FEEL THE FEAR.
DO IT ANYWAY.

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CARRY YOUR THRONE (book one).
°• CHAPTER FOUR •°

" LIVING ISN'T SUPPOSED
TO BE A CHALLENGE. "

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WHEN ASPEN OPENED HER EYES, IT WAS DUE TO THE SOFT HUMMING NEAR HER. She let out a soft groan and shifted over the patch of grass she had chosen as a bed. A hand rested over her upper arm that finally made her open her eyes and come face to face with none other than Finn Collins, sunlight surrounding him in a halo. He's crouched, elbows pressed against his knees and grinning. "Morning, Pen," he greeted with a short laugh at her tiredness. Aspen sighed and dug her arms into the grass to sit up. She used the balls of her fists to rub at her drooping eyes. "I have something for you," he informed her.

"Really?" Aspen mumbled out of exhaustion. She dropped her hands, vision adjusting to the light and no longer burning. She was suddenly stunned and no longer sleepy. Finn was dangling her bracelet in front of her, newly fixed. A colorful twine Aspen hadn't seen before was woven where the damage was once done. "Oh, Finn, thank you," she marveled genuinely, touched.

"It was no sweat, Pen," Finn reassured her. Her closest friend slipped it on her wrist himself, brown eyes full of nothing but kindness. It made Aspen's heart warm.

They wake the others afterward. Octavia is curled up against Jasper, Monty snuggled up against a tree next to the pair. Aspen isn't surprised that Clarke is already awake, forming a plan for them to safely make it across the river without being devoured by the beast that lingers under the surface of the deadly water. She originally comes up with the rope made out of vine idea. It takes hours of their time. Finn offered to go first, tugging at it to ensure it wouldn't break with their weight.

"You wanted to go first," Clarke called up to him in a bored tone. "Now quit stalling." Aspen quirked a grin. Finn wasn't delaying it. He was afraid to do so. Hell, she didn't blame him after nearly being pulled under by a giant snake herself.

"Mount Weather awaits," Octavia added in encouragement.

Jasper had stood next to Finn, his eyes lit up and practically beaming. He looked up to Finn, Aspen noted. It was cute. "Just hang on until the apogee, and you'll be fine," he prompted.

"The apache like the Indians, right?" Finn asked.

"Apogee, not apache," Jasper corrected.

Clarke made an impatient noise. She seemed eager to know if this would actually work so they could find Mount Weather. "He knows," she exasperated. "Today, Finn."

"Come on, Spacewalker." Aspen clasped her hands together. "Don't tell me you're chickening out."

Cocking an eyebrow, Finn's confidence spiked. Aspen just knew him too well. He used two fingers to send them a mock salute. "Aye, aye, Captain." He securely tightened his grip around their rope while glancing to Jasper. "See you on the other side." Jasper watched as Finn gave one last, firm pull at the thick vine and started to back up, preparing himself to swing over. Aspen braced herself, shoulders straightening, but Jasper quickly stopped him. She watched, eyebrows furrowing as they exchanged a few words she couldn't hear until Finn retreated and gave Jasper a clap on the back. "Knew there was a badass in there somewhere."

To Aspen's surprise, Finn handed over the rope to Jasper. He positioned himself the same way the other had, sudden fear in his face as he gazed across the short journey he'd be taking. "Hey," Finn says gently. "It's okay to be afraid, Jasper. The trick is not fighting it."

It's the one piece of advice that Jasper needed. His features lit up with new faith. "See you on the other side," he echoed Finn's earlier words. He took a few steps back, breathed in deeply, bolted forward, jumped up with a tight grasp, and was suddenly swinging over the water.

Aspen gasped as Jasper cheered the whole way. She raced to jump on a rock and get a better view without tumbling over. Jasper was moving so fast that her eyes could barely keep up until he landed, falling directly into a bundle of wooden logs. She was concerned but Jasper shot up soon, proving he had landed safely as Finn rushed to seize the vine that had swung back to them. He surveyed his area in amazement, stunned that he had made it. He snapped out of it and pumped two fists in the air, declaring in an excited scream to the rest, "We are apogee!"

They cheer back. Aspen's hands flew up to cup over her mouth to let out a screech of delight along with, "Yeah! Yes! You did it, Jasper!" Laughter escaped next as Jasper started leaping around like his joy had spread to his toes and he could no longer contain it. It was so contagious that even Aspen felt it enough that she was already aching to be next.

