taehyun sits on beomgyu's bed with a blank look on his face. he runs his hand over the fresh covers and bites his lip. sometimes he can sweat he still hears the elder's laugh echoing in this now empty room. they left only the bed here , thanks to the group's protest against the 'new room for one of the maknaes' idea.

taehyun washes the pale blue covers often , just like he did while the boy still lived but now it's always the very one he had left behind that day. he swallows harshly as he remembers the faint sound of the tap running and quiet cries and whimpers. he should've opened the door sooner , he should've checked on him better... he shouldn't have let him down like he did.

would he still be here ?

taehyun would do anything to see him smile again , to hear his laugh again , to hug him tightly and tell him he'll be okay , that he'll protect him , that he'll help him through this. but this is his fault... that he let him slip away like this. picking up the corner of the cover and breathing in it's scent , he tears up. the soft scent of coconut that beomgyu loves so much , so much that he had insisted to buy degergent scented so now only brings pain into his heart. how is he going to heal after this? the wound is so deep , it stings , it hurts , it bleeds. he hugs the covers tightly to his chest with eyes shut tightly , tears spilling out over his cheeks as they roll down , dampening the fabric he's embracing.

"taehyun , why are you crying?" he can hear beomgyu's faint and soft honey voice , the light feeling of getting embraced back making him jump , eyes shot wide open as he looks around the blurry room.

he holds back the loud sobs that are ripping out of his throat , covering his mouth with the back of his hand as he tries to shake off the feeling of him being here. because he isn't... and it's all his fault for not taking better care of his hyung.

kicking a stone that bounces a few times on the pavement before plopping into some grass , yeonjun stuffs his hands into his pockets and watches as some birds fly up in the dark gray sky. he sighs heavily , looking up at the clouds when ice-cold droplets hit his face. smiling lightly , this is the first time he had felt anything ever since he lost his his two close friends , his precious dongsaengs. the subtle reminder he is still alive and breathing. the subtle reminder that he's alive... at least physically.

he's relived the memories of the past in nightmares that haunt his nights , in times that his mind and body should rest... instead he lives through the guilt again and again. he should've have let the emotions he pent-up after his friend's passing , he shouldn't have let that affect how rashly he treated such a broken soul.

a broken yet beautiful soul...

ever since that day , yeonjun has felt like a corpse inside... but instead of wanting to join them... he promised himself that he'd live his life for them. he wants to experience all the things they wanted to , so that when they meet on the other side... he'd be able to tell them all about it. he hopes it'll bring comfort... though maybe they are comfortable now. well , they're in a better place for sure.

until then , yeonjun will make sure not to make the same mistake ever again. he checks in on soobin , taehyun and kai regularly , treating them with the gentleness and kindness beomgyu so deserved... it's the least he can do for him now.

kai squeezes the molang plushie against his chest as he stares at his phone with a growing pout on his face. he stops at one picture , his favorite of the boy , sad smile replacing the pout at the sight of the bear-boy's face. he zooms in slightly to get a better look , the warmness of his smile bringing comfort to him.

until... until it's shattered by the flashback involving the very plush in his arms. hugging it tightly , he furrows his brows with a saddened sigh... wishing he could turn back time and act differently. if only he'd play along with beomgyu's antics , if only he smiled , if only he laughed... would he still be here with them today? would things be better than they are now?

tears escape the boy's eyes as he burries his face into his donut molang. he breathes in the scent , sighing disappointedly as he pulls away to look at it. it has even lost the boy's scent , and smells just like kai's clothes. it was the last bit of him kai owned , and the feeling that it slipped away from him like this makes his heart sting.

he's always been very sentimental , and the very thought that beomgyu will never ever come back... has the pain he feels deepen. without even knowing how and when , kai finds himself sobbing into his plushie once again... loudly , shakily , is this the way beomgyu cried too , when he felt so hopeless? kai's shoulders jump at the sudden feeling of someone's arm around his shoulders. the familiar scent of soobin's cologne brings him comfort. he drops the plush and instead turns to soobin , head pressed to the boy's chest. he wishes that he , just like soobin now , had been the one to comfort beomgyu in his time of need.

"beomgyu , it's been a while... i'm so sorry that i couldn't visit you earlier. we've had a comeback recently... and honestly , it sucks without you. i've really missed you this comeback , everyone has. we really miss your smile , and your sillyness. honestly , we're all so much more stressed without you , you helped us have fun while we worked , and now it just feels as if that has disappeared... " soobin speaks quietly , clutching the bouquet tightly.

he sniffs , clearing his throat and fixing his posture , looking to the sky before back at beomgyu.

"yeonjun seems to be doing okay , he opens up a lot more after you left us... and he's definitely less hot-headed... i think he regrets the way he acted towards you, beomgyu. hueningie and hyunie are going to therapy... i think it's affected them the most... but i think they're doing better, so don't worry!" soobin smiles , running a hand through his hair as he takes a deep breath.

the cold breeze blows towards his face momentarily , leaves rustling in the wind.

"i promise i'll visit you more often , beomgyu. i hope... i hope you're okay now" he whispers , a lump forming in his throat.

soobin places the flowers down , smiling to name engraved on the tombstone. he's biting back tears , face flushed from the need to spill his tears of pain... but he stops himself. he's promised himself he wouldn't cry anymore , not when beomgyu is finally happy.