A/N: Unusual posting schedule, but I'm posting the 6/7 chapters separately because it's going to be very heavy topic matter, and I feel like breathing room would be good. Thank you for reading :)

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"Hiii, Lloyd!!!"

Da froze when she saw him on the ground, unable to move. She called over her older brother and went to him. Jo was there in a few seconds.

"Lloyd, what's wrong?" He flipped him over. He saw him sobbing so much that he could barely speak, wiping his tears with his hands. "Why are you crying?"

His voice was raw. "I hate myself!"

"But why? You're so cool! You have a life! Isn't that awesome?"

"I'm going to die!" He hugged his sister. "I have cancer!"

"What's cancer?"

Jo and Da never had the chance to understand the world like Lloyd does. They don't understand things like food and human life, including diseases. They understand a few things because they can see from below to watch over their brother, like how nice food looks and how fun playing with a strange creature with a tail and floppy ears is. But other things, no, not so much.

Lloyd felt like he was talking to his uncle, needing to talk gently and slowly. "Something that's really painful. Something that makes me a burden." He began to weep again. "Something that makes everyone hate me!"

Jo picked him up and put him in his other form. "Do you feel stronger like this?"

The youngest one stood up, wiping his tears. "Yeah...I'm still really upset, though..."

The older ones looked at each other, then nodded. Da guided him to a garden.

"Go play with it." She pushed him there, leaving him alone.

He played with his strange fingers and walked around, plucking the flowers and putting the daisies in his hair. He loved the way they stayed in his curls.

"Do you remember me?"

He spun around, a few flowers falling on the ground. It was a tall figure, looming over him. Out of everyone, it looked the least human. It had black curly hair, almost looking like White's during the war. It had white skin, black batish wings, horns, and four black eyes. It had ten fingers, on each hand of its four hands. Lloyd froze up, not knowing what to make of it.

"Please don't be afraid." Its voice swung slightly, touching its brother's shoulders. "I took care of you before. Remember that? You saw me in that country you set on fire."

He tried to remember, but nothing.

"I was looming at the battle-"

"-Oh, that's where!" He smiled, lighting up for the first in weeks. "Thank you!"

It smiled as well. Little brother remembered it. "My pleasure."

They took to the sky. They were laughing, throwing the white clouds.

"I want extra arms like you! You look awesome!"

"Thank you! Here!" It gave him its two extra arms, now only having two itself.

Lloyd touched the clouds and a bird at once. He liked having four arms. "What's your name?"

It suddenly stopped smiling, looking down. Like all the other Dohs, it began to cry blood. Lloyd hugged him, the shame coming back to him.

"I don't have one!" It sobbed. "I really want one, but our parents didn't love me enough to give me one!"

"Not true, they really love you. They're really weird when it comes to death." He swallowed. "But I'll give you a name."

It gasped, clapping its hands. "Ok!"

Lloyd stood there, looking at it. It looked more masculine from up close, but from far away more feminine. It wasn't wearing any clothes because it had nothing to cover, none of his siblings, except for Lily, wear clothes. They don't even have nibbles to hide.

He jumped when it spoke, snapping him out of his thought. "There's lights in the sky!"

He looked up, then giggled. "Those are stars."

"What's a star?" It moved closer to Lloyd, holding his second right arm.

He sighed, playing with his curls. "Something that guides you. You wish on it, and sometimes, it comes true. Stars mean love and hope. Lost people follow stars back to their way home."

"What's home?"

"Somewhere that's safe, a place you spend years finding. Stars can be like a map, but it's up to you to follow it."

"...I like stars now."

Lloyd nodded, then realized it. "That could be your name! Étoile!" It turned its head. "It's star, just its French name."

"Yeah! I'm Étoile!" Étoile marched around, jumping up and down. "Étoile! Étoile!" It picked up Lloyd, holding him in its arms. "I have a name! I actually have one like everyone else!"

It flew back to the other three, exclaiming its name. They were happy for it.

"Now we're all together!" Jo hugged his little siblings. "We'll have lots of fun. We'll do all the things Lloyd does like that big black thing that makes these sounds, or-or play with those hairy creatures or-"

"Wait, we're forgetting someone!" The siblings were so thrilled that they didn't realize who he was talking about until he said, "Mom and dad had a fifth one!"

They all stopped, staring straight at him in horror. Lloyd felt himself becoming small. The annoying little brother upsetting everyone else, it seemed.

"We are..." His voice trailed off when Étoile began to cry into its hands again. Lily went to embrace it, scratching the back of her head.

Jo was the first to speak. His voice was firm, almost scared sounding. "We don't talk about him. He's nothing to us."

"But-"

"Enough!" Now he was shouting, scaring the younger ones. "Don't talk about him! He's evil!"

Lloyd turned around and ran off, not caring about their reactions.

-

He suddenly jumped up, scaring the freckles off his husband. "François, geugeos-eun là."

"Huh?" He blinked twice, rubbing the sleep out his eyes. "It's like two in the morning."

