"Am I falling in love with the one that could break my heart?"

┌── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──┐
xStrayTearx
└── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──┘

Let's get into it!

☁first impressions (21/25): everything is so friggin cute! Jungkook is adorable, and I love the title with the two fonts overlapping it.... such a look. I also really like the description and think there are all the right components for a perfect one. Maybe pick one quote to go with, and put that at the beginning of the description, then have a short summary of the book after that. I also suggest changing the font for username and "taekook" fan fiction. I just associate that font with unprofessional stuff! I really love the title, especially the exclamation point... I actually think it's so unique! I'm just not a huge fan of putting the ship name in the title so long like that... but I know a lot of people like it so take the advice with a grain of salt!

☁grammar & sentence structure (12/15): there are almost no discernible mistakes when it comes to grammar and sentence structure, which was amazing to read! I would just recommend a light copy edit for misplaced commas and things. Also, some sentences are compounded into each other, sometimes awkwardly so, and while it is grammatically correct, it makes the text a little clunky. I suggest going over the text, reading it out loud, and either putting together shorter sentences or splicing longer sentences.

☁plot (25/30): the whole "new roommate" plot is pretty cliche, but honestly, the mixing and matching of all the different things typically found in fanfiction really made your story enjoyable to read. I loved how Tae and jk's relationship bloomed little by little, and how the daughter was a part of it, as well. A lot of fanfictions with daughters or sons involved just forget them when the relationship starts blooming. It was great to see!

☁characters (20/20): I. FUCKING. LOVE. JUNGKOOK. AND. YOONGI. Jungkook is literally the best dad ever and Yoongi is just my internal thoughts come to life. God. It's amazing. I love how you get the audience to be sympathetic with jungkook in the first few pages of the story... like I was already rooting for him from the very start. I also love how Taehyung doesn't mind that Jungkook has a kid and actually loves her and him for who they are... it's a great way to show that kids from different relationships aren't a deterrent to futre relationships like they're usually portrayed in media. The dialogue really helped to make these characters seem real, as well, which I appreciate. The side characters added depth to the story instead of cluttering it. Overall, amazing!

☁writing style (20/20): the writing style is fitting for this story; it shows just enough detail to make the story interesting, but not too much detail to make it boring. I can sense everyone's thoughts without it being in 1st person. There's really nothing to correct, so great job!

☁flow (8.5/10): The only thing I suggest is dividing up your paragraphs. This helps the reader be attentive throughout the story, and also makes your story look more aesthetically pleasing. Other than that, it's great!

☁total score (120): 106.5 or 88.8%!

Incredible! 

☁optional advice nook: fix the sub text font for cover, re-organize description, and maybe change the title one word or two. For the flow, not only divide up the paragraphs (STRONGLY recommend this) but also maybe transfer some scenes around to the next chapter or previous to help the whole story flow more naturally. (Sometimes it feels like scenes are tacked on at the end) A light copy edit for grammar.

☁song nook: these are some songs I thought of as I read this! 

♔Break My Heart by Dua Lipa♔

♔Mr. Brightside by The Killers♔

♔Let Me Love You by Ariana Grande♔

♔Into You by Ariana Grande♔

☁summary: I have such a soft spot for this story, I don't know why. Wait.. yes I do... CAUSE ITS AWESOME! This was so thoroughly enjoyable, and it just made me feel so good throughout it. You really succeeded in creating an atmosphere of warmth and cuteness and AGH! It was great. If you correct the things I suggested, this could be EVEN BETTER! 

UP NEXT: INSTAGRAM by kimjohope

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