𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄. dead weight

DEATH IS PERMANENT. DEATH IS FOREVER. DEATH IS when the spark in the eyes is extinguished, yet unlike fire is utterly without smoke.

Death is the gateway to rebirth, and as someone beloved passes through, we both mourn and celebrate. We feel their loss in their life and community, yet celebrate all that they achieved in their lifetime for goodness, love, the natural world, and humanity. It is a time when we are most aware of how sacred living is and to appreciate the gift all the more

The problem with your best friend dying is there was no one to talk to.

It wasn't the main problem, obviously. Jieun didn't want to imagine her mother's bloated, waterlogged corpse for the rest of eternity. That itself would be at the top of her 'emotionally debilitating things that will take the rest of my life to recover from' list.

She stopped keeping track of what age Kang Yoomi would've been on this day.

It was the perfect day in every sense, and in all the ways only the universe can give. It was like a summer's day in May, the first-day blossom opened on the tree. It was there as Jieun opened her curtains, a beautiful nature's gift.

Every year she and her father would eat miyeokguk, otherwise known as Korean seaweed soup, as a traditional treat, then they would make a chocolate hedgehog cake.

The center was rich and sweet, the coating was double cream mixed with melted chocolate. Into that went chocolate buttons to make the spines and two white chocolate buttons for the eyes. The nose was a Malteser with a honeycomb center.

Yoomi always got the nose, that was all part of the fun.

The gates of the Kang estate loomed large, seven feet tall, and wrought stone; made to impress the commoners walking by. Jieun pulled out her phone. No new texts. She sighed and put it back in her pocket. Maybe he forgot? Jieun's face fell faster than a loaf removed from the oven too soon.

Before the tears began she smiled despite her feelings, as she opened stories posted by her classmates. At least someone's having fun today, She thought.

It was funny, the more she thought about it, as popular as she was she hardly spent time going out and partying like Yasmine and Moon, hell, even Sam seemed to go out more than her.

When Aisha posted about the beach party she was a tad bit tempted, considering she hadn't heard from her dad in a few weeks, the only time she heard his voice was the day he got a call from the school about the lunchroom incident. And even then, though he carried a harshness in his voice, it didn't seem like he could be bothered.

This wasn't uncommon, on any other day, she wouldn't have cared. But not this week, it was too important.

Her phone chimed, an unknown number, it was the sounds of nature, a birdsong as far as she knew. It was a soothing sound. She let it ring. Twice before she finally picked up.

"Eunie." Kang Jihyun sighed a relief. "It's dad." He says, staring into his lap. His heart was racing, he felt dizzy. He had a slight sore throat.

On the other side of him stood an old man, a wizened face peered out from under a wedge of a blue hat, which was the only thing on his otherwise bald and mottled scalp, a sparse fringe of white. His eyes were so heavily lidded and weighed down with wrinkled folds that it was almost like talking to someone asleep, yet he was quite alert. Not caring to see Jihyun beneath the level of the counter he said "Make it quick." To anyone they would have been expecting the croak of old age but his voice was more like a sergeant major, strong and distinctly upper class.

"Why haven't you been picking up?" Jieun rolled her eyes. "Aigoo, I'm sorry I couldn't make it today. Have you wished your mom a happy birthday yet?" He spoke in Korean, and Jieun stayed silent. "Did you make the soup? You know that's my favorite. I sent a gift as my apology. It's an iPad. Did you get it? It's expensive."

She continued to remain quiet. She hugged her jacket closer to her chest, pressing her cheek to the couch arm. She felt like she could cry so much that her organs could shrivel.

"So, what did you do today?" The old man says with his head lowered, his gaze down-turned as Jihyun continued to strike the conversation with his daughter. "Ah, I bet you went singing with your friends again, remember when you did that that one year..." He paused, "Eunie. Hello?"

"What are you really doing out there?" She responded in English. The old man looks up at the sound of Jihyun's daughter's voice. "You never miss her birthday."

"What..." He sat cross-legged. "What are you talking about?" He shakes his head. "I must've forgotten, you should've reminded me."

