𝐑𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐃𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫
ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ
𝘢 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳
𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗸'𝘀 𝗮𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁

     "𝐍𝐨𝐚𝐡, you have to get up," Derek says as he stands at the end of her bed.

"Derek—"

"No, we do this every day," he interrupts her. "You say my name, roll your eyes, tell me you're tired, argue that I'm pushing you too much. All I'm asking is that you get up and eat something."

"I am tired and I'm not hungry."

"That's impossible," he objects.

"Well, when you spend all day thinking about your dead mother, you don't really have much of an appetite."

"You need to take better care of yourself. And if you won't, then I'm gonna keep forcing it on you. But at some point, that's gonna stop working too," he sighs, thinking out loud. "I think we should take you to get help—"

"I don't need help," she interjects and sits up. She eyes him with annoyance before slowly standing up, wobbling a bit as she does so. "Is this what you want?"

Derek watches her hold her arms out to put herself on display. He dissects her messy hair, tired eyes, and disheveled clothes that barely hang onto her decaying frame. She's falling apart, completely unwinding, and he's not blind to it.

"You want to see me stand up? See me at my worst? Is this what you wanna see? Well, here it is, here's me at my worst, losing myself—"

"You're distancing yourself," he mutters. "No one can get a hold of you, not even when they're in the same room and talking directly at you. You need to talk to Dr. Stephenson, you need to get some fresh air—"

"I will!"

"When, Noah?"

"Tomorrow," she replies. "I told Hotch I'd go on a run with him."

"You've barely stood up in the past week, how are you gonna go on a run?"

"I'll tough it out," she says as she rolls her eyes.

"Noah, you can't tough it out. All you talk about is how you hate having to get up—"

"I hate a lot of things," she cuts him off with a shrug. "I hate that I have to live without my mom, but I do that, don't I?"

"Don't start with me," he says as he looks around. "And you really need to clean up this room."

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘥𝘢𝘺

Noah walks out of her bedroom and toward the front door. She knocks and waits to hear one back. This is how she knows that the agent outside is who they are supposed to be. When she hears the three knocks back, she unlocks the door and opens it.

"Consulting with Deer," the agent says to his earpiece as he steps inside and closes the door behind him. "What's up?"

"I hate that code name," Noah tells him.

"I hate standing outside your door all day long," he replies.

Noah rolls her eyes and looks back up at him. "I need to go to the park. I'm supposed to go on a run with Agent Hotchner."

The man looks down at her workout outfit and running shoes. "There was no call for that," he says as he crosses his arms across his chest.

"Can you just take me to the park?"

"Will there be someone else at the park?"

"Yeah," she nods with a sarcastic smile. "Although, you won't really be able to see them."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's where my mom is buried," she says outright. "So unless you wanna hold a girl back from visiting her dead mother's grave, then I really think you should go along with this lie."

The agent raises a brow and thinks to himself. Noah looks up at him and shows a small smile after he nods.

"Give us a second to set up and I'll knock when we're ready," he instructs her and walks back outside.

Noah waits by the front door for a few minutes. Normally, she would look at her phone, but that's been taken away from her. Now, she finds herself looking off into space and thinking about her mother. When she eventually hears a knock on the door, she opens it and steps outside.

She is quickly escorted to a car, but it's not the usual black van. When driving her around, they have to put her in something that's not as obvious as the SUVs the team uses.

Noah sits in the backseat as the car goes down the street. She looks out the tinted window, admiring all the buildings. She feels like she hasn't seen the city in years. The places she used to go with Emily now seem like miles away.

When they arrive at the park, Noah can see all of the agents checking out the block. She waits for them to give the all-clear and then the door is opened for her. The agents follow her as she makes her way to the graveyard. She slowly walks past the tombstones, passing each one with patience and caution.

Noah swallows the lump in her throat as she sees her mother's tombstone. Simple, elegant, classic, just like Emily. She walks up to it and drops to her knees.

"Hi, Mom..." she says softly as her hand runs across the warm stone. "I'm sorry it's been so long."

Noah sits beside the tombstone and leans her shoulder against it. She looks out at the park, taking in the greenery. A breeze passes by and blows her hair out of her face.

