𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐎𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐖𝐚𝐬
ɴᴏᴀʜ
𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳
𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗽 𝗮𝗰𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗺𝘆

𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 has become a strange balance of enjoying my time with my friends during this month of grounding and trying to keep my head from spinning. It's ironic the way I worked so hard for my SNHS presentation, and right after it was done, my life fell apart. I got what I wanted, and then everything was ripped from my hands. One step forward, three steps back.

It's honestly the story of my life. Nothing can be simple, but Dr. Stephenson and I have been working through my victim complex. The world wasn't built to crumble around me. Life isn't what happens to me, it's what I do with it and how I move forward.

Walking through the hallways, there's a feeling of nostalgia. I honestly don't know why I couldn't get out of bed and come to school when I thought I lost Emily. I love learning and being at school and I love being with my friends even more. I would have rather lost all of it just so I could sink into bed and drown in my memories of Emily.

"Don't be late," Tate teases as he walks by me quickly, pulling on the hood of my jacket. I turn and punch his arm before he can get away too quickly.

I smile to myself as I close my locker and go the opposite way as him to my first class. My attendance has been on and off for months, but I fall right back into my schedule with ease each time I return.

I have homeroom for attendance, then my first two classes, sit with Jess in the library during study hall, go to my third class, have lunch on the bleachers with our friends, go to my last class, and then meet Jess after school to walk to the BAU. At least while I'm grounded and have to walk straight there, Jess can keep me company. It makes it feel less like a punishment and more like an advantage that I get to see her again before I go home, that I can kiss her once more before I rush up the steps to meet Emily in the lobby.

I start my routine over, heading to my homeroom class just in time to slip into a chair in the back row before the teacher calls my name.

ᴇᴍɪʟʏ
𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗮𝘂

Walking into FBI Headquarters feels like returning home from a long vacation. It's familiar and a sense of peace washes over me. It's the only thing that hasn't changed. The same smiles greet me at the front desk, the elevator is still slow, everybody's desks are in the same place, and I bump into Derek on my way in.

"Hey, good morning," I say as he walks ahead of me. I hand him the coffee that I'm holding.

"Oh, look at you spoiling me, thank you," he smirks. "Where's yours?"

"Well, I'm trying to get back into the school drop-off routine, so we were running late and Noah wanted breakfast, but I quit caffeine," I explain, which makes him raise his brows. "Trying to relax more."

"Well, don't relax too much, you got ten hours of Takedown Arrest Procedure training to recertify."

"Since when?"

"Since the hearing."

"Am I the only one?"

"Prentiss, you've been away."

"Oh, yeah," I say sarcastically as if I was ever able to forget. "Guess I can't complain."

"Especially not to your trainer," he replies with a smile.

"You're doing it?!" I ask, my smile matching his.

"Don't get too excited, I'm about to put you through the wringer, you can believe that."

I can't help but let my smile fade as he walks ahead of me to the elevator. I've been through hell, and if I'm being completely honest with myself, I don't know if my body can afford to be put through the wringer. I tried to stay in shape, but most of the time I was in Paris, I was in recovery.

The physical aspect of myself can be recovered, maybe even stronger than before. It's the mental that I'm worried about. I can't tell if I feel ready to jump back into solving cases, I just knew that I had to take Strauss' offer for reinstatement as soon as I could. Coming back to work was inevitable, when it would happen was the part I was concerned about.

Noah seems okay with it. She hasn't really brought it up, but I think she just wants everything to settle as soon as possible. We agreed that we'll never have the life we used to, but we can find happiness in the new one we're building. It's bittersweet, but it's best not to expect something unachievable.

I follow Derek into the bullpen, feeling my fast heartbeat settle as the nerves fade into contentment. For the first time in a long time, it feels like I'm standing on solid ground—even if it's unfamiliar terrain. The weight of what's behind me hasn't disappeared, but it's no longer keeping me from moving forward, and I'm finding my way back.

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ
𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘰𝘰𝘯
𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝘀𝘀' 𝗮𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁

Emily knocks on Noah's bedroom door, smiling as she leans on the doorway. "Hey, kiddo."

The teen looks up from her homework, putting her pencil down. "What's up?"

"We're having an Italian cooking lesson at Rossi's. Do you wanna come?"

"Tonight?"

"Yeah," Emily nods as she goes to sit on the bed.

"Sure," Noah replies and turns her chair around. "Is everyone going?"

"I think everyone except for Reid. I think he's still pretty torn up about everything. He's finding it hard to forgive JJ and Hotch."

"I'm not surprised," Noah mutters.

"No?"

