𝐔𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐈𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞
ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ
𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳
𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗽 𝗮𝗰𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗺𝘆

     𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠, lips whispering, hallways parting. Noah can't escape the talk that follows her around. Her first day back and everyone is acting like she has two heads. She tries to look for a familiar face, but a new class of freshmen has come in and it seems like they're also getting the gossip about her.

"I see everyone's acting normal," a voice jokes beside her.

Noah turns and sees Parker walking alongside her. She smiles for a moment and looks around at everyone.

"I've noticed," she replies as she looks down at the paper in her hand that has her new locker number on it.

"What did Principal Gallway say about your classes?" he asks.

"I missed a lot of days, but my teachers let me take the finals to test out of the classes. Thankfully, when my intelligence didn't disappear, so I'm all caught up."

"That's good," Parker says as they walk up to Noah's locker, which is at the end of a hallway. "You think you're ready to be back full-time?"

"Unfortunately, I don't have much of a choice," she replies as she puts in her new combination. "I can't fall behind again."

"You won't. And we're all here to make sure of it."

"You guys don't have to baby me," Noah reminds him.

"I know, but you've been there for all of us so many times, it's time for us to be here for you."

She smiles and starts to put her books away. "What are you doing?" she asks as she sees him unlocking the locker next to hers.

"I told Principal Gallway to put our lockers next to each other."

Noah watches as he pulls his books out and exchanges them for the ones in his bag. She smiles to herself and closes her locker, making sure to spin the lock. Parker walks her to her first class and wishes her luck before rushing across campus so he's not late.

𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘰𝘰𝘯

"It's nice to see your face around here again," Jess says as she intertwines her fingers with Noah's as they walk to lunch together.

"Really?"

"Of course. I've missed you, but I also just wanted to know if you were okay. I'm glad that I get to see you more."

"Me too," Noah smiles and bumps Jess' shoulder with her own.

Jess smiles but gets distracted as they pass someone in the hallway. "Hey!" she greets a girl. "Noah, this is Casey. Casey, this is Noah."

"Hi," Casey chimes.

"I actually was talking to Casey because I wanted you to meet her when you came back to school."

"Yeah?" Noah asks, confused by the need for their introduction.

"I hear you're possibly interested in the track team," Casey mentions.

"Uh..." Noah trails off and looks at Jess for a moment. "I was, but I kinda had a hard semester, so—"

"Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that," Casey says genuinely. "But, really, the track team could be a good thing. We get to let off a lot of steam and everyone on the team is super cool."

"You'd like them," Jess assures Noah as she places a hand on her arm and turns back to Casey. "She's really good, she runs in her free time a lot."

"Short or long?" Casey asks.

"Long," Noah replies.

"We're in need of girls for the mile," Casey says with a smile. "Tryouts are next Monday. We'd love to see you out there."

"You should do it," a voice says beside her.

Noah looks down at her shoes, peering out the corner of her eye to see her father. "Uh...I don't know—"

"Oh, c'mon," Ian encourages her. "Athletic genes run in the family," he jokingly sings.

"At least try out," Casey says. "The worst you can do is say no if we offer you a spot."

"She's right," Ian chimes in.

Noah looks at her father and blinks for a few moments. When she opens her eyes again, he's gone. She turns back to Casey and hates to follow her father's advice, but says yes.

"See you there," Casey beams and waves them off to find her friends.

"See?" Jess asks. "She likes you already. And I told her how good you are. Now, all you have to do is prove it."

Noah nods and finds her lips slowly curling into a smile. Jess kisses her cheek and wraps her arms around Noah's bicep. Eventually, the rest of their friends join them and Noah smiles more than she has in months. It feels nice to have one of the best parts of her old days back.

𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘰𝘰𝘯
𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗸'𝘀 𝗮𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁

Andre, the WITSEC agent, leads Noah into the apartment, making sure to safely close the door once she gets inside. Noah locks the door behind her and sees Derek standing from the couch.

"Hey," he says nonchalantly. "How was it?"

"It was fine," she shrugs.

"That's all? It was fine?"

"It was normal, I guess," she says as she plops down on the couch with Derek following suit. "People stared, talked. But it was nice to be with my friends again."

"The agents said that everything went smoothly," he adds.

"Yeah, it didn't help with the stares, but I've accepted it."

"It's better safe than sorry."

"Derek, is there anything new about him?" she asks cautiously, not sure if she wants to know the answer. "Have you found any trace of him?"

Derek shakes his head. "No."

"Nothing?"

"No," he mutters. "Sorry, kid."

"Do you think you ever will?"

"I'm not sure," he sighs. "I don't want to promise you something that might not be possible. But we're not giving up, I can promise you that."

"I appreciate that."

Derek nods with a slight frown. "Hey," he says more cheerfully. "I thought I'd get your favorite tonight. Chinese takeout? That was your thing, right?"

"Yeah," Noah says with a small smile. "Thanks, Derek."

"You got it, kid," he says before ruffling her auburn hair.