"It feels more alive than the last time I was here. I guess it's summer now, so..." Noah pauses as she thinks about the time that's passed. "I should have come sooner. They wouldn't let me leave, though, so I guess I had no choice. But I wanted to update you. The school called Derek and told him that if I didn't go to summer school, I would probably be set back a year. He said he would find some options, but honestly, I don't know if I can think about school right now."

A more fierce breeze sways the trees and makes Noah shiver. "I know," she sighs. "You don't want me to do that. I'm just scared I might fall apart if I try to focus on too many things without feeling healed first. Maybe I should take a break from school and figure out my life before I go back. Or I should just suck it up and finish it."

Another breeze goes by and Noah raises her brow.

"I knew you would live on somehow," she tuts. "And even in the afterlife, you're telling me off about school. I just wish that you were here. Or that I wasn't stuck in the apartment. I haven't even told anyone everything that happened. I'm scared that if I put it on record, they'll judge you."

Noah thinks about all the things that she knows. Things that the only living person that could vouch for her would be her father. Her refusal has started an uproar from the brass and is falling on Straus and Aaron's shoulders.

"They know that I killed that man," Noah whispers. "I guess that you wouldn't know that, though. While I did that, my father did the same to—" she stops herself from speaking it out loud. "I'm terrified that I'm just like him. That maybe, one day, I'll wake up and have the urges that he does."

Noah's hands sink into the grass beside her and she picks at the pieces. She squints her eyes to shield the sun away as she remains silent.

"I can't do this without you, Mom," Noah says through a sore throat. "I wish I could, but I can't. I know I promised I would go on and live my life, but I don't know if I can."

"Oh, Noah," a voice says, making Noah turn her head to the side to see her father. He kneels down beside her as she feels her heartbeat pound. "What can't you do without her? You're here, living and breathing. Isn't that enough?"

Noah's breaths quicken and her words get caught in her throat.

"And why is it that you're so scared of me?" he asks with a low chuckle. "I've done nothing to you."

"Really?" she asks quietly. "The four leaf clover burned into my arm tells a different story."

"Ah, that's nothing," he says with a sway of his hand. "That's a family thing, like a coat of arms. And you deserve it, especially after what you did to my old pal—"

Noah backs away from him some more and swallows the lump in her throat. "What do you want from me?"

"I want you to understand," he says, his voice almost gentle. "Everything I did was to protect you. Your mother...she betrayed me, betrayed us."

"She didn't betray anyone, she was trying to protect me from you."

"She caused all this pain," he says more menacing. "I only did what I had to do."

"No, you did what you wanted to do. And now, I'm left with the pieces."

"You're stronger than you think," he says as he leans closer to her, speaking quietly. "You've proven it. You killed to survive. That's in our blood—"

"No, that's not my blood—"

"But it is," he says, stating fact. "And you can't escape it."

"Maybe not, but that's not who I am," she says, gaining confidence each second he doesn't hurt her. "That's who you are, but I'm nothing like you."

Ian scans the area and turns to look back at Noah. "This isn't over, darling," he mutters before standing up and walking away.

Noah quickly turns around to see where he went, but when she does, he's gone. She blinks a few times, but he never appears, but she sees one of the agents walking across the park, his hand on his earpiece. Another surveys the sidewalk, checking for suspicious activity. Noah feels her heart ferociously beating against her chest.

Maybe this is the moment where he gets his revenge. He's found her in a place where Emily can't protect her. And in this moment, she finds something she didn't think was in her anymore: the strength to protect herself.

She looks around in a panic before standing up, her hand still resting on the tombstone. She makes a quick decision, not caring if it's the wrong one. She looks around, seeing a path that leads to the main street. She takes the risk and darts to the path.

Running like she did when she ran from Derek before she knew him, she ignores the shouts from the agents. She keeps her legs steady as they wobble with each stride. She looks back at her mother's grave and sees agents starting to swarm the area, which is all it takes for Noah to turn around and run like hell.

