CHAPTER TWENTY
"I know you want to be yourself again, sweetheart."

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CASSANDRA RUSHED INTO THE HOUSE, she didn't know why she went to Klaus's but she was drawn there. She bursts in, slamming the door shut as she holds herself against the table. She could feel her emotions bottling up, just waiting to be set free. Some of them were already slipping through making her scream out as she flips the table over. Cassandra holds her head, shaking it as she desperately tries to push the feelings back. She couldn't let herself felt them, she wouldn't.

"Cassandra." She hears from behind her making her spin around only to see Kol standing there, his eyes full of worry. Bonnie had told him what had happened so since he was able to move around more quickly then them, he decided to come find her.

"Just leave me the hell alone." Cassandra sneers at him before turning around and clenching her fists together. She feels the tears well up in her eyes but all she could feel was anger that they wouldn't leave her alone.

"I don't know how much time I have left so I can't exactly do that." Kol admits as he takes a few steps towards her. Cassandra turns around, a harsh glare set on her face.

"What do you want from me?" She screams at him and Kol could tell that her humanity was starting to come back but he just had to push it all the way over.

"You need to let it in, Cassandra." Kol tells her but she only shakes her head, the tears speeding down her cheeks as she grips her hair.

"No." Cassandra says as Kol was still taking cautious steps toward her.

"If not for yourself then for your baby." He points out but Cassandra only continues shaking her head frantically. She couldn't have this baby, she wouldn't be a good mother.

"I can't have a baby." Cassandra tells him in a whisper but Kol only furrows his eyebrows as he reaches his hand out towards her.

"Isn't that what you always wanted, to have a family?" He asks her but she only growls, pushing him away from her making Kol hold up his hands in defense.

"I can't!" She yells back, feeling her body get overwhelmed with the constant battle of her emotions.

"Yes, you can. You can finally have a family with Nik." Kol tells her but she only knocks the stuff of the table behind her, sending it crashing to the floor. "You have to let it in." He says but she only clenches her jaw, feeling her face transform.

"Stop." She snaps at him but he doesn't let her vile tone affect him.

"Let it in." Kol tries again but he is only flashed towards the wall, Cassandra baring her teeth angrily at him.

"I said stop!" Cassandra screams as she holds him against the wall. Kol saw the pure rage in her eyes, the tears threatening to escape. They just needed a little more of a push.

"Let it in, Cassandra." Another voice says making everything in her body freeze as her eyes widen a little. It couldn't be. Kol only looks behind her and she only hesitates before letting him go and turning around to face the voice.

"Mom?" She asks, her voice cracking a little bit as she stares back at the woman. Sure, she had seen her mom in the well but this was actually real.

"Sweetheart, you can't block it out." Helena tells her but she only shakes her head, laughing a little bit.

"I can't feel this." Cassandra mumbles as she grips her hair, pacing back and forth as she desperately tries to shove her emotions back.

"You have to." Her mother replies as she stares back at her daughter who was having a mental battle with herself.

"No. I-i-- can't." She says, almost talking to herself but Helena only walks over to her, gripping both sides of her face.

"Cassandra, let it in." Helena states but Cassandra only pushes her off.

"Stop!" She yells at her as she goes back to pacing.

"This isn't you, honey. This isn't who I wanted you to be." Helena says as she notices new faces coming into the room although she already knew who all of them were after being on the other side for so long.

"But it's who I am!" Cassandra announces but Helena only shakes her head, knowing for a fact that wasn't true.

"No, it's not. It's who I made you become." She tells the girl who suddenly stops, staring at the woman as she was confused on what she had said. Meanwhile Caroline was only nudging Klaus who was staring at Helena too.

"Is that.." she trails off and he only nods his head at the blonde. Klaus had never seen her before but he knew it was because of cassandra's demeanour.

"What are you talking about?" Cassandra asks as she furrows her eyebrows. Helena only takes a deep breath, stepping closer to her.

