I end up under a stairwell. I sit there for hours, falling asleep and getting back up again. I suspect it's been about twelve hours when Haymitch comes in.

He sits down opposite me. "So this is the end, huh? I s'pose you're just gonna hide down here forever?"

I look down. It's easier than making eye contact. Then I speak my first words in hours. "I can't be the Mockingjay," I say. My voice comes out croaky.

Haymitch rolls his eyes. "Not the Mockingjay, just Willow," he brushes a stray hair behind my ear and this is when I realise that this crazy, annoying, despicable drunkard in front of me has become the father I lost six years ago.

"You know, you're the only real friend I have down here," Haymitch goes on to admit. He stammers a bit before asking me. "I don't suppose they gave you... any medication-"

"You're fucking unbelievable," I roll my eyes, still not looking at him.

"Okay, but I meant what I said," He backtracks, sighing before delivering the real news. "Look, the reason I'm here is to let you know, they're rescuing Austin."

"What?" I raise my head, barely believing my ears. The surprise has knocked away any thoughts about not making eye contact.

Haymitch explains. "The dam went down in District Five, took out most of the power to the Capitol, knocked out their signal defence. Beetee's inside the system now, wreaking all kinds of havoc. A window is open to us, for how long, I don't know, I guess until the Capitol can get the power back on."

"And President Coin?" I ask. Is this a secret plan, brewed behind her back?

Haymitch rolls his eyes. "You know, I can never fully support that woman in light of the prohibition they have going on around here, but Plutarch got word that Austin, Johanna, Enobaria and Annie are in the tribute centre. And with the power out, Coin sees this as an opportunity. She knows Austin is the Capitol's weapon, they same way you're ours. And as opposed to having you two pointing at each other... she's going to get him."

I instantly move. "I have to go help them-"

"Whoa, whoa, wait, kiddo," Haymitch laughs and drags me back down. "What are you gonna do, just jump outta here and go storm the Capitol? Besides, it's already underway. Six soldiers went in, volunteer only, guess who was the first brave soul to sign up."

And it's the way he says it that I know exactly who.

Gale.

I draw in a shaky breath.

"Oh, shit."

☘︎☘︎☘︎

Gale and Austin... Austin and Gale... my brother and my love...

Today I might lose both of them.

Haymitch and I rush back into command as I hear another propo being filmed.

"This is Finnick Odair. Winner of the sixty fifth Hunger Games. And I'm coming to you from District Thirteen alive and well. We've survived an assault from the Capitol, with no causalities..."

Finnick stands in the exact same spot I was supposed to be in, and recites his lines. But he is only one of the faces on the screen. All six of the soldiers' headcameras are up there. Boggs is the only other one I recognise... and Gale...

His face was set, but he looked sad somehow. I knew that look, but I can't remember from where. He's getting Austin out for me.

"But I'm not here to give you recent news..." Finnick trails back on and into my ears.

"Why is Finnick doing a propo?" I ask in confusion.

"It's a lot more than that," Haymitch tells me.

"Beetee's commandeered the system," Coin adds.

But only Beetee can tell me what's really going on. "Now that they're down to generator power, there's a more limited range of frequencies available to them, and I'm filling them all up with Finnick."

"Not many will see it, but whoever does will think it's another propo," Plutarch jumps in.

"What they don't know is that this broadcast is jamming their entire system with noise. Early defence warning, internal communications, everything. So long as the broadcast goes through our team should be able to get in and out undetected."

As they fall silent, Finnick's voice rises to the top again. "The truth, not the myths about a life of luxury, not the lie about glory for your homeland. You can survive the arena, but the moment you leave it you're a slave."

My eyes flit over to Gale again, then go back to Finnick. "President Snow used to sell me... or my body, at least. I'm not the only one. If a victor is considered desirable, the President gives them as a reward or allows people to buy them for an exorbitant amount of money. If you refuse, he kills someone you love."

I gasp, realisation flooding through me. Finnick was never the seductive, sexy man that I first met. It was indeed all an act. He was a district slave. Bought and sold. Those strings of lovers in the Capitol. They were never real lovers. His heart only ever belonged to one girl. One called Annie Cresta.

"Mockingjay one, you are twenty seconds from perimeter defence," I hear a guard say. Twenty seconds and I'll see if Gale's going to die.

"To make themselves feel better my patrons would make presents of money or jewelry," Finnick went on. "But I found a more valuable form of payment."

Secrets. I remember.

"Mockingjay one, mockingjay one, you are inside Capitol airspace," says another guard. Everyone who hears this takes a breath of relief.

"Secrets," Finnick echoes my thought. He smirks. "You see, I know all of the depravity and the deceit and the cruelty of Capitol citizens. But the biggest secrets were about our good Coriolanus Snow."

I look at Gale's camera to see that they've left the hovercraft and are now above the tribute centre.

Finnick goes on about Snow and I lean forward interestedly. "Such a young man when he rose to power, such a clever man to keep it. How, you may ask, did he do it?

"One word," Finnick stares at the screen, all the pain and hurt and anger that he'd felt over the years coming out. "Poison. He stopped every mutiny before it even started. There were so many mysterious deaths of adversaries, even to allies who were threats..."