Her feet move quickly, but everything passes in slow motion. Her heart pounds like a war drum, but it's the only sound she hears. The commotion of the agents scanning the area is all behind her. Her body gives her direction as her head tries to tell her to stop.

Before she knows it, she's knocking on a door, breathless and tortured. Her mind is swirling with guilt as she realizes what she's done. But before she can spiral too far, the door swings open.

"Oh my God," a whisper says, breaking Noah out of her anxiety. "Noah, what are you doing here?"

"J," Noah gasps for air. "I made a mistake. I panicked and I—"

"Get inside," Jess interrupts her and moves aside.

Noah steps inside and immediately starts pacing around the foyer. Her hands go to her hair and she breathes heavily.

"Noah," Jess says as she cautiously walks closer to her. "Noah," she repeats as she doesn't stop pacing.

Noah stops the moment she feels a hand on her arm. She drops her hands and looks into the green eyes that she's yearned for the last three months. Jess looks afraid, nervous that something has changed between them. But all Noah feels is everything that they once had flooding back into her heart, patching up the hole for the time being.

"What are you doing here?" Jess asks quietly.

"I ran," Noah replies. "And I didn't really know where I was going until you answered the door."

Tears make their way into Jess' eyes and she puts her hands on Noah's cheeks. "I've missed you so much."

Suddenly, Jess pulls Noah into a hug and holds her tightly. It's the first time since Emily died that someone has held Noah—truly held her. She's pushed everyone to arm's distance, but she can't help herself when it comes to Jess. The only person she carries more love for than Jess was Emily. And now that she's gone, to Noah, it seems like Jess is all she has.

Noah finds her arms slowly giving in as they lift up and wrap themselves around Jess' waist. The blonde stands on her tip-toes to hug Noah's neck, not daring to let go. After a minute or so, Noah pulls away and looks into Jess' eyes again.

The blonde giggles softly as she runs her hand through Noah's hair. "You're a redhead."

Noah tuts with the slightest smile. "I didn't really have a choice in that."

"I like it," Jess replies honestly, but her smile fades as the elephant in the room hangs above them. "I don't want to make you talk about anything you don't want to."

Noah sighs and nods. "I know. There are things I want to tell you about, but...I can't, for my safety and maybe even yours. And I won't risk that."

"I understand."

"But there are some things that I can tell you, but you have to swear you won't tell anyone."

"I haven't even told anyone else about your letter," Jess says as she runs her hands down Noah's arms. "They all think that I haven't heard from you. I've had to pretend to be upset at you."

"Are they mad?"

"No, they're just worried. But I think if I really hadn't heard from you, I would've either been mad at you or gone looking for you."

"I knew you'd say that," Noah says as Jess leads her to the kitchen. "That's why I begged Hotch to let me send the letter."

"Why don't you sit and I'll make you something to eat?" Jess asks as she pulls one of the stools out for Noah to sit at the island. She felt how slim Noah's arms are and her protective instincts are kicking in. "Tell me everything you can."

"Strauss wanted to put me in witness protection, but Hotch fought it and said I could stay with Derek. I moved into his apartment almost three months ago now. We packed up Emily's and had to sell it."

"I'm so sorry," Jess says before getting out ingredients for a sandwich.

"They put all of her stuff in storage and my room is basically the same at Derek's except it's smaller."

"What about Sergio?"

"He's with me."

"And it's just you and Derek?"

"And the twelve agents they have stationed around the apartment every day."

"Twelve?" Jess asks as she puts the sandwich together.

Noah nods with raised eyebrows. "Yeah, well, there used to be seventeen, so at least they've loosened up a bit."

"And you're allowed to leave the apartment?"

"If I ask Derek, who tells Hotch, who tells Strauss, who communicates with the agents. All to keep the higher-ups satisfied."

"And this is until whatever the threat is is gone?"

"Yeah, I guess," Noah sighs. "But I have a feeling that won't really be any time soon."

"I'm assuming you can't tell me what the threat is," Jess says as she places the sandwich on a plate in front of Noah.

"No," Noah replies quietly. "I want to, Jess—"

"It's okay," Jess says as she sits down and puts her hand on Noah's thigh. "Can I ask you something?"