"While you were gone...I didn't really speak to JJ much. She was there for me sometimes, but it wasn't often. Spencer told me that he stayed with her for a while, but she seemed to move on a little quicker than him, so he got a little self-conscious and decided he needed to go back to his place," Noah explains, knowing that no one else is probably telling Emily the full truth. They wouldn't want her to feel guilty. "Finding out that it was because she knew the whole time...I don't blame him."

"I didn't know that," Emily says.

"I mean, she grieved with us, but in a different way. I don't know, the pain is different," the teen says softly, folding her legs up to her chest in the desk chair. "For her, there was assurance. She knew you were in a safe place, that you were alive. We thought you were dead. It was over in an instant and we couldn't do anything to change it or make it better. It was a weight that we had to carry with us forever. For her, for Aaron, it was temporary. Dr. Stephenson says I shouldn't compare grief, but it's hard not to. I mean, I don't say it out loud, but that doesn't mean I don't think it."

Emily thinks to herself for a moment. She nods, wondering if her return has ruined the team's dynamic. Noah can see the gears turning and shakes her head.

"He'll get over it," Noah murmurs. "I did."

"Maybe," Emily whispers and stands, taking a deep breath before speaking again. "We're leaving at seven."

Noah thinks about calling her mother back, feeling like she has upset her, but she shakes it off. She turns back to her homework, distracting herself until it's time to get ready.

𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵
𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗶 𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱

"Gather around," Dave says as everyone stands around the kitchen island. "Cooking is the most sensual art form. And these are my paints," he says as he gestured to all the ingredients mise en place.

"So your hands must be brushes," Penelope chimes, enjoying the metaphor.

"Don't interrupt," Dave states.

Everyone laughs under their breaths, feeling as though Dave is their teacher and they are all schoolchildren. Noah stands beside Emily, practically fusing their bodies together. The mother plays with the end of Noah's hair, twirling the soft locks around her finger.

Dave continues with his instructions. "In a pot of boiling water, we cook our spaghetti until it's al dente—firm to the tooth."

Dave passes around a small bowl of spaghetti, everyone taking a strand of angel hair from the bowl to taste. Emily bites into it, tasting the homemade pasta for its firm texture. Noah slurps the whole noodle into her mouth, making her mother laugh softly as she wraps an arm around Noah's neck, her hand resting on the teen's collarbone.

"Now, we fry up our pancetta, keeping a sharp eye that the edges are crisp—"

"But careful not to burn the onions," Aaron adds.

"Bravo, Aaron!" Dave beams and everyone laughs again, finding the lesson comical. "We sauté until translucence."

Before Dave can explain anything more, the doorbell rings. Everyone looks at each other, wondering who's left to arrive. Noah unravels herself from Emily's hold and says she'll get the door.

"Grazie, nipote mia," Dave calls out to her, returning to his slew of instructions.

Noah reaches for the gold doorknob, opening the large wooden door. She smiles softly as she sees Spencer rocking back and forth on his heels.

"Hi, Doc," Noah chimes, looking up to meet his eyes.

"Hey," Spencer replies with a tight-lipped smile. "Is everyone inside?"

"Yeah," Noah says and steps aside to let him in. "Mom said she figured you weren't coming."

"I changed my mind."

Noah watches him take his coat off and hang it in the closet. Dave has always made them do this in his home, keeping with his old-fashioned traditions. "Are you okay?" she asks him quietly.

"Yeah," he replies, but she's not convinced.

"You don't have to be mad at JJ," she says outright.

"You know everything, don't you?"

"No, you know everything. I just sit in Garcia's office every day," she jokes. The gossip usually flows in one ear and out the other, but every now and then, she really listens when she wants to.

"I'm not as angry anymore," he informs her, speaking as if his emotions are facts of history rather than feelings. "I'm just not sure how to adjust back to what we had before."

"I've heard a lot of that lately," she says with a soft smile. "I'm having a hard time just getting used to our new apartment. I don't even know where to start with the realization of my mother not being dead, but, in the end, she's here. That's all we were really asking for, wasn't it?"

"I know."

"Take it less as a lie from JJ and Hotch, but more as a message from God or something."

Spencer furrows his brow, feeling conflicted with the idea of faith. "How about a message of fate?"

"How about a genie making our wish come true?" Noah offers, sharing his outlook.

"That sounds much cooler," he agrees with a grin.

Noah nods, sensing that Spencer is slowly healing. It will take time, these sorts of things always will, but there doesn't have to be animosity between any of them in the meantime. They all need family more than anything, and for people like Noah and Spencer, the team is sometimes all they have.

