Accampamento Acheo: There! Right There!
Look at that tan, that tinted skin
Look at the killer shape he's in
Look at that slightly stubly chin
Oh Please he's gay, totally gay

Teti: I'm not about to celebrate
Every trait could indicate the totally straight expotriate.
This guy's not gay, I say not gay

Agamenone: That is the elephant in the room
Well, is it relevant to assume
that a man who wears perfume
is automatically matically fay?

Odisseo: But look at his quoft and crispy locks Look at his silk translucent socks

Nottolemo: There's the eternal paradox
Look what we're seeing

Accampamento acheo: What are we seeing?

Tutti: Is he gay?

Agamennone:  Of course he's gay

Odisseo: Or European?

Accampamento acheo: ohhhhhh
Gay or European?
It's hard to guarantee
Is he gay or european?

Patroclo: Well, hey don't look at me

Deidiama: You see they bring their boys up different
in those charming foreign ports
They play peculiar sports

Tutti:  In shiny shirts and tiny shorts
Gay or foreign fella?
The answer could take weeks
They will say things like "ciao bella"
while they kiss you on both cheeks

Teti: Oh please

Accampamento Acheo: Gay or European?
So many shades of gray

Odisseo: Depending on the time of day
The French go either way

Tutti: Is he gay or European?
or-

Deidamia: There! Right There!
Look at that condescending smirk
Seen it on every guy at work
That is a metro-hetro jerk
That guy's not gay, I say no way

Accampamento acheo: That is the elephant in the room
Well is it relevant to presume
that a hottie in that costume

Odisseo: Is automatically, radically

Agamennone: Ironically, cronically

Ettore: Scurtinly, curtainly

Briseide: Genetically, netically

Tutti:
Gay!
Officially Gay!
Officially Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay!

Dammit

Gay or European?

Agamennone: So stylish and relaxed

Tutti:  Is he gay or European?

Criseide: I think his chest is waxed

Briseide: but they bring their boys up different there
It's culturally diverse
It's not a fashion curse

Tutti:  If he wears a kilt or bears a purse
Gay or just exotic?
I still can't crack the code

Briseide: Yet his accent is hypnotic
but his shoes are pointy toed

Tutti:
Huh
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray

Deidamia e Briseide:
But if he turns out straight
I'm free at 8 on saturday

Tutti:
Is he gay or European?
Gay or european?
Gay or Euro-

Odisseo:
Wait a minute!
Give me a chance to crack this guy
I have an idea I'd like to try

Agamennone:
The floor is yours

Odisseo: So Mr. Achille...
This alleged affair with Ms. Windam
has been going on for...?

Achille: 2 years

Odisseo: And your first name again is...?

Achille: Nicos

Odisseo: And your boyfriend's name is...?

Achille: patroclo

I'm sorry! I misunderstand
You say boyfriend
I thought you say best friend
Carlos is my best friend

Patroclo: You bastard!
You lying bastard!
That's it
I no cover for you, no more!

Peoples
I have a big announcement
This man is gay and European!
you've got to stop your being
a completely closet case

No matter what he say
I sware he never ever ever swing the other way
You are so gay
You big parfait!
You flaming boy in cabaret

Achille: I'm straight!

Pateoclo: You were not yesterday

So if I may, I'm proud to say
He's gay!

Tutti: And European!

Patroclo: He's gay!

Tutti: And European!

Patroclo: He's gay!

Tutti: And European and Gay!

Achille: Fine okay I'm gay!

Tutti: Hooray!

Patroclo e Achille: Fine. Okay. We're gay