RANDI ROLLED HER EYES in amusement as Jax on the other end of the line tried to end the conversation as quickly as possible. For five days he had been ignoring her calls and only responding to messages with a snippet, and she knew exactly why.

"Just admit that you wanted to send Happy anyway. It was all your plan." The snow crunched under her black combat boots as she walked past one Christmas tree after another, intently searching for the prizes. "You only would've come because I would've ripped your head off otherwise."

"You think I deliberately let my wife get shot just so I could play armor?" She heard Jax snort through the phone, but secretly she knew his signature grin was forming on his face. "But is it really that bad with him? Come on, Randi, you know you can be honest with me."

The brunette stopped in her tracks, sliding a hand into her thick, black winter jacket as a sigh slipped from her lips. "Look, it doesn't really matter what I feel or think. Happy is going back to Charming and I'm staying here. Tell me how that's going to work."

There was a moment of silence between the siblings, only the laughter and shrill voices of some kids running past Randi caused her to grimace. But it was still a nice sight to see all the families, how happy they were while looking for a tree together.

"So you still love him?" Jax asked, his voice a little lowered, letting Randi know that he probably wasn't alone. "Is there no chance you'll come home?"

"Of course I do, you know that", the brunette murmured, turning around to see if Happy was still waiting by her truck. Her eyes met his instantly, his brown orbs always on her, making sure nothing happened to her. "We've talked about this so many times, Jax. Charming doesn't even have a decent dance studio."

"Then talk to Mom and Clay, ask them to help you put with money so you can open up your own dance studio", the blonde countered, wanting nothing more than his sister back in Charming. "Tara and I can help out, too."

But Randi wasn't even listening. Instead, she kept her eyes on Happy, unable to look away.

Her stomach did a flip as the slightest smile broke out on Happy's lips, barely noticeable and yet it was there, making Randi smile back, hers much more noticeable and widerᅳ like that of a teenager that had just fallen in love for the first time.

The last few days had gone better than expected after the mood had finally loosened up after the first two days of tension and unspoken feelings. They had simply fallen into the daily routine, in which they had already been a good team back then before they had broken up.

Every morning they shared a coffee in peaceful silence before Happy dropped her off at the dance studio. After all he was here to keep an eye on her, not leaving his Pres' sister out of sight, not even for a second. Randi was lucky he still let her use the bathroom alone.

Sometimes he followed her inside when it was too cold and wet outside, other days he chose to wait outside. But when he was waiting outside, his eyes were always glued to the large window from which he could watch Randi's dance class.

And today she had the idea of ​​picking out a Christmas tree, just a small one to bring at least some love into her apartment. And she finally found the perfect tree when she was able to let her gaze slide again, her small smile growing into a real one.

"Jax, I'll call you later! Tell Tara to get some rest and that I'll come visit as soon as I can", she said quickly, pulling her gloves out of the pockets of her thick jacket. "Oh, and on Christmas we definitely have to do a video call so I can see the boys!"

"Okay, I'll let Tara and the boys know to call first thing in the morning", Jax said with a chuckle before his tone became serious again. "Take care of yourself and always stay close to Happy, got it?"

"Yes, I got it, Jax", Randi said, waving her hand even though her brother couldn't see it, before waving Happy over. "Tell Mom and Clay I miss them. Love you."

Before Jax could answer, the brunette shoved her phone back into her pocket and slipped on her gloves. Grinning, she pointed to the tree she wanted as Happy sauntered toward her, his shoulders hunched a little and his hands buried deep in his jeans pocketsᅳ he had definitely underestimated the weather in Seattle.

"I want that one, you think we can fit it in the back of the truck?", she asked, measuring with her eyes. Out of the corner of her eyes, the brunette studied the SAA, chuckling softly. "I told you to dress warmer."

"Can't wear anything I don't have with me", he grunted in response, his chest filling with warmth as a laugh rumbled through Randi's. He also glanced at the truck, then back at the tree. "That should work. You sure you want that one?"

"Whatever. If you wanna freeze your ass off", she chirped sweetly and rubbed her hands together, nodding eagerly. "Yeah, I want that one. I think it looks good and isn't too big. I'll go pay quickly so we can load it up."

"No." Happy grabbed her arm to stop her, indicating that she should stay by the tree. "I'll pay, wait here."

Randi was about to protest, not wanting Happy to pay for something she had wanted. But he was gone before she could utter a word, causing her to let out a deep sigh. It was a habit of his that he probably couldn't break even now, despite the fact that they were no longer a couple.

"I wanted to pay", she, stubbornly, muttered under her breath as she guarded the tree until Happy returned and they could head back to her apartment.

