❛ hey hyunie , it's your birthday today !
gosh i can't believe you're already 19 ❜

taehyun huffs as he tries to get that last strand of hair in place for the nth time this morning. he wants to look his best , because his boyfriend is coming back from his sister's wedding today... and it's his birthday. kai had been a huge part in his life , even before he became his boyfriend. they were neighbours since they were seven , and though they used to be only just neighbours , they grew closer as time went by...

"taehyun you look fine , get out of the goddamn bathroom!" taehyun's roommate bangs on the door frustrated.

"okay okay calm down beomgyu! god i was only in here like five minutes" taehyun mumbles as he fumbles with the lock , the annoyance coursing through his body making it harder to unlock the door successfully.

"oh i see what you're doing , cute!" beomgyu teases the boy by grinning and ruffling the shorter boy's hair , rushing into the bathroom and locking it before the younger even has a chance of trying to bite his fingers off.

"gosh you're so damn annoying" taehyun groans as beomgyu only laughs through the closed door , the boy only rolling his eyes and leaving him to laugh to himself there.

with bare-feet he patters along the wooden floor of their hallway , trying to find a way to fix his hair without having to look into a mirror. he notices kai sent him a voice message , listening to it with a smile on his face. the message fills him with confidence , though he might not have been ready after that horrible relationship he was in the last time... kai's healed him and he's sure he can say it back. but he won't say it over the phone , he wants to say it to his face.

❛ i'm sitting on the train right now
gosh i can't wait to see you again ❜

"eww , you're kidding. you call this fashion terry?" yeonjun makes a face of disgust , taehyun looking at him offended and standing there with a glare , hand on hip.

"darling my fashion sense is way better than yours , yours is nonexistent" the younger snaps towards his roommate's significant other.

"watch your tongue and respect your elders. plus , your fashion is only fashionable among dead people.. now come with me" yeonjun grabs the boy's wrist tightly , leading him towards taehyun's room.

taehyun sits on his bed with crossed arms , watching as the 'fashionista' rummages through his wardrobe and throws clothes out in many directions.

"you're making a mess dick-head" taehyun mumbles as yeonjun raises a brow in question.

"babes i'm helping you here , show a little gratitude. i just divided your clothes into piles... please burn , okay , pretty cool and slay" yeonjun speaks as he points to each pile , before his eyes light up , rushing out of the room and leaving a confused taehyun to stare at the piles.

❛ two weeks apart feels soooo long
i promise i won't leave you again ❜

"wow okay... this.. this doesn't scream gay to everyone who'll see me...." taehyun mumbles as insecurities flow right into his stomach , causing him to purse his lips and look into the mirror with uncertainty.

"so what if it does? you pull it off so well! plus it's sure to impress that boyfriend of yours~" yeonjun whispers the last part with a wink , smiling to him through the mirror.

"uhh... it won't weird him out..? after all... a skirt and harness..... it is a little much" taehyun mutters , head tilted.

"i don't think kai is the judging type. he seems like an open and gentle soul" yeonjun pats the short boy's head lightly , taehyun slowly gaining more and more confidence with the elder's words.

"thanks yeonjun-ah... is my hair okay by the way?" taehyun asks as he smooths it down slightly , the elder laughing lightly in endearment.

"i think it's cute when it's fluffy , leave it alone" yeonjun slaps the boy's hands away softly before leading him back to the kitchen so that he can eat some breakfast before meeting his boyfriend for the first time in two weeks.

❛ it might seem to early to say
but i love you kang taehyun ❜

"slow down or you'll choke gosh" yeonjun laughs as taehyun speed-eats everything on his plate , beomgyu side eyeing him with a judging look on his face.

"gosh it's been two weeks... not two years..." beomgyu informs with a roll of his eyes at how desperatly taehyun wants to see kai again , yeonjun nudging the boy.

"they've been dating only a year... don't you remember the first year we went out?" yeonjun asks gently as beomgyu only smirks , humming softly in response.