"I don't know if I can answer it..."

"You can answer this one," Jess assures her. "Are we still..."

Noah furrows her brows and sighs to herself. "I know it's not easy, but in my head, nothing's changed. If anything, I need you more than I ever did before."

"You haven't been talking to anyone, have you?"

"Not really," Noah says as she shakes her head. "I feel so...helpless. It's hard to move, but it's also hard to find the words to talk about it. Even though her team knows everything that happened, I feel like I'm alone. No one truly understands."

"So, it happened on the job?" Jess asks quietly as if someone is listening in.

Noah nods, not wanting to give more away. "I guess I should feel better that she was doing what she loved, but...it almost makes me feel worse. Why did she choose a career that could do this to her?"

"I know that it's hard to understand and I can't speak much about what happened, but I do know that she loved you more than anything."

"Yeah, she said something like that," Noah mumbles as she looks down at the plate in front of her.

"Look at me," Jess mutters, making Noah turn to face her. "You miss her, you'll always miss her. She was your world, Noah. You even being here and getting out of bed this morning shows more strength than you're giving yourself credit for."

Noah bites the inside of her cheek and nods. Jess tells her to eat and watches as she practically devours the sandwich. Jess takes Noah up to her bedroom and tells her to shower and put on some comfortable clothes.

When Noah comes out of the bathroom, Jess lures her over to the bed.

"So, you've been on lockdown," Jess says as she hooks her arm with Noah's. "What do you wanna do?"

"Watch a new movie," Noah pleads. "Please. All I've been able to watch is what Derek has on DVD, and I can't watch Fight Club again."

Jess giggles and grabs her TV remote, flicking through the channels until they find something good enough.

𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗮𝘂

Spencer walks through the bullpen, seeing agents bustling around and conversing with one another. He sees half of the team gathering in the round table room. Penelope comes rushing behind him, bumping into him as her eyes are glued to the tablet in hand.

"Penelope?" Spencer asks as he chases after her. "What's going on?"

"Oh, the good doctor!" Penelope says with a sigh of relief. "We've been waiting for you. Noah is missing."

"What?" Spencer questions as he rushes to the round table room with her.

As they walk inside, Aaron goes over what they know. Derek is in distress as he stares off into space with a hard expression. Spencer can see the guilt sitting on his chest.

"Noah visited Emily's grave—"

Derek interrupts, his voice slightly raised. "I didn't tell her she could do that. She never even asked. What happened to going on a run...?"

"What is it?" JJ asks as she sees Derek connecting the dots.

"She told me she was going on a run with you today," Derek says as he looks at Aaron. "Which is in the park where Emily's grave is, but why would she lie? Why wouldn't she tell me that—"

Penelope stops Derek before he can go too far into assumptions. "Not to interrupt, but I got the CC footage from the street by the park. This is the view near the gravesite."

Penelope plays the footage on the TV monitor. The team watches as Noah can be seen sitting beside her mother's tombstone. She turns to look at her side, seemingly scared by something.

"What's she looking at?" Aaron asks.

"That's the thing," Penelope says. "I look across the street and all around, there's nothing, no one."

"Wait," Derek says as he looks closer. "Zoom in."

Penelope zooms into Noah and plays the tape back. They all look closely as it confirms Derek's suspicion.

"She's talking," he mentions.

"Probably talking to Emily," Spencer says softly.

"I don't know, she looks scared," Derek adds.

The tape continues and suddenly, agents start to talk with one another and disperse around the area. Before the agent assigned to Noah can make it to her, she takes off.

"What were the agents communicating about?" Rossi asks.

Before anyone can make an assumption, Andre, the agent assigned to the teen, walks into the round table room with Erin Strauss leading the way.

"Director Strauss," Aaron greets her. "What happened out there?"

"There was a breach," Erin says. "One of the agents saw suspicious activity in the perimeter. They approached the man to tell him the area was blocked off and he got upset. It was a misunderstanding, the citizen has no ties to Ian Doyle."

"That we know of," Derek mumbles. "It doesn't matter. She could be in the hands of someone who does now."

