While time passes, things change, people change—but some things stay the same. Even years later it is still the same old Sangyeon, who holds the door and pulls out the chair. Same old Sangyeon who gets tipsy on one and a half glasses of red wine, and who looks way too good in a simple white button up shirt.

It is the same old Sangyeon sitting in front of Jacob, like time hasn't passed by at all, laughing at his own jokes—which easily falls under the category of "dad jokes"—and his eyes turn crescent while his warm laughter fills Jacob's ears, like a song he has forgotten long ago.

"So, are you still in contact with, what was his name? Haknyeon?" Sangyeon asks, casually leaning back in his chair, arm slouched over the backrest as he takes a sip of his wine.

"Yeah we still hang out now and then. He moved to Suwon last year," Jacob replies, quickly adding "he got married and she grew up there," as he easily reads the look on Sangyeon's face. Why would anyone ever want to leave Seoul? 

"Really?" a soft chuckle mixed with red wine, "the Haknyeon who got you kicked out of several clubs has settled down? Time sure has passed by so fast."

Shivers slowly stream down his back, Jacob moves awkwardly on his seat. He remembers how Haknyeon talked him into going clubbing, when they really should've been studying. How "just one drink" turned into the bouncers kicking them out for being too drunk—and how Haknyeon picked up a new girl every time. But most of all, he remembers how he used to force himself to pretend he was straight. All the attention, all the kisses and daring touches, it made him sick—still does, just thinking about it.

But not as sick, as the lie he told Kevin about tonight. Just hanging out with an old friend from med. school. Well, half a lie? Three quarters? Perhaps not quite an old friend, nor just hanging out for that matter—unless one would consider eating dinner at a fancy restaurant in Sinsa, with dimmed light and live piano, as just hanging out.

"But hey, that's what youth is for right? Making mistakes," and suddenly Sangyeon laughs. "Drunk calling a senior, crying because you dropped your 7-eleven kimbap on the ground."

"I- I wasn't crying!" The high-pitched voice coming from Jacob makes Sangyeon laugh even more. Warm and comforting like a hug, his laughter makes Jacob's skin tickle.

Just like it did through the phone, when Jacob called him drunk in the streets years ago. The first time they spoke after their first meeting at the bar. Drunk and stupid, or drunk and courageous, Jacob is still uncertain. Standing alone after Haknyeon had vanished, his poor roll of kimbap on the ground... What a misery. Until Sangyeon came to pick him up.

Sangyeon laughs again, Jacob does the same. A familiar warmth sneaks over the back of his hand on the table. It startles him, but he doesn't pull away. Then, a gentle squeeze. Sangyeon's hand easily covers Jacob's, just like it always has. The touch lingers even after Sangyeon pulls his hand away. The warmth spreads quickly, like flames over Jacob's pale skin. His laughter turns nervous. Awkward.

Jacob raises his glass, lets the red liquid fill his throat until he hopefully drowns in it. His beloved boyfriend sits at home, waiting for him. And here he is, looking into those brown eyes he never thought he'd see again.

Brown, goddamn dreamy eyes. Eyes so observant, so focused, like there is no one else in the entire world when he looks at you. If Jacob could, he would fall straight into the endless night looking back at him—starry skies and moonlight against warm skin. But he won't, because he shouldn't. He has a boyfriend at home, a boyfriend he loves more than anything, and Sangyeon is engaged. To a girl...

"You... You said that... I mean..." Jacob swallows, eyes falling to stare at the table. His best fake smile pulls at the corner of his lips, as he looks up again. "Tell me about your fiancé."

There it is. The elephant in the room has been addressed, one hour into the dinner.

Every word of it felt awkward on his tongue, but not talking about it felt strange too. Sangyeon hasn't asked about Kevin either, it makes everything even stranger.

"Right, well, her name is Hayoung, she works at Shinhan bank. Actually, she was a childhood friend of mine, but we lost contact for a while, and ran into each other again at a pet store 3 years ago."

Sangyeon talks and Jacob listens, but he doesn't understand any of it. After all, it appears Sangyeon has changed. Sangyeon, who had come out to everyone around him—who had never been with a girl, never even kissed one, is now engaged to one.

"And your boyfriend? Tell me about him."

If anyone had asked Jacob a few years ago if he'd ever shut up in the company of Lee Sangyeon, the answer would've been no. There was a comfort in Sangyeon, Jacob hadn't felt anywhere else, one that let him be just exactly who he was. Tonight's dinner has shown him that he indeed also has changed.