"our relationship was very different hyung" beomgyu winks to the elder as taehyun watches with a disgusted face , wishing he could block this conversation out and remove it from his memory for good.

"okay i'm gonna leave now and pretend i heard nothing" taehyun stands up and dashes towards the sink , rinsing his plate before placing it into the dish washer.

"okay , have fun and stay safe!" yeonjun waves the boy off with an encouraging smile , beomgyu following his boyfriend's suit and waving to the boy as good luck too.

❛ i'll stop embarrassing myself now
heh , i'll see you soon my hyunie ! ❜

taehyun listens with dilated eyes and shaking pupils to the announcement at the train station he'd just arrived at. it can't be kai's train right? he looks to the people arriving from a different train with hope filling his senses.

"excuse me... were you on train twelve?" taehyun asks a kind-looking old lady who nods her head with a sad frown.

"yes dear... there was a problem with the system , and it caused another train to crash into ours" she says as taehyun's blood runs cold , throat running dry.

"uh.. any casualties?" he questions carefully , hands suddenly shaking as the news starts sinking in and the possible outcome making his heart sting.

"yes... i saw around nine people getting carried into an ambulance , but i don't know whether they survived" she answers , taehyun looking around for the boy's face.

"thank you so much and sorry for bothering!" taehyun bows deeply before rushing closer to the train , desperately looking for a glimpse kai.

❛ can't help but say it again though
i love you so so much taehyun... ❜

"i'm sorry but you're not allowed in here , only closest family" the nurse repeats as taehyun shakes his head , tears streaming down his face as the horrible beep of the machine kai is plugged into echoes in his mind.

another nurse is about to walk over and pull him back but he manages to escape the other's grips , rushing into the room. his lungs fail him upon gazing at the pale boy's face , a huge dent in his head that has around a dozen stitches , dried-up blood stuck to his pretty features.

two doctors are operating on his abdomen , the haunting sight has taehyun's knees giving out , collapsing to them on the cold floor and sobbing at kai's side. his lashes clump together , his vision blurry , his broken sobs blending in with the haunting beeps of the machine.

"kai please don't leave me please! i beg you , don't you dare leave me like this!" taehyun grabs the boy's cold hand , almost lifeless to the touch and squeezes it tightly.

two nurses enter the room and drag him out of there , the shock and tears making taehyun weaker than the last time , so he can't even fight it anymore. he notices beomgyu , yeonjun and his brother soobin rushing towards him through the long hallway , head spinning as everything seems to slow down.

the only thing he now hears is his own ragged breath , the ticking of the clock above his head and the horrid beeping that send chills down his spine. he can't even tell what yeonjun is yelling towards him , he can't make out any words as eveything fades into the background , eyes landing on the window to the operation room.

❛ and i don't care if you don't say it back
if you're not ready...... i love you okay ? ❜

the nurse finally let's taehyun into the room once the operation was finished and kai's in a stable condition. it's been four hours of waiting in the waiting room , each minute only making taehyun's anxiety more severe.

he clutches the boy's stone-cold hand , strokes the boy's icy cheek and stares at him in the hopes of any signs of life. he's holding his breath , heart slowing and chewing down on his bottom lip as he tries his best not to break down again.

eyes widening at the sound of the beep flattening out , he looks towards the monitor and his heart shatters at the sight of a straight line. the nurse quickly grabs him away as another puts an oxygen mask to the boy's face. the doctors mention something about internal bleeding , but taehyun's ears are ringing too much to make out anything else.

tears brim the young boy's eyes once again , he's clutching onto his sleeves tightly and keeps a close eye on the boy's face. his heart sinks when the doctors step away in defeat , shaking their heads and apologizing to him.

"no... no..! kai!" taehyun tries to reach for the boy's face , but beomgyu holds him back and hugs him tightly , hiding the boy's face to his chest.

taehyun starts sobbing uncontrollably , trying his best to pull away from the boy's embrace so that he could try and save his love from the grasp of death. his heart crumbles , falling to the floor as tears of pain wet his roommate's shirt.

and he didn't even get to say it back...