"I had your power, Cassandra." Helena states, shocking everyone in the room because Bonnie had said that it only had one host. "I know what it does to you. How it makes you feel. You think its the best thing for you but it will consume you completely until there's not even a switch to flip." She explains to the girl who was staring back at her trying to process it all.

"H-how?" Cassandra asks as her voice cracks, not knowing that her mother had gone through the same exact thing.

"When I gave birth to you, it could sense that I was dying so it transferred into the only living thing that it could." Helena says before looking her straight in the eyes. "You." Cassandra only shakes her head, holding her hand up in order to stop Helena from walking any closer.

"You're lying." She says, not wanting to believe any of it because if it was true then it was a mere fact now that Helena had died for Cassandra.

"I'm not, Cassandra. I know that this power is controlling you. You think you love it? You won't even feel it after you're consumed. You'll just be darkness." Helena explains making cassandra back away from her. "Turn your humanity back on. Do it for your future child." She says as she watches Cassandra shake her head, feeling her body become overwhelmed. "Do you want this to be passed to your baby? You have to fight it. You have to lock it up inside of you and never look back." Helena states in a stern voice but Cassandra only bursts into tears.

"Stop!" She screams, the windows around them shattering and the lights flickering as Cassandra's emotions are flooded out.

"Lock it up!" Helena yells back at her, feeling that the girl start to let everything out. "I know you want to be yourself again, sweetheart." She says more softly as she stops in front of the girl who looked absolutely broken.

"I can't." Her voice was a mere whisper, her voice cracking.

"Yes, you can." Helena says as she holds out her hands towards Cassandra. "Hold my hands." She tells the girl who hesitantly places hers down. Helena squeezes them tightly,  watching as Cassandra looks at her before closing her eyes. "Do you feel that agony coursing through your veins?" She asks and Cassandra only feels the tears flood her cheeks. "That's pain." Helena states as she watches the girl reopen her eyes. "That's your emotions flooding out of the door that you trapped them in for so long." She explains but Cassandra didn't want to feel it. Everything was happening at once, she was feeling all the pain rush through her veins. "That's your humanity." Helena states with a smile as she strokes her daughter's cheek. Cassandra only shakes her head, her eyes look into Helena's.

"I-i-- don't want to feel it." She admits, she was terrified to feel again. To feel everything she did, everyone she lost.

"You have to." Helena says as she feels Cassandra pull away from her. The girl suddenly screams, gripping her stomach as the emotions all hit her at once. She feels the tears spreading down her cheeks as she screams out in agony. Klaus rushes towards her, grabbing her and pulling her closely to him. Cassandra grips onto his shirt like her life depended on it, the echoing screams leaving marks on their ears. That was until they suddenly stopped, Cassandra falling limp in his arms.

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CASSANDRA OPENS HER EYES, a groan leaving her lips as she feels the light burn into her eyes. Looking around, her eyes land on Klaus who was sitting next to her but senses the movement from the girl. His eyes flicker over to her, a soft smile on his lips as he no longer sees the emotionless woman.
"Hey, love." He says with a sigh as he strokes her cheek. Cassandra furrows her eyebrows as she glanced around, noticing they were in their bedroom.

"What happened?" She asks confused as she sits up on the bed, feeling klaus's hand in hers. Cassandra pulls it away lightly, staring down at it. Klaus frowns but clears his throat as he sits up straight.

"You collapsed. I think your body was too overrun." Klaus says and he noticed the tears building up in her eyes. He knew she was feeling everything, remembering everything she did. "Look at me." He tells her, putting his finger under her chin and tilting her head towards him. Cassandra only feels a tear slide down her cheek as she looks at him.

"I don't want to feel this, Nik." Her voice was on the point of breaking and it took everything in Klaus to keep it together. He knew it would be a struggle but she had her humanity back. He couldn't let her lose it again.

"Yes, you do." Klaus says as he needed her to admit that she wanted to try. To keep her emotions on, to be there for her baby. For their baby.

"I'll have to lose them both again." She says, knowing Kol and her mom were both going to disappear in a matter of time. "I-i almost killed Caroline, and Stefan, you, Elijah, I kissed Elijah, i-i-- did so many horrible things and I--" Cassandra cut herself off, bursting into tears as she shakes her head, not being able to look at him anymore.

