13. death wish

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As i head my way home, Matt calls, he told me that hes alone at the office and maybe if i wanted to come by. I said yes and now with some food, I made it to the small office where Foggy comes out of.

"Devon hey!" He smiles. "Food." He points at the bag of Thai. "You and Matt having a night in?"

"Keeping him company."

"No wonder he kicked me out." He jokes. "Uh Devon?" I hummed and turned to him. "Do you know whats up with him? Hes been-"

"Distant?" He nods. "Im on the same boat as you Fogs, if I know, Ill let you know, okay?" He waves and I head up to the office and I saw Matt at his desk, reading, his fingers following the braille. "Hey." I set the food down and Matt sits up.

"Thai, you're making me fall in love with you." I passed him his container and sat across from him as he continues to work again.

"Im glad its working." I scanned at his desk and saw many papers on Corporates and people. "You cant tell me whats going on huh?"

"I cant. They will find out and make you a witness." I sat up and walk around him, hovering over him. His earphone dangling in one ear and I went to listen but he grabbed my wrist. "You are something else."

"Maybe I want to be questioned by you, Mr. Murdock." He moves slightly in his seat and me being a tease, I sat on his lap. Matt smirks but doesn't stop me. "I didn't do anything wrong." I batted my eyes.

"You like playing games huh?" He takes off his earphones and takes a break. He puts his finger under my chin, pulling me to kiss him.

"Do your work and stop being distracted." I whispered and pulled myself back. He scuffs and leans back. Just as I was about to get up, he pulls me back down and kisses me. Matts hand crept up to my neck and gently squeezed. "Matthew..." I whispered softly.

"I cant help it." It didn't feel wrong. We didn't put a label on it or anything, to be honest, I don't know where this was going. Was it for kicks? Truly I didn't even know. But I liked it.

"Do your work or you'll get it from Foggy tomorrow." I patted his shoulder. He sighs and plugs his earphone back in, his fingers moving. I still sat there, watching him. He noticed that i was looking, making him feel cocky. "If you finish, we can go out for drinks, my treat."

"You said it." He went back to work. He spent a good hour before calling it off. I grabbed my bag.

"See, it wasn't that bad." We walked over to Josie's, sitting by the front and ordered some beer. We sat close, basically on top since we could barely hear each other. "Okay, Ive been working with Dr. Connors with his newest project, so far, we've been kinda getting our hands on stuff so we can do a test trial, which has been taking forever!" I started to go on about work. Matt rested his chin on his hand, listening and smiling at what I was saying.

Matt enjoyed listening to her ramble. The way she talks with her hands, using really big scientific words. He could listen to her all day. She wasn't like Elektra, she was more filled with life, love, kindness, and excitement. And well, she's Devon. But there was still that big mystery about her. And for Devon, it was a miracle that someone actually listens to what shes says, which hasnt happened in a very long time. Not even Alexi did, even though she was his favorite.

"Im talking too much?" She stops. Matt sits up.

"No! I like it." Devons cheeks turned red. "I like the sound of your voice."

"Im flattered now." She flips her hair back. "Does that line always work?" Matt chuckles and throws his head back. "I mean I bet all the ladies are drooling over you."

"Only one." She hums. "Shes very smart, kinda funny, sweet. Has a beautiful laugh."

"Shes sounds cute."

"She is." He touched my cheek, I winced as I had a cut that was healing. "How are you so sweet after everything you been through?"

"Pain only makes you stronger." I remembered Melina. Even though she put me through hell, she didn't mean it. I saw the look on her face. She was trying to keep me alive. "A person I grew up with taught me that."

"What happened?" I gulped of what he said. I did trust him but I knew I couldn't say anything about the red room.

"I was trafficked. I spent my time trying not to mess up and did what they wanted me to do. Thats how I survived." Matts face softens. I looked up to stop myself from crying, sighing. "Honestly, I forgot what happened during all those years." I wasn't lying. Due to the trauma, i had some recollection of what happened. Thats where my dreams come in, it made me remember all over again.

