defense, I wasn't able to move on my own for the first 2 months."

"Mom thinks you're on vacation with some co workers so." He sighs. "What you should be worrying about is Matt."

"How is he?"

"What do you think? A wreak. Devon, he needs to see you."

"Whos Matt?" We jumped as Yelena pops out of nowhere.

"Nobody, leave us."

"Hes not the same since you were gone." The computer dings and the two ran to it, leaving me standing there thinking about him. Its not fair for him. "Norway, shes there." Yelena takes a picture and grabs me.

"I'll send this to her and we'll head to Budapest. So pack a bag, i heard its hot there. Im going to call Rick Mason." Yelena pats my arm and heads downstairs.

"Good luck, and be careful." I ran to River giving him a hug. He sighs and hugs me tight. "Do what you gotta do." I nodded and left his place.

"Give me second." I told Yelena when she got into the car. She watched me walk over to a phone booth and placing my head on the metal. The line kept ring and ring until it stopped.

"Matt Murdock." It was nice to hear his voice again. Even though I don't say anything, just hearing him was all i needed. "Hello?"

"Matt." I whispered into the phone.

"Devon." He lets out a small breath. "Its so good to hear your voice." I can hear him smiling, imagining his beautiful smile, the way his eyes wrinkled. "Are you okay? Dont hang up please."

"Can you meet me in the diner where we had our first date?"

"Yeah, when today? What time?"

"Today, in an hour?"

"Done. I'll see you soon." Before we hung up, i heard the words I've never heard in a long time. "Devon, I love you."

"Love you too Matt." I hung up the phone and shoved my hands into my pockets as I walked back to the car with Yelena. Before we head to Budapest, and see Matt, I stopped by Franks to get my clothes.

"You're really doing this huh?" He leans against the door frame, watching me stuff my belongings into a small backpack. "Hate to say this but imma miss you." I walked up to him pat his cheek.

"They always do." Frank stops me and nods. "Bye Frank."

"When you come back, dont be a stranger."

"Can never." I closed the door and tossed my backpack to the back and drove to meet Matt. My heart started racing as i looked at the small restaurant. Yelena looks at me weird and looks away. "Stay here, okay? Dont leave."

"How long will you take? I don't want to sitting here forever." She complained.

"Theres stores, go shopping." I got out of the car and took a deep breath before I walked in. The waitress smiled at me and I scanned the room. There he was. Early. Matt stands up from the booth and I basically raced to him, hugging him with all my strength. He grabs the back of my neck and chuckles as I was in his arms again. We didn't let go until Matt touched my face. He made me smile as he ran his fingers over my eyes. "Matt."

"You're okay." We sat down at the booth. "I ordered your favorite." I looked at the oreo milkshake. I smiled to myself as i pulled the drink to me. Where to start?

"Im sorry." I spit out. "I should've said something, where i was, who i was with. Letting you think that I was dead wasn't a smart move. But i still don't know if im still being followed." Matts pinky touched mine. "I've been laying low."

"All I want to know that you were safe. Elektra's dead." My head went up. "Shes no longer going to hurt us. Karen knows, she is mad."

"Thats gonna be a long conversation." I rubbed my cheeks. "Does Foggy know too?" He shakes his head. "Might as well tell him. How long?" Matt hums. "How long have you been Daredevil?"

"For a while, before you came a long. I was protecting the city and then Fisk came along, The Hand, Frank, i was mixed into it." He sighs. "I never meant to hide this from you, i just tend to push the people I care about because I don't want them to get hurt." Matt chuckles for a bit, covering his mouth. "All this time we were together and I had no clue that it was you."

"Its the accent wasn't it?"

"I have heightened senses and i still didn't know." I frowned, even though he couldn't see my reaction, he still knew. "I can sense things that the normal person cant. Like..." he takes a minute. "I can smell Frank on you, seems like you spent your time with him, but theres a another smell, a woman."  Yelena. And I never told him that I was with Frank this entire time. "Your heart skipped when you were about to step into the diner, thinking if it was safe to come." I sat there all shocked. "And I can sense that you have a healing wound on your shoulder, newer, possibly a day old." I covered my shoulder.