"Shh it's okay." Klaus tells her as he lifts his hand to her shoulder but she only pushes him off, standing up from the bed.

"No, it's not!" She screams at him as she feels her body start to flood with emotions again. It's not okay what she did. Everyone was going to treat her like the victim when she doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve sympathy.  "Stop saying that!" Cassandra pleads and Klaus stands up, walking over to her. If she didn't focus on something, it was going to become too much for her.

"You're feeling all of it at once, you have to focus on something." Klaus says but she only shakes her head frantically, a painful cry leaving her lips.

"I don't want to!" Cassandra admits as she leans against the wall, her hands gripping her hair as she squeezes her eyes shut.

"Its okay to feel everything after so long of feeling nothing. You feel guilty, you feel regret. Sadness." Klaus explains as he moves towards her and she just continues shaking her head, her cries leaving her lips, piercing his ears. "But that's your humanity Cassandra, and we can move past this pain."
He states, reaching out towards her but she only hits his hand away.

"Nik, I can't." She pleads, staring down at the floor as she cries, thinking of everything she had done. To her friends. To Klaus. Cassandra put her own baby at risk.

"Yes, you can." Klaus assures her as he moves towards her, his hands placing on her cheeks. "Look into my eyes." He tells her and she hesitantly does what he says. Her eyes lift to meet his, he could see the pain and the broken person she was beneath. "Just feel my touch." He whispers as he softly strokes her cheek. Cassandra sniffles as she leans into his hand, closing her eyes for a moment, calming herself down. "I'm here with you. I'm not leaving you. Or our baby." He assures as he places one hand on her stomach, his forehead leaning against hers. Cassandra places her hand on top of his, the taste of her salty tears on her lips.

"I am so sorry." She whispers as she just keeps their position, needing his touch to keep her sane.

"I know. You don't have to apologize." Klaus says as he hears the heartbeat of their baby. Their baby. He never thought he'd ever get to know that feeling. To hear that sound. "How long did you know?" He asks once he pulls away slightly from her. She opens her eyes, sniffling as she glances down at the ground.

"Since the island." Cassandra admits as she feels ashamed of herself. She knew it was a possibility when she heard a heartbeat when she was alone. Cassandra just didn't want to believe it.

"Why did you keep it to yourself?" Klaus questions as he wondered if she knew when she had signed up to go be anywhere near Silas.

"I-i-- didn't think it was real and then when Silas made me shut it off and I heard the heartbeat again.. I just didn't care." Cassandra admits as she wiped her tears, her breathing a little shaky. "I'm surprised you didn't know when you were torturing me." She says as she knew she had a small bump but they were all too busy trying to get her humanity on to notice.

"How far along are you." Klaus looks down at her stomach, realizing the small bump was there but she only shrugs her shoulders.

"I'm not exactly sure but I'm guessing this won't be a regular pregnancy." She admits as she looks back up at him. Klaus only stares back, stroking her cheek. Cassandra moves into his arms, shocking him for a moment as she cries into his shirt. "Just hold me, please." She pleads, her voice cracking and Klaus immediately wraps his arms around her. Klaus closes his eyes as the grip each other tightly, needing each other in this moment of vulnerability.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

KOL SEES CASSANDRA AND KLAUS FINALLY COMING BACK DOWN THE STAIRS, having been up there a while in their embrace. After Klaus had seen Cassandra calmed down, he suggested going to see Kol and her mother since they most likely didn't have much time left. She had agreed, tears reforming but she held his hand, glad that he wasn't going to let go. Kol sighs as he rushes over to her and practically pulls her away from Klaus who glares at him lightly.

"Finally, my best friend is back. I was worried I wouldn't get to hang out with you before I disappeared." Kol admits as he stares down at the girl. Cassandra gives him a light smile but he could see the pain in her eyes. No matter how much she missed him, he needed to spend the time with Bonnie. Cassandra had so long with him, where she only got weeks.

