[BEGIN AUDIO ON 8/9/19]

A lot happened since the last time I've recorded anything.

I got stabbed. I'm ok. I don't feel well anymore, but that's also ok.

My husband had a night-terror a few nights before. He was screaming and hyperventilating in his sleep. I woke him by embracing him. He was shaking and crying in my arms. He said he had a nightmare about me and the stabbing, except this time he was there and just had to watch. I held him that night.

Hunter is dead. I don't feel good about it.

I saw him the night before his death. He looked horrible, like a ripped-up ragdoll. When he heard me, he reached out for me. He was crying, I've never seen him cry before. I went in the cell with him. He held my hand.

He said he was scared. He was asking for his mother. He asked for my uncle.

I know a lot about you, I told him. I read his report. You and me are similar, whether you like it or not.

How, he asked. He was curled up on my lap. He couldn't move. He didn't know who I was for a minute. He couldn't see because his eyes were swollen shut. I knew what they did. That's why my father and my husband were so joyful this afternoon.

We're both albino, but yours is natural. We're both intersex, though mine is more severe. We both had it rough.

He was shaking. I gave him some water and he drank it like a crazy person. I gave him five more drinks.

You're terrible, you know that?

Yes.

You've hurt my sisters and my brothers. You've scared my parents and uncle. You've traumatized my François.

I know.

I remember my eyes feeling wet. I looked over at the broken body on my lap. I stroked his hair.

I forgive you.

He didn't look up at me.

I forgive you for hurting me. I forgive you for calling me slurs. I forgive you for trying to kill me twice. I forgive you for everything you've done to me. But only to me.

What do you mean? He held my arm, I cringed when he touched my bones.

I don't forgive you for what you've done to the people around us. You've hurt my siblings, Susu gets scared just by mentioning your name. Luna doesn't know you exist, and I'm glad. You've scared my husband to the point where he can't leave me alone at night. You made him more upset during an already difficult time. For that alone deserves death and death you will receive.

He started to cry again and begged me not to kill him. I comforted him, I can't stand seeing people upset. I rocked him back and forth like a baby, and it worked.

You made my parents cry. Do you know how it feels to wipe your mother's tears? Do you know it feels to see your father cry for you?

No.

Well, you should. You made Uncle Ho cry more than once.

I want my father!

No. He doesn't know you're here. And he will never know what's going to happen. He's in Korea right now with a friend. He's relaxed, he's fine.

....I want my mommy. His voice was pathetic and weak. I had that voice once. I begged for mine like a little boy when I was in Coia, though I was well aware she couldn't save me. It was the only time in my whole life that I truly pitied him.

Hunter, your mother is in Scotland. She gave you away a long time ago. He sobbed, but only for a while. You were originally going to be boiled. You know the rules here.

Rules?

Yes, you're charged for high treason. But, I told them to do something a little bit better to you.

What?

Can't say.

I sighed.

Hunter, I'm forgiving you because I don't like being bitter. It makes the heart ugly. And I don't want your soul to be tanted with my anger, though I don't think you have one anymore.

He was asleep. I rubbed his finger with Rosemary oil as I prayed for him. You wish the dead the best.

I arrived at the dinner with my family late. I wore a very pretty gold dress, and everyone said I looked stunning. They were so happy. They were saying that they all felt lighter already, I felt like a rock. I barely eat now, I hope my brain isn't going back to the same mode it was during the war.

Around three in the morning, Hunter was brought to the room he would die in. The man was waiting there with his axe, I made sure it was sharp so it would be quick. He was blindfolded, but he could hear them laughing.

Where is it!? He cried. He was moving his arms around to find the block. I covered my mouth. 

Over there!

No, up there!

No, down there! My brothers hugged each other as they laughed and taunted him. They never looked so giddy before. I understood why. I felt so sick.

He found it eventually. He was shaking. He looked dirty. I cringed. He cried out for me. I started to sob then. François told him to stop bothering me. He held my shoulders tight. The axe swung, and his head came off. Everyone was laughing and cheering. I tried to smile.

When I was back in the bedroom, I couldn't stop crying. François said I must be relieved. He said he could never bother me ever again. We could finally relax. He would never understand if I told I forgave him.

After he died, bad things happened to me.

I was really depressed for days. I just can't believe I had to behead someone. I feel like a monster. I couldn't get out of bed or eat, I just wanted to rot. I almost cut again, but I didn't. I'm very proud of myself.

I had, I think, the worst seizure the morning I actually felt fine. François says me and him were in our garden, and I was clinging to his arm. Then it happened. I was unconscious for the rest of the day. When I woke up, my doctors said I now have no fear, almost like Urbach–Wiethe disease, it means nothing can scare me anymore. I thought it was a good thing, I quickly found the truth.

Me and François were in the bedroom last night. I opened the window wide to get some air. He said he was scared and wanted it closed. I looked down, everything looked so beautiful. I didn't want to take the steps to go outside, so me, in my genius, stood by the edge and tried to jump off. I didn't think of the consequences for once, I felt free. It would've killed me, no doubt, but my husband yelled and pulled me away when my foot was by the edge.

He was furious, then concerned because he thought I was suicidal again. I told him no. I didn't feel scared of heights nor death. I just wanted to have fun, and I wasn't thinking. He started to cry for me and I hated that. I told him I was fine and I'm sorry. He doesn't let me go at night. He holds me very tight now. Not like I mind.

My doctors also said I'm at high risk for SUDEP. Everybody's freaking out now. I asked what I could do to change it. I can't do much, only keep a balanced diet, stay active, rest, basically everything I do already. However, they did say I need to cut the smoking. I was very unhappy about that, I've been smoking up to six packs a day. My favorite doctor gave me a vape and told me it's better than cigarettes, and it tastes better, too. It comes in cotton candy and fruit favors. My favorite is the strawberry. So that's something I've been doing.

Damn, this is kinda not giving. On good news, I was able to skip a year in college because I'm doing so well, so I'll graduate in 2022 instead of '23. That's still so far away! Um, Uncle Ho came back from his vacation and brought me banana milk. Best. Thing. Ever!

My hair is getting long again, and so is François'. It's surprising, but it looks so hot. Plus, he has a little mustache and earrings now. I'm so lucky. Also, Charles is getting married in a year. I'm so happy for them, I have the best party in mind.

Alright, that's it, I guess. Sorry this is so depressing, I promise the next time I recorded it'll be better. Bye for now.

[ENDING AUDIO ON 8/9/19 AT ONE HOUR AND FOURTEEN MINUTES]