They eat the takeout on the couch and watch a preseason football game. Derek roots for one team while Noah roots for the other. They talk about the players and yell at their strategies. Noah uses everything she can remember from what Nick taught her and what Derek has taught her more recently.

After the game is over, Noah helps Derek clean up. Before she can go to her room, he stops her.

He puts a hand on her shoulder and smiles softly. "I can see pieces of you coming back."

Noah nods and holds back her emotions. She hesitates but finds herself hugging him. Derek takes the embrace very slowly, wanting her to be sure that she's ready. He's glad to see her come around and he feels honored to have her trust.

When they pull away, Derek says goodnight and gives the teen some privacy. Noah walks into her room and shuts the door behind her. She looks up at the ceiling as the emotions that have sat in the back of her throat all day start to come up. Her hand crawls up her chest and to her throat. She keeps her breaths silent as she chokes on them, feeling tears streaming down her neck.

She slowly slides down to the floor, her back against the door. She sobs to herself as she thinks about Emily. All the things she wishes she was here for. As she looks around her bedroom, it doesn't help much, knowing she wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her mother's death.

She thinks about what Derek said. He sees pieces of her coming back, but she doesn't. How can she feel whole when there's still so much she doesn't understand?

Noah suddenly feels an energy shift in the room. She rolls her eyes and lifts her head. "You're back."

"Of course," Ian says as he leans against the wall near her nightstand.

"Why?"

"Because you need me," he says softly. "Isn't that what parents are for?"

"You know, you've lied so much, and you're so good at it that I almost believe you," she says as she turns to look at him. "But I don't need you. I've never needed you."

"Is that why you keep seeing me?" he asks as he sits on the floor by her bed. "I don't come unannounced. You ask me to show up, to talk to you."

"Maybe I'm looking for closure. To understand why you did what you did."

"Revenge," he says simply. "Your mother betrayed me, and she paid the price. It was necessary."

"No, it wasn't," she says harshly. "It was cruel and heinous. And even if there was a shred of hope before, you've lost me forever."

"You wouldn't understand. You're too young—"

"Try me," she tests him.

"I loved her, Noah," he says as he leans his back against the bed. "And she lied to me. But, the funny thing is, I still think she loved me too. Something drew us together."

"I don't believe that."

"She cared about me, I know that. But she destroyed my life."

"Yes, the life of crime and arms dealing."

"Is that what makes you so afraid of me?"

"Other than the fact that you put me through hell? Murdered the only family I have?" Noah asks as she sits up. "I'm not scared of you, I'm scared of the person I'll become because of you."

"Why is that something to fear?" he questions. "I fought for the life I lived. I did what I had to survive. My whole life has been a battleground. Whenever my father got angry, he lashed out, but...he died fighting the good fight. He knew what he wanted, and he never backed down from it. My mother was distraught when he was killed. She left me to fend for myself and my sister. Then, I was fighting the good fight. I was taking over my father's role as the man of the house and the soldier of our community. I built my life from the ground up. I learned loyalty, I gained knowledge, I earned power, and I sought vengeance."

"Vengeance for what?"

"For my life," he claims. "I didn't choose this, it chose me. The day that those British soldiers stormed into our house and I watched them kill my father, it chose me. And it wasn't just about revenge, it was about justice. No one would ever have the power to harm us again."

Noah lets out a shaky breath as their eyes meet. She almost feels bad for him. She almost connects to him and his version of a story similar to her own. But she looks away from him, knowing she can't truly sympathize.

"I did what I had to do," Ian states. "And I stand by it. Because I did everything in my power to protect my family until their last breaths. Your mother was no help in that. And I said I would kill every last person who took or threatened my family's lives."

"Emily was doing her job—"

"A little too well," he shrugs. "You should have seen her. Lauren. She was everything I needed—resourceful, fierce, loyal. She had a fire in her, a passion for fighting alongside me. And I trusted her, but she used that against me. How could the same person who had a fire in her eyes when we would succeed also be the one to betray me?"

"Because she was deceiving you from the start," Noah says, confused by his blindness. "You're really that delusional?"

"You're the proof of how well she played the part. I don't think undercover agents are supposed to go that far."

Noah stays silent, seeing as he's right. She wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Emily's tainted relationship with him. She feels like the result of some illicit affair. The proof of the point that she's been trying to convince herself can't be true.

"Wouldn't you rather it have been real?" Ian asks. "We made you with love. It may be hard for you to believe that, but it's true. I loved your mother, and she loved me. Isn't that something?"

Before Noah can reply, a knock sounds on her door and she feels the vibrations against her back. She stands up and wipes her tears, taking a deep breath before opening the door.

"Hey, kid, you alright?" Derek asks. "I heard you talking—"

"I'm fine. Just...an exercise from Dr. Stephenson."

"You sure?" he asks, looking around her room just to be sure.

Noah turns around and looks by her bed, her father now gone. "Yeah, I'm sure."