"Well, you're not going to be able to." She tells him softly making him furrow his eyebrows confused. "Go see Bonnie." Cassandra says and he falters a little bit, but he nods. Kol did want to spend time with Bonnie but he just needed to see Cassandra, not as the emotionless monster he was watching her become on the other side.

"I will, I just had to see you with your humanity actually on." Kol states as he stares into her eyes, glad to see that Bonnie's plan had worked. She suggested trying to find Cassandra's mom, knowing it might have been just what she needed.

"Now, you have. Go." Cassandra tells him, pushing him lightly but he only continues to stare at her making her sigh. "Thank you." She admits making Kol squint, a small smirk forming on his lips.

"So you aren't glad that I'm dead?" He asks jokingly as she only playfully glares at him. Kol clears his throat, fiddling with his fingers. "I know we don't-" Kol didn't even have to finish the sentence, she knew what he was asking. Cassandra throws her arms around him, pulling him tightly towards her. Kol let's out a breath, closing his eyes as he hugs her back tightly, his head in the crook of her neck breathing in her scent. Everyone was surprised by the physical contact but it wasn't a stretch, they had a strong bond and needed to feel each other in order to tell each other it was going to be okay. Kol and Cassandra never really spilled their feelings to each other nor were they this vulnerable but they both needed the physical contact. Mostly because they knew it was the only time they were going to get it.

"I really missed you, Kol." She whispers into his ear, nuzzling her nose against his skin. He was so warm, so real. And she was going to lose him again.

"I missed you too." Kol replies as he feels tears prickle his eyes but he knew if she saw them, she wasn't going to let him go back to the other side. He blinks them away before pressing a kiss on the side of her head and pulling away. Cassandra stares at him for a moment, a smile forming on her lips as she could feel tears trickle down her cheeks. Kol stares back at her, trying to smile back but it hurt.

"Go!" Cassandra tells him, knowing he wouldn't move if she didn't tell him too. Kol nods before continuing to look at her for a moment. He bids her one last goodbye before flashing away. Cassandra gulps, her skin now feeling cold as he was gone. Composing herself, she turns her head towards Elijah who was sitting down next to Klaus, both of them had their eyes on the floor as they didn't want to invade the moment Kol and Cassandra had. "Elijah." She says softly, gaining his attention. Elijah knew what she was going to say and he didn't want her to feel bad. She didn't have her emotions on, she didn't care if she hurt him or used him. It wasn't her.

"It's okay, cassandra." Elijah tells her as he smiles at her but she only shakes her head, not allowing him to just give her a free pass.

"No it's not, I kissed you and I said some things about Katherine and--" Cassandra explains but Elijah only sighs, leaning forward a little.

"Its okay." He admits, nodding his head as he could see the conflicting thoughts in her head. "As I recall, I did hurt you pretty badly after you tried to compel me." Elijah points out with a small chuckle making her smile as she fiddles with her fingers.

"Yeah.." she trails off, biting her lip before a thought crosses her mind. "Actually, there is something I can do to make up for it." Cassandra states making Elijah furrow his eyebrows confused. She only turns to Klaus as she raises her eyebrows. "I see you're back to chasing after Katherine." She says in a accusing tone, hating how as soon as she left, he went back to his vengeance.

"Guilty." He tells her with a smirk as he swings the alcohol around in his glass.

"I need you to stop."  She says simply making Klaus squint his eyes at her for a little while.

"I don't want to." Klaus replies with a shrug as he goes to take a drink but she only grabs it from him.

"Fine, you chase Katherine and I'll never speak to you again." Cassandra says as she perks an eyebrow up at him. Klaus groans as he rubs his face.

"Love, she--" He tries to make an excuse but she only crosses her arms against her chest, not impressed.

"I don't care." Cassandra says in a stern voice as she glared at the man. Klaus looks at her, biting the inside of his cheek before giving in.

"Fine, she can have her freedom." He says as he rolls his eyes a little bit but he was happy with Cassandra and his now baby on the way so why should he not allow Elijah his happiness.