"Regarder." He was pointing to the window. "Jo."

"What are you talking about?" He stood up slowly.

He spun around quickly. His face was red. "Need couteau." François just stared at him, utterly confused.

He walked past him, bumping into things but simply not caring. The other had no clue what was going on, but then he screamed from the top of his lungs when he saw his husband cutting up his legs.

"STOP!" He tackled him, nearly stabbing himself as they landed on the floor. "DON'T DO THAT! WHAT'S WRONG?!"

Lloyd looked blank. He was sweating. He had a fever. His father came in, yelling and pulling François off his son.

"You did this, didn't you?!" He stood over him in the corner, his fists shaking. "Why is he bleeding?"

François was shocked. He thought he was doing the right thing. He knew he was. He felt his whole body become hot as fat tears rolled down his face.

"Sergeant Doh, he's delirious! I was trying to stop him!" He was covering his eyes with his hands, feeling like he was a child again and his mother was going to beat him with her belt.

Beom looked at him in a weird way. François didn't understand what he meant. His eyebrows were raised, his eyes were narrow, and his lips became thin. He then grabbed Lloyd and put him over his shoulder, the smaller one yelling in three different languages.

"He'll come back when he's better."

He didn't even let the redhead speak. He opened the door, adjusted his son, and then slammed the door. He put Lloyd in his bed, rushing to get different medicines. Marie stood by, horrified.

"Look, Marie, I know you're upset with him, but he needs to stay with me!" He saw her face as he put a cloth on his baby's head. "We already killed one, we're not killing this one too!"

--

"Lloyd, please answer."

"Lloyd, Jo's very sorry."

"Lloyd, mom and dad are fighting. You need to wake up to stop them!"

"Lloyd, wake up."

--

He woke up two days later. As he was walking up, he felt someone stroking his hair. The person left before he was truly awake.

He felt dizzy, throwing up in a bucket next to the bed. Beom seemed to come out of nowhere, fussing over him like he was a baby. He helped him sit up and held water to his lips.

"Dad, what happened?" He hugged his father, smiling when he felt his warmth.

"You had a fever, a very bad fever." Beom took off his glasses, rubbing his aching forehead. "You were hurting yourself. Do you remember that?"

He shook his head, looking down at his legs. It triggered a flashback of that night in the river, and he had to turn away.

"You were sleepwalking. You tried to jump out the window because you thought your sister was-" He swallowed. He had to physically retrain him, it scared him how much he struggled to do it. It was like he was super human. He remembered Marie crying when he shouted at her for asking to see her daughter as well.

Lloyd relaxed as his dad stroked his hair, kissing the long pieces that were turning curly. "You kept talking nonsense. You asked me for a glass of water in German and English three times. You called me Kim."

They didn't look at each other. Lloyd felt incredibly ashamed. He hasn't said that name in ages. Beom's heart shattered when he was called that.

"I'm sorry, Papa."

Beom awed and hugged him tight. His son hasn't called him Papa since he was a toddler.

"Everything is alright now, my baby. Would you like to go on a walk with me?"

"Not now, I still feel tired." He looked up. "Where's François?"

He saw the other's face sour. "At the house. But stay with me for a while, we'll do whatever you like."

"Appa, I need to see him."

"I'll get you a pony." They both snickered as Lloyd got up.

He went to shower and got changed. He saw his parent's bedroom. He longed to go in. He needed to talk to his mother.

"Not right now." Beom again just popped out of nowhere. "She's upset."

"...it's my fault, isn't it?"

"No, I just need to talk to her later on."

He walked out, his father standing outside until he was in his house despite them literally being neighbors. It was quiet and dark. The cat and dogs were, of course, happy to see him.

"Hello?"

"Shh, not so loud!" Bella was coming down in her pink robe after taking a shower. "Oh, bonjour, Lloyd. Are you feeling better? Franny said you were really sick."

He turned red. "Yeah, just a fever. Is he here?"

She looked uncomfortable, brushing her short curly hair. "Yes, but please let him rest."

He felt small again. "Is he ok?"

She sighed. "Let me get dressed first, then we'll talk. It's a little awkward like this." She chuckled. He could only give a shy smile.

He stayed in the kitchen as Bella changed in the spare bathroom, feeding the animals. What did he do? His stomach felt tight. He couldn't tell if it was from nerves or the illness.

"Ok, I'm back, girl." She got her long nails painted pink and she smelled like flowers. "So, when you were sick, François called me to stay with him. He was really depressed."

He put his hand on his head as she kept speaking. "He didn't tell me anything that you didn't want him to, but he said he didn't want to be alone. He just stayed in bed crying the whole time. He barely ate." She saw his face. "Is everything alright? Are you guys going through a rough time?"

He took a deep breath. "You can't anyone this." He saw her nod before he continued. "I have cancer, and um, it's been pretty hard for everyone. I get sick a lot now."

She had her hand over her heart. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry to hear that."

"There's nothing that can be done about it. Nature might not be kind this time." It was crazy how calm he was talking about this.