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THREE HOURS HAD PASSED and the tree was finally decorated. Since Randi hadn't had any Christmas ornaments, they had made a quick stop at one of the shops in town on the way back. Now, Christmas music played on the radio and filled the warm, dimly lit living room with warmth, the fairy lights twinkling not only on the tree but also in the windows.

It was definitely not the prettiest tree and quite crooked, but beautiful enough to put a smile on Randi's face and add a sparkle to her brown eyes; which, deep down, was the only thing Happy wanted to see.

While he kept glancing at the brunette from the corner of his eye, he helped himself to the cookies Randi had baked two days ago. Whenever she refilled the plate, it didn't take long until it was empty againᅳ the biggest unspoken compliment he could give SAMCRO'S princess.

"Do you like 'em?" Randi asked over her shoulder and smiled at Happy, who just grunted softly in return. "I tried a new recipe, still not sure what I think of it."

"They're pretty good." Happy pushed himself forward to grab his beer so he could wash down the remains of the cookie, his gaze landing on Randi. "You know that I don't even like all that sweet shit, but there's something about your stuff that's just different."

That women just knew how to cook and bake, definitely something she got from her mom. Well, the cooking part. Since Gemma hated baking, Anne, her aunt, has been the one teaching her how to bakeᅳ at least that's what Randi had always told him.

"I know, but Christmas without cookies just isn't Christmas." Randi's smile stretched from ear to ear at his compliment before she let her arms drop to her sides after hanging up the last ornament. "So, what do you say?"

A corner of Happy's mouth twitched upwards and into a smile as Randi looked at him full of anticipation, her hands braced against her hips. His gaze wandered to study her, take everything in. And damn, she looked just as good as she did then, the right curves in the right places, her whole body perfect, a temple.

Her long legs were covered by red pyjama pants that hugged her ass perfectlyᅳ which he knew because he had dared to take a look a few times when Randi was busy with the tree that was just sparkling and glittering next to her, a mixture of green and red ornaments hanging on it.

The tight, black top she was wearing made it hard for him not to stare at her breasts, which were pushed up by the tight fabric, revealing her cleavage. He wanted to reach out, squeeze them and make sure that no one else would ever do that; or never again. Who knew, there was a possibility someone else had already done that.

He quickly shook the thought off and leaned back again, narrowing his eyes slightly. "I like it, looks like a Christmas tree."

"Jesus Hap." Whining softly, Randi rolled her eyes, letting her arms fall to her sides before plopping down on the couch and taking the beer from him to take a sip herself. "You're worse than the Grinch. Well, at least you like my cookies."

"I just never understood what's so great about Christmas", grumbled the Killer, so close to tucking a long, brown strand of her hair behind her ear as he studied her side profile. He had avoided asking the question for the last few days, but he just had to know. "Are you happy here? With your job?"

The question hung in the air unanswered for a while, Randi chewing on the inside of her cheek and twirling the bottle in her hand. Slowly she turned her head to meet Happy's gaze, her feet resting on the coffee table.

"I am, I love my job. To be honest, it's even better than I dreamed it would be", she said, her answer more of a whisper, and she could swear she saw a hint of regret flash in Happy's eyes. Regret for even asking and now having to live with the answer. "Which doesn't mean I'm happy", she finally added quietly.

Not quite understanding, confusion formed on Happy's face, his eyebrows drawn together. "If everything is so perfect, then why aren't you happy?"

Randi smiled sadly, setting the bottle down on the table before turning more towards him. "Do you really have to ask? I told you how hard it was for me to leaveᅳ that wasn't a lie. I miss you every freakin' day, Hap."

Happy's jaw tightened slightly. Looking away, he let out a scoff-like noise. "Don't start that shit again, Randi. We said we'd pass the time without talking about the past."

"I didn't", Randi replied firmly, her lips pressed together. "I just said I missed you, is that forbidden too now?"

Before he looked back at her, Happy rubbed his chin while shaking his head. "No, it's not. But do you have any fuckin' idea what that does to me? Ever thought about that?"

As he wanted to get up, trying to avoid a serious conversation as always, Randi slid closer and almost made him recoil as she placed her hand on his leg, her touch so gentleᅳ  and he let it happen, not moving an inch.

"Please stay here", she pleaded, sighing softly. "I promise not to talk about our past."

No answer. Well, yes, a grunt. But that was okay. Happy at least stayed and slowly leaned back again, drawing a sigh of relief from her and, as promised, Randi changed the subject, slowly removing her hand from his leg.

"Look, I know I'm not your Old Lady anymore but Jax doesn't tell me shit, Tara says she doesn't know much herself, Anne isn't telling me anything either, Mom told me to ask Dad and Dad, well, always says shit like 'I just want to protect you, Princess. Stay out of this'," she explained after she finished imitating her father, followed by a deep sigh as she let her shoulders sink in defeat. "So please, please just tell me what's going on in Charming right now. Why the lockdown? Why was Tara shot?"