However, Finn gestured to Clarke as if she was the most precious girl he's ever admired. "Let's go, Princess. You're up." Jasper was whooping to cheer her on in the distance behind them.

Aspen tore her gaze away from them when they stared at each other longingly, focusing her attention back on Jasper. He had wandered deeper, past a few trees, and knelt to brush aside some dry leaves and twigs like he found something. Aspen's curiosity was filled when Jasper threw up what he discovered in the air, brandishing what looked like a sign. "We did it!" He exclaimed. "Mount Weather!" Followed by a series of his own cheers.

Aspen had never felt so free in her life as she did right now. She was walking on a cloud, broken away from The Ark's rules and laws. Here on Earth, she was laughing with a smile so wide it hurt her cheeks, surrounded by a group of friends, basking in happiness that radiated throughout her. Aspen shared it with the others, glancing around, narrowly missing something tear through the air from the trees, skidding by her hair.

What Aspen soon identified as a spear made its target when it embedded into Jasper's chest, sending the innocent boy flying back.

Everything silenced. Even Aspen's bliss died down. She was now stuck in a world so quiet that her ears were ringing as her jaw dropped. She barely heard Clarke faintly call Jasper's name. She can't even move, her legs too wobbly as Octavia sprung into action for her and seized Aspen's arm tightly, dragging her away from the opening they were in. She finally was able to remove herself from her state of mourning and tune in with her surviving friends in time to hear Finn hissing at them to get down.

Nothing was registering for Aspen. Nothing made any sense. All she can do is duck behind a boulder, hidden behind it from their attacker's views. Jasper was just speared in the chest. The constant thought rattling in her skull made her want to cry out in terror. Instead, Aspen is burying herself into a small state, only allowing her eyes to flicker across the trees where the weapon had been flung from.

Someone threw it with the intention of killing one of them. Aspen can't see anyone or anything except fluttering leaves and twitching branches. It was as if whoever was hidden in there had camouflaged themselves too well and was now rushing to get away from their spot. She can't even see a figure or shadow shuffling around. Clarke was panting as she gasped out what they all already knew.

"We're not alone."

Knowing this, they were too afraid to stay. Aspen didn't admire the nature around her this time as she ran through the forest. Her hair was flying back behind her, the wind combing through it. She never really had any need to run in The Ark, so her legs were already aching with each forceful pump and her lungs were becoming strained in her chest. The adrenaline from her pure fear was what kept Aspen going.

She skidded against the soil when she hears Monty let out a grunt. Aspen sees his foot got caught under something embedded in the grass and his eyes were staring in horror at what he landed on. "Monty, come on, get up!" Octavia urged him as she and Finn each grabbed one of his arms to lift him. His gaze doesn't move away, leading the rest of them to survey what exactly he's gawking at in the ground.

Rotting bones that looked like a ribcage twisted in vine and were smothered in the dirt. Clarke crouched next to it, fingers brushing aside a larger, rounded skull with her lips pressed into a firm line. "Who are they?" Finn questioned breathlessly as they watched Clarke stand straighter with the skull now being twisted in her hands as she examined it.

An eerie silence was brought over them. Aspen is panting with her dry lips parted, hands on her knees, as she desperately tried to look anywhere but the human remains. The skull's crown is large and misshapen, almost animal-like. It's nothing like the pictures they were forced to study in old textbooks. "What are they?" Clarke corrected in a scared whisper, eyes locked on what she was staring hard at.

Aspen is dizzy with how tired she is from running, how much she desires to keep running, and how much terror is spiking through her. She's about to gravely offer that they start running again and don't stop for any more old bones or spears driven to them from whatever was left alive on Earth but Octavia declares loudly, "We are so screwed."

Suddenly, a gut-wrenching scream erupts from the river they had once come from. Startled, Clarke dropped the skull that fell into its home in the dirt with a soft thud. Aspen's neck cracks with how fast she shot up and whipped around from the familiarity of it. "Jasper," Clarke gasped in recognition. "He's alive."

Against their better judgment and Aspen's earlier thoughts to run back to the dropship, both she and Clarke are sprinting back the way they had come from. She faintly hears Finn calling after them as the three left behind follow, shouting to each of them to wait and it wasn't safe. Aspen hasn't cared about doing what she was told long before Earth - why would she choose to stop making impulsive decisions now?