Furthermore, has Jacob always loved telling others about Kevin. Witty, caring, handsome Kevin. The words clog up in his throat. They're there, but they can't come out.

Or maybe Jacob secretly doesn't want them to...

"Let's go, you big baby, I'll buy you a new kimbap!" A gentle chuckle tickles against Jacob's ear, when Sangyeon pulls him up—letting him support himself around the broad shoulders. 

Nearly 4 in the morning, walking past nightclubs blasting music even outside, and other drunk people stumbling around in the streets, Lee Sangyeon is a knight in shining armor. Unstyled hair, glasses on and what looks to be checkered pajama pants under his coat, Sangyeon has come to pick up a very drunk Jacob.

And it is to his own luck that he is that drunk—otherwise Jacob would have died of embarrassment. Calling up one of his seniors in the middle of the night, why and how that thought even popped into his head remains uncertain, nonetheless it happened and Sangyeon has gone all the way from Hyehwa to Hongdae to pick him up. It makes butterflies flutter in Jacob's already overworked stomach.

A few weeks have passed since Jacob first met the three year older Lee Sangyeon, and they haven't spoken since. Everyone at the bar exchanged Kakao IDs that night, Jacob and Sangyeon included—but the newly added contact had just been sitting there, with no notifications either way. Not that Jacob hasn't been thinking about sending him a message, a few hundred million times. 

In the cab on the way back to the dorms, it's dark on the backseat, but the streetlights outside leave fleeting flashes against Sangyeon's face. His very, very handsome face. Those thick brows and that beautiful nose, along his strong jawline... Jacob stares without even trying to hide it. Sangyeon simply chuckles, when he notices the obvious stare. But he doesn't seem to mind, and the way his eyes linger for a second too long makes Jacob's heart skip a beat. 

"Thank you... For picking me up..." Slurring every word, Jacob stumbles through the door to his dorm room. One hand around the doorframe, he pulls himself back, surprising himself with how close they suddenly are. 

"You're welcome. Are you sure you can handle it from here?" Sangyeon asks, his eyes full of concern. 

Jacob nods, swallowing slowly. 

"Call me whenever you need me." Sangyeon leaves a gentle squeeze at Jacob's upper arm, before disappearing down the hallway. 

Jacob stays leaning against the open door to his room, an unopened roll of kimbap in the pocket of his coat, he stares at the now empty hallway—Sangyeon's words echo in his ears. 

Another quick glance at his phone, but still no message from Hyunjae. Jacob sighs, he did show up late for Sunwoo's surprise party, but Hyunjae is nowhere to be found—and he doesn't answer his phone either. Luckily Seoyeon recognized him right away, dragging him over to drink shots with Sunwoo and his other friends. It's been too long since Jacob last drank this much, and everything is soon spinning around him.

"I don't know where he went," Seoyeon says with a small frown, when asked about Hyunjae's whereabouts. "He was here earlier, but he didn't say goodbye or anything. Maybe he'll come back later."

Hopefully he will, Jacob selfishly wishes. One week since his dinner with Sangyeon, one week of his head about to explode—of dreams becoming more and more vivid. Kevin's warm hugs and soft forehead kisses can calm Jacob's mind, but only for a short period of time. It is not enough—it hasn't been for a while, but the fear has grown stronger. What if it never will be?

Another drink emptied, engaging in a drinking game he doesn't know the rules of, but it doesn't really matter. Oh, how Jacob suddenly misses being young and carefree, to get drunk every weekend and crash at his crush's place. To snuggle up against a warm chest and feel kisses down his neck. Sangyeon's full lips sucking at his skin, big hands roaming all over his body.

The taste of disgust spreads on his tongue, and everything just spins and spins and spins around him. Every face, every color, it all blends together until all he sees is the thing he's been trying to run from. His own desire. His longing for a man who isn't his boyfriend—who he had a chance to love once, but he didn't take it.

And, Sangyeon is engaged now. To a girl. His childhood friend. But, how come he hugged Jacob goodbye for just a second too long? Why did his eyes fall to stare at Jacob's lips, as he pulled away. Why did his eyes seem to glisten with a sadness, Jacob has only seen once before.

When they broke up.

Is it all in his own head? Is he overthinking it?

Why did he drink so much? And where is Hyunjae when Jacob needs him? This is an open rooftop terrace, right? Why is it so hot here?

And why... Why is there suddenly a dial tone ringing in Jacob's ears?

"Hi... It-it's me... I... I'm sorry, I know it's late, but..."

A pause. From both sides.

"I... I need you."