𝓅𝓇ℯ𝓈ℯ𝓃𝓉－

"matthew why the fuck are you talking to her?"
I asked him so many questions i was confused. Why was this happening now?
"baby it means nothing" he tries to get close and hold me but i push him away.
"i can't look at you right now. I SPENT ALL THIS FUCKING TIME TRYNA GET OUR RELATIONSHIP BACK TO WHERE IT WAS AND YOU'RE TALKING TO ANOTHER BITCH? I HOPE IT IS FUCKING WORTH IT."
He looked at me with a surprised look.
"baby.."
"get the fuck out matt."
he tried to come close again but i keep pushing him away.
"how could you?!!" I start crying knowing he wouldn't get it.
———————
"how could you?!!" she cried out and i hear the pain, disappointed, hurt in her voice. How could i come to hurt the person i love? as she cries i just close my eyes realizing what i did.
"i want you to get your bags and get the fuck out."
it really set in, i was losing everything. her voice was shaking and she was on edge.
I didn't try to fight it, i knew i fucked up.
"okay" as i look down she slips off the promise ring i gave her a few weeks ago.
"you can keep this fucking ring too." And she walked away but it wasn't her fault. it was mine.
——————————————————
----𝗘𝗮𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗮𝘆----

Me and Chris decided to go to the store to shop for Him and Kiyomi's 6th anniversary.
"she really likes tulips and daisies" he inspects the flower while thinking.
"oh here! some tulips, daisies and forget-me-nots"
he reaches over to pick them up while smiling.
"she will love these along with the ring. You think so?" I nod while looking over at this girl.
"matt?" I look back at him.
"oh yeah totally"
"wandering eyes? Really?" He looked at me with a hint of disappointment.
"no I wouldn't do that to aliza, of course not."
I say while the lady comes up to me.
Chris looks at me with a worried look.
"Hii. I am just wondering are you by chance single?"
She asked but my curiosity was too strong, she was beautiful.
"yes i am"
"well this is my number just give me a call" i nodded while looking at chris who was shaking his head.
"dude what the fuck is Aliza gonna say if she finds out?"
"chris chill it is not like I'm gonna call her"
————————————————————
"hii babyy!" Aliza says as I'm on the bed texting the lady that gave me her number.
"hi" she looked at me with a worried look.
"what is wrong baby?"
I look at her with annoyance
"what is wrong is that you're being fucking annoying, move" i push her out of the way.
"oh i'm sorry baby." Her sweet voice makes me soften my gaze, i felt horrible doing this to her. What if she finds out... how would that make her feel? I have to tell her everything.
"i have been meaning to tell you something Aliza"
she looks at me with a sad expression on her face.
"yeah..?" I gathered up my courage to say it to her.
"i think it is time i tell you that there was this lady and she asked for my number at the store."
she looked down while fidgeting with her fingers.
"did you give it to her? Did you?!"
"yes."
She scoffs in disbelief
"how many other girls Matthew?" her voice shakes as she is waiting for my response.
"2 others"
she standing there as if she is not surprised.
"have i not been enough? I know I haven't been saying it but i love you." She starts crying while standing in front of me. My sweet girl was crying because of me, this could've been prevented. My guilt couldn't help but settle in.
"Aliza you are enough." She shakes her head while holding my hand.
"no go be with her." I didn't want to be with anyone else but Aliza.
"No i wanna stay here with you and make it right with you."
"what about them matt.. the other girls. What would they think?!"
"they don't matter aliza."
She lets go of my hand.
"YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE YOU WERE SO EAGER TO BE WITH ANOTHER GIRL. MATT I WASTED ALL MY TIME IN A DAMN DAY TO BE WITH YOU JUST FOR YOU TO PUSH ME AWAY."
she pushed against my chest while crying and tried to resist my touch but gave in and cried in my arms.
"i love you and im sorry Aliza, i'm really sorry for everything i put you through. This is all my fault."
I hold her waist while meaning every word i said, she was fragile, i should have been there for my baby but i thought i could find what we had in another person but i can't, someone who makes me smile as much as Aliza did, someone who made me feel heard as much as Aliza did, someone as talented as Aliza.
"i want you to get out, you can get your shit and get out." I nodded not tryna fight.
—————————————

----𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗱𝗶𝗼----

𝙏𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙨𝙡𝙞𝙥𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧𝙨, 𝙏𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧𝙨, 𝙤𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙥𝙨 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙖 𝙛𝙡𝙖𝙢𝙚.
𝙏𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙥𝙖𝙜𝙚𝙨 𝙄 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨
𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙨𝙘𝙧𝙞𝙥𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚𝙨
𝙃𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙖𝙮 𝙞'𝙡𝙡 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙣~
𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙨 𝙨𝙖𝙞𝙙 𝙧𝙪𝙣 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙮
𝙄𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙨𝙤 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙞𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙮
𝙄 𝙙𝙧𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙮𝙤𝙪
𝙄𝙢 𝙖𝙡𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩.
𝙏𝙤 𝙨𝙖𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪~
𝙎𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙃𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙨 𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙄 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙉𝙖𝙢𝙚.
I cried as I singed the song, crying wouldn't change him not loving me any more and would alter a different outcome.
Thinking about the boy i love so much. How did i let you leave? Why didn't you fight for me, Why didn't you just stick around? I would've been better for him if he would have just stayed around. I love him so much and this is killing me.
———

Why didn't i just fight for her with the little love left? What could i have said or done to make her wanna make me stay? How do i make this right with Aliza? The girl i wanna be with.

Sobbed writing this tbh...💔