So that's how Snow's done it all these years. "And Snow would drink from the same cup to deflect suspicion, but antidotes don't always work... which is why he wears roses that reek of perfume. To hide the scent of blood from sores in his mouth that'll never heal..."

This just gets worse and worse. Finnick, however, stays cool and calm. "But he can't hide the scent of who he truly is. He kills without mercy. He rules with deception and fear. His weapon of choice, is the only thing suited to such a man. Poison. The perfect weapon for a snake..."

Suddenly, all the screens blow up with light, even the one with Finnick on it. Then the screen goes all fuzzy.

"Beetee?" I ask in panic.

"I'm losing them!" He says, desperately clicking at the controls. It did nothing.

"Can you power it back up?" Coin asks.

"Ma'am, the Capitol air defence system is rebooting," a guard speaks up. "It's coming back online."

"It's diverting power from another source," Beetee speaks quickly. "And filtering transmissions, another sixty seconds and we'll be cut off."

"Ma'am, do you want me to call back our hovercraft?"

Coin doesn't answer, but in a moment of madness, I do. "Broadcast me!" I suddenly shout. "If Snow's watching, maybe he'll let the signal in if he sees me. Maybe he'll see me."

Everyone stares at me for a second before Plutarch speaks. "Yes, yes, do it."

"Put her on," Coin orders.

"Can we do this, can we still get in?" Haymitch asks whilst fumbling with wires and arials.

"Yes, for the moment, the line is open, he will only see you," Beetee nods.

"Okay, go, Willow," Haymitch cues me.

"President Snow?" I ask uncertainly. "President Snow, it's Willow. President Snow? It's Willow. President Snow, I need to speak with you, President Snow?

"It's Willow?

"I need to speak with you.

"President Snow..."

And just when everyone has given up, Snow appears on the screen. "Miss Hawthorne! What an honour, but I don't suppose you're calling to thank me for the roses."

I look at him for a second before talking. I can hear Beetee talking to Boggs beside me, and I have to keep Snow away. "I never asked for this. I never asked to be in the games. I never asked to be the Mockingjay. I just wanted to save Prim and my family. And keep Austin alive."

"Boggs, come in? Boggs? Boggs?" Beetee says in a low tone.

"Just please, let him go and I will stop being the Mockingjay, you'll never have to see me again," I bargain.

"Miss Hawthorne," Snow says in a sick voice. "You couldn't have run from this, any more than you could've run from the games."

"Boggs, we're running out of time, hurry."

"Please," I beg. "You've won. You've already beaten me. Release Austin, and take me instead."

But Snow's already shaking his head. "Oh, Miss Hawthorne, we are long past the opportunity, for noble sacrifice."

"Then tell me what to do," I'm not even sure if I'm telling the truth at this point or making stuff up. "I've always kept my promises, haven't I?"

"You said you didn't want a war," Snow reminded me. "And that's exactly what's happened. I told you what a fragile thing peace was, and yet, like a child, you took pleasure in breaking it.

"I know what you are, and I know you can't see past your narrowest concerns. But please, Miss Hawthorne, I doubt you know what honesty is anymore."

"Mockingjay one, prepare hovercraft for evac."

"You asked me to convince you that I was in love with Austin," I say, dredging up an old conversation. "Haven't I at least done that?"

"Miss Hawthorne," Snow smirks sickly. "It's the things we love most, that destroy us. I want you to remember that I said that.

"Don't you think I know your friends are in the tribute centre?" I stumble back in shock as Snow tells his broadcaster. "Cut them off."

The screen goes fuzzy once more.

"What happened?" I turn to Haymitch.

He has no answer. I shout to him. "Haymitch he knows that they're in there, it's a trap! Gale's in there! AUSTIN'S in there! We have to get ahold of them, we have to tell them that he knows!"

"There's no signal," Plutarch steps in. "We can't contact them."

"Haymitch he knew the whole time, he was taunting me!" I shout, tears streaming down my face.

"We don't know that!" Haymitch said.

Gale. Austin. Austin. Gale. Lost. Dead. Gone.

I can't do this.

I run out of the room, trying to imagine a word where both Austin and Gale's voices have ceased.

☘︎☘︎☘︎

I sit in the dining hall, my head in my hands. The sobbing has gone, but tears still linger on my face.

"There's no news."

Coin is suddenly standing above me. She looks sad as well, and I'm shocked to see tears on her face. "I'm sorry."

She sits down beside me. "It's the worst thing in the world. Waiting when you know there's nothing you can do."

I nod, turning away from her and wiping my eyes. Coin speaks up again, filling the silence in which she hoped I'd say something. "Especially for people like us. But whatever strength, courage or madness that you find at times like these, it really keeps you going. And you have it soldier, it's what's kept you alive all this time. And it won't fail you now."

Will it, though? Because if it's that strength and courage that's kept me going when Austin was still alive. But if he's-

I refuse to believe it. They're alive. I'm not going to lose Gale. And Austin. I'm not. They're not dead.

Even if they never come back.