The two enter the kitchen, Noah approaching her mother's side again. Everyone looks back at Spencer, relief in their smiles as they welcome him into the cooking lesson, but most importantly, back into their circle.

"Sorry, I'm late," he mutters.

"Yeah, and this is why I cook alone," Dave says, returning to his cooking.

"So, uh, when do we get to drink the wine?" Emily asks as she lifts her glass and wraps the same arm around her daughter's shoulder.

"Almost there," Dave assures her. "Okay, we start at the beginning. You eat what you cook, I'll supervise, but we're gonna do this all together, just like a family."

"Okay, now?" JJ asks with her glass ready in hand.

"Yes," Dave approves. "Salud!" he exclaims as he raises his glass.

"Salud!" they all cheer back, clinking their glasses together before taking their first sips of the classic, perfectly preserved wine.

Noah peers up at her mother, watching her take a sip of the red liquid. Emily shakes her head at the silent ask.

"One small, little, tiny sip."

Noah takes the glass from her mother and does as she's told, taking a small sip. She cringes at the bitter taste, her expression twisting into a sour look. Emily giggles as she takes her glass back.

"One day, you'll grow to like it," she assures her daughter. "You'll have to try a dessert wine, those are typically white."

Emily begins to ramble about white wine, but Noah zones out, her mind trying to soak in as much of the moment as possible. Surrounded by her family, the people who lifted her up in the hardest time of her life. And her mother—alive, breathing, speaking to her. The best part of her life is the people she's standing beside, and she vows to never take it for granted.

𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵
𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝘀𝘀' 𝗮𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁

Noah is sitting on the windowsill of the living room, curled up with headphones on and a book in her lap, but her eyes are closed and her hands are limp around the pages. Emily finishes some work in her office and walks through the kitchen to the living room. She opens her mouth to speak, but when her eyes fall on her daughter's exhausted state, she stops.

Emily kneels beside Noah and gently closes her book, making sure to bookmark the page. She finds a pencil underneath it in Noah's lap, probably from her annotating some of the pages. In her sleep, Noah feels the book being lifted from her hands and opens her eyes. She sees her mother beside her and relaxes as she watches Emily take care of her.

Emily smirks as she sees her daughter's eyes open. "One sip of wine knocks you out?"

"I snuck some more when you weren't looking," Noah plays along with her mother's teasing.

Emily's smile grows as she hides a chuckle. "Wouldn't be the first time."

"What time is it?" Noah asks as she sits up.

"Bedtime," Emily replies and folds up the blanket Noah was using to put it back in the basket they keep of all the throw blankets in. "C'mon, upstairs."

Noah stretches as she stands up and picks up Sergio, who had walked right up to her and brushed against her leg. She carries him upstairs, Emily following her and turning the lights off as they go.

Noah plops Sergio on her bed and pulls back the covers. She slides underneath them and gets comfortable on the cool mattress. Emily strokes her daughter's hair and leans down to kiss her forehead.

"You tuck me in like I'm five," Noah giggles as she watches Emily pull the covers up to her chin.

"I missed this the most when I was gone," Emily mutters.

Noah quiets at her mother's words, realizing that Emily missed things too. She sat back, knowing she was alive and well, but forced to be alone for her daughter's safety.

"I missed it too," Noah agrees.

Emily holds her daughter's chin between her thumb and pointer finger, guiding Noah's head to the side to plant a kiss on her cheek. "I love you," she says.

"I love you," Noah whispers. "I'm really glad we're okay."

"Me too."

Emily tilts her head to the side for a brief moment as she sees something in her daughter's eyes—a flicker of hesitation, uncertainty, and something deeper, something fragile yet heavy. It's a look she's never quite seen before, and it makes her chest tighten.

"I love you, Mom."

Noah had always imagined that the last words that escaped her lips would be dramatic, set against some grand moment. Maybe it would be after a tense argument—a last resort to make Emily forgive her for some awful thing she'd said or done. Perhaps it would have been the last thing she'd say before Emily drops her off at college, giving her mother something to hold onto while they're apart.

But it happens in a quiet moment, just the two of them, no one else around, and no tension in the air. In this moment, it makes perfect sense to Noah. Emily is tucking her in, wrapping her in an embrace. It's a scene Noah had replayed in her mind for months while Emily was away. She had promised herself she'd never experience this again—the physical sensation of her mother's love, overwhelming and all-encompassing.

How lucky am I that she came back for me? Noah thinks to herself.

"I love you too, my baby girl," Emily coos and reaches for her daughter's hand. "I'm never leaving you again."

And for the first time in what feels like forever, there's not a shadow of a doubt in Noah's mind that it's all real.