"How could I? Your phone's off all the time. I don't know where you are or anything!" Jieun felt tears welling up and he grits his teeth so hard her jaw throbs. "What is it now?" she manages in a faint croak that sounded almost alien to her ears. "Your bullshit reasons won't work this time."

Jihyun stretched his sore neck. "It's not like that." He says in a shaky voice, "Eunie." A pause. "I'm going to settle everything and go back soon." A tear slipped on both ends. "So just wait a little longer."

Jieun listened to the silence, the stillness was broken only by the fading sound of the cars driving by on the street. "I won't wait for you anymore." She said nothing for a minute, tears endlessly streaming down her face. "This was the last straw." Jihyun listened silently, small tears he didn't even know he could produce streaming down his face. "I'll consider you dead, so don't come back." Jieun finished, ending the call. It was pronounced with such venomous zeal that it seemed to echo and penetrate the room both were occupying.

Jihyun drew in a shuddering breath. Waking his real phone from sleep, "You can't use your phone." The old man muttered, he didn't care.

October/28 6:24 PM
had practice today, do you care?

December/03 11:20 PM
have you forgotten about me? am i not your daughter?

December/12 7:37 AM
paparazzi say there were cops outside your hotel room. you're lucky i took care of it before it went public.

February/09 3:49 PM
so that's it? no punishment?

May/18 9:47 PM
appa, where are you? please call me.

"I need... I need to go to her." Jihyun climbed to his feet, his heart racing. He looked down, his shoulders trembling slightly, his voice breaking. Words barely audible over the whirring of fans in the room; "I'm leaving today. I have to tell her everything." The old man turns away from the distressed father, slowly pivoting. "Let him know, will you?"

While Jihyun teared, the old man just stared down at the floor as though some answer laid there.

"You can't tell her," The old man says.

He stands up slowly, turns, and comes face-to-face with the man. "I don't care."

"He'll kill you, your friendship won't matter to him once she knows."

"I'll kill him first."

"You would think someone like yourself would have a harder time killing something human."

Jihyun grabs the man by the nape of his shirt, spins him around, and slams him back against the side of the counter. The impact nearly knocked the breath out of the grey-haired individual. "You listen to me," he growled in a threatening, husky voice. "I started this, now I'm done. You tell him that, and make sure he knows she is to be protected. You understand? You read me?"

The old man nodded, his throat dry with terror. "Yes."

Jihyun increases the pressure on the man's shirt. "You better get past your bullshit sheltered life and start carrying your weight because once I'm gone it sure as hell is gonna get worse before it gets better."

"I understand," He says.

He doesn't let go, his eyes glinting with rage. "If you want to survive in this business you have to be the bigger monsters than they are. There are no rules anymore, no philosophy, no grace, no mercy. Chew them up and spit them out, and you'll survive. You follow me?"

The man nods like crazy.

He lets him go and walks away.

THE HARSH SCENT OF ALCOHOL COULD be smelt by anyone with a working sense of smell. Jieun knew it, and so did everyone else. They could see her struggling to keep her balance, and she knew she was struggling to keep it. It was like some sort of out-of-body experience. Her legs didn't work as she told them. Neither did her hands. Or her fingers.

Somewhere, deep inside she knew her brain was sending signals telling her what to do. Whether or not her body was listening was a different story. She could feel it moving. Could she stop it? She knew the answer to that. It was doing as it pleases.

She tried to walk to the entrance of the beach, but her legs were telling her otherwise. They were swaying ― left and right. No matter how many steps she took, she was no closer to where she wanted to be.

The music was so loud that it made her skin tingle and her lungs feel like mush. The bass thumped in time with her heartbeat as though they were one, filling her from head to toe with music.

Over the roar of music, a distant, hazy chatter could be heard. She couldn't make out any words, but laughter rang in her ears and wouldn't seem to stop. The song that was playing got louder, pulling her in, and wouldn't let go. She had no choice but to join the crowd, jumping in a huddled group like Tic-Tacs being shaken in a box.

The sand had seen more dancing feet than a ballroom. It was where she and Moon twirled, everyone with everyone, the music escaping.

