"yes! this one's so so great hyung!" kai pulls the smiling boy in for a tight hug as he smiles even wider , patting the boy's head.

"yeah? i'm glad you like it , i wasn't sure if you'd already gotten bored of molang plushies!" he scratches his head with a sheepish grin , laughing lightly.

"no no it's adorable , thank you hyung!" the maknae squeals as he hugs his embrace only tightens.

"okay okay huening you can let go" the other boy laughs , peeling the tall boy away from him and pinching his cheeks in endearment.

"you don't appreciate my love for you" kai crosses his arms as the other instantly panics and tries to change his mind.

beomgyu watches from the sidelines as the two boys interact , swinging his legs back and forth , cheek resting against his hand. there's a lump in his throat as he watches them interact... and it's not jealousy.

beomgyu had never been one to feel jealous. it's actually very very hard to make him even slightly jealous. he's always happy with other people's , especially his friends or family , successes and happiness. so watching these two should fill his heart with warmth , joy and comfort. but instead he feels... left out.

taehyun and yeonjun had gone to the store to grab ice cream for everyone to celebrate how well their comeback is doing , which is a little odd if you were to ask beomgyu since they usually wouldn't do this during the week , even with such a great success. soobin had always been strict with rules , so he's surprised he agreed to it too.

either way , he's left there at the kitchen isle , seating on a tall stool , staring at the two's cute interaction but having a completely negative feeling fill him. and it's making him feel so guilty... is he a bad person for feeling left out?

are you serious?

you're hurt?

beomgyu you're so dumb.

and selfish

why are you victimizing yourself so?

life's not all about you

he swallows back the lump , along with any negative feelings that are trying to drag him down again before plastering a big fake smile on his face. yes , he's going to cover his pathetic bullshit with his usual bubbly , mood-maker , goofy personality. it definitely steers people away from thinking he's not okay. whether it's in the moment or just permanently , as long as they don't see past his act they're fooled.

he jumps off the stool and rushes over to the two boys who look to him curiously , the boy grabbing the molang as he giggles and runs away from them , bratty behavior kicking in. kai and soobin call out after him , clearly annoyed , but beomgyu hopes his antics aren't actually irritating them but entertaining them instead. after all , it's his job in this friend group.

he runs around the dorms , dodging their attempts to capture him , all while hoping he'll see a smile... hear a laugh... notice the sparkle of fun in their eyes. it's what would help mend his soul in the hard moment. with sparkling eyes he looks towards the door , only for his hopes to be shattered by a sharp stab in his chest at the sight of two very mad boys. there's no smiles , no laughs , no fun flickering in their eyes... just deep frowns , annoyed sighs and glares.

beomgyu gulps lightly as he watches kai stomp towards him , aggressively snatching the plushie from him. he can feel his heart pound loudly in anxiousness , watching with a shocked expression mixed with sadness and confusion , hands shaking and sweaty with nervousness.

"we told you to drop it beomgyu! god you're so annoying" kai huffs as he turns away and walks back out of yeonjun's room , beomgyu swallowing harshly.

his shaking pupils meet soobin's , and tears well up after soobin just shakes his head at him before leaving. hand landing on his chest , as if it were tightening , suddenly hard to catch his breath. tears spill out over his cheeks and fall to the ground as he clenched his jaw and tries to fight this back. but it's only getting worse...

he rushes to his bedroom which is thankfully just across of yeonjun's so there's no way that the two boys saw him in tears over such a stupid fight. this isn't the first fight , why the hell does it hurt so much?

since when do i cry?

and this much?

over such a stupid thing?

bringing his knees up to his chest as he leans against the door , beomgyu hugs his legs tightly and pants... eyes wide. he can't get the looks on their faces out of his head... he can't get rid of the lonely feeling engraved in his swollen heart... he feels cornered , trapped... and is there really a way for him to escape?

ꗃ you can stop pretending now