00:04 a.m

to: kenma♡
i did something today

i thought it would help

it...did

but it also hurt like a hundred knives stabbing me

like someone punching through my chest and ripping my heart out

on my way back from school

back from the last day of normal lessons

i once again walked past your house

i instinctively looked up

hoping to see you

of course

you weren't there

the case is still open you know

your... biological parent was in a lot of trouble

the house is restricted from the public

but i have...

i have to let go.

so i went inside

i climbed up the stairs

and went into the place that you considered home

your room is empty.

where are you...

your things...

are still here.

they cleaned up the place

but i can still see remnants of your last hours

i found a note in your drawer

addressed to me

and i am clutching it to my chest

as i am typing this

as my tears are rolling down my cheeks

uncontrollably

"live for me"

your words to me.

i will.

i promise you.

"its not your fault"

thank you...

thank you...

this brings me closure

and yet i still cannot let go

its past midnight and i am still here

still sitting on the floor of your room

crying.

dont be mad at me for taking some things

i need to remember  you.

the air here is heavy

its like i feel your presence

so please

lean on me.

lean on me now.

everything is going to be okay.

it will get better.

i promise you.

my love.

i will stay alive for you.

delivered.