Part of Happy was glad that Randi had actually changed the subject, but he wished it had been something else. He wanted to tell her that she should listen to Clay, but he knew how stubborn Randi was, how strong-willedᅳ she wouldn't give up that easily.

"Pissed some of the Chinese off. Started off harmlessly and escalated quicklyᅳ and somehow we ended up in a war." He shifted slightly, his eyes never leaving the brunette who was rubbing her face with a sigh. "Before the attack on the clubhouse, we made a deal with the Niners and Mayans, the Chinese weren't happy about being left out."

"Jesus, what the hell's going on? Why a damn war?" Randi couldn't believe what she was hearing, what had apparently happened in the year she was gone. "So does that mean you're in permanent danger?"

Discontent spread through her, fear. And even guilt. While she lived carefree here, her family was at war, in permanent danger. "How bad is it really, Happy? No lies, please."

"Bad", he answered shortly, shrugging his shoulders. To comfort a now clearly upset Randi, he placed a hand on her knee and squeezed it. "We'll be fine, little girl. You know how it goes. At some point we'll find a solution and then the war's gonna stop."

"Would you stop playing this down?!" A wave of panic washed over the brunette at the thought that she would have to bury one of her family sometime soon. Tears stung in her eyes as she looked at Happy and ran both hands through her thick hair. "I need to know that you guys are sure that you have everything under controlᅳ otherwise I can't stay here and have to come home."

"Hey, listen to me", Happy croaked and grabbed Randi's face when he saw how close she was to burst into tears. "You don't have to worry about us, Miranda. We know what we're doing, okay? You know us."

"Tara could have died, Hap", she hissed desperately, worried out of her mind. "Who's next, huh? Mom, Jaxᅳ you?"

She shook her head quickly, taking two sharp breaths. The thought that she might get a call one day that something had happened to Happyᅳ no, no, she didn't even want to think about that.

Happy's features softened, looking at her almost surprised. Maybe the breakup was really as hard for her as she claimed, apparently she would really mourn him if something would happen to him. His heart stung as a tear rolled down Randi's cheek, right onto his hand.

"Nobody is going to die, none of us", the SAA insisted sternly, his grip on her beautiful face tightening. "We'll find a solution, little girl. But I need to know that you're not giving all of this up just because you're worried."

"Wouldn't you be happy if I came back?", she asked quietly, swallowing. "Isn't that what you wanted then, for me to stay?"

"Yeah, it was", he croaked, moistening his lower lip with the tip of his tongue as Randi placed her hands gently against his. "But that doesn't mean I want you to give up on your dreams, woman. You belong here and I have no choice but to accept that."

Not for the first time since she was here, but for the first time really intensely, she thought about whether she wanted to give up everythingᅳ for the man who was currently holding her face in his hands and whose breath was brushing against her skin.

Randi was ready to say something, but Happy stopped her by asking a question that made her heart ache but filled her with pride at the same time.

"You still got my crow?", Happy asked in a rasp. Inwardly he hoped that she still had it and was still proudly wearing it.

"Of course I do", whispered the brunette with the smallest of smiles, guiding his hand to her ribs, just under her left breast. Biting her lip, she watched his reaction, listening to his now heavier breathing. "And it will always stay there as long as it's okay with you."

Most Old Ladies had the crow removed after a breakup, but Randi had never had the heart or the strength to truly move on. Probably because she had always secretly hoped that he would follow herᅳ or that one day she would realize that only Charming, only he, could make her happy.

"No, you keep it", Happy told her firmly, his tone serious as pride flickered in his eyes. He gently squeezed the spot where his hand was resting before rubbing his thumb against the fabric of her top. "I know you aren't mine anymoreᅳ but you'll always be the only Old Lady I've had and I want you to remember that."

Randi blinked away a few tears, her breath trembling. Regret tore through her, but this was no longer a new feeling for her as she snuggled up against him without thinking twice and closed her eyes, her body exhausted from the long day and the loud thoughts in her head.

And despite the fact that he was the reason for the carousel of thoughts, her head went quiet as soon as she felt his arm around her after he had spread the fluffy blanket over her.

"I'd never get rid of it, not even if you'd force me, just so you know", she mumbled, finally able to close her eyes.

Happy said nothing, just stared at the black screen of the TV while her words caused a storm of emotions to build inside himᅳ and at the same time it was so crystal clear what he wanted.

Randi, he wanted herᅳ ready to forgive and forget everything that had happened a year ago. But he couldn't have her as long as she stayed here.

word count; 3055

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authors note; hey guys, I'd love to hear what you think so far and if there's anything special you'd like to see happening! Also, I wish all of you and your families a Merry Christmas and only the best for the new year! 🎄❤️