"Yes!" She screams as she jumps onto him making Klaus chuckle. Cassandra hugs him before kissing him all over the face. Elijah only shakes his head smiling before smiling to himself knowing that Katherine could finally come home.

"What are we celebrating?" Stefan asks as he walks into the house uninvited. Cassandra gets off Klaus, turning around and seeing Stefan walking in with a girl she's never seen before.

"Stefan, I see you made a friend." Klaus says as he looks at the blonde walking in next to him. Cassandra furrows her eyebrows for a moment before looking at Stefan.

"I thought you would be out chasing after elena." Cassandra points out, surprised he wasn't with the doppleganger who still seemed to have them both willing to do anything for her.

"I'm done with that." Stefan replies with a  shrug. He didn't want to be roped into her lies anymore. He just wanted his own life back.

"Because you're into Rebekah." Cassandra teases him but he only playfully glares at her.

"Because I don't want to be on save Elena duty anymore." Stefan bluntly replies but Cassandra could see in his eyes that it was also because of Rebekah. Cassandra moves her eyes to the woman next to him and she only smiles.

"Lexi." She introduced and Cassandra's eyebrows raise as she realizes who it was. Stefan had told her about Lexi, his best friend and also how Damon had killed her before she came to town.

"Too bad we didn't get to meet before Damon killed you." Cassandra says making Lexi laugh as she nods her head.

"Yeah, that sucked." Lexi admits making the girl smile. She knew Cassandra was close to Stefan, or was before everything happened.

"Why are you here?" Cassandra asks as she meets his eyes. Stefan softly looks back at her.

"You guys have the better alcohol." Stefan says as he shrugs his shoulders making Cassandra playfully roll her eyes. "So, Cassandra. I heard you flipped the switch back on." He says as it had spread around that she got her humanity back. "I'm glad you're back." He admits as he smiles softly at her, looking at her. Cassandra stares back at him, nodding.

"I am too." Cassandra says as she smiles at him.

"So what are we drinking." Stefan asks as he grabs the bottle off of the table that Klaus had been drinking from.

"I'm actually not." Cassandra pipes up catching Stefan's attention. He laughs, thinking she was joking until he saw her hand on her stomach making his face drop.

"Wait, how is that even possible?" Stefan asks as he looks at her stomach again, putting his hand on it.

"My mom made it possible." She says as her mom had explained to them that she had put a spell on her when she was a baby after knowing the evil of the divine. She wanted to make sure she could still have a baby and have a family knowing the dangers lurking out and about. Helena hadn't met any vampires but she knew they existed and didn't want her daughter to be taken by the inability to have a child.

"It is klaus's right?" He teases making Cassandra throw a pillow at him. He catches it with a smile on his face. "I'm kidding." Stefan says with a snort before furrowing his eyebrows. "Wait, how come you never got pregnant centuries ago?" He asks as there wasn't a slim amount of times that Klaus and Cassandra have been together.

"I'm guessing because the magic unlocked, so did my mom's spell." She guessed, thinking that was the only reason that it took this long and since Klaus unlocked his werewolf side.

"This was after the summer right?" Stefan asks curiously making her squint her eyes a little bit.

"Obviously." Cassandra states with her eyebrows furrowed wondering why he was so curious.

"Good, I did not want to know that I heard a baby get made." Stefan says with a dramatic sigh making Cassandra glare at him wanting to beat him senseless.

"I would've had it by now dumbass." She mutters at him and he only chuckles, shrugging his shoulders.

"I'm just double checking." Stefan says as his hands raise in defense. Cassandra only shakes her head as she leans back against the couch. "Oh, my god." He gasps making her look at him curiously. "You didn't use protection?" Stefan jokes with wide eyes making her slap him hard, but Stefan only bursts out laughing.

"You're such a dumbass." Cassandra mumbles as Stefan just continues to laugh his head off. Eventually Cassandra joins in, shaking her head at him.