"Foggy and I can help you find the people who did this? We can-"

"Good luck with that." I chugged down the drink i had. "Hes dead." I felt relieved that Natasha told me that. Maybe I can live in peace. "What about you? Did they find your dads killer?"

"No actually. They never did." He sighs and smiles at me, wanting to change the subject. We both take a minute to collect ourselves. "We can't choose what happens to us, huh?"

"Only if." I placed my hand on his arm. We got closer again, leaving no room in between us. "We were just kids." He kisses my forehead and cheek, assuring me everything was okay. "Wanna leave?"

"Sure." He took my hand we left Josies together and walked home. As we said our goodnights, i headed to my room and took out my suit. The black outfit that stayed with me, the only thing that knows my secrets, seen who i really am. I am a Widow, nothing will change that. The symbol reminds me what kind of person I really am in the inside. Every time i put it on, my cold hearted self comes on. And the sad part was that I dont have any remorse of what ive done.

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I started my running from my place all the way to central park, long way, yes, but it kept me busy. I listened to my music and heard my inner thoughts, making me run faster and didn't stop. When I realized I was at the park and flopped down at the benched and watched as the kids played around, laughing, smiling. Somebody sat down next me.

"You are really want me to kill you, dont you?" I scuffed as it was Natasha, dressed in dark clothes, sunglasses and a baseball cap. "How do you keep finding me huh?"

"If you want me dead, you would've finished the job long ago. Plus, youre very easy to find." I rolled my eyes and stared ahead, not looking at her. "Im sorry that I brought lover boy into the conversation." I didn't say a word. "He doesn't know, does he."

"Nobody does. Not even my own mother." I sniffed. "They took me right there." I pointed at the sandlot. Natasha stares ahead. "That was when everything came crashing down, my family not knowing what happened to me. Its sad, my mom wanting to hug me but I can't because of what Dreykov did. I cant be normal again. You were lucky, you turned out to be a hero."

"Its not too late for you Devon. The Red Widow can change." After being wanted in 59 countries, I dont think so.

"It is. Im too broken to be fixed. I now have to live with it. Nobody can fix me." I got up and looked at her. She still is sitting but looks up at me. "If you want to stop me, go for it."

"You know I cant." She looks around, acting normal. "It would be a death wish if anyone comes after you."

"Exactly." Before I plugged my earphones back in, i stood in front of her, took one last look before I wont see her again. "Don't look for me. Forget that i was ever in your life." I walked away and I heard her yell from afar.

"I forgive you!" I shook my head and ran. Then our whistle comes up. I stopped and closed my eyes. Natasha had hope that maybe the old Devon was still in there, but no, i kept running.

Adrenaline ran through me, I didn't stop, not even for a breather until i got to the building complex. I wanted to collapse but I pushed myself up the stairs and to my door. I heard shuffling on the stairs and see Matt with an older guy, also blind.

"Matt, hey." I let out as I breathe heavy.

"Devon." He seemed jumpy, like he didn't want me to see him with this guy. "Uh this is Stick, my mentor."

"Nice to meet you." He didn't say a word, just looking up, tilting his head. It was getting awkward, Matt was wanting to leave, Stick just stood there and well, i was ready to collapse.

"Lets go Matty." Stick tells Matt as he walks down the steps. Matt apologies and followed him down, leaving me confused but I could care less.

"Thats the girl who you slept with huh." Stick tells Matt. Matt didn't say a word as they walked out of the building. "You know she has a bruised shoulder and a healing cut on her side."

"Maybe she hurt herself. Shes too innocent." Stick laughs at his comment, trying to defend her.

"And im deaf, how about you get your head out of your ass and think about what shes done. She might not be innocent."

"Shes been through a lot, stop." He grabs the old man. "If you go near her, I swear to you, ill come after you."

"I bet you wonder what shes done during those years shes been gone. Newsflash Matty, she might be living a double life." Matt laughs.

"You're assuming shes a killer?"

"I never said that. But maybe she's following daddy's footsteps."