𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐛𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐭𝐬 
Bang Chan x female reader 

❝ Maybe, in another life, in a different universe, you could see me as more than just a friend ❞

2000+ words 

You stood up from the couch to get yourself something to eat. You weren't in your apartment, but you knew it was one of the things you could do.

You had rules, pretty simple ones one must say. You could do whatever in his apartment. You could take his food, you could just hang around and watch the tv, you could sleep if you wanted to, but you could never tell anyone about it. He never cared about what you did in his apartment since you two were friends, but there were limits too.

And one of them was you could never see this as anything more than sex.

All this started already a year ago, and both of you were happy with how things were. With no actual commitments to each other, you could still have fun together.

But the truth was, you wanted to change even that single rule you two had. You wanted to be able to have more than just sex with him.

You took an apple from his fruit basket and moved to the sink to wash it. At the same time, you could hear the door opening. You glanced towards his bedroom door, watching him walk out.

He fixed his tie and looked your way too, his suit catching your attention immediately. You knew black looked good on him, but seeing him in a suit felt completely different. It was even better.

"What do you think?" He asked, looking at his outfit again. "You look...you look great, Chris," you proclaimed, trying to not sound too speechless. You surely were out of words though.

"Thanks," he chuckled. "I was worried it might be too much, but if you say so it's fine."

"What's the suit for though? Any special occasion? I don't remember you having any shows tonight," you asked, deep down hoping maybe he wanted to take you out. You knew your hopes were stupid because he said many times that he only wanted you two to stay friends as he had no time or energy for a relationship at the moment. You understood that, he was a busy man, but it never stopped you. You would be willing to be with him even if he was the busiest man in the world.

"Yeah, I don't have any shows," Chris agreed, slightly nodding. "So I decided to go out. I am leaving in a few minutes."

"Ah," you breathed out. "You haven't mentioned anything before," you said, sounding maybe a bit more hurt than you intended to. He just shrugged. "She only texted me she was free an hour ago."

"So when we were in your bed together," you commented, not sure how you felt about it. Even though there technically was nothing between you two, it felt wrong knowing he was texting someone else right before he slept with you. It felt wrong towards you and the other girl, too.

"Don't make it weird," he rolled his eyes, not paying much attention to anything you were saying. He chuckled, thinking you were just joking around by suddenly carrying so much.

"It is weird. And...I don't like it," you proclaimed, trying to hold eye contact with him. "That's not really my problem now, is it?" Chris raised his eyebrow at you, trying to see what your point was.

"Yeah, whatever, you're right," you mumbled, realizing arguing with him would be pointless. "Don't 'whatever' me now. When you have already started it just tell me what your problem is," he encouraged you, taking a bottle of water from the fridge.

You watched him drink, almost forgetting what you wanted to say after seeing his Adam's apple. You had to mentally slap yourself to get your thoughts together again. "Don't you find it unfair that you're texting some other girl right before you go and sleep with me? And weren't you the one saying you are too busy for relationships in the first place?" You started questioning him, not even giving him the time to breath before you had another question. "Why didn't you ask me if you wanted to go out?"

Christopher had to blink a few times to remember everything you said. "One rule," he proclaimed, making you raise your eyebrows confusedly. "We have one rule; we are nothing more than friends with benefits, remember?" He asked and you nodded in annoyance. "I never promised you that I wouldn't find someone, and you shouldn't even care about that in the first place, you are not my partner or anything."

"I don't get it," you said, putting the apple back. You weren't even hungry anymore. "Why would you still be doing this with me if you had a girl that you like? And why would you go out with a different girl when you are still with me?" You asked, carefully observing his reactions. "And I know you are not theoretically with me, I know, but we aren't nothing either. I just don't understand why you would rather go out with someone else when you could be trying for a relationship with someone you are already sleeping with," you got everything out of yourself, not sure if the things you said even made sense.

He sighed, rubbing his fingers through his dark hair. "I told you before, haven't I? We can't be together, so what's the point in going out with you? It's better to keep things like they are."

"Why can't we be together? Chris I really don't understand you at all," you questioned again, not taking your eyes off of him. He looked tired, like he really didn't want to have this conversation now.

