𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨, 𝙞 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥 my words

locked away behind the door

let the words i keep

bounce around inside instead

ping pong balls inside my head

but they turn out to be wrecking balls

that come back to torture me in the middle of the night

they change, group together, form monsters

that yell at me

"why can't you be good enough"

"why can't you be like her"

"you need to be perfect. why aren't you perfect"

"why do you ruin everything. you deserve to die"

"everyone will be better off without you"

and i try to fight back

i try so, so hard

but the monsters claw at me from the inside out

tearing me into shreds

bloody pieces of confetti raining down

but it's not me...

𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪'𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 else

watching from the ceiling,

dreaming of a fantasy, a heaven

where the monsters are gone,

buried deep in hell

and i'm safe in her arms...

but i'm not

and all i can do is writhe and struggle

drown in the worlds i keep

and

be

consumed

by

the

monsters