"I was stabbed with a fork." I rubbed the wound.

"I can tell when you're lying too." I sighed. "Whats wrong?" I just took a long look at him. Forgetting where I was, it was just him and me.

"I didnt mean anything about what I said to you when I left." I played with the straw and then took his hand, placed it on my chest, letting him feel my heartbeat. "It pained me telling you those lies and walking away from you. I have never loved anyone more than the way I love you. Thats a fact. With you, breaking up was just never on the table. It has never occurred to me. It was to protect you and i failed, Dreykov knew who you are and i paid the price." He knew I wasn't lying. He sits back but plays with my hand. "I never expect you to forgive or take me back for what ive done. The things I've done. I was fooled, betrayed, lied too. All I ever wanted was to protect the ones I love, I never had that." I wiped my tears away. "Im not lying, I would never lie to you."

"What really happened to you in there?"

"I was in a fake family, I never knew why they taught me Russian, trained me with Natasha Romanoff, and made me take gymnastics. I realized too late that they were preparing me for the red room. At the age of 11 I already had more than 200 kills, and if I didn't do my missions, or what I was told, they would kill everyone I love. I played my part to perfection with that, I was too deep into the hole they made me and I never cared about anything anymore. Thats why I became ruthless, a menace, all of that by the age of 16." I pulled my hands away from him. "I lost my ability to love and care, all because of them."

"Hey." He makes me look at him. "You were just a child. It wasn't your fault." Those words broke me. I cried into my hands. "None of it was your fault okay."

"You still want me after all ive done?"

"What you did doesn't define you." He brushes my hair back. His touch felt like home. "Like i said before, you can't get rid of me."

"Even though I killed?" He thought about it, but he nods. "I want to be good, but thats all I know. I tried Matt, i really did but its part of me."

"I know. But for now, you have to do what you have to do. We can figure out something later. I promise." Out of the corner of my eye I saw Yelena walk in and came to me. She plopped down next to me and started to look at Matt, waving her hand in his face.

"Yelena!" I smacked her hand, she quickly takes it back. "I told you stay in the car!"

"Is this Matt?" She leans closer, pinching his cheek. "Aren't you just adorable!"

"Im sorry about her." I pushed her back and tired to push her out of the booth.

"He's definitely your type." She shakes her head in acceptance. "He looks a little nerdy, good for taking one for the team sis." She grabs my milkshake. "Did you tell him yet?" Oh boy. She saw the looks on our faces. She yelps. "Oh my bad! Ill just wait in the car." I rubbed my temples as she scooted out. "Bye Matt."

"What are you going to tell me?"

"Yelena got her hands on this dust that can stop mind control, which we are under control by Dreykov. We had sent it to Natasha and now we are heading to Budapest."

"Are you sure about this?"

"I'll take my chances. And when I'm done, ill be back." We both stood up. My eyes went up to look at him. He was about 7 inches taller than me, no matter what i did, I always looked up. "I have to do this." Matt grabs the back of my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. What I was missing.

"Come back home." He whispers to me. "Come back to me."

"I will, i promise." He drags his hand over my neck and down to feel the necklace. The touched the crossed and placed another kiss on my lips. "I'll come home, just you and me."

"What do you see?" He asked me as I stood there, in my own little world. "Tell me, what do you see?"

"I just..." i looked into his eyes, his scars, his cheeks, lips. Nothing around me was existing, it was just him. Thats how I want it to be. "I just see you." He smiles and kisses me again.

"I'll be waiting for you to come home."

"I promise to come back." He knew what was going to happen. He didn't want to say anything. All he wanted to think about how his love of his life was in his arms and alive. And hopefully soon, they can be together again like once before.