"You are my friends," he said, as if that was supposed to explain everything to you. "If we were to date and would end up breaking up, we couldn't be friends anymore. I don't want to lose you. Like this, it will be fine when we stop. We will still be friends."

"How are you so sure? Chris, we will never be able to go back to being friends," you proclaimed. You had no idea those were his reasons. You thought that he just didn't like you, that he didn't feel attracted to you so he didn't want to date you, but you realized he was even more stupid than you thought.

"What?" He asked confusedly, but before you could answer, a loud knock on his front door interrupted you. "I'll...be right back," he said, glancing at you with confusion and sadness in his eyes as he walked away to open the door.

"Heyy," you heard a girl's voice and realized that must have been his date for tonight. You sighed and looked their way, observing the shorter girl in the door. She was beautiful and you couldn't help it and felt jealous. "You look amazing, Chan," she complimented him with a grin. "Can we go?"

"Uhm," he glanced back at you, noticing you were watching them. "Yeah, just give me a moment," he proclaimed. She nodded to him, glancing at the way he was looking. Her smile dropped when she noticed you. Not completely, but it was smaller. She probably had the same feelings about seeing you as you had.

"We have a reservation, I gotta go, but we'll talk again later, yeah? You can leave whenever you want, just close the door behind yourself," he said towards you, grabbing his keys before he turned to her again.

"Who's she?" The girl asked curiously. "Don't worry about her, it's no one," he answered, putting his hand on her back to lead the way out.

Your voice, however, made him stop for a second. "I don't think we'll talk again," you proclaimed, and suddenly you had all four eyes on you again. "I don't want to continue like this. We are not going back to being friends either, Chris," you looked him straight in the eyes, seeing something inside them break.

"I'll call you after I get back home, stop joking around."

"I won't pick up, I mean it," you said. "Have fun on your date though, maybe you won't hurt her as much as you hurt me."

And just like that, you were walking away to his room to take all your stuff and leave too. You weren't sure yet if it was a good decision or not, but you knew you couldn't do it anymore now. You liked him, with your whole heart, you couldn't just watch him date other girls while he had his fun with you. It was wrong, and even worse was that he didn't realize how much he was hurting you.

"Chan, let's go, we have to be on time!" The girl called after him from the door, sighing as he walked to his room to talk to you instead. You heard the door of his room close and knew he was there with you. "You shouldn't keep a girl waiting," you mumbled, putting on your hoodie.

"Let's talk, now. You can't just leave like this," he stopped you from taking your jacket too, getting to the piece of clothes before you. "Isn't that exactly what you were doing just now? Leaving?"

"That's something else," he argued. "I am not planning on leaving forever!"

You sighed, "Chris, I like you, okay? And I really don't want to continue like this, so let me leave. You said you didn't want to lose me and that's why you aren't going out with me? Well then, let me tell you one thing. If we dated, and for whatever reason we would end up breaking up, we at least could have the chance of still being friends. But like this, when we don't even try and just continue breaking each other's hearts we won't be friends again, no matter how much we try," you said, going to grab your jacket from him.

"Don't do this," he whispered, tightly holding onto your jacket so you couldn't take it away from him. "Please, don't leave." you could hear his voice breaking, and it broke your heart even more. You looked him in the eyes, seeing all the regrets and worries in them.

You hesitated for a second but eventually let your hand fall back to your body. "You want me to stay? Now?" No matter how much your words were hurting him, he nodded, not hesitating at all. "Do you even understand what I want from you at all though?"

"You want us to try, right? Let's try then, please."

"I..." you didn't even know what to say to him. You were sure he didn't want to lose you, he had proven that, you couldn't doubt that he liked you, but for some reason, it felt like he just liked you as a friend. You weren't entirely sure if he felt something towards you too or just wanted to make sure you would stay in his life. "Go on your date, Chris. We can talk later, maybe. You'll tell me where you stand then and we'll see, yeah? But if you want to talk, you have to go to that girl right now and give her a nice date like you promised her," you proclaimed, avoiding eye contact with him. You took your jacket from him and finally looked him in the eyes again, forcing a smile. "I'll see you later."

"Promise?" He turned to you as you started walking out of the room. You turned around again to face him, not sure if you meant your words just yet, "Promise." 

IZZY—
angst eyyy