She hugged him. He felt completely numb. "If there's anything you guys need, I'll be here."

"Thanks, girl. Thanks for your help."

She drove home, making sure everything would be fine. Lloyd, feeling like the biggest piece of shit ever, went upstairs to the bedroom. François was cuddled up in the blanket, his red hair poking out.

He sat on the floor next to the bed, weeping silently. He was going down, and everyone was coming down with him. A part of him, that stupid part of him, wished it would be quick.

He turned on the TV, he couldn't stand the thoughts in his head. He thought he was being quiet enough, but François woke up. He immediately cried out and pulled Lloyd into his arms. He broke too, crying with him.

"I'm so sorry! I was trying to help, and I think I ruined everything!" He moved his curls away, crying so much there was spit coming out of his mouth.

"No, you didn't! I'm so sorry about what happened, I never meant to frighten you like that!"

They kissed each other, holding the body they loved. Everything was so fast yet moving at a snail's rate. It was so raw yet so fresh. Sad, yet unfortunately predicted.

"Everything will be okay, I promise." Lloyd pulled away, François crying into his shoulders. "I'll be better soon, but for now, we'll do the things that we used to do. You'll like that, wouldn't you?"

He knew he was lying, but he desperately needed something joyful to hope for. "Yeah." He sniffled and looked up. He touched his face. "You'll be okay."

They embraced, still crying. Lloyd looked at his hand then reached over to get teal nail-polish.

"My nails aren't giving." François laughed through his tears as he helped his husband paint his left hand. "Your turn, sweetheart."

Although he was ambidextrous, he let Lloyd paint both of his hands. He cuddled up with him as the other was picking a movie.

"I love you so much." He turned his face to him. He was beginning to look terribly yellow.

Lloyd kissed his cheek and wrapped his arm around him. "I love you too." He put him on his lap. It hurt, and the other didn't enjoy the feeling of bone. "Sweet boy."

François was expecting some sappy movie, maybe a Disney one. He definitely laughed when he saw Shrek opening the door. He didn't mind, though. They were too busy kissing and cradling each other.

"Babeee, your hair is so long and sexy." He made a little ponytail in the front, making him look like a unicorn. "And your beard." François beamed as he was getting praised. "Ah, so handsome!"

"Yours is curly, dear boy." He played with his hair, cringing when strains fell on his fingers.

Lloyd looked down, kicking his legs. "You still think I'm pretty?"

The other frowned and hugged him tight. "Of course I do, Lloydie."

They kissed again, François moving the shorter on his lap. Both felt more comfortable, and Lloyd wanted to touch. The other was all up (literally lmao) for it, then he started dozing off.

"Aw baby, you're too sleepy for it tonight." He held him, feeling the curly red hair on his cheek. "We can do it tomorrow, ok?"

"Fineee." He yawned, moved around, and then fell asleep.

Lloyd cradled him, rubbing his back. What was he going to do? He was upsetting everyone. His mother was shutting down, François almost did, and none of his friends knew what's going on. He hasn't called anyone since the news got out about him not being king anymore. He knew if he did, it'll be the worst. Charles is planning the happiest day of his life, James is currently in India painting portraits of rich people, White said he's trying to court a partner, and he didn't feel like the rest of his friends would truly care.

He thought about telling his siblings. Sarah is extremely busy, Valentino's touring and slowly getting to the peak of their career, Susu is newly engaged, and Haruki's too mental fragile. He was close to telling Ho, but the man can't keep a secret even if his life dependented on it.

But even if they weren't busy, he's not sure if he would tell them. The closest people to him are torturing themselves one way or another solely because of him. His mother is avoiding him, and he doesn't understand why. If he's dying, shouldn't she want to spend every minute with him? He felt like a little boy alone in the house again, wondering why mommy didn't want anything to do with him.

His dad loves him. But in a way, Lloyd wished he didn't. When he dies, what's going to happen to him? Will he be treated like his siblings, barely spoken of and cause him to cry everytime he's brought up? What's going to happen when he's old, and there's no child to take care of him? Why does he put him in this situation? Why did he have to be born if he was just going to cause this unfathomable pain?

And then, there's François. Out of all the most important people in his life, he's known him the shortest, and the impact he had on him is like a bomb. He knows that when he dies, François is going to explode. How, he doesn't want to know. He'll be foolish to think he'll be fine. He won't. There's no happy ending for him. He'll be forced to take care of a burden, watch as said burden burns out, then be left to sit in the mess it'll bring.

Honestly, the more he thinks about it, there's no happy ending for anyone. Sooner or later, he's going to die and destroy his parents. He's going to strip François of the comfort he happily spoiled him with. He'll leave his friends questioning themselves. He'll leave his dogs.

He stayed up all night thinking about it. He figured out. Sooner would be better than later. The sooner he's dead, the more time they'll have to process. It won't drag on. He won't become a shell of a man.

He fell asleep, having no dreams.

----

Jacob Bratland
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