The cliff's edge littered with rocks is in Aspen's view as she burst through the trees. Clarke nearly rammed into her back due to her boots suddenly being glued to the ground. Jasper isn't anywhere to be seen. Aspen goes to bolt forward again to get a better look but Finn finally caught up to them and seized her arm, dragging her down until she's stumbling to be at his level. "Stay below the trees!" He hissed in warning.

Aspen hardly moves or shifts to get away from him. She's still staring at where Jasper was hit, but there's not a body. Only the fallen Mount Weather sign and a spot of blood. She knows he didn't just get up and run away while screaming, not with the injury he sustained. Jasper wouldn't be stable enough to make it a few feet from where he landed. "He was right there," she panicked through her frantic search.

Monty's voice is strained with despair over the attack and the disappearance of his best friend. "No... Where is he?"

And Clarke gives the only answer to what they're searching for. "They took him."

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Wells's arm is tightly woven around Murphy's neck in a headlock, snarling some demand at him when they arrive back at camp. A part of Aspen wishes he wouldn't release him. However, Clarke lets out a gasp and broke free through the trees to shout at him. "Wells! Let him go!" It was the first words spoken since abandoning their spot by the cliff where Jasper was kidnapped. They only mutually agreed it was best to warn the other delinquents what Earth had in store for them before silently mourning over their friend on their little trip back.

The camp was chaotic. Aspen was so taken off guard by the sight she nearly stumbled over a tree's root and lost her balance while Octavia's arm was draped over her shoulder, giving her the assistance she needed to walk. If she had, they surely both would have tumbled over. Murphy and Wells were both bloody and sporting fresh bruises. They had a crowd of blood-thirsty teenagers, their cheers dying down as the group appeared one by one. It was animalistic and Aspen wasn't sure what she expected. She didn't know if she would have been part of the crowd watching or been the one to pick the fight with Murphy or Wells if she chose to stay.

Not so surprisingly, Wells complied with Clarke's order and drew his arm back, giving his opponent a harsh shove that sends him staggering. Aspen rolled her eyes when Murphy shot back up and lunged at Wells again, only for Bellamy to plant himself in between them and keep Murphy from attacking anyone again. Aspen carefully guided Octavia over the slope covered by a log, being the first one to hop down and offer a hand so she had more balance. Her weight was lighter when Bellamy released Murphy to rush towards them and grab his sister's other arm while frantically asking and eyeing the red-stained cloth wrapped around her thigh, "Octavia, are you alright?"

She nodded to him with a short wince as she maneuvered over the slight jump and her boots sank into the soil. Aspen took her hand back so Octavia could lean onto her brother. "Yeah."

Bellamy struggled to tear his gaze off of Octavia's clear wound. He swallowed thickly before his dark eyes swept over the group with an intense judgment that Aspen loathed. "Where's the food?" He demanded to know.

"We didn't make it to Mount Weather," Finn announced somberly. He lowered himself onto a log, brushing his long hair out of his eyes that stuck to his cheek. Aspen glanced at Octavia to see whether or not she was truly alright before moving to join him, her knees aching as they bent so she could seat herself next to her best friend.

The fright on their expressions that were holding them back didn't go unnoticed by Bellamy. "Well, what the hell happened out there?!" He urged impatiently and much louder than necessary.

"We were attacked," Clarke finally answered. Aspen, for the first time, was stunned into silence. She doesn't know if the recent events shook her up badly with her witnessing Jasper being speared or that... Well, Earth was nothing like she had hoped for. Aspen had to shut her eyes and breathe in deeply for a second. She feels Finn's hand rest on her lower back to comfort her and looked at him to send him a grateful smile.

"Attacked?" Wells echoed in confusion. He studied the group before his sight scanned Clarke, doing so closer than he had with the rest. "By what?"

"Not what. Who," Finn corrected him gravely. Aspen didn't know how true that was after seeing the skull and bones Monty tripped over before. "It turns out, when the last man from the ground died on The Ark, he wasn't the last grounder." The delinquents started to whisper among each other.

Aspen knew what they were worried about was what was left on this soaked planet. She also knew they had no idea what could be next, no matter how good of survivors they thought that they were. Aspen was buzzing in a way that it spread to her fingertips. "Radiation is the least of our problems," she promised them gravely. Maybe it was adrenaline still lingering there. Maybe she was excited to survive in a different way The Ark had.