"Garcia, follow the street footage of her as far as you can," Aaron starts listing duties to each team member. "Rossi and Reid, go back to the apartment and talk with the agents and wait there in case she comes back. JJ and Reid, I want you out on the streets, ask people if they've seen Noah."

The team disperses and goes to fulfill their duties, hoping they find a lead to where Noah could have run off or if she fell into the wrong hands.

𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵
𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗵 𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱

Jess peers over at Noah and smiles as she notices her asleep. They had watched a movie, and a few episodes of Gossip Girl, which ended up inspiring Jess to update Noah on everyone's whereabouts.

Jess turns the TV off and pulls the switch on her lamp. She pulls Noah towards her and she falls right into the blonde's embrace. In her sleep, Noah wraps her leg over Jess' and their arms naturally snake around one another.

As much as she wishes she could keep Noah to herself, Jess carefully reaches over the nightstand and grabs her phone. She scrolls through her old texts with Noah and finds the list of names and numbers she sent a few months ago. It's the names of all the agents on Emily's team in case she ever needed anything.

𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐤

This is Jess. She's here and safe.
Don't come tonight, just let her
sleep. If you do, I won't let you
take her. She needs this. Just
come in the morning. She'll be
okay by then.

⸻

Jess puts her phone down and looks over at Noah. She seems so peaceful, but Jess knows that she's slowly drowning inside. Although she knows Noah will never be the same, Jess will love whoever Noah decides to become endlessly.

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘥𝘢𝘺

Noah walks out of the house and sees a few SUVs and cop cars at the top of the driveway. She sees Derek leaning against one of the SUVs with his arms crossed.

"This is a bit extreme," she says as she walks up to him.

"Yes, it is," he replies and opens the back door for her.

Noah gets into the car and sulks in the backseat. Derek drives them back to his apartment. When they get inside, Penelope comes out of one of the other SUVs and hurries over to Noah. She puts her arm around the teen's shoulder and walks her inside with haste.

Noah walks into the apartment and hears the door slam behind them. She turns around and sees Derek glaring at her.

"Go ahead," she tells him.

"Noah, you can never do that again!" he shouts, letting out the anger that he's felt since he got the text the night before. "Do you understand that we were all out looking for you?!"

"I'm sick of this! I don't want to be locked up!" she yells.

"This is to protect you!" his voice escalates louder than hers. "I thought you were dead! I thought you were gone, that he had taken you! And I have let another person I love walk right into the hands of Ian Doyle! And, Noah, I know he's your father, I don't know how you feel about that, I don't know how you deal with it, but I hate him. I hate him with every bone in my body, I want to personally kill him, so much so that I'm scared if I ever came face to face with him, I wouldn't be able to help myself!"

Noah remains quiet at his words. She never expected him to unravel like this. She never expected him to be just as hurt as her.

"I don't know what goes on in your head or why you thought that was okay, but you scared the hell outta me!"

"I'm sorry—"

"That doesn't cut it!"

Noah looks down at the ground, trying to hide her guilt. She never wanted to scare him. If anything, she was panicked herself. When she saw the agents swarming, she knew there was danger near. Derek knew it would be a challenge to keep Noah under protection, but he never thought she would put her life on the line to escape. He was wrong to underestimate her nerve.

"I don't want to yell at you, but what you did is unacceptable. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Noah mutters.

"I can't hear you."

"Yes," she says louder.

"Go to your room," he demands and Noah immediately does so.

Penelope watches the teen disappear into her room. She shuts her door gently and the whole apartment goes quiet. Penelope's in shock that Noah listened so well. She expected her to throw a fit or maybe even an object of some sort, but nothing happened. It's all just quiet.

"Maybe you were a little hard on her—"

"She needs it," Derek huffs. "I thought she was dead—"

"But her mother is and she's still dealing with that," Penelope insists. "You shouldn't be quick to forget that."

"She listened, didn't she?"

"And what if she's scared of you now?"

"She's not scared of me," he says as he shakes his head with a small smile. "Apparently, she's not scared of anything. She ran away while a psychotic murderer is looking for her. If she should be scared of someone, it shouldn't be me."