Moon paused as she guided Jieun to a wall's edge, grabbing water to sober her up.

After a few minutes a boy sat beside her, taking in the fresh air as he left Sam to argue with Miguel, Jieun babbled on and on to this boy, not once looking at him. Robby had basically gone nonverbal in her presence. Barely managing three full sentences.

He watched as Jieun beamed over a trip she took summers ago, proud of everything that she had experienced and especially proud of her mom. She continued by telling him 'what ifs?' Like, what if she had actually lived in Europe instead of Encino; what her job would be, what her newly purchased home would look like, and so on.

Jieun Kang was a talkative drunk and he didn't mind.

He just watched and listened.

Jieun turned her body slightly so she was now directly facing the boy. She would never admit it out loud but he was beautiful. Not just handsome, actually beautiful. Smooth skin and high, cut cheekbones that transform into something softer and kinder when he smiled.

A kid had ran through the sand, bumping into Jieun making her drop water onto Robby. She toppled over, making contact with his chest, and blurted out 'I'm sorry's' while Robby would just respond with 'its okay' and 'it'll dry up anyways.'

"Maybe it's a sign from above." He teased, his voice breathy.

She turned from wiping his chest which was still damp with water and flashed a crooked smile. "Well, my angel sent from heaven should've pushed me into someone better, if you ask me."

She could feel him watching her, she was fixing her position. His brows probably arranged themselves into the most charming furrow. "You know drinking is just as bad as smoking?" Robby moved to whisper in her ear, "You need to go home."

Jieun let out a small groan of frustration, or exasperation ― she wasn't sure at the moment, after his display of concern. "Not gonna happen." She says. "I haven't seen you in months, and here I thought you changed, but you're still just as annoying."

Robby paused, head tilted toward the already black sky. The moonlight streamed down upon his skin. He shrugged at the Korean girl, the shape of his lips reflecting the crescent above. "Eh, I got more handsome but I guess it's not noticeable."

A laugh came from Jieun, and Robby's mouth twitched upwards.

"Are you gonna ask me what I've been up to?" His every syllable toyed. "Why I came with Sam, not even a little bit curious?"

A frown made its way to Jieun's lips. "You came with Sam?" The sigh that escaped Jieun's dry lips was slow as if her brain needed that time to process what the teenager next to her was saying. Her eyes remained fixed on the sand. Then, she turned away and flashed a crooked smile. "Going after someone who's taken is scandalous, don't you think?"

The laugh came from Jieun like a newly sprung leak - timid at first, stopping and starting. She wasn't done yet though, Robby could tell from the way she rolled her brown eyes to the sky and half bit her lip.

Robby's mother always told him that laughing didn't express anything. He had always doubted that affirmation, as his mother used to love laughing with him, usually accompanied by a bottle of wine. She had also told him that it was just a sound coming from a mouth, that it didn't mean anything. But when Jieun laughed, the way her smile started forming again, then deforming into a huge O, from which that sound came. It wasn't just a sound: It was her expression, the way her face twitched, the way her eyes filled with joy, her auto hug, as if this had waited years to be turned on.

Robby finally laughs. It's a sound Jieun hadn't heard at all, the arguing and insults the two always exchanged prevented it. She hated to say she liked the sound. It suited him.

"Jiji!" Moon stood and toppled down the step onto the cobbled street and the environment swayed like they were part of a fun house mirror illusion. "Let's go home, I'm tired." After only six staggering paces she doubled over, vomit splashing on the stones and spraying her new jeans.

"I should go," Jieun whispered.

"Yeah, you should."

𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄

completely skipped ep 8 loloollol

so anyways her dad is suspicious as hell also I have no idea the timeline of the show ?? like it feels like only days apart but its actually months so sorry if there's any confusion

ahhh i'm so motivated to write rn i think i might double update today, finish season 1 today who else cheered

and to those of u who found me through tiktok hi !!! i hope u guys like my edits its been so fun making them

and if any of u who don't follow or seen,, I have a tiktok where I post my ff edits !! (@ togeez.wp) u can go and check them out if u want, there's a lot of spoilers I've been putting in hahah

much love,