Clarke nodded in agreement with her words. "It's true. Everything we thought we knew about the ground is wrong. There are people here, survivors. The good news is, that means we can survive - radiation won't kill us." Aspen thought back to that deer they saw with the two heads and back to the skull again. Did that mean some living things born here were birthed with defects if they managed to survive it? Would they be fine? She doesn't voice her thoughts, knowing it would only cause an uproar and more panic.

"Yeah," Finn mutually agrees flatly. "The bad news is the grounders will." Aspen shot him a look with narrowed eyes that he merely only shrugged at. "What? Come on, Pen, don't tell me you don't like a challenge."

He was right, in a way, but Aspen wasn't going to give him that satisfaction. She never was one to back down. "Living isn't supposed to be a challenge," she mumbled back.

As the pair went back and forth, Wells was the first to notice that the group who returned was missing one member. He looked at Clarke, lost and concerned. "Where's the kid with the goggles?" He asked her.

"Jasper. His name is Jasper," Aspen corrected Wells sharply. Jasper wasn't just the kid with the goggles. He was a person, an innocent teenager hit in the chest with the spear and dragged away. They had no choice but to leave him and that alone made Aspen feel guilty enough. He had a name. She could at the very defend and use it. Wells stiffened at the razors used in her voice.

"Jasper was hit. They took him," Clarke finished for Aspen. There were a few gasps in their audience circling them as they process this. Suddenly, she noticed as Clarke's soft features turned hard. She stomped to Wells, pebbles of dirt flying underneath her boots, and tilted her head back to scowl at him. "Where is your wristband?"

When Aspen took a look for herself, she saw Clarke wasn't exaggerating. The sleeves of Wells's jacket were rolled up and both of his wrists were bare of any metal. Aspen's own wristband suddenly felt tighter and harder to hold. Wells jerked away from Clarke, sending a glare of his own to Bellamy. "Ask him."

Fury blazed in Clarke's normally light blue eyes when they lock on Bellamy's statue. He seems indifferent to Aspen as if he doesn't care. She supposed that she doesn't but it wasn't up to Clarke if the delinquents wanted to take off their wristbands. It was up to them. However, Wells didn't look too happy about losing his own.

But if Aspen didn't get to see her family; her parents, Jax Harvey, and Raven Reyes again, grounders were going to be the least of Murphy and Bellamy's worries.

"How many?" Clarke fumed.

"Twenty-four and counting," Murphy replied for Bellamy in a bored tone. He grinned in satisfaction when Clarke's face fell. Despite Aspen's own opinion, she wanted nothing more than to wipe that stupid smirk off his face.

"You idiots," she hissed. Clarke whipped around to deliver the news she gave earlier. "Life support on The Ark is failing! That's why they brought us down here!" Aspen could see a handful of the delinquents look annoyed with her while a few had their jaws dropping. "They need to know the ground is survivable again, and we need their help against whoever is out there. If you take off your wristbands, you're not just killing them. You're killing us!" She exclaimed.

"We're stronger than you think," Bellamy countered. He stepped away from Octavia who sat down so he could address the delinquents and draw them onto his side. "Don't listen to her. She's one of the privileged. If they come down, she'll have it good. How many of you can say the same?" And Aspen hates to say that what Bellamy is saying is working. He's hit a nerve only people like them could understand, ones who grew up in Factory Station, and he's burrowed his own speech underneath her skin. "We can take care of ourselves," he continued. "That wristband on your arm? It makes you a prisoner. We are not prisoners anymore! They say they'll forgive your crimes, I say you're not criminals! You're fighters, survivors! The grounders should worry about us!"

He's passionate, Aspen will give him that. But so is Clarke. Bellamy's just more arrogant and that is what keeps her from joining his side despite mostly agreeing with him. She shares a troubled look with Finn before shaking her head. Her wristband is staying on because she's allowed to do whatever the hell she wants. Let them make their own stupid choices. Aspen only has a few main concerns, one of them being Jasper, as her eyes trail to follow Clarke who marched away, defeated as the delinquents cheered Bellamy on. She was heading back into the dangerous woods and the rebellious side of her couldn't wait.

There was no fear for Aspen Alonso to fight off yet.

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author's note:

i wrote this while maintaining a fever and dealing with how i lost my voice. beat that. also dw i'm getting better i promise i'll be off to bed after publishing this. ❤️

- koda

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