"Since she can't drink, you two are drinking for her." He says as he points at the originals who only smile at him. The music was blasting through the house as she watched Lexi dance around, a smile on her face. Cassandra laughs as she leans into Klaus, resting her head on his chest. "Damon. Help me celebrate my seventeenth high school graduation." Stefan says as he sees Damon walk in curiously. "Hey, you remember my friend Lexi, of course." He says as he points over to his friend making Damon grimace.

"Lexi, back from the dead. Goodie." Damon mutters with a sigh and Lexi only cocks an eyebrow at him.

"What's up buzzkill?" Lexi asks as he speeds him to the wall and chokes him. Damon groans, struggling against her.

"Stefan, just gonna sit there and let her enact her ghostly revenge?" Damon asks, his voice cracking as Lexi keeps her hand wrapped around his throat.

"You reap what you sow, buddy." Stefan says as he puts his arm on the back of the couch behind Cassandra.

"Let's be very clear. What ever time I have left here, I sure as hell don't plan on wasting on you." Lexi states as she grips his throat harder. "Got me?" She asks with a raise of her eyebrow as she sees Damon nod his head slowly.

"Yeah, I got you." Damon says weakly before Lexi finally let's him go causing him to cough. "So if you, and Ric and little Gilbert are all fresh-like and real-seeming that means something went wrong when Bonnie tried to put that veil up and here you guys are having dance party USA." Damon says with a roll of his eyes making Cassandra giggle a little bit.

"Or she is just spending more time with Kol." Cassandra says without even thinking of what she said. The Salvatore's didn't know that Bonnie and Kol had been together.

"Huh?" Damon asks, hoping he didn't hear her right when she said that Bonnie and Kol were together.

"Nothing." She says quickly but she already knew it was too late. They had heard her.

"Good for Bonnie." Stefan says as he raises his eyebrows before taking another drink.

"Wait, she and Kol?" Damon asks, almost not believing it as he didn't think the witch would even think of going for an original let alone Kol.

"Yeah, up until he got killed by your girlfriend." Cassandra snaps at him and Damon only stares back at her, biting the inside of his cheek.

"She's not my girlfriend." Damon mumbles catching Cassandra off guard for a second. Did Elena want to switch back to Stefan again? God that girl couldn't make up her damn mind.

"You're right, Damon. How selfish of me to be indulging in these precious moments with my formerly dead best friend. I should be sacrificing my own happiness for the good of others, right?" He asks making Cassandra press her lips together, moving her eyes between them."I should be upstairs grooming my hero hair." Stefan tells him making Cassandra snort as she sees Damon's glare.

"Are you drunk?" Damon asks as he stares at his brother who only gasps.

"I don't know mom? Am I?" Stefan retorts making Cassandra hold back a laugh as Damon glares at him.

"Well, I guess that's one way to spend our supernatural apocalypse. Now, care to hazard any guesses on what the hell went wrong because she would've put it up by now." Damon says, even if she was spending time with Kol, she would have not left it down this long.

"Maybe she couldn't do it without the full moon." Cassandra guessed with a shrug as she feels Klaus rub her belly making her smile lightly at him.

"Great. So we're stuck with revenge filled ghosts for the whole day." Damon mumbles as he rubs his face, groaning as he really didn't want to deal with any dead ghosts.

"Scared you made too many enemies, Damon." Cassandra asks with a smirk on her face and Damon gives her a tight smile.

"You know who is also supernatural? The hunters." Damon points out making Cassandra's face drop as she had completely forgotten they were on the other side. "Scared now?" He asks as he looks at them. Cassandra clenches her jaw as she shares a glance with Klaus.

"If they come back they're gonna want Silas and the cure." Cassandra points out making Damon nod as he sighs, pursing his lips together.

"Yep. So we better not let that happen before they come kill us." Damon says looking at everyone as they knew the hunters were going to come for them. If they even thought of waking Silas, they would all be doomed.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

while writing this I found out my brother has covid and really bad symptoms. im hoping he's okay but he doesn't know what variant it is yet. this is the first time anyone in my family has had it so I'm hoping everything is fine :)